Roger's Ranting

Nothing To Say

2009-10-06T14:36:00.003-05:00

I'm really not posting here anymore. I don't have much to say. Life is life. I'm living it. I am comfortable with where I am while realizing there is always more around the corner.

I may decide to post again in the future. If you have been lurking let me know ya by saying something. If you still want to keep in touch, hit me up on facebook.

Peace and adventure in your journey!

R

Risking Life and Living Fully

2009-08-13T08:33:00.001-05:00

It's taken me 40 years to get comfortable in my own skin. It's been a long process full of bad choices, dead ends, and stupid mistakes. Although there are some things I may regret, I 'm not sure I would change a thing.

When I first became a Christian I thought the spiritual life was additive. I needed to do more. More service. More church. More Bible. More worship. More knowledge. More thought. More tithing. More... Because these things, of course would make me a "better" person.

Looking back, I'm not sure what the "more" was fueled by. Perhaps illusions of perfection? Judging my insides by the outsides of others? Institutional standards and social expectations? Probably a combination of these and some issues to which I'm still blind. Nevertheless, while the intentions were good, the results were not. Underneath I maintaned a fairly constant low level of anxiety as I tried to be someone who I was not.

My take on spirituality is different these days. I see it and experience it as a subtractive process. Less trying and striving. Less organization. Fewer preconceived notions. Less social pressure. Less judgment. Less outside influence. As the minus signs multiply I find myself left with someone who is more authentically "me". Free to risk life, trusting God to work in all of my imperfections until, as Thomas Moore puts it, "they reveal the secret of my nature."

I'll finish with a couple quotes.

"He who would lead a Christlike life is he who is perfectly and absolutely himself." -Oscar Wilde

"A perfect person would be someone without blemish, but the perfected person is someone who has really lived. You can usually tell if a person has lived life fully, just as you can glimpse the hollowness in someone trying to be perfect. -Thomas Moore

Jesus as god and man

2009-08-02T13:12:00.011-05:00

I've thought about writing out a "Christology" but it's just tedious and boring. Like we need more theological BS divorced from everyday experience, right? To be honest, I am resistant to solidify any of my beliefs. I've seen my belief systems change so much that I hold everything pretty loosely at this point. Additionally, I just can't find a way, or a reason, to attempt to reason away the mystery. So, instead I'll start throwing some thoughts out there and see what sticks to the wall.

According to the creeds and traditions Jesus is fully man and fully God. IMO misunderstanding these two beliefs causes a lot of unnecessary grief. In practice, as a fundamentalist Christian, I really couldn't grasp either one, and judging from most Christians that I know, neither do they. Let me see if I can explain my point, as convoluted and incomplete as it might be.

I don't think most people have a problem with Jesus being an actual historical figure. Although there are some people who would argue the point,
I'll take it as fact. So if Jesus was "fully man" he would be experiencing life as "fully" as any man has, or ever will. He would be experiencing and seeing life from a "God perspective".

I think Jesus was serious when he implied his "Godhood". I probably interpret it different than most. A man doesn't go out to the desert with no food or water for 30 days for jollies. He was on a mission, searching...just as other ascetics and mystics had done before him (John the Baptist perhaps being his contemporary example.) It appears that what he experienced in the desert changed his life in a deep, meaningful and drastic way.

It is clear that Jesus thought he was one with God. I think its possible that Jesus was borrowing language from the Hebrew scriptures to describe the state of consciousness that he experienced in the desert, and continued to experience throughout the rest of his life. The Gospel of John is fairly straight forward about this. Joh 10:30 I and the Father are one! In Western culture you aren't supposed to say this kind of thing. They call you a heretic, throw you in the nut-house, run you out of town, or crucify you.

But, here is what is interesting in this discussion. Humans have been experiencing different states of consciousness for as long as we know. It's been called cosmic consciousness, God consciousness, satori, awakening, Self-realization, born again, etc. Jesus was not first, nor the last to claim "I am-ness". Is it at least possible that this is what was happening to Jesus? Is it at least possible that Jesus was trying to interpret his experience using the culture, language and religion he was familiar with?

Most Christians think that Jesus was fully God and therefore in the back of our mind we know we can never do or experience what Jesus did. Alan Watts says that we put Jesus on a pedestal and throw him "upstairs", because he is "fully God" and we are not. Once we do that he can never be an example of transformation simply because he is not like us. Instead he is elevated to the role of a cosmic Christ that destroys the power of sin that hovers over the universe. Perhaps we imagine that he had special knowledge and revelation. As a result, transformation is either given lip-service, ignored, or reduced to external morality. Apparently Jesus had other ideas.

I think Jesus was serious when he claimed that he was God. However, I don't think there is a good reason to think that he limited Godhood to himself. Jesus knew that his experience of "oneness" was something we could all experience. In fact, it seems Jesus confirms he is not the only "god". Please notice that italicized "the" is not in the original Greek.

Joh 10:33 The Jews answered him, For a good work we stone thee not, but for blasphemy; and because that thou, being a man, makest thyself God.
Joh 10:34 Jesus answered them, Is it not written in your law, I said, ye are gods?
Joh 10:35 If he called them gods, unto whom the word of God came (and the scripture cannot be broken),
Joh 10:36 say ye of him, whom the Father sanctified and sent into the world, Thou blasphemest; because I said, I am the Son of God?

I don't think this view strips Jesus of his Godhood either. I think it confirms it. But it does not restrict Godhood to Jesus. He invites us into his view, experience of life, and oneness with the Father.

Joh 17:21 that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You, that they also may be one in Us, so that the world may believe that You have sent Me.

Jesus was sent into the world to preach a gospel of radical transformation. This transformation takes place when we "open our eyes", when we are "born again", when we experience the "kingdom of heaven". Jesus experienced a different worldview, state of consciousness, whatever you want to call it, and pointed the way to a new way of living to which he invited all people. A worldview where we see our brother as our self. Where we experience the power of God moving threw us that we can neither direct or fully understand. Fully engaged in this world while seeing it from a completely different perspective. Aware of the eternal in everything we see and do. Seeing the secular and spiritual as one. Intellect and senses working in harmony. Where the natural is a mystery and mystery is natural. Our feet firmly rooted in the earth and our hands lifted toward heaven. Fully embracing who we are and what life asks of us. To experience all of life and reality as one. Perhaps we are all capable of being sons of God.

FU Arthritis.

2009-07-30T17:13:00.005-05:00

Lessons From the Garden

2009-07-25T02:38:00.003-05:00

I whipped this up at work the other night as I thought about what I have learned from being more aware of nature, and my part as a being not separate from it. It's some poor fruit that I offer to the world.

Lessons from the Garden

I dig my hands
Into the warm earth
I plant hope
And wait

Nestled safely in her dark womb
Nourished by decay
Drinking the sky
Reaching for the sun
To fill her veins with life
She hopes and waits

The morning sun on my back
Sweat pours from my creased forehead
As I tend, and hope, and wait

She dances to the rhythms
Dark and light
Breeze and calm
Inhaling death
Exhaling life
The song is nothing
And everything

Rainbows born from the earth
Flower and fruit
Triumphantly exploding into being
Given freely,
Completely,
Sacrificially
To the world

Dancing to the rhythm
She falls
Fully spent
Plowed under as
Nourishment for the next

Red and ripe
Realized hope
Drips down my chin
I thank the earth
And sky
And sun
And wind
From which, I to, am made
As I dance to the same song

Dying Well

2009-07-22T01:05:00.003-05:00

Sometime ago I posted about my coworker who has terminal cancer. He seems to be deteriorating and his latest scan confirmed it. We had a tearful chat this evening.

So, here is my question:

How does one help someone "die well"?

Bible Altitude

2009-07-17T10:27:00.003-05:00

I know that when someone has an “alternative” view of the Bible, or Jesus, it freaks some people out. It freaks the institutionalized church out so bad they call it “heresy”. In my opinion, heresy is just a stigmatized label placed on alternative views in order to control the masses, so I don’t pay much attention. In reality, what the church calls heresy is just another opinion that appears dangerous to those with a vested interest in power or money.

I have an alternative view (read: not the view of those in charge of institutional Christianity) of the Bible and Jesus that I would like to throw out there. The only way I can make sense of it is to see it as poetic, allegorical, mystical. It’s not new. Alan Watts had a very similar view in the 60’s and it jives with mine pretty well. If you wish to “push back” in a respectful way, I don’t mind at all. I’ll start with some general thoughts about the Bible and how I see it.

My interpretation of the Bible has changed over time. I began reading it as a new Christian, full of wonder, awe and zeal. It was special. It was an inerrant book of magic spoken by God threw his people for the good of all humanity (at least those that lived in the Bible belt which was my world at the time). Then I went to Bible college and took some classes. There the Bible was dissected in ways I didn’t know was possible. Textual, historical, and source criticism replaced magic. The Bible, for all intent and purpose, was worshiped as a fourth person of the Trinity. I finished my degree at a more “liberal” school that taught it was infallible (good for everything we need to know to live a “pleasing life”), which at least allowed a little room for science. I was trained in a particular way of reasoning in order to come to the same conclusions as the professor, and I was pretty good at it. However, there were to many hoops to jump threw, to many leaps of unnecessary faith, to much sterility, to much systematic theory divorced from reality.

I think one can look at the Bible from different altitudes. I was taught in college to look at the Bible from a microscopic point of view. Each word should be researched in the original language etc. When I was new to the Bible I looked at it from a higher altitude. I read chapters and books to get the main point etc, or tried to the get the overall point of the New Testament or Old Testament.

However, what if one pulled back to a higher altitude and viewed the Bible compared to other sacred texts (having an open mind might help too)? You might say that there is simply no comparison, the Bible is true and all other sacred texts are false. In my opinion, this would be like an astronomer saying there simply is no planet that compares to the Earth, so we must quit looking. Or, a scientist in the medical profession who says penicillin is the best thing ever, so lets not research further. The world is just to big and diverse for this kind of attitude in my opinion.

From this point of view the Bible is not unlike other sacred texts. It has a creation story, historical information, a metaphysical framework, mythology, heroes and villains, saints and rascals.

Here is an excerpt from Egyptologist, Sir Wallis Budge:

According to the writings of the Egyptians, there was a time
when neither heaven nor earth existed, and when nothing had
being except the boundless primeval water, which was,
however, shrouded with thick darkness. In this condition, the
primeval water remained for a considerable time, notwithstanding
that it contained within it the germs of the things,
which afterwards came into existence in this world and the
world itself. At length, the Spirit of the primeval water felt the
desire for creative activity, and having uttered the word, the
world sprang straightway into being in the form which had
already been depicted in the mind of the Spirit before he
spake the word which resulted in its creation.

And this from The Egyption Book of the Dead:

God is One and alone, and none other exists with
Him; God is the One, the One who has made all things.
He is eternal and infinite; ... He has endured for
countless ages, and He shall endure to all eternity.
God is a spirit, a hidden spirit, the Spirit of spirits,
the Divine Spirit.

He is a mystery to His creatures, and no man knows
how to know Him. His names are innumerable; they are
manifold, and no one knows their number.
God has made the universe, and He has created all
that is in it; ... He has stretched out the heavens and founded
the earth. What His heart conceived came to pass straightway,
and when He had spoken, His word came to pass, and it shall
endure forever.

God, Himself, is existence; He lives in all things, and
lives upon all things. He endures without increase or diminution;
He multiplies Himself millions of times, and He
possesses multitudes of forms and multitudes of members.

God is life, and through Him only man lives. He gives life to
man, and He breathes the breath of life into his nostrils.

God is merciful unto those who reverence Him, and
He hears those who call upon Him. He protects the weak
against the strong, and He hears the cry of him that is bound
in fetters. ... God knows those who know Him; He rewards
those who serve Him, and He protects those who follow
Him.

Considering these writings, which are a great example of monotheism, predate Judaic scripture, I would say it is not a far leap from this story to the creation story of Genesis.

Let’s play the “what if” game. What if the first few chapters of Genesis, and the perhaps the rest of the OT, were just a way that the Hebrews tried to describe life as they saw it? What if it is no different than any other culture that was trying to make sense of life and created a story to do so? What makes the creation story of Genesis better, or more accurate, or more useful than any of the other creation stories? Have you taken the time to read other creation stories to see what is similar?

Please keep in mind, this is no scholarly study. It's just one example of what I've found in my study. I'm not trying to change anyone's mind. It's just a glimpse of why I've changed how I choose to view and use the Bible. I'll throw some different points of view out there about Jesus in the future....

Certain Mystery

2009-06-19T08:27:00.003-05:00

Our drive for order, meaning, adequacy and control creates a theology that is neatly organized, everything in its place, packaged with a nice bow on top. Yet, when the suffering, unpredictability and mystery of life rips our package apart we may find the box was empty all the time. What we thought were nicely organized facts about life and God were built upon an illusion of certainty. So, we are left with an empty box, the bow and wrapping paper on the floor, and nothing certain.

Science over reaches its usefulness when it implies that one can know God by knowing facts, laws and principles. Religion oversteps its usefulness when it claims certainty about that which cannot be known for certain. Both disciplines are using symbols of language to describe mystery. In the end, both have confused the finger pointing at the moon for the moon itself. God will not be kept in a box of certainty.

"Nicholas (of Cusa) noted that, rooted in holy uncertainty, we are left with approximations. He says that our language for God is like a polygon made of many tiny straight lines passing for a true circle. If we look closely at our reasonings, we find that for all their brilliance, in the end, they come up short. We may be fooled by the illusion of knowledge, but we remain ignorant, and this failure of understanding allows us to be religious. The holy person is the one who has broken through the self-deception and knows how much she doesn’t know. The point in thinking is to reach the far edge of understanding and to stand there in wonder.”

“Since we are only approximately correct when we speak about spiritual matters, the part that remains unknown and unspoken gives our words and ideas the emptiness they require. If there is no respect for that edge of illusion, then we are left with literalism and fundamentalism, scourges of the spiritual life. This is one of those basic ideas on which religion stands or falls: Do we pretend to know more than we can know? Or do we admit to our ignorance and build an intelligent edifice on that lack of knowledge?”

-Thomas Moore “The Soul’s Religion”

So, where does that leave us if we realize what we thought were facts about life and God were really rooted in deeper mysteries, and perhaps fantasies? Hopefully, a place where we can reexamine our worldview. But more fully, right where you always were: On a ball spinning around the sun on the edge of a galaxy with no net under the tightrope. Nothing certain and nothing guaranteed. Humble and in awe of the chance to be conscious and aware for this brief glimpse of life we get to experience; All of us doing the best we can to make sense of our life, our world and our universe; Tangled up in a beautiful, creative mystery.

Organized Religion and Transcendence

2009-06-17T15:46:00.008-05:00

I happened across this book in the library, and the first two paragraphs of the introduction sum up how I feel about institutional religion very well. We'll see how the rest of the book goes.

Every human life is a profound mystery. Deep and invisible currents make us who we are, and the world around us is full of secret intentions and laws. One response to all this mystery is to treat it as a problem to be solved and to do everything possible to be informed and in control. But another way is to bow down in ignorance and confess our limitations. Religion and spirituality, for eons intimately connected, offer creative ways to become people of depth and compassion through embracing mystery.

The religions have a precious cargo, but they often fail in their job by moralizing, intellectualizing, and defending themselves to such an extent that their real purpose is obscured. Today people all over the world are abandoning the religions in disgust and anger. Still, everyone has a an instinct for transcendence. People know intuitively that some kind of spiritual life is necessary, and so many are searching on their own or joining new churches and communities. They distinguish sharply between the personal spirituality they have found and the religious institution they have abandoned.

- Thomas Moore "The Soul's Religion"

I would say that a majority of the people who attend are unaware of the inherent limitations of organized religion. Some are willing to overlook the limitations because of the benefit they get from it (social, moral, intellectual etc.). Some are frustrated and angry, but see no other option for a spiritual life (That was me for a long time). Some play the system for their benefit. Some just leave and strike out on their own. I guess I have chosen the later.

My experience the last few years has been that people I used to label "unchurched" still sense and long for transcendence. They find it in sex, drugs, music, nature, and anywhere that provides it. The problem is that they find the church completely irrelevant to their lives, so they will not find it there. To make matter worse most corporate expressions of church either don't have a clue or make no room for it. So church becomes more marginalized and "circles the wagons", and the "unchurched" keep looking at Christians like they are from another planet, and the world keeps going 'round.

