Free Will and Ethics

Why Materialists Cheat

The 2008 Shift Report: Changing the Story of Our Future, published by the Institute of Noetic Sciences, recently arrived at the offices of WIE. Among its many other compelling facts, we were struck by this description of an experiment conducted by Kathleen Vohs of the University of Minnesota and Jonathan Schooler of the University of British Columbia that investigated the ways in which believing, or disbelieving, in free will affects moral choices:

[W]hat one believes about free will has an important social consequence.... In the Vohs and Schooler study, [some] participants read passages from The Astonishing Hypothesis by Nobel laureate biologist Francis Crick, which promotes the idea that free will is an illusion: “Who you are is nothing but a pack of neurons.” Others read more neutral statements as a control condition. The results of the study showed that participants who read [Crick's] anti-free will statements were significantly more likely to cheat on several experimental tasks. If exposure to [anti-free will messages] increases the likelihood of unethical actions, then what does this same message, repeated by authoritative scientists and promoted by the media, do to societal behavior?

Interesting. If we are told a bunch of neurons have burned in pathways in our brain that determines our behavior we are likely to be unethical.

I wonder what would happen if they would have said:

You are bunch of neurons, in fact you have as many neurons as there are stars in the universe, with potential to be as creative, beautiful and destructive as the universe itself.

Suffering

The Buddha's discovery to end the problem of suffering started with the realization that life is suffering. Now I had to think about that for awhile. I'm not that sharp, you know. Yeah, I know you know.

Anyway, what I get from this is, that as long as we are alive we will suffer in some form. Birth is a beautiful suffering event form mother and baby. Many people are tortured with mental suffering from abuse, guilt, and psychological disorders. Most of us have one physical malady or another at the least. We have lost loved ones in tragic accidents, or simply from old age. Yes, perhaps to live is to suffer.

As a species, in general, we do not like to suffer. How many inventions, rationalizations and myths have we used to circumvent or delay suffering? Air Conditioning, Refrigerators, Spinal Blocks, Multiple Personality Disorder, and thousands of drugs invented to delay death and ease suffering. . . I could go on, and all would be attempted solutions to the problem of suffering.

Here's the kicker: Most of these "solutions" cause us to suffer even deeper. For instance, a person may develop Multiple Personality Disorder (or a host of other disorders) as a way to deal with a terrible experience and avoid suffering. As we know, psychological disorders are not a path to life without suffering. We create antibiotics to cure bacterial infections, and then we overuse them and develop resistant strains of bacteria for which there is no cure. We create technology that does the "hard work" for us and we get fat and live with lower back pain from sitting on our asses all day. We extend our lives with wonder drugs to cure every ailment, and often wind up in nursing homes with little quality of life. . . Again, I could go on.

Maybe the solution is simply to do as the Buddah said, and accept that suffering is part of life.

What do you think?

Question For You

If you could have witnessed any part of the Gospels first hand, which would it have been?

Freedom and/or Paranoia?

Call me crazy (most people do), but I had some real issues with a letter that came home from my daughter's middle school stating that they were going to have random searches involving police dogs while the kids were at there. It really didn't make me happy when my daughter came home and said it was scary. Not only does it bring about visions Nazi POW camps, but they are treating the good kids criminals, which make up the vast majority of the school. I also just don't like the fact that she will have police dogs barking through the halls as a memory of her school experience.

Next, we have all these red light cameras appearing in our town with no warning. I don't like these things in the first place, but they seem to be appearing at EVERY red light in town. Then I read this article today about a town nearby putting up surveillance cameras everywhere even though the town does not have a crime problem!!! These cameras can zoom in from one mile away. The town has NO written policy regarding the cameras which allows them to use them as they see fit.

I may be paranoid, but I have to say that I called this one.

Coming soon, to a town near you....

“Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security will not have, nor do they deserve, either one.” -Ben Franklin (maybe)

What's your thought?

"Something religious is going on even in scientific work, not in the scientific information itself but in the commitment to the idea that the universe is intelligible and truth is worth seeking. Those are religious convictions. You can't prove scientifically that truth is worth seeking, but it's the conviction that it is worth seeking that underlies all good science. Religion lifts this up and makes it more explicit. It symbolically names that depth, that truth, that meaning, and refers to it in Western theology as God or Allah, or in Eastern thought as Brahman or Tao." - John Haught (Georgetown University)

What is your thought about why we seek truth as species?

Wahoo!!

Just purchased this. Now I need to get these.

Weirdness

We have some wonderful neighbors in our neighborhood! I've never lived anywhere quite like this.

Anyway, we were over at "the girls" house last evening, having a few beers, and we started talking about "spiritual things". We told them that we knew we were weird because we have this intense spiritual journey that most "normal" people don't seem to ever think about.

I guess I am ruined. I just can't help but look at the beauty and diversity of nature and people and see God...

Chip off the ole block?

So my oldest daughter was invited to an award ceremony at her middle school. I didn't think it was going to be a