I really don't have much else to say about it. At the moment organized religion is not relevant to my spirituality either.

Phish-y Thoughts

2009-06-17T10:59:00.003-05:00

I saw Phish for the first time last night. It was heavenly in so many ways. It was hellish in a few too.

My neighbor got the tickets and his mom works at The Fox. So we after the chaos of the parking lot we made our way in to the venue. People were hyped and ready to go! We walk into the seating and my neighbor takes us to the desk where he sees his mom's boss and starts chatting. She asks where we are sitting and he tells her the upper balcony. She says, "Oh no. I don't think so", and pulls out the seating chart. There were 8 seats highlighted. She crosses out four and asks one of the ushers to escort us to our new seats. My neighbor went to get our other friends and the usher escorts me down to row E. So I was about 10th row left center!!!!! Not a bad way to start the show!!!

Before the show started I had a chance to look around and absorb the scene. A very interesting crowd. You have to wonder where all these people come from. The tension of the show starting, the haze in the air, the buzz of the crowd. Everyone welcome... I think that people are generally looking for some kind of a transcendent experience, or perhaps to be ushered into an altered state of consciousness. Phish did their job to provide it.

Let me just say that musically Phish is playing on a level from another planet! Trey Anastasio was on! He was playing the most complex stuff with seemingly no effort. Mouth open, eyes closed, he channeled Spirit, painting musical colors on an audio canvass for about 4 hours straight. Key changes, tempo changes mid-song, country, jazz, blues, rock. A combination of Zappa, Pat Metheny, Grateful Dead mixed with some rockabilly. The whole thing was musically amazing. I just really don't have words. It was heavenly in so many ways...

Thinking For Yourself

2009-06-16T01:59:00.003-05:00

One of the things I try to do as a parent is get my kids to think for themselves (I'm not always successful.) Kids have lots of reasons not to think for themselves: peer pressure, cultural pressure, fear, lack of information, laziness etc. But if they don't learn to think for themselves it's not a good scene, so parents put a lot of effort into this endeavor. In all honesty, as our kids get older the only thing we can do is provide information, guidance and a framework for them to use and hope for the best.

I've decided to think for myself when it comes to religion. Its been implied by a few friends that some of my conclusions are "out there".

So, is it okay to think for yourself in this area of life? What framework is it okay to explore within? What questions are off the table for you? How do you determine your limits? Where do those limits come from? What has been your experience in thinking for yourself?

On the front porch

2009-06-11T16:48:00.001-05:00

Sometimes
When the storm clouds race
Across a pale blue sky
And the sun streams in between them
Nothing matters
But the clouds
And the sky
And the sun

Phishing

2009-06-11T01:06:00.001-05:00

I must admit I am pretty excited to go see Phish for the first time.

Falsifying Myself

2009-06-09T10:36:00.007-05:00

The forms of Christianity that I have participated in have always imposed morality from the outside. The logic would go like this: If I was a good Christian I would not be angry, lustful, greedy etc. Because I feel these things in my inner life there must be something wrong with me. If there is something wrong with me I need to do something to fix it because I want to be a better Christian. So I would read more, pray more, study more, worship more etc. However, there was no lasting change in my inner self. The anger, greed, lust etc. was still there. My self was being falsified.

To make the situation worse I had disowned these emotions and projected them on others. In essence, I would see in you the emotions and drives that were to painful to see in myself. The emotion or drive within me still existed but appeared to arise from without. So, instead of being angry, I feel that you, or the world, is angry at me. This explains why people can go to church, read the Bible, worship with tears rolling down their cheeks, counsel others etc. and still be blind to the "log" in their own eye. Unfortunately, Western Christianity provides no way to deal with the "shadow" as Ken Wilber calls it.

It is easy to see how institutional religion and fundamentalist belief in the Bible foster this problem. The tremendous pressure to maintain appearances creates guilt and shame over these emotions and drives, which feeds the shadow, forcing me to displace my emotions and drives on those around me, allowing me to assume other's motives, which in turn hurts them which creates more pain, guilt and shame, and on and on.

So, those things that bother us the most about other people are really within us. In order to embrace who we really are and move forward, we need to "re-own" these emotions and drives. So, every time I get pissed off at the kids, or my neighbor doesn't courtesy mow, or there are crumbs in the butter, or think a drive-thru person is rude, or I think someone doesn't like me, or I think someone is totally awesome, or I think the world is against me....I can choose to take a 3rd-person look at what's going on and re-integrate my shadow. By doing so I will become more truly Me.

Trust me. I still have a lot of shadow to integrate.

The Common Air

2009-06-06T01:23:00.002-05:00

These are really the thoughts of all men in all ages and
lands, they are not original with me,
If they are not yours as much as mine they are nothing, or
next to nothing,
If they are not the riddle and the untying of the riddle they
are nothing,
If they are not just as close as they are distant they are
nothing.

This is the grass that grows wherever the land is and the
water is,
This is the common air that bathes the globe.

- Walt Whitman

Deconstructing a Personal God

2009-06-03T09:46:00.001-05:00

I spent many years trying to experience a “personal” God. The one who communicated with “His people” threw angels, voices, miracles, nature etc. I went to church. I led worship. I read the Bible. I practiced Lectio Divina. Liturgy. I was more orthodox. Tried charismatic emotional outbursts. I had some altered state experiences as a result (in fact, looking back, that is how we used to tell if we had a good worship service or not.) But, a “personal” relationship. No, not really. Maybe I should pray harder, be quieter, act more loving, read more, pay better attention to the sermon, use more emotion, tithe more, understand more….a personal relationship? No, not really.
.
I read The Shack and desired this personal, intimate relationship described, but when life didn’t work out, and when I was depressed, down and confused, when I needed a personal God the most….silence. The problem couldn’t be with God, could it? No. It couldn’t, because he was apparently communicating in a way that was perfectly suited to me because he was perfect and knew me perfectly well…..blah, blah, blah. I was faced with a dilemma. Was the issue me? Was I not really God’s child? Was I really not trying hard enough. Was the issue the Bible? Was it true? Perhaps misinterpreted? Was the problem God? I had asked, sought and knocked and received no answer. I had done everything that I could…it was up to God to communicate or not. Silence.
.
So I had to ask myself. If I was God, and I had a human whom I loved, and that human really desired to commune with me, why would I remain “silent”. Why would I not communicate “clearly”, audibly, visibly? I know. God’s ways are not our ways etc. etc., but isn’t that really used as a copout for when God doesn’t live up to our expectations, or the Bible’s for that matter?
.
Whether the problem was with God, or my understanding of God, or my experience of God or whatever, really didn’t matter. That fact was it was filled with unrealistic, perhaps unreal, expectations that simply did not take place. God seemed fine with it, but I was a wreck.
.
That last few years of my life have been spent “unplugging” from this view of God. Both going “inward” (thought life, meditation, etc) and “outward” (the sciences) to experience God for who he is, not who a particular religion says he is, or just in ways that are “appropriate” for Sundays. My definition of God is far more nebulous than it was years ago. I am comfortable with that. The concept of a personal God simply did not work for me. I had no “proof” of it in my life experience for all my striving, and guilt. I can only say that my life is fuller. I am more able to see beauty all around me. I experience more peace. I see changes in my life. I no longer feel guilty, fearful, anxious.
.
Do I think there is a God? I don’t know, but the something, or someone who created all that we know in our Universe is completely awesome, creative, and seems to never tire of giving. I think this is the “Father” that Jesus was talking about anyway. I can strip away all of the religiousness and LIVE with that.

5 Pound Paper Bag

2009-05-28T13:22:00.004-05:00

Jim keeps them coming with "There is no formula. 'Damn! Now what???'" Interesting that there are so many similar journeys and so many afraid to talk about it. There really is no formula, just different experiences and stories. Here is my post:

Thanks for the great post and great comment Jim and everyone! This is where the “rubber meets the road” and there are not very many places and people where you can talk openly about this stuff!

My journey started when I was a boy experiencing spiritual things that were at odds with my lifestyle, but more recently started with one question: “What is Church?” that led to “What is the Bible?” that led to “Who or what is Jesus?” that led to What is common in all religions?” that led to “What is the Universe?” that led to “What is reality?” that led to “What are thoughts and emotions?” that led to “What is enlightenment?” that led to “What am I?” and “Who am I?” that led to Nothing. I am sure you have your own questions to answer in this deal. Just chase them down the rabbit hole.

It has been a long, slow process of unplugging from the questionable beliefs and downright lies I was taught, believed and functioned in. At least it seems long to me. To others it probably seems like I have completely flipped on my head the last couple of years. I can only say that I felt like I was “cramming 10 lbs of shit in a 5 lb paper bag” as my dad always said, and I needed to unload for some new groceries. The Universe and all my experiences could no longer be contained in my religious beliefs. One question: What is Church? Caused the whole house of cards to begin falling. Religion, politics, nationalism, self-identity….laying in a heap on floor. I guess you could say this process has been a form of self-psychotherapy. Some have used the word Spiritual Autolysis to describe using discernment to strip away the false-beliefs and false- Self.

I kept experiencing things that were “outside” of my fundamentalist view of Christianity and for which I had no context or definition. I’ve had a voracious appetite for new information. Not for it’s sake, but more for confirmation and expansion of worldview. When the student was ready the teacher showed up via books, friends, youtube, websites etc. I studied spirituality, mysticism, science, philosophy. From what I gather from others this is part of the journey. I am not afraid of “knowledge”. In the end it just saying of something that is, “that it is”. The interesting thing is that when you really strip away all the BS there is not much you can say “that it is” about. (Hope that makes sense.)

Somewhere among all the turmoil, the seeking, the searching, the striving just ends. I don’t know if it is a permanent thing, but it’s almost like life is a wonderful dream where I can choose to enter in and participate whenever I choose, but always realizing it is as a dream. Honestly, at the end of your life when you look back at all you’ve done, said, lived, loved….it is nothing more than a beautiful, tragic dream. Why fight it? It’s like there is a complete difference between looking at a tree and categorizing it, labeling it, analyzing it, finding it’s flaws and perfections; and just being with it with none of those thoughts in mind. But, then again, I’m probably crazy.

For me, peace, freedom, joy etc. are by-products of this Spiritual Autolysis. I used to seek them, desire them, strive after them. Now it’s more like they are always there when I choose to access them (which I don‘t always do). I’ve had to come to an understanding between the difference of “enlightenment” and “spirituality” (please don‘t get caught up in the terms.). For me spirituality is an additive process and enlightenment is subtractive. Which I guess means that one can be “spiritual” but not “unplugged“. Perhaps that is why some people possess beliefs and some people’s beliefs possess them. I guess I have traveled through the spiritual to the unplugged without really thinking about what was going on before it was to late.

Another by-product has been that things like religion, politics, nationalism, spirituality seem like wastes of time. I just view them as another layer of “groceries” that I had to unpack, and my 5 lb bag is full with reality. It’s not that I disrespect or disdain any of them. It’s just that they really don’t matter from my point of view. I’m sure that can come off as disrespect, so I’ll have to think of more tender ways to communicate.

I’m sure there is more to write, but that’s too much for now.

Fear of Nothingness

2009-05-26T12:12:00.001-05:00

Another good post by Jim at Divine Nobodies and my response:

You're tackling a tough topic here. In our culture two topics are usually off the table: sex and death. This post may touch both.

What I'll say are just my opinions and experiences. Not trying to challenge anybody or any beliefs. This is just my journey in stripping away the BS to try to find the truth. Forgive me if this is long. It’s a deep topic that I’m still trying to put into words.

Early man must have looked up at the stars and saw the sky that never changed, and seemed to exist forever, and felt so small and insignificant....watching loved ones die after 20, 10, 5 years....and the ego desiring to last forever like the moonless night sky....suffering.

We have an ego that wants to survive at all costs. We have a strong desire to be remembered. Hence, tombstones, crosses along the highway, monuments, striving to accomplish things that will "last" etc. If we are interested in truth however, we will eventually have to admit that all of this is futile. The fact is that in a couple of generations we will be all but forgotten (How much do you really know about your great-great-Grandfather and his hopes, dreams, personality etc.?). Or perhaps one of your accomplishments will make it to the history books, but someone else will use just use it as a springboard for something "new and improved" making it just another step in our evolution. The truth is that our whole world could be wiped out in an instant by an asteroid that rubbed up against another one a few years ago. One way or another, the ego loses the battle of Nothingness.

Nothingness, No-self, Emptiness. What do we know? We know the Universe is expanding and reversing the process seems to have come from Nothingness. We know that evolution on the earth is not so neat and clean as some scientists would have us believe. It appears likely that new species appeared "out of nowhere" in waves of creativeness. We know that when we close our eyes for a length of time without falling asleep (now that's a trick!) the Nothingness within is expansive and vast and scary and, if you get there, perhaps, beautiful.

The truth is we don't know where we come from and we don't know where we are going. There are all kinds of theories and stories, both scientific and religious. But we don't KNOW. That's a problem for us. We want security. We want to be certain about everything, especially the most important things. But we can't. So, even in the midst of religion and spirituality we experience a mostly present low level of anxiety.

Most of our fears and anxieties come down to a fear of death, fear of no-Self, and/or a fear of Nothingness. When I choose to attach my identity to a particular teacher, philosophy, religion etc. what happens when that teacher, philosophy, belief system or religion is questioned or criticized? I take it personal, as if someone was directly attacking ME, and because my ego wants to survive I react with anger, which is usually caused by fear. Fear of what? Nothingness. Fear that if what I have attached my identity to is nothing, than “I” will be nothing.

Questions like: Why am I here? Who am I? What am I? Where did I come from? Where will I go? These are the questions that religion tries to answer with elaborate stories to ease our fears. Speaking for myself, the pat answers religion offered just didn’t cut it. In my darkest, most honest moments, I still found it there, gnawing away at my peace.

For me honesty has been the answer. What do I REALLY know after all the stories and myths are stripped away? That I was born. I will die. I don’t know what happened before I was born and I don’t know what will happen after I die. I have clues, or hunches based on what I know about the Universe and about my interior life, and anything more than that quickly delves into the realm of BS. This short glimpse of consciousness that I have been given is a temporary, beautiful gift, making each person and each situation priceless.

When I began to dabble in meditation (still really dabbling I guess) one of my first experiences was the Nothingness within. It was like I was falling into a void that would never end and for awhile I would snap myself out of it because it was scary. But one time I let go….and found myself “floating” in this beautiful, creative void. Peaceful and serene with nothing to fear. And I thought, “If this is what death is like I have no fear of it.” Life has been a little bit different since then.

Afraid of Nothing

2009-05-21T11:45:00.004-05:00

I've been rather quiet here as of late. That usually means I am experiencing and processing new things. It seems to be my pattern of life. Learn, grow, settle, rest, Learn, grow, settle rest... I'm cool with it.

Here is a response to a post on Divine Nobodies (slightly edited). I was overly tired when I wrote it, but I think its getting to the core of where I am at, and possibly where I am going. Feel free to "push back". I am just trying to put into words, what I'm not sure can be put into words. A finger pointing at the moon.

I can really only speak about my journey. I’ve been “restless” most of my life. Feeling like there was something I was missing in life. I’ve given myself fully to various belief systems only to find them incomplete, only partially true at best. I’ve also had the experience of “unplugging” from those systems of belief which is not always pretty, and quite often painful. From my small experience, I would say you are on the right track with this post Jim!

The journey for me is about the “truth”. What is true? Who am I? What am I? Ruthlessly stripping away the illusions and delusion and seeing life for what it is. As I strip away what is "false" I am left with more of what is "true". Looking back threw my blog posts I would say that is exactly what I've been doing.

I will be blunt and honest, as usual. After studying several different religions with an eye for what they had in common, it all has come down to “Oneness”. Every religion has a mystical strain that sees all life as One, that sees the “Father” in all things, in all people. There is a place from which everything is born and that place also exists within us. It is the place where we commune internally with God. Some may call it non-dual awareness. Some may choose to call it the Holy Spirit.

I do know that I have increasingly experienced, and continue to experience, this abiding peace you talk about. A place of non-struggle, non-anxiety, I guess you could call it peace. It has been born from pain, struggle, anxiety and delusion. And it thrives when I simply accept life for what it is, not judging, just being. It is not something that I necessarily cultivate. It just is.

I think human-kind is afraid of nothingness. We are afraid of not existing, and the ego wants to exist eternally. So we have developed complex myths and fairy tales to soothe our fear. The problem is that nothingness still exists, religion just tries to change the blackness to dark gray so we can stomach it, or forget about it, and go on with our overly-busy lives and small identities.

Attempting to understand and comprehend God is a necessary part of the journey. One that ends in futility, leaving us with further to go if we care about what is true.

Peace you you all!

Universal Randomness

2009-05-20T10:07:00.006-05:00

As we float threw space on this ball we call earth. It is easy to get caught up in the small things of life. Our identities are so easily taken captive by things that, in the end, will not matter.

The Iron and Calcium that courses threw our blood came from an exploding star in the distant past. An exploding star, that may have had planets, part of a galaxy, part of the Universe.

It easy to forget that WE are a part of the Universe, and as such, when we look into the sky we are looking into the mirror.

The Universe looking at itself.

Unplugging

2009-05-12T11:10:00.002-05:00

Is it possible to accurately critique your own belief system without unplugging from it? In other words, can a fish see water for what it really is while it's experience has been immersed in it?

Have you ever tried to unplug from a belief system? How did it turn out?

Our Judgments

2009-04-20T00:07:00.002-05:00

I'm out of the news loop, so I'm just hearing about Susan Boyle. If you have not watch this. Isn't it interesting that people in the audience had tears in their eyes and were genuinely moved? Perhaps we are unaware of the constant state of judging that we live in.

How many times have I missed the "beautiful song" because of my initial judgment?

Finding Common Ground

2009-04-15T09:19:00.002-05:00

Whatever your religion it seems there are some similar spiritual experiences and conclusions that exist across religions and geographical boundaries. When there are a few items that the most advanced forms of religion agree on across the world, it's worth checking out. Perhaps these are spiritual currents that exist in the universe, or just our world? It seems to imply that we are hardwired for for these spiritual realities.

I'd like to throw a short list of ideas that these traditions seem to agree upon. This list is certainly partial, but I'd love to use them to get the conversation started (taken from Integral Life Practice).

1. Spirit, by whatever name exists, and it is good, true, beautiful and loving.

2. Spirit, although existing "out there," is also found "in here", or revealed within to the open heart and mind

3. Most of us don't realize this Spirit within because we are living in seperation, sin, or duality - that is, we are living in an illusory, fallen, or fragmented state.

4. There is a way out of this separated state (of illusion, separation, sin or disharmony); there is a path to our liberation.

5. If we follow this path to its conclusion, the result is an awakening, a rebirth, salvation, or enlightenment, a direct experience of union with Spirit both within and without (and neither), a supreme liberation.

6. This supreme liberation marks the dissolution or transcendence of illusion, sin, and/or suffering, and manifests in care and courage, service, social action, mercy, and compassion on behalf of the whole sentient Kosmos.

A few of my thoughts:

So, does list include your particular religious belief? If these spiritual patterns exist among all spiritual traditions, does it suggest something deeper going on? Could a Christian, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist generally agree on this list? It seems there would be no way around leaving behind the belief that one's religion is the ONLY true path if this list is accurate.

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

Easter UFC

2009-04-14T15:17:00.002-05:00

Didn't Paul say something like: Everyone should bring a punch, kick, or elbow?

This is kinda funny in a sad sort of way...

Of Apples and People

2009-04-10T12:44:00.002-05:00

The ego tells us we are separated, that we are detached from the rest of the world. And this makes sense. We experience the world only through our limited perspective, as if everything IS separate from ourselves. Our societal and political structures bear this out. Most of us blindly go about our day without a thought of how we are connected to the environment, let alone each other.

In the West we are taught that we are a special creation of God, and are supposed to "rule over" creation. I've given little thought to the ecological system that I am a part of. I don't think it's just me either, Western society doesn't do much better as we blindly consume any resources we can find.

But like the ego itself, this separateness is an illusion. We cannot have any sense of "I" without seeing the background of the "I". We cannot know ourselves without knowing our family, our neighborhood, our culture, our planet, our universe...

We use language that portrays our feeling of separateness too. We are "born into" this world aren't we? No, not really. In truth, we are "born out" of the world. We are made of the same stardust that the ants, and trees, and grass are made of. Without the warmth and light of the sun, without the atmosphere, without gravity...we would cease to exist.

Alan Watts says that we call apple trees, "apple trees", because they "apple"(verb). If a flying saucer came to visit our planet they might say, "Oh, look. The earth is "peopling"(verb). "Peopling" is just what the earth does, and we are all beautiful, ripening "fruit" (in the vegetative sense of course).

Jesus said, we should die to the old and live in the new. Take on a new identity. A new Self. Perhaps part of that new identity is understanding that we really aren't separate from the world...from the universe...from God. We are simply an extension of the world, the universe, and God. We are an appendage of something much bigger, and more beautiful than our skin encapsulated egos. And looked at in the right way, perhaps, we are the universe.

So here is to all you ripening apples out there. Peace!

Post-Christian America?

2009-04-08T16:42:00.002-05:00

A few interesting articles coming out these days....

The End of Christian American

Christians At The Gate

What do you think? Are we headed for a post-Christian America? What does it mean to the Church? What does it mean to your spiritual walk?

All In All and Us

2009-04-02T16:20:00.002-05:00

If God really is "All in All". It must mean that He is bigger than the entire universe, smaller than the smallest particle, and at the same time infused in everything. Considering that humankind falls in the middle of that spectrum, what does that make us?

Stewart vs. Cramer

2009-03-13T02:37:00.002-05:00

I might vote for Jon Stewart. Poor Cramer looks like a deer in the headlights.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Interview Outtake Pt. 1

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Economic Crisis

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Interview Outtake Pt. 2

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Economic Crisis

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Interview Outtake Pt. 3

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Economic Crisis

Life

2009-03-12T09:19:00.005-05:00

Reminder: John Stossel is on 20/20 tomorrow night talking about "Bullshit in America".

Everyone has had the flu in our house. I'm the last one standing, and my "standing" hasn't been that good either since I've been having back problems. So, not much time to post...

Trish and I went to a benefit concert and saw Vitamen A and The Schwag. I must say that Vitamen A gave me hope for the St. Louis music scene. All of them look like computer programmers, but put on a good show. I guess you could call them a jamband influenced by Phish, The Police, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Catchy, good energy, talented musicians. They have influenced me to get my chops back up so I've been bringing my guitar to work.

I'd like to get a jamband together doing everything from originals to Allman Brothers, to Bob Marley, to hardcore funk, to alt-country....

Had a great conversation with Trish about our "shadow" and how she has chosen to confront certain attractions and aversions in her life. I miss "Wonderful Wednesdays"...sigh...

By the way, Divine Nobodies is asking some interesting questions about how forgiveness and the resurrection effects your life today....

US

2009-03-03T16:03:00.001-06:00

Stardust dancers
Unique and One
Broken and beautiful
Possibilities and perceptions
Bursting into bloom
Rooted in source
Shimmering
In light
Dancing to the secret
Unheard
Song
Of God

2009-03-03T15:49:00.003-06:00

A clear sign of a broken government.

Politicians need to get some balls and say "No!" to earmarks.

I admit it. I am still a registered Republican from my "less conservative" days. I am unregistering. I received a fund raising "questionnaire" from John Cornyn that read like a Republican talking points bulletin from the 1990s. The same issues, the same stands. Same B.S. Then I watched a couple minutes of the hearings with Geithner today and the Democrats did nothing but blame Republicans and sit atop there platform and propose versions of class warfare.

Politicians just don't get it. Our nations problems are to complex for either party to deal with. They are to intertwined with special interests and to interested in getting earmarks regardless of greater needs. We need another way. I hoped Obama would be the impetus, but it's not looking good....

Bullshit in America

2009-02-26T13:38:00.001-06:00

For those of you who are tired of the same old conservative/liberal dualism, and looking for another choice....

John Stossel's new show, "Bullshit in America", will air Friday, March 13. John Stossel is one of the few libertarians that have a voice in mainstream media. He will be interviewing Drew Carey, another libertarian, about immigration reform, medical marijuana, eminent domain abuse and much more.

Take a look at the topics and take some time to educate yourself here.

One

2009-02-21T10:42:00.004-06:00

As part of my spiritual inquiry I've been looking for the common thread in our world's religions, believing that what is common to us all must be closer to a "real" God. Perhaps the answer is mysticism.

When I was in a fundamentalist Baptist bible college and you mentioned the word "mysticism" the professors gave you the raised eyebrow and wondered if you'd been puffin' the green after chapel. I was told once by the guy preaching in our church that God didn't actively communicate with people in our time and anyone who thought so was in serious error because all we needed was "God's word". Fundamentalism at its best.

On the other hand I've watched things like The Secret and What the Bleep that tries to merge mysticism and science but really is just a form of magic in disguise. I've hung with good meaning, but irrational people who told us we shouldn't eat any candy for two weeks after Halloween because it was "the Devil's candy." Irrationality at its best.

But there are mystics who have transcended both fundamentalism and irrationality. There are people in this world who have delved into the interior of themselves, and interestingly, all found similar things.

Trish and I stumbled across "One: The Movie" this week. It is a documentary inspired by a guy who woke up one morning with an idea: To make a movie that asks people on the street 20 important questions about life. The problem was he had no experience in the film industry. With no experience and little budget he set out and winds up getting interviews with not just people on the street, but some of the greatest mystics of our time. If you are seeking a broad view of spirituality and mysticism I would recommend it.

Here's what I liked and noticed:

The movie is a view of the spiritual landscape from a pluralistic point of view. Mystic strains of Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, Sufism etc. are all presented with an open point of view. If you would like to see how people from a postmodern/pluralistic worldview view spirituality, this is as good as any.

I've been interested in what is common among world religions. Mysticism is one of the obvious candidates. EVERY major religion has a form of mysticism, and interestingly enough, they all have come to very similar conclusions.

In my experience Christianity has caused more issues then it has helped, however, I think the issue is really fundamentalism. In this movie the Christian and Islamic fundamentalist have very small, trite answers to the big questions of life. For instance, when asked about the meaning of life the fundamentalist says it is to "make a decision to accept Jesus or not". Sigh...I understand where he coming from, but that answer is just not satisfactory to me today. I see a world to diverse and complex for that answer to work for me today.

When asked to describe God, or what is the meaning of life? those with smaller worldviews have clear-cut answers; those with real knowledge can't help but laugh. I can't help but giggle when I hear the first guy's response in the clip below.

Life lived with intense awareness of the hear-and-now is amazing.

The oneness in the middle of our uniqueness is beautiful and God-filled.

Is there a difference in the questions: What is the meaning of life? and What is the meaning in life?

What is the meaning of life?

Describe God.

Seeking Happiness?

2009-02-19T15:12:00.004-06:00

We seek happiness in our mother and father before we can speak, but when they cannot understand our cries, we suffer.

We seek happiness in our possessions, but when they break or get stolen, we suffer.

We seek happiness in friendships and marriage, and we find our flaws in others, and we suffer.

We seek happiness in sex, but happiness is not found in a spasm, so we suffer.

We seek happiness in religion, but happiness is not found in buildings, hierarchy or structure, so we suffer.

We seek happiness anywhere we can find it.

Perhaps happiness is not found in seeking, but expression.

Stimulis - Because All Economies Have Performance Issues

2009-02-16T15:05:00.002-06:00

What about this as a REAL option?

Derek Trucks - Sahib Teri Bandi

2009-02-13T16:31:00.002-06:00

Derek Trucks is coming to St. Louis on Feb. 24th. I do believe I will be there.

This is one my favorite songs of his.

Love the groove! Live the groove!

Or if you prefer rock/blues, Mr. Trucks can go there.

Obama - From Hope to Fear?

2009-02-10T08:57:00.004-06:00

It seems that our new president has gone from a person of hope to a person of fear. I've been listening to him trying to use the bully-pulpit to persuade Republicans to vote for the stimulus, and quite honestly, it is the same old tactics of instilling fear in the American public....boring....

In his speech last night he started with this (highlights mine):

"And that is why the single most important part of this economic recovery and reinvestment plan is the fact that it will save or create up to 4 million jobs, because that's what America needs most right now.

It is absolutely true that we can't depend on government alone to create jobs or economic growth. That is and must be the role of the private sector. But at this particular moment, with the private sector so weakened by this recession, the federal government is the only entity left with the resources to jolt our economy back into life.

It is only government that can break the vicious cycle, where lost jobs lead to people spending less money, which leads to even more layoffs. And breaking that cycle is exactly what the plan that's moving through Congress is designed to do.

When passed, this plan will ensure that Americans who've lost their jobs through no fault of their own can receive greater unemployment benefits and continue their health care coverage."

Then later:

"Now, despite all of this, the plan's not perfect. No plan is. I can't tell you for sure that everything in this plan will work exactly as we hoped, but I can tell you with complete confidence that a failure to act will only deepen this crisis, as well as the pain felt by millions of Americans."

One minute "Super Government and Superman" will save 4 million jobs (and I'm not sure where he is getting that number anyway), and the next he's not so sure. But the "fact" is that we are being asked to mortgage our children's and grandchildren's future to pass a stimulus package that our fearless leader is not even sure will work. This doesn't give me a "warm-fuzzy".

Christianity, Science and Culture - A Man Without a Home

2009-02-05T12:46:00.002-06:00

I am neither especially intelligent or talented as anyone knows who reads this blog. I have documented parts of my journey, and the thoughts behind it, for the past six years. I post this because I suspect there are others that are "losing their religion". Struggling to make sense of the world as seen threw their current religious framework. Living with an uneasy, gnawing feeling that their has to be something more. Stuck between worlds, with an inner longing for transcendence, and a deeper, more full reality, yet feeling trapped by religious values that conflict with science and culture. Feeling confined, limited, restricted....like something is about to be born.

I've found myself frustrated, conflicted, confused, depressed, and even angry on this journey. Looking back, I was a person without a home, torn between mythic religion, rational science and pluralistic culture. I was part of a religious system that provided no support or framework to make sense of the fragmentation of my soul.

I had given my life to that which was of "ultimate concern". I found myself in a church full of people who loved deeply, but were in the middle of moving from a magic faith to a mythic faith. From belief that when someone was baptized "every hair and part of the person needed to be submerged for salvation", to "we aren't sure who we are as a church, but we are together as a family". It was a move from magic values to mythic values, from egocentric to ethnocentric. For someone looking to belong, ethnocentric values suited me fine.

However, over time I began to feel "confined" by my religion. I assumed the problem was the structure of the church, uneducated church leadership, worship style, etc. I wasn't sure what, but I knew something was missing, something was wrong, something was askew. I noticed the inconsistencies of church culture as compared with the words of Jesus. I went to Bible college and learned about a text to be worshiped, dogma to be adhered to, not a God to be loved. We were divorced from culture, ignorant of art, isolated by science, and for all the love we had for each other, we inadvertently excluded others on the basis of race, sexual identity and religious belief. The subtle and not so subtle spiritual arrogance gnawed at me, and I was in a constant state of unsettledness.

Perhaps, I have a better understanding about what was going on during this past six years. It seems to boil down to three things: mythic Christianity, rational science and postmodern cultural values. Three distinct sets of values, and ways of viewing and being in the world. Three ways that God has shown himself in humanity. Three ways that my soul was torn.

Maybe I misunderstood my journey. For a long time I thought it was about the "church", but perhaps my journey could be interpreted as a journey through worldviews. A searching for a framework that would allow the best of a pre-rational mythic worldview, the best of rationality and science, and the best of pluralistic values. Unfortunately, the forms of Christianity that I was exposed to were not flexible enough to provide such a framework. So I began to search elsewhere.

With one foot in thoroughly in mythic religion, another foot in rational science and (I don’t, know pick another appendage) in pluralism, I found myself restricted, confined, squeezed into a mythic religious worldview that kept getting smaller. The truths of the other worldviews rumbling around in my unconscious, unable to come to terms with my understanding of what was of “ultimate concern” and causing my discomfort.

So I found myself moving from one worldview, one stage of awareness, to the next with no framework to understand it. One part of me clinging desperately to my religious worldview that was increasingly becoming smaller and more confined. Afraid to be out of the “umbrella of protection” of the church. Fearful of losing friends. The word “heretic” buzzing around in my head. Yet all the time subconsciously knowing, the myth was dead. So, I found myself conflicted, confused, depressed. . .

Moving from one worldview to the next is like being squeezed through a tube and reborn into a more roomy home. It must be similar to the experience a baby has at childbirth (and perhaps death). The comfortable, close quarters of the womb becomes restricted in the end, and the baby must escape and be born into a new world with expanded possibilities, more relational opportunities, a broader worldview. A worldview that, unfortunately, will likely be labeled heretical by mythic forms of fundamentalist Christianity.

Human values have unfolded over time. You may argue this point, but the data is fairly conclusive. Looked at from a 50,000 ft. view, science and postmodern critiques have dismantled mythic religion. Individuals and churches that hold on to mythic values and worldviews find themselves increasingly marginalized and isolated. The "circle the wagons" rhetoric continues by those firmly grounded in mythic belief systems and any attempts of inclusivity or reinterpreting the Bible and Jesus for higher stages of awareness are reacted to with vicious intent (Here is an example from a brother I attended church with and love. It is typical rhetoric of an ethnocentric, mythical value system.)

Fundamentalist Christianity is rooted in a mythic worldview. It comes out of a value system that is ethnocentric - it looks at the world from the perspective of ones own culture (which incidentally, everyone does to a greater or lesser extreme) and is primarily concerned with the preservation of that culture. The mythic worldview sees life in terms of black and white, good and evil, and because it is primarily ethnocentric, if you do not have the same belief system as the predominant culture, you are isolated by the rest of the group in one way or another. So, there is always pressure to "toe the line" of doctrine and belief. Rules and roles are typically rigid and unbending and are not supposed to be challenged.

Let me be clear. There is nothing wrong with a mythic worldview in an of itself. It is a necessary step in human development, and there is absolutely a place for it. It's just not the only place, and several stages of awareness have emerged since its heyday. A mythic worldview becomes unhealthy when it looks at any worldview that came after it, and declares it as false; or when it views other cultures, ideas etc. as wrong in and of themselves because they are different from “the clan“. A mythic worldview simply cannot accept any worldview that will challenge its own. For example, think about the fact that many Christians reduce Postmodernity to "not allowing for ultimate truth", when the Postmodern critique is actually much more complex than that. To make matters worse, the fact is, that we cannot really "see" worldviews that are at a higher altitude. In other words, it is impossible for someone at a mythic worldview to experience the world from a rational or pluralistic worldview, and will therefore reduce other worldviews to threats and must declare them as dangerous and false. Dialogue about these issues will degrade into the being "kicked out of the club". So it provides a limited framework to fit the experiences and knowledge of other cultures and worldviews. It either discounts science or tries to twist it for its own purpose, interpreting the data through a grid of mythical thought. It leaves little room for discussion, little room for dialogue.

Unfortunately, attempts at a rational form of Christianity has not fared much better. Pragmatic approaches to church, such as Willow Creek have just exacerbated the consumerism, egotism and narcissism that is typical of orange/rational values gone bad (and leaks into postmodern values too). Ken Wilber calls this "boomeritis". The churches reaction to the pluralistic values of postmodernity are still "emerging", led by people like Brian McLaren, Rob Bell, and Spencer Burke. However, many of these small groups of people are merely clinging to an ideal of "community" that is nothing more than a return to ethnocentricism, a way that makes themselves "set apart".

There are ways to overcome these issues that does not do away with your faith, but expands it. Making faith more inclusive, more caring, more concerned, more complex, more comprehensive. It does not throw out mythic, rational or pluralistic worldviews, but integrates them, allowing us to see reality in all its complex beauty. Frameworks that allow the best of pre-rational, rational, and trans-rational thought.

I don't know if this is the completely "right way" to view my experience. Time will tell. I will say that it takes into account all of my phenomenological and relational experiences in church, and does not discount science or culture. I have a framework that allows me to hold the "I, We and It" of life together in a holistic fashion. I am able to see the beauty and perspectives of other religions and cultures. The world has become more beautiful. I still see God in the beauty of nature and in the eyes of my children. God is unfolding the universe, and human kind along with it, in what appears to be waves of consciousness or awareness. And I am aware of, and participating in that fact. God is far bigger than my mythic beliefs would allow. I have room to stretch, and breathe in God's continuing display.

I suspect some will view me as no longer “in the club”, and that is okay. While I can choose to leave behind a mythic framework of understanding the world, I cannot leave behind the mythic worldview that has helped form me. It has been integrated, and I just see it for what it is: a stage in the evolutionary process of a human being named Roger.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts. For those interested in understanding how I’ve come to these conclusions. Here are some links that may help you on your journey.

Introduction to Integral Theory and Practice

Colors of Thinking in Spiral Dynamics

A Spirituality That Transforms

The History of Mysticism

An Integral Spirituality

The News - Quick Hits

2009-02-05T00:36:00.002-06:00

Daschle withdraws his name because he didn't pay taxes....yet he has spent his carrier spending my taxes....hmmm....Wonder if he'll do any time for that....? I'd be surprised.

Michael Phelps is caught hitting the bong. 14 Olympic gold medals. 8 medals at one Olympics. Holds more records than I care to type....I bet other swimmers test positive for cannabis at the next Olympics. It may be on the next Wheaties box.

Knowledge of the Universe

2009-01-27T12:06:00.000-06:00

I love the show The Universe. It does a great job making the latest knowledge about our universe accessible to common-folk in. I caught this episode one night as I was fighting off a coma from lack of sleep.

I was struck by how human's knowledge of the universe "transcends and includes". We discover something new and the next person uses that knowledge as a platform to jump to the next level of understanding. Exactly what Integral Theory sees as "evolution".

I also noticed how the different conclusions correlate with stages of awareness. From pre-rational to rational to trans-rational. From premodern to modern to postmodern. From egocentric to ethnocentric to worldcentric. As human's develop, the universe appears to keep getting bigger. Perhaps co-created?

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the history of our knowledge of the universe....

The Spiraling Jesus

2009-01-23T13:34:00.001-06:00

So, lets say that you were contemplating your favorite spiritual text, and you decide to close your eyes. You experience a phenomenon of inner light and a feeling of universal love. (This is a state of consciousness as opposed to a stage.) Or, lets say you were hiking through the mountains and at the edge of the highest cliff you see a majestic snow capped mountain with green fields below and you feel "oneness and peace" with the awesome beauty before you.You have experienced a state of reality that is not part of your normal waking life. What do you do with it? How do you interpret this experience? What influences your interpretation? All of the major religions deal with this phenomenon and each may interpret this experience differently. Additionally, you will interpret your experience according the STAGE of development you gravitate towards. (Here is a link for the Stages of Awareness.)

So, lets also say that the person has a "we" that is Western Christianity that provides the context for interpretation. The chances are this person will describe this phenomenon as an experience with the Jesus and/or the Holy Spirit. This experience can occur at any stage, but will be interpreted within the "limiting principles" of that stage.

Here is an example from Ken Wilber's "Integral Spirituality":

Magic Stage - Jesus is experienced as a personal savior who can miraculously alter the world in order to satisy my desire and whim: Jesus as Magician, turning water into wine, multiplying loaves and fishes, walking on water (Jesus may or may not have actually walked on water, but at this stage, this is the thing that would matter most to me). This stage is preconventional and egocentric, so Jesus only cares about me.

Mythic Stage - The same kind of subtle-state experience might be interpreted as communion with Jesus the Eternal Truth bringer. This stage is absolutistic in its beliefs, so you will either believe the Word exactly as written, or you will burn in hell forever. This stage is also ethnocentric, so only those who believe in Jesus Christ as their personal savior can be saved.

Mental/Rational Stage - Jesus Christ becomes a humanized figure, still fully divine and fully human, but now fully human in a more believable way, as teacher of the universal love of a Deistic God (who has read Principia Mathmatica and knows where to draw the line). Because this stage is the beginning of the postconventional and worldcentric stages, this is also the first stage of development that can find salvation through Christ Jesus but also allow that others might find equal salvation through a different path. You will moving in Vatican II fashion.

Pluralistic Stage - You will likely find yourself one of the authors of the Postmodern Bible, an example of interpreting Jesus Christ and the Christ-experience through the lens of "green stage" development.

Integral Stage - For Gebser this was one stage, but Integral Theory sees this as the opening to at least four higher structure-stages of development, any of which will insist on integrating its experience of Christ-consciousness with other expressions of the Holy Spirit around the world, and if so in your case you might also be interested in Integral Theory. (Frankly, any earlier/lower stages of development would simply not find this topic interesting. But if we do pat ourselves on the back, let it still be with humility: whatever stage we might be at, there are always higher stages; and somewhere, someplace, in some universe or dimension, somebody is writing a text that is over our heads. . . )

So, the same state, experienced the same way, can be interpreted in a variety of different ways in the same religion. Heck, often in the same church! Add to this the fact that the inner "I", the part of us that experiences the phenomenon, is unaware of these structure/levels (which leads to all sorts of problems), coupled with the fact that we are inconsistent in how we define terms, and we get all kinds of mis-communication and grief.

Wilber also claims that people functioning in earlier/lower stages can not see the higher/later stages, so the more complex stages are dismissed as inaccurate etc. What Wilber means is that someone can conceptually understand the higher levels, but they cannot tell you what is like to have a first-person experience in those levels. So, a person at a lower level and a person at a higher level may share the exact same experience and interpret them completely differently.

For example, someone who is interpreting life and experience in Mythic/Blue will always view the world in "black and white". There is only one "right way" to think about anything. They will see life as rule based and will function bound by laws and regulations. Violating these rules gets you booted out of the "club". So for instance, when a person functioning in a Mythic awareness dialogues with a person in Pluralistic/Green (who sees many points of view), the Mythic Blue person will judge and ostracize the Pluralistic/Green because he/she simply cannot see that worldview and therefore completely discounts it as rubbish. Sound familiar to anyone?

In conclusion, I think these Stages of Awareness matter when it comes to spirituality. We can only act on what we are aware of. If being conscious of these Stages helps me to interpret my personal experience and life more accurately, and communicate with people better (at least understand where they are coming from, sometimes real communication just won't happen), then I consider it helpful. In addition, I think there a lot of other questions that may be answered:

What are the implications for church?

Do you think people at a particular stage tend to gravitate towards the same church? Does this explain the concept of "liberal" and "conservative" churches?

Can you think of people you know that gravitate toward a particular stage?

What are the implications in communication? Do particular stages use different vocabulary? Maybe even expanded vocabulary as each stage is open to expanded "I, We and Its"? Does this explain why when we talk about religion and spirituality we often wind up in disagreements and misunderstandings?

Inaugural Thought

2009-01-20T11:56:00.010-06:00

I guess I am a little jaded by all the political hoopla. In the words of Ben Harper in "Black Rain" I think the spin doctors have been "Selling false hope like some new dope we're addicted to."

I think there is a reason that young people are motivated by Barak Obama though, and it is really the only thing that I "hope" for. I hope we have a president that understands and experiences the world in a different way.

I would guess we are moving from a president who thought and experienced the world in Red/Blue to a president that thinks and experiences the world in Orange/Green. I think that's really what the election boiled down to also.

That would mean we have a leader that is moving towards a level of greater complexity, creativity, concern and care. That is something to "hope" for.

For further reading from someone much more astute than I.

"How can the same leader ask Reverend Warren to provide an inaugural invocation; seek an unprecedented Keynesian stimulus package; seek to further socialize health care; have a private dinner with leading conservative intellectuals; and consider how to rein in devastating and unrealistic long-term social security and Medicare liabilities? How, indeed. Embodying an integral view of the world, by definition, means seeking to integrate, to fully include everyone under the umbrella while also transcending the narrowness and partiality of each. (This, incidentally, is why every group that looks at Obama claims him as “one of them.” This is the ultimate litmus test of an integral leader.) A great leader is one whose sense of self is not threatened by a vigorous war of ideas, and an integral leader is one who wages the war from a worldview of love and abundance."

States of Consciousness

2009-01-14T09:20:00.009-06:00

Before I get into how the stages work in real life I'd like to share a little about states of consciousness. Then I'll link both together and look at how all this effects our interpretation and experience of Jesus.

When I was a youth leader in El Paso (Hi Val!) we took our college age kids to a WorshipTogether Conference. On the last morning David Crowder was to lead about 30 minutes of worship and then we would go to some classes. The place was filled with a couple of thousand worship leaders ready to enter in to the "heavenly realm". At the end of the worship set Crowder's band began to drop out one by one and then with only Crowder left onstage he slowly and quietly left the stage. This huge place was completely silent. Not just for a minute, but for many minutes, and then someone in the audience began to sing a hymn and the couple thousand people joined in. The conference leaders began to look at each other, and then someone began to sing another hymn. Then everyone erupted in applause to the Creator. It was exactly 9:00am and time to go to class. We found out after the fact that the leaders were worried the spontaneous singing would go on forever with a couple thousand worship leaders in the house. But it ended just when it should of....as if God had orchestrated the whole thing.

I had an extremely intense experience during this worship time. I had no idea that David Crowder and his band had walked off the stage. My eyes were closed and I was experiencing an intense inner state of consciousness. My whole self seemed filled with light. There was abundance of overflowing peace and joy. Tears were flowing down my cheeks. I felt "undone". I had experienced similar things before, usually during worship times, in fact I think the goal of worship really was trying to provide a context for helping others reach this state. Bottom line. I had a very deep, intense "spiritual" experience with very little context with which to understand it. So, I went on living life as I normally did at the time. IMO, it just is not something that fundamentalist Christianity values (and a few denominations seem to give lip service, but no practical teaching).

When I started reading about Buddhism and stumbled across Integral Theory I had very little exposure to anything regarding States of Consciousness. In fact, as a fundamentalist Christian it was strongly encouraged not to do things like meditate, which could open you to the "influences of the devil". Eventually, I did begin to experiment with Lectio Divina and contemplative prayer, but there was no "we" to support it. Let's just say it would be a stretch to say these were common practices in my strain of Christianity.

Wilber, using his experience with deep meditative states and knowledge of Buddhism claims there are three natural states of consciousness EVERY human experiences (yes, even fundamentalist Christians): waking, dreaming and deep formless sleep. I had never given these three states much thought in my Christian experience. They were just part of life and taken for granted.

There are five meditative/contemplative states: gross, subtle witnessing, causal and non-dual. Here are some general definitions.

Gross/Waking States - what I experience riding a bike, writing or reading this post, exercising etc.

Subtle/Dream States - such as I might experience in a vivid dream, daydream or visualization exercise, as well as in certain types of meditation.

Causal/Formless States - such as deep, dreamless sleep and types of formless meditation and experiences of vast openness or emptiness.

Witnessing States - which is a capacity to witness all other states; for unbroken attention in the waking states and capacity for lucid dreams.

Non-dualism - ever-present awareness which is not so much a state as an ever-present ground of all states (and can be experienced as such).

If you are a conservative Christian, you might be thinking I've gone off the deep end, and you might be right, but that's another story. The fact is that Christian mystics have explored these states too. Here are some examples: St. Teresa's Interior Castles, the cartographies of St. John of the cross, the Early Church Fathers such as St. Gregory of Nyssa, Origen, and St. Dionysius.

In fact, check out St. Dionysius whose "way of purification, way of illumination, and way of unification" is as short and succinct a summary as you will find: purify the body via discipline and still the gross mind via concentration; find subtle interior illumination; surrender even illumination in a prayer of quietude and divine ignorance; thereby the soul and God find union in Godhead, on with the radiant All. However, if you are open to what other religions have to say, Buddhism has a rich 2000 year history in exploring these states of consciousness.

Some interesting points about these states:

Natural states do not show development. Meditative/Contemplative states can be trained and do show devlopment.

I can have peak experiences of states. In other words, I can get a peak into the next higher state without having permanant access to it, which may explain my experience above. Please note that I CANNOT skip stages or have peak experiences in stages, only states.

These states are available at any stage. This is perhaps one of the most interesting point because each experienced state will be interpreted according the stage one is functioning in.

I promise to tie all of this in to our experience and interpretations of Jesus in the next post. Looking forward to what you guys think about these states though. Have you experienced them? Do they explain any of your experience? Have you ever experimented? Does your flavor of Christianity encourage or discourage these states? Do you think they are helpful in your spiritual journey? Are there dangers?

Stages of Awareness

2009-01-08T13:11:00.013-06:00

In this article, "Levels of Devils, Gradations of God" Stuart Davis examines why worldview and how we experience the world matters as it relates to world leaders. Lots of fodder for further discussion, but I'd like to focus on a particular part of his post.

Humans develop. Developmental studies have shown that all humans seem to progress through similar levels of expanding care, concern and complexity. These developments take place in all of the quadrants (the singular and plural of the inside and outside) and are documented by many different disciplines. These changes take place physically, socially, psychologically, cognitively, psychosexually (yeah baby!), relationally etc. The interesting thing is that each of these stages "transcends and includes" the previous stage.

Let me briefly switch topics briefly from the "I" to the "It" to explain. Matter is composed of atoms which are whole in and of themselves. Molecules transcend and include Atoms. Molecules cannot exist without atoms, but they are also something completely different from atoms. Cells transcend and include molecules. Organs transcend and include cells and so on....(this is the concept of a Holon. Simultaneously, a whole, and part of a whole).

Individuals and societies go through real developmental stages that also transcend and include the previous stage. For instance, Gebser's Structures of Consciousness is taking snapshots of stages of the development of consciousness. By the way, this would be like looking at the "I" from a 3rd-person point of view. Which means you cannot see these structures from a 1st-person point of view. In other words, one can pray and meditate all day and not be aware of these levels of development. Here is a brief summary of combination of Gebser's structures and Spiral Dynamics. Please note that many other studies show very similar patterns of evolution.

Archaic/Beige - Do what you must to stay alive. Instincts and habits used to survive. "Deep, dreamless, sleep". Distinct self is barely awakened.

Magic/Purple - Keep the spirits happy and the tribe warm and safe. Language, unitary world, any event can be substituted for any other, Preserves sacred objects, places and events. Rites of passage, seasonal cycles and tribal customs.

Red - World viewed as a dangerous place. Be what you are and do what you want. Distinguish ourselves from the natural environment. Enjoys self to the fullest without guilt or remorse. Conquers, outfoxes and dominates others.

Mythic/Blue - Life has meaning, directions and purpose. Sacrifice of self to a transcendent cause, truth or righteous pathway. Order enforces code of conduct based on absolute principles. Impulses controlled through guilt. Laws, regulations and discipline build moral fiber.

Rational/Orange - Act in your own self-interest by playing the game to win. Change and advancement are inherent in the scheme of things. Progress by seeking out nature's secrets. Manipulates earth's resources to create and spread abundant life. Optimistic, risk-taking people deserve success. Societies prosper through strategy, technology and competitiveness.

Pluralistic/Green - Seek peace within the inner self and explore, with others, the caring dimensions of community. The human spirit must be freed from greed, dogma and divisiveness. Sensitivity supersedes cold rationality. Spreads the earths resources and opportunities among all. Reconciliation and consensus. Spirituality harmony, and human development.

Integral/Yellow - Experience the wholeness of existence through mind and spirit. The whole world is a single dynamic organism with its own collective mind. Self is both distinct and a blended part of a larger compassionate whole. Everything connects to everything else in ecological alignments. Energy and information permeate the Earth's total environment.

There's so much to say about how these structures are relevant. Society and individual consciousness both seem to go through these structures. Keep in mind they are hierarchical, and not predetermined. Gebser calls them mutations and not part of evolution. So, what comes next is always a mystery, but each structure transcends and includes the previous. So, we still have residue from the older structures in our subconscious, if not conscious.

I'll link these to spiritualityin general, and Christianity in particular, and note why I think this stuff matters with an example from Ken Wilber.

If you are interested I found this article after I got done with this post. It describes the structures in more detail. THIS is interactive integral stuff. Cool resource.

Stuart Davis - Nothing In Between

2009-01-06T15:23:00.001-06:00

Beautiful, poignant, creative.

The "I"," We" and "It" of Life

2009-01-03T08:55:00.003-06:00

I've made to many uninformed decisions in my life. The tough thing about life is that you can only make decisions based on the information in your awareness. So, I've made decisions based on less than the all of the information available. Sometimes things workout, and sometimes they don't. Either way I learn, grow, change, evolve. . . But at the time that I made the less than informed decision, it was based on my understanding of what was true.

Just about every language on our earth has a form of the pronouns I, We and It. Those pronouns represent the different ways we look at life, and more importantly, truth. Let me roll through an example to make it clear (at least as clear as my limited intellect is capable).

If I want to describe myself I can do so from a variety of perspectives. Science/Modernity would view me as an "it". I can be reduced to a bag of skin hanging around muscles and bone. I could be reduced to a cellular level. A scientists could pop the brain out of my head and say "See, this is Roger." But it would only be partially true. I am more than the sum of my physical parts, although my physical parts are certainly necessary.

I can also describe myself from a 2nd-Person perspective; the "we". Postmodernity has pointed out that we are inexorably connected and influenced by our culture and language, and our perception of truth is as well. We are limited by our language and our culture in ways that are difficult to grasp if we are not aware of them. Needless to say I am more than my culture and language, though they are needed to fully describe who I am.

Last, I am a 1st-person, "I". This is the realm of phenemonology and religion. This is how I experience life. I could describe to you how I feel, what I think, what I see, how something tastes. But, these experiences are not all there is to me. The pre-modern, pre-rational religions dug deep into the "I" (especially Hindu and Buddhist traditions, but there are some interesting Christian Mystics who were on the same path).

These different understandings of truth unfolded in history in a sequential pattern. The various spiritual traditions were born out of a pre-modern, pre-rational worldview. They had almost no knowledge of science and culture, but they were masters at phenomenology and left lots of information for us to assimilate. They attempted to build an understanding of the universe based on their inner, 1st-person experiences.

The pre-modern, pre-rational world gave way to the Modern/Rational. The Enlightenment gave us scientific methods and for all the great advances in science, medicine and technology it raped the world of religion and phenomenology because it could not be measured or quantified. From it's perspective 3rd-person perspective of truth, spirituality and religion was B.S.

In the last few decades postmodernity has shown that the truth claims of both premodernity and postmodernity were outright influenced by the language and culture of the person. All of truth was reduced to culture and therefore there could be no one, universal truth.

Integral Theory says that all of these truth claims have a place at the table. Each discipline or science is merely looking at reality from a different perspective. Religion/Phenomenology looks at the 1st-person/"I". Hermenuetics looks at the 2nd-person/"we". Science looks at the 3rd-person/"it".

In conclusion, (mainly because I'm tired of typing) these three perspectives of truth must be considered together for us to get an accurate view of reality. It has really helped me to put the "truths" that each of these worldviews and their corresponding disciplines give in an appropriate place. The mystic religious traditions have their place along side modern science. The radical pluralism of postmodernity makes me aware of my cultural influences that help me form the ideas of what is "true". Perhaps, if I take into account all three of these perspectives, I will have a more accurate view of reality.

Now the really interesting stuff comes when you lay all of these truth claims out and attempt to harmonize them. Patterns emerge. Stages and states in each one of the quadrants unfold, and it appears that humans, along with the universe and our earth, are evolving.

Happy New Year

2009-01-01T10:48:00.003-06:00

You know...if time really matters to you....

YEASAYER - 2080

I can't sleep when I think about the times we're living in,
I can't sleep when I think about the future I was born into,
Outsiders dressed up like Sunday morning,
With no Berlin wall what the hell you gonna do.

It's a New Year,
I'm glad to be here
It's a fresh spring,
So let's sing.

In 2080
I'll surely be dead
So don't look ahead,
Never look ahead

It's a New Year,
I'm glad to be here
It's the first spring,
So let's sing.

And the moon shines bright
On the water tonight
So we won't drown
In the summer sound.

If you find me I'll be sitting by the water fountain,
Picket signs, letdowns, meltdown it's Monday morning
But it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright
It's alright,
Cause in no time, They'll be gone I guess I'll still be standing here.

Yeah Yeah we can all grab at the chance and be handsome farmers,
Yeah you can have twenty one sons and be blood when they marry my daughters,
And the pain that we left at the station will stay in a jar behind us.
We can pickle the pain into blue ribbon winners at county contests.

Spirituality That Transforms

2008-12-30T08:47:00.003-06:00

One of my main critiques of religion has centered on the idea of transformation. My opinion has been that if a religion does not aid in transformation it is impotent. If religion is authentic it should provide results. I’ve been doing research on Integral Theory, which I blogged briefly about in an earlier post. I recently came across this article by Ken Wilber entitled “A Spirituality That Transforms”, that explains a lot of what I have experienced, in and out of organized religion, and why authentic transformation is so rare.

First, Wilber lays out the case that there are two basic functions of religion:

Translation – A way of creating meaning for the self that is viewed as horizontal. These are usually new ways to think or feel about reality, a new idea, belief, language or paradigm.
Transformation – Radical transformation at the deepest seat of consciousness. Viewed as vertical. The very process of translation itself is challenged, and the self is inquired into, ultimately ending in the “death of the self”.

Wilber says that translation is the most prevalent function of religion. It is a way of trying to understand and translate the uncertainty, suffering and apparent futility of life, while transformation is the product of the "death of self".

If I was my old “Institutionalized Church Self”, I would pick apart the definitions and toss this stuff casually on the trash heap. But, it just explains too much of my experience. I’ve experienced transformation. And I guess I continue to experience it. I beat my head against the wall trying to help others experience it in an organized setting. I’ve been pissed off, outraged, angry, hurt, disillusioned, sad etc. because I just couldn’t understand why the typical church (leaders and members) wanted nothing to do with transformation. So, I left organized religion and continued transforming (and I'm no longer pissed off, outraged, angry, hurt, disillusioned, sad etc) .

Generally, institutional church leadership doesn’t want to deal with transformation. It is often times an ugly, uncertain, messy process when one dies to one’s self. It may entail deep soul searching similar to psychoanalysis to peal away the layers of the onion that is the ego, not to mention being open to eastern spiritual disciplines. Additionally, in my experience, I’ve found transformation to be realized by individuals and not usually by large groups (unless those who are experiencing transformation decide to meet together). Could it be that church leadership is scared of authentic transformation? Not only can it be messy, but transformation by necessity challenges the status quo because it challenges translation itself.

Quite honestly, most of the church leaders I’ve worked with simply didn’t have time to deal with it even if they wanted to, and because the church leaders appear content with translation, so do the masses. Wilber says, transformation “does not render the self content, it renders it undone.”
Wilber lays out the case that very few people undergo any type of radical transformation and that leaves the masses involved in “at best, various types of horizontal, translative, merely legitimate religion: they were involved in magical practices, mythical beliefs, egoic petitionary prayer, magical rituals, and so on.” I’d add that translation is far easier to deal with on a corporate level. It can be preached from the pulpit or taught in Sunday school and requires very little personal interaction. Further, it is fairly easy to control because it is primarily informational. Unfortunately, by itself, it does nothing more than shore up the ego.

Wilber’s solution to this problem? It’s integral. Surprised? Offer authentic and radical transformation with “an approach that honors and incorporates many lesser transformative and translative practices--covering the physical, emotional, mental, cultural, and communal aspects of the human being--in preparation for, and as an expression of, the ultimate transformation into the always already present state.” Religion, in its best forms, can provide the social framework for people to experience transformation. Transformation is eros/upward/expansive, the church is agape/horizontal/caring. Instead of churches full of people with ideas in their minds, we would have pews filled with people consciously experiencing God in their ever day life.

“Thus, the authentic spiritual camps have the heart and soul of the great transformative traditions, and yet they will always do two things at once: appreciate and engage the lesser and translative practices (upon which their own successes usually depend), but also issue a thundering shout from the heart that translation alone is not enough.” I think this points to what I’ve done in my institutional church experience, and what I continue to do here. Sometimes with more or less tact, grace and loving-kindness.

There are some more interesting insights in this article. Maybe I will touch on those later. . .

Death Wish

2008-12-12T12:47:00.002-06:00

Awhile back I was walking with my daughter in the park behind our house. I live in the 'burbs and having a little oasis so close is nice. Anyway, it was a beautiful morning at a place I visit often when I want to get "centered". We were silent, just observing and I said, " You know, when I die why don't you scatter my ashes here." She thought I was being morbid, as most people do when you discuss death, but I assured her that someday I would die. It's not a big deal. Whatever is born, must die.

What is your death wish? Does it matter to you how your remains are disposed of?

Here is a quote and a song that describes my feelings:

"Everything in nature gives in its death; stars die and whole solar systems begin to evolve from the impregnation of the exploded stellar matter. Trees die, and from their wood human beings build homes and furniture, statues and Stradivariuses. If humans died in a healthy culture, they would not lock out the earth in metal coffins and carve their names on stone monuments, but would instead place the naked body in the earth and plant a tree above the silent heart."

-William Irwin Thompson

Holy Holons!

2008-12-10T13:43:00.003-06:00

So, part of my journey has been exploring other faiths, philosophies and practices. To be honest it is overwhelming! I wish I was Neo with a port in my head so I could download all of the things I find interesting and truthful!

Some of my loose criteria have been:

A religion/philosophy/practice should show results.

A proper worldview should not have to discount science to believe in religion or vice verse.

The things that all religions have in common are likely pointing toward God/ultimate truth.

Is it able to make sense of both outer physical realities and inner spiritual experiences?

Does it provide a truthful view of reality? Not all religions and philosophies are created equal.

In my ramblings I stumbled across Ken Wilber and his Integral Theory. It took me a while to understand the jargon, but being a determined person when it suits my fancy, I plodded through. I've come to find some very interesting and useful ways to view the cosmos, philosophy, religion and spiritual practices that fulfill most of the above criteria. It is a little "heady" to understand at first, but ultimately comes back personal practice.

There is no way to adequately explain it in this forum and with my limited intellect. Here are some resources for those interested. I'll be picking a few topics that I've found particularly interesting or helpful.

Introduction to Integral Theory and Practice

An Integral Age at the Leading Edge

Spirituality and the 3 Strands of Deep Science

A Spirituality That Transforms

Religious, But Not Spiritual (Father Thomas Keating)

The Future of Christianity

2008-12-09T09:13:00.002-06:00

No. I am not presumptuous enough to think I know the future of Christianity. But, these are two guys I respect and I do think that Integral Theory could prove useful to contemporary Christianity. Looks interesting...

Already?

2008-12-09T00:26:00.002-06:00

I made my election prediction here.

The guy isn't even in office yet! So, this is probably just the start....

Death, Silence, Beauty

2008-12-07T09:12:00.003-06:00

I apologize for my silence here. No, actually I don't.

I've been covering a coworkers vacation and working 3rd Shift. We got a new dog (partially against my better judgment, but hey, I'm a softy). Trish's Grandma moved on from this world, and Trish is in SLC for the funeral. Life is just generally....busy and beautiful.

Some random thoughts and ruminating from my distorted perspective on life and spirituality:

Ken Wilber's Integral Theory is perhaps the most complete explanation of how I believe our universe works. I didn't know much about it, but it is a harmonization of science and spirituality that allows each its place. I'll be posting more later.

Teens and pre-teens can be completely different people from one day to the next, heck from one minute to the next. What happened to my sweet little kids?

Was Jesus a non-dualist?

Brand new Christmas lights will still wait until the tree is completely decorated for half of the strand to go out. I suspect they have some sort of intelligence.

In Memory of Maggie

2008-11-23T22:22:00.004-06:00

Our family dog suddenly moved on to the next realm of existence yesterday. It's been couple days of dealing with grief, digging holes, and thinking about the impermanence of life. Here's a few observations:

Life is ultimately unsatisfactory.

Death is so quick, casual and non-discriminate that it leads me to believe there is something on the other side, though I don't have enough information to know what it is with certainty.

It broke my heart to have to carry the carcass of a being that was once fully alive.

I don't grieve for the being that has died, but for myself.

Time is short. Nothing is certain. Love hard. Love Deep. Love as long as you have breath.

Dedication to Reality

2008-11-19T13:46:00.002-06:00

Some would call my spiritual quest foolish, heretical, dangerousw ... I would say that it is merely a dedication to reality and the truth. I am rereading The Road Less Traveled and I wanted to touch on the chapter on Discipline.

Peck says the our view of reality is like a map. They lie somewhere on a continuum of true and accurate to delusional and false. The better map we have, the better choices we make, the more we are able to experience peace, hope and love. So, get a good map, have a good life.

The problem is that we are not born with maps. We have to make them and that requires effort. Dang it. There is always a monkey wrench, isn't there ....? And to make things worse, reality is not static, it is always changing. So, we must continually revise our maps. Double dang it. (Can you tell I tend toward laziness?)

Many people stop revising their map at some point in their lives. I am blessed/cursed to not be one of those people. Why do people stop revising their maps? Pain.

It is painful to revise our maps, it entails "letting go". We must let go of our old beliefs, attachments, theories, questions that have become so comfortable. In fact, we may even view them as our "self". None of us wants our "self" to die, but if we are going to have more accurate maps, die it must. Some people are not willing to suffer, so they stop revising.

"...we must continually revise our maps, and sometimes when enough new information has accumulated, we must make very major revisions. The process of making revisions, particularly major revisions, is painful and sometimes excruciatingly painful. And herein lies the major source of many of the ills of mankind."

Peck says that some will actively or passively ignore the new information in order to preserve their comfort and avoid suffering.

"We may denounce information as false, dangerous, heretical, the work of the devil. We may actually crusade against it and even attempt to manipulate the world so as to make it conform to our view of reality. Rather than to try change the map, an individual may try to destroy the new reality. Sadly, such a person may expend much more energy ultimately in defending an outmoded view of the world than would have been required to revise and correct it in the first place."

I've burned a few maps in the past couple of years. There is suffering involved. In fact, later in the book Peck says that depression is a form of "letting go". Been through that too...but there are new maps. New places to see, new information to learn, new experiences to be had, new people to interact with....

Go make a map!

Whipping Post Nirvana

2008-11-18T08:57:00.004-06:00

I'll follow up with some more on True Freedom when I have a chance. . . I love the dialogue! Thanks for participating....

Music is big part of my life, and I don't talk much about it here, but that's going to change. . .

May I just say that under the right conditions that "Whipping Post" from The Allman Brothers Band live album "At Fillmore East" may be considered a spiritual experience. 22 minutes and 44 seconds of heaven.

This is not the album version, but you'll get the flava of some down-home hippie jam band music!

True Freedom

2008-11-17T09:43:00.001-06:00

I've come to some conclusions and started asking other questions in my quest. For those who may not know me, these comment come from someone who was very involved in institutional Christianity and has chosen to compare the religion I was raised with to others in an open-minded fashion. These are the semi-scientific, horrifically random thoughts and experiences, nothing more.... It's okay to not agree.

Can you say you are free when things, or people make you angry, miserable, or irritated?

Can you say you are free when situations make you depressed?

Can you say you are free when you crave, desire and obsess about what you do not have?

I spent a large part of my adult life being told Jesus had set me free. Yet, in institutional religion I experienced very little actual freedom. I wonder if institutional religion has a right definition of freedom (that could be debated), but it's ecclesiastical structures (Catholic or Protestant), and it's practical theology, cause their attendees to substitute rules, obligations and trust in hierarchy for true freedom?

True freedom is in the mind. As long as we are a slave to our anxieties and fears, as long as we allow ourselves to be manipulated by people and objects of power, as long as we are afraid in any way to question the structures and people we give authority to, as long as we are unaware that these subtle and not-so-subtle manipulations take place, we are a slave.

Jesus said, "The thief does not come except to steal and to kill and to destroy. I have come so that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." Joh 10:10

May I just say, that I have found VERY FEW EXAMPLES of anyone in institutional Christianity that I would consider a good example of this verse.

For all of the crusades and preaching, for all of the Sacraments partaken, for all of the hymns sung, for all of the money spent, Christians, as a whole, do not seem to be morally or spiritually superior to adherents of any other religion, or people of no religion at all. In fact, they appear to be far less spiritually advanced then adherents to other religions depending on the criteria (Buddhism or Jainism comes to mind). I have to ask myself why?

Why is it that the people that have accepted the freedom of Christ choose to live in such small ideological boxes? Why is that any criticism of a denomination, or a particular religion is met with such hateful resistance from people that should be full of peace, joy and love? If, after all, they have a benefit that Non-Christians don't have: the One True God living inside of them.

I have to conclude that:

1. Either the forms of Western Christianity that I've been exposed to simply are inadequate to help people live in true freedom.

2. The concept of "Christ within" is simply false. After all if Christ really lived within His people, should not at least a majority of the members live freely, with joy, peace and love?

3. Perhaps Western Christianity has completely misunderstood what Jesus was talking about and has evolved into something it was never intended to be.

4. All of the above?

5. Other reasons I have mentioned. Feel free to enlighten me....

Paul said, "Christ has set us free so that we may enjoy the benefits of freedom. So keep on standing firm in it, and stop attaching yourselves to the yoke of slavery again." Gal 5:1

What are the benefits? What does it mean to stand firm in freedom? What is the yoke of slavery that people are ATTACHING themselves to? I can say that this verse means something entirely different to me now then it did when I was immersed in institutional Christianity.

Why would people who have been granted FREEDOM by God allow themselves to be slaves to religious concepts, hierarchies and habits? In my personal experience it is a multifaceted answer. I was ignorant. I was lazy. I was deluded. I lacked a concept of personal responsibility for my own spiritual life. I wanted the easy way out. I was willing to let the pastor, priest, tradition, community tell me what was best for me spiritually, whether or not it actually worked for me. I put all my eggs in my tradition's "spiritual basket" and then defended it to the hilt when someone questions it. When I was confronted by the kind of people like me, who ask the hard questions, I either got angry, or blew them off as people who were lost, or did not understand. I did these things because I had self-identified myself with that particular tradition. I was a slave to a concept that existed only in my mind.

So, what is true freedom and are there beliefs or practices that help us attain it? Or, do we already have it and are deluded into thinking we are not free? Is freedom in the mind or external? I don't know....maybe I'll post more later....

Religion - Missing the Point

2008-11-15T09:34:00.005-06:00

The Catholic "religious leaders", being placed in positions of moral authority by their flock, now have the audacity to tell people how they should vote. Not only that, but threaten them with hell if they voted for the wrong person!!! Article here.

The priest said that Catholic's vote for Obama was "material cooperation with intrinsic evil". Ugh, and raping little boys is only deserving of priests going to retirement homes for the rest of their Catholic service?

Please don't get me wrong. I am not anti-Catholic. But I do think that just about all of Western, organized Christianity has become completely irrelevant. It is unable to do the thing that our world needs most" help people on the spiritual journey of life. This is just another adventure in religion missing the point.

Religious people give all kinds of authority to the people they see as "leaders". Then the leaders have the obligation to tell, persuade, cajole, threaten, guilt etc. to get the "flock" to do what the leaders think is right. It happens all the time, in just about every form of organized religion, but it has reached idiotic heights in western Christianity.

Perhaps we should quit placing ourselves under the authority of "leaders", and learn to trust ourselves when it comes to spirituality.

The Beer of Life

2008-11-13T00:41:00.003-06:00

Not that I need another reason to drink beer, but. . .

However it is a little disconcerting that even beer is getting genetically modified. IS NOTHING SACRED!!!!

America's Swan Song

2008-11-12T11:03:00.003-06:00

I don't blog about politics much. While I relate to politics and nationalism in a drastically different way than I used to, and I really only care in as much as these issues effect personal freedom. But, I am still aware of what is going on in our country.

I have no "faith" (see my last post) that US government is the answer to fix the core problems of our country. The core problems can only be fixed by personal responsibility, discipline and spirituality. Unfortunately, times aren't bad enough for the majority of people to resort to those drastic measures.

Here are few things that I think confirm the challenges of a country that is in the last stages of democracy and capitalism, or in other words that we are late stage Rome.

The government is scared to death of this financial crisis. I assume they know more about this crisis than I do (maybe that's a bad assumption). They are concocting all kinds of schemes to keep people consuming and spending, which is why we are in this financial mess in the first place. I think there is a chance that no matter what the government does this house of cards will fall anyway.

Most of the governments solutions to the financial problems are Socialist. The government now is in charge of a huge portion of our nations wealth. They have mismanaged our tax dollars to the tune of $10 trillion, so I'm sure they can do a good job of managing all these new assets...

We just elected another President who bought and promised his way into the position. But, already the promises for "change" look like hollow words.

My 8 year-old's school has decided to teach them about the details of drug use. My 8 year-old needed to taught the details about huffing glue, cocaine and assorted other drugs that he knew nothing about previously. That will get him good and curious! So, the state is now taking it upon themselves to parent our children without our approval or knowledge.

Our state, and most others, continues to take their peoples property under eminent domain laws, and force the public to spend money just defend their homes.

And most damning, Americans continue to be happy to relinquish their freedom in return for "security and peace". We continue to look to the government to solve our personal problems.

I would take the time to find supporting links to all of these issues, but they are easy to find. These are interesting times we live in. . .

Faith

2008-11-10T09:19:00.003-06:00

I was having a discussion with a friend who is preparing to exit the IC. I was trying to explain where I am on this crazy spiritual journey and he said that it sounds like I am discounting anything that requires faith. He is right, depending on how you define "faith".

I came across this interesting site called Live Real that gives lots of definitions. If you think you do, or don't have "faith" I encourage you to read all the descriptions on the site. I'll throw a few out there that I thought were interesting:

It is "The substance of things hoped for, the evidence for things unseen."

It is another way of saying that you have no proof.

It is an act of imagining the way we wish things actually were, and stubbornly insisting that it is that way, regardless of any amount of evidence to the contrary.

It is the effort to try to make yourself believe in something you really don't.

It is a concept of something that people resort to when they suffer or get themselves into trouble.

Whatever it is, if you have it, you'll be OK; and if you don't have it, you're in for a lot of pain and suffering.

An emotional state of conviction manufactured by emotional speakers at lectures, rallies, revivals, and crusades; in other words, it is the result of a successful sales pitch from a charismatic figure.

Ambrose Bierce: "Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel."

It is a polite way of saying "Please shut up, and stop asking me questions I don't have the answers to."

It is a deep inner state of being which gives one a profound and unshakable trust in life.

H. L. Mencken: "An illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable."

A state of confidence which tends to be shattered by inevitable tragedies.

A weapon of defense against not-knowing; also a philosophical trump-card one pulls as a means of telling folks who are asking difficult, complex, or disturbing questions to basically shut up.

Something called up when faced with a question or situation that one does not understand or cannot solve, which in normal circumstances, enables one to easily rationalize one's failing to put forth any effort to understand, or even attempt to understand even the problem, much less the solution, and so enabling one to relax into a comfortable security of believing that high-ranking spiritual figures are on your side in doing so.

It is an word that describes a process of insisting that you believe in a statement, phrase, or position, and refusing under any conditions to consider, question, or doubt anything contrary to it.

Another word for "inner strength."

An intuition that there is an Answer to The Problem of Life.

Something that is preserved through avoiding, dodging, and hiding from doubting, thinking, and objective analysis.

Something that is arrived at after an intense period of doubting, thinking, and objective analysis.

"I discovered later, and I am still discovering right up to this moment, that it is only by living completely in this world that one learns to have faith. By this-worldliness I mean living unreservedly in lifes' duties, problems, successes and failures. In so doing, we throw ourselves completely into the arms of God. Taking seriously, not our own sufferings, but those of God in the world. That, I think, is faith." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Christianity At Work

2008-11-09T13:34:00.000-06:00

Another great example of the power of Christianity....Here.

Questions

2008-11-07T16:00:00.002-06:00

In his book "The Road Less Traveled", M. Scott Peck says that the spiritual journey is about learning new things. For us to learn new things we must be willing to let our old thoughts and preconceptions die. "To develop a broader vision we must be willing to forsake, to kill, our narrower vision." Letting part of myself die is not comfortable, it is not easy, but I agree it is a necessary part of the journey.

Peck continues, "We begin by distrusting what we already believe, by actively seeking the threatening and unfamiliar, by deliberately challenging the validity of what we have been previously taught and hold dear. The path to holiness lies through questioning everything."

Herein lies the problem. Questions hurt. They are scary. They take us to unfamiliar places. But, on the other hand questions make us alive, and may lead us to beauty and peace. Our institutions (government, schools, churches) teach us that asking questions and alternative points of view are dangerous. Just a few examples: look at the rhetoric against the Libertarian Party, school programs like DARE that serve no purpose but scaring children, and fear that churches have towards eastern religions just to name a few.

What kind of questions do you ask? Where do you draw the line in asking questions? What if you know there was nothing to fear on the other side of your questions? Really, how could there be anything to fear. On the other side of your questions and doubts, in your own experience, you will find truth. That's not so scary....

My Election Day Prediction

2008-11-04T12:19:00.003-06:00

Like you really care...

I predict that no matter who gets elected, the supporters will be sorely disappointed in a couple of years.

We had a little college girl come to our door to try to persuade me to vote for Obama. I politely let her know that my leanings were toward smaller government, less taxes and more freedom and she quickly ran away....

I have no illusion that politics is a solution to the core issues of our problems as a nation. Americas problems are greed, aversion and delusion and will only begin to be addressed when a large number of individuals begin to see themselves, their families, their communities, their state, their country and the world from an enlightened perspective.

Now I'm going outside to enjoy a cigar and the fall colors and know that no matter who gets elected, or what happens in our country, I am free.

Lawsuit Against God?

2008-10-16T10:37:00.003-05:00

Lawsuit Against God article.

I have a problem when God refuses to be accountable...he could of at least sent a prophet to speak for Him!

Life After Death

2008-10-13T09:28:00.002-05:00

There are many views of life after death. Here are a few options, if I've left some out feel free to let me know. I'd love to hear what view you hold and why...

We go to heaven is paradise with God, literal streets of gold, a literal tree of life, and a crystal clear river that proceeds from God's throne. Or, we go to a literal hell where our flesh burns forever in darkness outside of God's presence.

We attain different levels of heaven depending on how we lived on earth.

We go to an intermediate, neutral place where we await a bodily resurrection.

Heaven and hell are considered metaphors for our bliss or regret over what we have done and how we have lived in our time on this earth.

When we die our body rots in the ground and nothing about us continues to exist. (annihilation)

Our energy continues to exist (it cannot be created or destroyed), but there is no soul/spirit/self that is conscious.

Our soul /spirit is reborn into a human fetus or newborn child.

Our soul/spirit/energy is reborn into another living entity, not necessarily human.

There is not enough information to make a solid decision. I don't know.

The issue is immaterial to how I live here and now. I don't care.

Letting Go

2008-10-10T10:02:00.001-05:00

Interesting discussion here.

Here is my comment on "letting go".

It's funny that you blog about "letting go". I told my wife the other day that life is just a series of letting go's. Actually, that's not quite accurate though. Our early life is a series of desiring, grasping, clinging, building, striving... Our ego's are developing, we are finding out "who we are", our likes and dislikes, our attractions and aversions. We we worry about losing what we have gained, we want to gain more, rise higher...my teen and preteen are right in the middle of it, and while I know where the ego ends, it is a necessary part of life for them, so I have to "let them go" too.

At 40 years old I realized that, if I live to an average age for a man (certainly no guarantees), half of my life was over. What did I want the other half to be like? Did I like who I was? What I was doing? So, I made some changes that have led to interacting with the world, and people and my ego in a completely different way. Instead of having this low level static of general discontent in my life, I've rested in who I am, and the circumstances I'm in, like sitting in a comfortable easy chair perfectly molded to my body after years of use.

I believe the reason that "letting go" is huge part of the spiritual journey is that grasping, clinging, holding, striving etc. produces suffering. In my ego, I want things to last forever, but nothing does, so I suffer. In my ego, I want to be the center of everything, but I'm just one of billions. In my ego, I believe I own my possessions, but in reality they are only mine until someone else wants them more, they get lost, or they get destroyed. I want those I love to stay forever, but they will leave. In my ego, I want to live forever, but someday I will die. And so, I suffer.

All these realizations entail "letting go". At the end of "letting go" there is freedom.

Silence and Death

2008-10-09T14:32:00.002-05:00

Sorry about the silence lately. I've started a new job on second shift and I'm trying to get adjusted. I've got lots going on, but not much time to share at the moment.

I was hired because the person on my shift was out on leave for six months. I could get the hint that it was a serious medical condition, but they really couldn't tell me what was going on. It turns out that he has terminal cancer and it's aggressive. He is the nicest gentleman, which has made what could have been an awkward situation be a blessing for both of us. He is also a man of strong Christian faith.

We have had the opportunity to talk about one of the deepest subjects there is: death. We've had the opportunity to share our beliefs, doubts and curiosities about the subject. And share a few tears. I consider it a privledge to be there at this time.

It's interesting how all of the things I've been learning fit this situation: non-judgment, awareness, suffering and freedom. I've used them all, or maybe they have used me.

It's interesting to be aware of my emotions when death is discussed. There used to be fear. Now it is more like a calm resolution. Why fight it? It will happen. I don't know exactly what waits after death. But based on the beauty, diversity and complexity of our bodies, the world, the universe....I believe it will be pretty cool.

So, for now....silence until my next post.

The "Good Stuff" - Down the Rabbit Hole

2008-09-21T08:56:00.000-05:00

If you are a friend of mine and haven't read my blog for awhile, please read the past few posts before you call me a heretic. Thanks.

So, I've explained some of the rational behind this "experiment" here and here. I've described my crisis experience in which I got a glimpse behind the ego-mind (although I didn't know how to describe it at the time).

Much of my time as a conservative Christian was centered around theology, theories, obligation, morality, rules and rituals. None of which helped me experience God in a significant way. Most of the changes in my life were either short lived, or were more an act of shoving a round peg into a square hole. The holistic, natural change that comes from inner peace and joy were absent.

So around the time of this "ego-mind experience" I started doing some research on the Tao and Buddhism, looking for the commonalities with what I've been taught and experienced. I must say that I resonated with large portions of what I read. I think Buddhism describes reality better than any of the other religions/philosophies that I've participated in (more on that in a later post). But one thing that Buddhism teaches is that you will never experience enlightenment by reading about it. It must be experienced. I completely agree.

I‘ve since learned that the glimpse of awareness and freedom that I experienced was merely a momentary detachment from my ego. In my mind I believed that my security was being threatened. I had lost a sense of self by having no "purpose" in life (no religion, no career, etc.). My identity, as I consciously new it, was being destroyed. Yet, behind it, I received a glimpse of my true self.

You see, the ego wants you to believe you are always safe and secure. It wants you to believe that you are on solid ground. It wants to vanquish any threats to your mind and body. It wants you to think you are the center of the universe. It wants you to think you are separate and alone. It wants you to think that what you can see, hear, touch, smell, and taste are all that exists. It is concerned with self-preservation. It is about panic, fear and confusion. It especially fears death.

The ego does not want you to know the truth: that you are floating on a ball in space in a universe so vast, ancient and diverse it defies understanding. Yet, in that vastness, everything is connected and essentially one. That safety and security are really illusions and an emotional response to the uncertainty of this life. That the inner world is no less real than the physical world. That death, whether psychological, emotional or physical, is nothing to fear, but to be embraced as part of the journey.

I wanted more of the inner peace, joy and clarity that I had experienced. So I began meditating. Bringing awareness into my life everyday life. Quieting my mind. Delving deep into myself.

To be honest, at times, it was quite scary. I did not know what I would find there, and the ego does not die easily. Sometimes it is like falling into nothingness, like when you are drifting off to sleep and you suddenly jerk yourself awake. But in the nothingness is this calm, beautiful, peaceful energy, and if you decide to go down the path you may find yourself resting in it. I've found that the more time you spend in that quiet, peaceful place, the more it seems to shape your life when you are not in that state. And you begin to see beauty everywhere.

But I've found that if you continue the inner journey, you will find the real you that exists outside of time and space. The me that exists beyond the thoughts of who I "think" I am. The me that exists without the baggage of my past. The me that exists without my formulation of what I will be in the future. The me that exists Now and only Now. The me that just is.

It's kind of like The Matrix. My eyes have been suddenly and drastically opened to the world around me. I am of so much more aware of what is around me: aware of the breeze against my skin, the treetops dancing, my own breath... I am aware of the suffering in my own self, viewing it from a distance, letting it settle. Not judging it, but aware of it. I am acutely aware of the suffering of others too. As I’ve said in previous posts, results matter. All I know is that I am experiencing peace, joy and love. I am accepting the circumstances of life, not caught up in the past and future, without judgment. If that’s wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Yes, I could couch all this in "Christianized" terms like "metanoia" etc., But they are just terms speaking of the same thing that Buddhists have spoken of for thousands of years. Why reinvent the wheel? For those worried about keeping the Christian label on their faith, may I just say that I think Jesus was influenced more by Eastern religion than most of us think. I think Western Christianity could use to informed by Buddhist philosophy, and the contradictions are probably fewer than what is found in the Bible itself. But that’s another post….

"Good Stuff" Coming Soon

2008-09-20T10:07:00.002-05:00

I apologize for not getting to the "good stuff" sooner. I've been writing on it, but to be honest, it's hard to put the workings of the heart into words....and I've just started a new job, and my bro got married last night. Feeling a little rough today.

In the meantime here is a tidbit....

The mind does not like to be quiet. It thrives on creating problems, solving problems etc. Have you ever noticed the steady stream of thoughts during your day? Are they usually about the past or future? What kind of feelings do they produce?

How often do you really quiet your mind? Have you tried? What happened in your experience?

Preface to the "Good Stuff"

2008-09-13T11:34:00.004-05:00

We have been on a long spiritual journey. It's been messy, but beautiful. You can read my past posts over the last 5 or 6 years to get a glimpse. The journey has been life-long, but more recently started with questioning if institutional forms of church were helpful in the spiritual journey. I can say that it was not very helpful for me. Additionally, I had serious reservations about attending church with a group of people that believed if a person did not believe in a literal 6-day creation they were not a Christian. That led me to question my understanding of the Bible, how it should be used and it's place in my journey. A process which is still in play...

Let's just say that I would have been considered an exclusivist and an absolutists when it came to Christianity. I held beliefs about Christianity that were intellectually and spiritually arrogant, and misinformed. Part of this journey has been an investigation of science and religion and how they compliment each other which has led me to question my position. The investigation is ongoing and incomplete, but essentially I am asking:

What is the common theme behind our world's religions, and does that tell me anything about human nature in general and what we are seeking?

What does it tell me about the God who created this beautifully diverse world as well as our vast universe?

What philosophies and traditions help me understand the universe and our place in it, the world in which I live, and which produce real, lasting results in my life?

I listened to a lot of Christian radio as a new Christian in Texas. Most of it was radically conservative to the point that they manufactured solutions to refute scientific evidence about the age of the earth, Darwinism etc. Can I just say that if religion or philosophy completely flies in the face of science there is a good chance that its in error? Science is mostly interested in finding truth (meaning, "saying of something that is, that it is"). I just cannot believe that reason has to be thrown out in order to be spiritual person. So, I have remained open to psychology and quantum physics etc. and what they have to say about the universe and the mind.

I am not concerned with the language and labels of Christianity in this journey. If Christianity is what I was taught it is, "the only religion that makes it possible to have a true relationship with God", then it will rise to the top of list. I am not forsaking Christianity, but trying to rightly see its place in the scheme of all religions. I am not forsaking the Bible but trying to see it for what it is and use it appropriately. However, because I have been so ignorant of other religions, traditions, philosophies and sciences I feel that I need to "distance" myself from it for awhile in order to get a better overview.

I'm sure there are plenty of "holes" in my thinking here. I'm not a scientist, or a religious scholar. I'm just a dude that is doing the best he can living life and trying to understand his place in it. I don't know what I will find in the end, but I do know that God is big enough to handle the questions. I am not afraid.

In the end all of the theories and philosophies we have been taught come down to experience. What real, tangible difference does it make in your life? You will have to find that out for yourself...and that's what I'm doing.

The Incredible Collapsing Ego

2008-09-11T08:07:00.000-05:00

It's funny. I was just accused of having a "rosie world view". Most people who know me would never say that! I'm a pessimist by nature and I have a knack for finding something wrong with just about everything. Hell, I've been unemployed for nearly six months! I can tell you for a fact this "rosieness" is not the "normal" me. This change in attitude is one of the main reasons that I continue on the spiritual path that I'm on. There are results. Change for the better. Life. Peace. So, I'll take that as a compliment!

Around about the time I quit my job I had a very powerful spiritual experience. I was in a lot of emotional, psychological and spiritual pain. I was confused, hurt and angry. Life was not turning out how I planned it. Our business plans were shot dead. I was in a dead-end, high stress job working with people that were not even civil a lot of the time. Blah, blah, blah... I guess all the years of wrestling with church and God, and all disappointments finally took there tole.

Then one day as I was driving to work, in that extreme pain, I found myself almost being an observer of myself. That's really the best way I can explain it. Then all of the sudden I felt peace. Not just relief, but probably what Paul talked about when he said, "peace that passes understanding." The tears began to flow. And then I had clarity. I knew I had to quit my job. So I did, not knowing exactly how we would get by. I don't know, you could call it faith, or stupidity. Maybe both.

I couldn't explain exactly what had happened. There was nothing in my christian experience that would explain it except that I had experienced this one other time, when I was first baptized as a new christian. What I experienced then, and many time since, can be best explained as a sudden collapse of the ego. The pain that I was in was caused by resisting what was.

I just could not understand how I could be a "child of God", a "follower of Jesus", a person of the "kingdom of God", a "worship leader" that gave up a great job to help bring people into the "kingdom" etc. and still be fed a shit sandwich in life. Why would a God who cared about his children allow that (feel free to look at my past posts for more on that)? In essence, I was unable to accept what was. I was fighting the Now because christianity had taught me about a God who does miracles, who blesses "his own" etc.

I had just turned 40 years old. Half my life was gone. What did i have to show for it? I was without a career, unemployed, unhappy, angry, mean and lost. All of this suffering because I had a wrong view of God, reality and how life really works.

I'll get into what has happened since in another post. That's the good stuff!!!

The End of the World...Tomorrow?

2008-09-09T07:27:00.002-05:00

They fire this thing up tomorrow....they could end the world, or find the fingerprint of God. Either way it's all good.

Political News Coverage

2008-09-06T09:17:00.002-05:00

With all of the political B.S. going around in this election year I've struggled to find unbiased, balanced and fair coverage. I may have found the only source you will need to fully understand the complicated issues surrounding this year's election right HERE.

The Ego and Sin

2008-09-04T11:57:00.004-05:00

I've been giving some thought and experiencing some interesting results from looking into Buddhism. Quite honestly, some aspects of Buddhism describe the universe and my experiences far better than the Christian tradition I was raised in.

Homebrewer brought up an interesting point in the last post about the ego that I'd like to flesh out here.

My understanding of the ego is that part of my mind which is primarily and ferociously concerned with survival. It is concerned with the past and future and knows nothing of the Now. It identifies and labels form and experience and shoves it in a box (nationalism for example). It attaches my identity to various forms (could be a particular car, designer label, brand, role, job etc.) It causes an endless stream of thinking which feeds physical reactions (emotions) which then fuel more thoughts. It tells me that I am separate, different, and essentially alone. It produces confusion, pride, separateness, self-centeredness, greed, defensiveness and desire, all which lead to suffering.

I am thinking that this is what is called sin in Genesis. The OT writers were trying to describe the reason that our best intentions turn to crap. Why would we forsake a perfect existence with God in a beautiful garden? The ego. Instead of resting in perfect union and peace Adam and Eve viewed themselves as separate from God and made their own judgments and decisions. They wanted an identity of their own.

And what happens? Their "eyes were opened", they "knew they were naked", and they "hid themselves from God's presence". They chose their ego over God and God let them have the consequences of that choice. A life dominated by the ego and separate from God. Not only are they separate from God, but Cain and Abel show us that we are separate from each other too!

Perhaps we are not trapped by our ego. Perhaps Jesus was describing a new way to live that we turned in to theories of salvation. Perhaps we are not separate from God and each other. Perhaps the ego is an illusion that is kept alive by our overactive minds.

I'd love to hear your thoughts....

Who Am I?

2008-08-25T20:34:00.007-05:00

I am a son.
I am a brother.
I am a husband.
I am a dad.
I am a musician.
I am an American.
I am a cigar smoker.
I am a beer drinker.
I am a bicyclist.
I am a college graduate.
I am an employee.
I am a co-worker.
I am a neighbor.
I am a friend.
I am a seeker.

One day all that I think I am will cease to be. The boxes that I put myself in will disintegrate like wet cardboard. My five senses, in which I put so much trust, will fade away. My nationality, my likes and dislikes, my habits, my education, my belief systems, my relationships and my titles will mean nothing. The world will disappear. Who am I then?

In that moment, as my ego dies, I will exist stripped of all that I think I am and find that...

I AM.

Who are you?

Mind/Ego/Spirit

2008-08-09T10:15:00.003-05:00

I'm really enjoying the conversation here. There is a lot of fertile spiritual ground to be mined in the discussion of how our ego effects our spiritual life and vice versa.

The Danger of the Experiment

2008-08-02T07:55:00.001-05:00

One of the pitfalls of living life as an experiment without the "leash" of religious authorities is that we guide the experiment ourselves. We are the mad scientist! That means that my experiences, ego, thoughts etc., define the parameters of the experiment for better or worse.

The limits of my experiences, ego, thoughts etc. can be both positive and negative. The benefit is that I can freely experiment to find the concepts, ideas, and practices that seem to help me observe, understand and live a spiritual life. The negative is that I can become content with less than God has to offer.

The main issue that I see with experimenting with spirituality is that I can endlessly chase my whims. My psychological, emotional, mental and physical predispositions, as well as the experiences I've had, cause me to limit and choose particular spiritual experiences that align with my dispositions. For instance, if I am an intellectual person that has issues with personal relationships I may chose to pursue solitary, intellectual spiritual experiences because that is what I am comfortable with, finding myself satisfied with far less than what God has to offer in the totality of spiritual experience.

For instance, lets say that coming from a non-religious background I am completely satisfied with my experience of going to church every Sunday to fulfill my obligation, ease my guilt and talk to some friends. I have no nagging sense of anything missing in my life, and feel like I am walking with God and leading a "spiritual life". In my opinion, I would be satisfied with far less than God has to offer. Satisfaction is not the same as spirituality, though may be a part of it.

Buddhism teaches that our experience of the world can be understood as ten basic life states called Ten Worlds. I've found this way of understanding life useful in understanding myself and others. In this understanding of the world, tranquility, basically understood as satisfaction, is an experience of calm, peacefulness, and reason. Nothing wrong with that, but each level can also have negative aspects. Tranquility can also lead to laziness, inactivity and passivity. In addition, tranquility is only the fifth level of ten. So if I believe that satisfaction is the goal of life, I have in effect, limited my spiritual experience.

So, what is the solution? I believe that occasionally forcing myself to learn, study and experience spirituality that is outside my limited experiences and understanding may be a healthy way to overcome the danger in the experiment. How else could I know if there are spiritual practices, theories or experiences in this beautifully diverse world that may be helpful in my journey?

Monotheism and Hate

2008-07-28T10:25:00.002-05:00

Does monotheism lead to hate?

One critic of religious faith that I've recently read claims that monotheism, in general, seems to foster intolerance. It's hard to argue against it in our current world climate. Judaism has done nothing to foster a resolution with the Palestinians, Muslims are blowing themselves up everyday in the name of Allah, and fundamentalist Christians feel the need to wipe out what they consider to be social liberals.

I don't know if the problem is monotheism itself, but I find it interesting that there is a move toward the extremes in monotheistic religions. On the one side we have "liberal monotheism", influenced by existentialism, that must dismiss a large portion of the scriptures upon which they are based, and on the other hand "fundamentalist monotheism" which turns those same scriptures into fuel for hate and violence.

Perhaps these extremes are what happens when people who have not had an authentic religious experience take control of religious institutions.

What do you think?

Life Is An Experiment

2008-07-19T14:28:00.000-05:00

You can tell a toddler that he will fall and hurt himself if he hangs upside-down off the end of the couch. I've not seen a toddler yet that didn't have to find out the truth for himself. Maybe it's something built into our genes. It's just how humans learn.

I believe life is an experiment. We push and pull, give and take, crawl, walk, run all in experimental fashion...we succeed, and we fail, and we learn. We learn what music we like. We learn what diet makes us feel good. We learn what our body can do, and can't do. . .

Why is it different when it comes to spirituality?

I read an article recently that brought home the point. One of the latest studies seems to imply that a large portion of people either dismiss or don't know the fundamental teaching of their faith. I'm no sociologist, but I think one reason is that most people attending organized religious institutions trust their religious leaders to learn, know and diseminate the truth for them. Therefore, they have a limited understanding and experience of their own belief system.

Can I just be honest here? Modern Christianity does not facilitate personal responsibility, and that is a serious liability for any person seeking a spiritual life, and assures the dysfunction of the institution.

When I became a Christian I jumped in with both feet. I wanted to know God, to feel loved by God, to experience talking with and listening to God the way they did in the Bible. So I experimented. I went to church. I took responsibility for my education and went to bible college. But at some point I began to just accept what the educated experts had to say about spirituality and life. I made the assumption that people who were Christians for a long time had experienced deep connection with God, so just did what they did. I tried to cram my experience into the box for a lot of years.

The Apostle Paul said to "work out your own salvation with fear and trembling". (On a side note, Buddha said "Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others" about 500 years earlier.)

I have the choice to blindly accept what "talking heads", experts, and the educated have to say about a particular topic, or I can find out for myself. I've decided to find out for myself.

When I remove the religious authorities from my life the experiment becomes my own. I own it. I begin to be aware of the beliefs and practices that are helpful, useless, or harmful in my life. I begin to see which belief systems best explain the universe as I perceive it. I take personal responsibility for my spiritual journey.

Melvin Klegerman says, "The concept of religion as a universal paradigm means that each person becomes a scientist experimenting with his or her own life, over which he or she has total control."

These are not experiences that I was forced into in order to belong to a religious club. They are not the experiences that a religious leader said I "should have". They are not the experiences of a "church father" from long ago in a distant country. They are mine!

So here's wishing you good questions, spiritual success and failure as you experiment, and a life filled with the freedom and adventure of this beautiful mystery that is life.

P.S. Yes, there are risks involved in taking personal responsibility for our spiritual life, and I may address them in a later post. But I think the benefits far outweigh the risks.

Crash and Burn

2008-07-03T13:22:00.001-05:00

My hard drive crashed. Posting from the library.... May be awhile before I post again.

Nothing personal...

Dobson and Obama

2008-06-27T07:29:00.003-05:00

Jon Stewart calls out James Dobson regarding his comments about Obama. I can't believe I used to listen to this guy's radio show. Funny stuff!

Click here to watch.

Chiggers

2008-06-24T07:24:00.003-05:00

Okay, no one wants to discuss Freewill and Ethics, so what is your best chigger bite remedy?

A nice memento of my mountain biking day with Homebrewer....

Free Will and Ethics

2008-06-22T09:16:00.003-05:00

Why Materialists Cheat

The 2008 Shift Report: Changing the Story of Our Future, published by the Institute of Noetic Sciences, recently arrived at the offices of WIE. Among its many other compelling facts, we were struck by this description of an experiment conducted by Kathleen Vohs of the University of Minnesota and Jonathan Schooler of the University of British Columbia that investigated the ways in which believing, or disbelieving, in free will affects moral choices:

[W]hat one believes about free will has an important social consequence.... In the Vohs and Schooler study, [some] participants read passages from The Astonishing Hypothesis by Nobel laureate biologist Francis Crick, which promotes the idea that free will is an illusion: “Who you are is nothing but a pack of neurons.” Others read more neutral statements as a control condition. The results of the study showed that participants who read [Crick's] anti-free will statements were significantly more likely to cheat on several experimental tasks. If exposure to [anti-free will messages] increases the likelihood of unethical actions, then what does this same message, repeated by authoritative scientists and promoted by the media, do to societal behavior?

Interesting. If we are told a bunch of neurons have burned in pathways in our brain that determines our behavior we are likely to be unethical.

I wonder what would happen if they would have said:

You are bunch of neurons, in fact you have as many neurons as there are stars in the universe, with potential to be as creative, beautiful and destructive as the universe itself.

Suffering

2008-06-17T14:25:00.003-05:00

The Buddha's discovery to end the problem of suffering started with the realization that life is suffering. Now I had to think about that for awhile. I'm not that sharp, you know. Yeah, I know you know.

Anyway, what I get from this is, that as long as we are alive we will suffer in some form. Birth is a beautiful suffering event form mother and baby. Many people are tortured with mental suffering from abuse, guilt, and psychological disorders. Most of us have one physical malady or another at the least. We have lost loved ones in tragic accidents, or simply from old age. Yes, perhaps to live is to suffer.

As a species, in general, we do not like to suffer. How many inventions, rationalizations and myths have we used to circumvent or delay suffering? Air Conditioning, Refrigerators, Spinal Blocks, Multiple Personality Disorder, and thousands of drugs invented to delay death and ease suffering. . . I could go on, and all would be attempted solutions to the problem of suffering.

Here's the kicker: Most of these "solutions" cause us to suffer even deeper. For instance, a person may develop Multiple Personality Disorder (or a host of other disorders) as a way to deal with a terrible experience and avoid suffering. As we know, psychological disorders are not a path to life without suffering. We create antibiotics to cure bacterial infections, and then we overuse them and develop resistant strains of bacteria for which there is no cure. We create technology that does the "hard work" for us and we get fat and live with lower back pain from sitting on our asses all day. We extend our lives with wonder drugs to cure every ailment, and often wind up in nursing homes with little quality of life. . . Again, I could go on.

Maybe the solution is simply to do as the Buddah said, and accept that suffering is part of life.

What do you think?

Question For You

2008-06-16T08:33:00.001-05:00

If you could have witnessed any part of the Gospels first hand, which would it have been?

Freedom and/or Paranoia?

2008-06-06T08:46:00.005-05:00

Call me crazy (most people do), but I had some real issues with a letter that came home from my daughter's middle school stating that they were going to have random searches involving police dogs while the kids were at there. It really didn't make me happy when my daughter came home and said it was scary. Not only does it bring about visions Nazi POW camps, but they are treating the good kids criminals, which make up the vast majority of the school. I also just don't like the fact that she will have police dogs barking through the halls as a memory of her school experience.

Next, we have all these red light cameras appearing in our town with no warning. I don't like these things in the first place, but they seem to be appearing at EVERY red light in town. Then I read this article today about a town nearby putting up surveillance cameras everywhere even though the town does not have a crime problem!!! These cameras can zoom in from one mile away. The town has NO written policy regarding the cameras which allows them to use them as they see fit.

I may be paranoid, but I have to say that I called this one.

Coming soon, to a town near you....

“Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security will not have, nor do they deserve, either one.” -Ben Franklin (maybe)

What's your thought?

2008-06-05T08:05:00.003-05:00

"Something religious is going on even in scientific work, not in the scientific information itself but in the commitment to the idea that the universe is intelligible and truth is worth seeking. Those are religious convictions. You can't prove scientifically that truth is worth seeking, but it's the conviction that it is worth seeking that underlies all good science. Religion lifts this up and makes it more explicit. It symbolically names that depth, that truth, that meaning, and refers to it in Western theology as God or Allah, or in Eastern thought as Brahman or Tao." - John Haught (Georgetown University)

What is your thought about why we seek truth as species?

Wahoo!!

2008-06-02T14:48:00.002-05:00

Just purchased this. Now I need to get these.

Weirdness

2008-06-01T07:56:00.002-05:00

We have some wonderful neighbors in our neighborhood! I've never lived anywhere quite like this.

Anyway, we were over at "the girls" house last evening, having a few beers, and we started talking about "spiritual things". We told them that we knew we were weird because we have this intense spiritual journey that most "normal" people don't seem to ever think about.

I guess I am ruined. I just can't help but look at the beauty and diversity of nature and people and see God...

Chip off the ole block?

2008-05-26T08:40:00.004-05:00

So my oldest daughter was invited to an award ceremony at her middle school. I didn't think it was going to be a big deal, but she won three awards, including the citizenship award. Here is what the citizenship award is for:

Citizenship:

WE looked for students who exhibited the following standards:

These standards include demonstrating pride and respect towards school, peers, and adults, showing maximum effort in school and other activities, and modeling a positive attitude everyday.

Internally, these students possess strength of character and the courage to make good choices on a regular basis.

The only award I ever received in Middle School was to detention every Saturday.... I love to see that her experience is so different from mine....

Happiness

2008-05-02T06:55:00.004-05:00

I posted awhile back that I think the best way to live life is to accept what is without judging it. The fact is, I am not a good judge of what will make me happy. If my circumstances, or objects in this world do not truly bring me happiness, what does? Where does happiness come from?

I happened across this video that attempts answers some these questions from the point of view of psychology. The bottom line is that we make ourselves happy, and science proves it.

Mat 5:8 "You're blessed when you get your inside world--your mind and heart--put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/97

Jill Bolte Taylor: My stroke of insight

2008-05-01T10:58:00.003-05:00

I happened across this video and found it very interesting. If you are interested in a place where spirituality and science meet, you might find it interesting too. I haven't had a stroke (as far as I know), but I think I've become a lot more right-brained lately.

I couldn't help but think of the following verse:

Mat 10:6-7
But rather go to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. And as you go, proclaim, saying, The kingdom of Heaven is at hand.

Seems to be slow to load. Here is the link.

Live the Questions Now

2008-04-18T12:26:00.000-05:00

...I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903
in Letters to a Young Poet

American Beauty

2008-04-04T07:07:00.003-05:00

In 1999 I was in the middle of institutional Christianity and never saw American Beauty. I kept coming across the movie in blogs and different things I've read, so we decided to rent it. Interesting timing....I guess it was blacklisted because the the guy tries to seduce his daughter's friend.

Never mind that the seduction was part of Lester's spiritual awakening, and that he never actually went through with it! (Please see the post below about not being able to judge "good and bad" without all of the information.)

I was struck on MANY levels how similar my life has been to Lester's in the last couple of years. A long, painful realization that I am loved, that I am whole, that life is beautiful...

I guess I could be pretty pissed off
about what happened to me,
but it's hard to stay mad when
there's so much beauty in the world.

Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing
it all at once and it's too much.
My heart fills up like a balloon
that's about to burst.
                 
And then I remember
to relax...      
and stop trying
to hold on to it.
                 
And then it flows
through me like rain,
and I can't feel anything
but gratitude...
                
for every single moment...
of my stupid little life.

You have no idea what
I'm talking about, I'm sure.
                 
But don't worry...
               
You will someday.

-Lester

Resistance is Futile!

2008-04-02T08:02:00.002-05:00

I have come to a place in my life where I am not sure I am the best person to judge what is good and bad in my life. I tried to explain this to a friend the other day, but it’s hard to explain ideas that have taken years of life experience to form. I guess I could call it “The Principle of Non-resistance.” It is simply accepting what is, without judging it. I think Jesus implies this way of life in the way he lived, and what he taught, and it has brought peace in my life.

Let me give some background. Those who know me, know that I like to ask questions about life, and you can read my past posts for some of the struggles I’ve had with Institutional Church and with my personal relationship with God. I just could not figure out for the life of me why, if God is a personal God, interested in blessing those who are His, he would not heal His own. I could not understand why I could pour my heart out in prayer for children who were losing their mind in the BD classroom I worked in, and it would have absolutely no affect. I could not understand how I could have sacrificed a good career and friendships to enter full-time ministry and it turn out so badly. I could not understand why a large number of “sold-out Christians” had to use such great effort to conjur up an experience with God that should flow naturally if we have His Spirit in us. These are a few examples of what I was seeing in life.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I had a part in all these issues that I am more than willing to own up to. But hey, I’m just a mere human. Fallible. Weak. Ignorant. God should be able to overcome any of my petty weaknesses and make these situations “right”! But He either doesn’t work like that, or chooses not to make them “right”. At least not my idea of “right”.

At the time these things were excruciatingly painful. I resisted them because I could not understand how a loving, personal God would allow them. All of the situations I’ve mentioned above have been instrumental in making me who I am, and coming to an understanding of life that is non-resistant and peaceful. While I was in the middle of the storm I could not see the sunshine on the other side. I could not see the blessing. So, who am I to judge the situations in my life? How can I possibly label situations as good and bad when I do not have all of the information? Why would I want to when labeling brings discontent, misunderstanding, frustration, anxiety and depression?

I think this is what Jesus was getting at when he said, “ Do not resist evil” and “Let your Yes be Yes, and your No be No.”

So here is the understanding I’ve come to. God has a reason to let the universe unfold as it does. Accept what is. Resistance if futile.

Mat 5:37 Just say 'yes' and 'no.' When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong.
Mat 5:38 "Here's another old saying that deserves a second look: 'Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.'
Mat 5:39 Is that going to get us anywhere? Here's what I propose: 'Don't hit back at all.' If someone strikes you, stand there and take it.
Mat 5:40 If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it.
Mat 5:41 And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life.
Mat 5:42 No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.
Mat 5:43 "You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.'
Mat 5:44 I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer,
Mat 5:45 for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best--the sun to warm and the rain to nourish--to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty.
Mat 5:46 If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that.
Mat 5:47 If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.
Mat 5:48 "In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.

Mat 6:31 What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving.
Mat 6:32 People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works.
Mat 6:33 Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
Mat 6:34 "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Questioning Everything?

2008-04-01T10:56:00.002-05:00

I was with some friends and we were talking about our spiritual journeys. One person said that she had to give herself permission to question EVERYTHING.

Is that okay?

What if the questions you ask make people you love scared or angry?

What happens when the answers are not considered "orthodox"?

What happens when the answers conflict with institutional versions of "the truth"?

Hello Angry Christians

2008-03-29T18:58:00.004-05:00

I used to be one of the people he is talking about.... While I don't agree with everything he says, I think we could have a cup of coffee now.

Now

2008-03-28T16:13:00.003-05:00

Here is some stuff I wrote awhile back. I don't know if it still applies, but this represents part of my journey....

I gave Christianity my all. I studied the Bible. I prayed. I volunteered. I worked as a full-time youth worker. I wrote songs. I attended accountability groups. I led small groups. I participated in worship events. I had spiritual experiences. But, looking back, in the end, Christianity did not change me on a fundamental level. I’m not sure the things that did change, needed to be changed in the first place.

Let me give an example. I studied the Bible believing that if I did I would be closer to God, experience God, and be a more useful Christian. I went to Bible College and learned about textual, historical and literary criticism. But for all that knowledge I was never truly at peace. I was never comfortable with who I was in the moment. I was still seeking, still striving, still angry, still restless…still searching.

I am not saying that I never experienced peace. What I am saying is that most of the things that I did and experienced never helped me with the core issues of life. The answers that I got for the big questions only satisfied me for a short time, but over the long haul the questions and doubts crept back in to my heart. I was still searching for validation outside of myself. Something that would make me more “completely myself.” Those things simply are not found in the Bible, or in church, or in the things we do in, and for, any institution.

Not only did the things I do not really help me spiritually, but my thoughts were almost always past or future based. Remembering past events that shaped me (usually for the worse). Looking forward to heaven. Looking forward to the day that I would be free from sin in general, or free from a particular temptation. Believing that suffering now would be turned to joy in the future. Looking forward to the day I would be more loving, more gracious, more at peace... and I was never taught that joy is only available NOW. Inner peace is only available NOW. Peace with God is only available NOW. The most holy moment is NOW. In fact, the ONLY moment is NOW!

It has taken me leaving the Institutional Church. Laying down the things I’ve been taught. Challenging my own beliefs. Asking questions that “shouldn’t be asked.” Crawling through depression so thick that it felt like jello. Feeling no hope, no desire, no motivation. Searching, and finding nothing… coming to the end of my self I begin to realize that under all my effort, under all my beliefs, beneath all my thoughts, there was a beautiful connection with God that transcended my striving, believing and thinking.

I rest. And in that stillness I understand freedom.

The Perfect Night

2008-03-26T10:24:00.003-05:00

My perfect night would consist of:

Hanging out with my hot wife.

Listening to a great live jamband.

Drinking good ale and smoking good cigars.

Talking to people about spirituality, religion, and philosophy.

It was a perfect night!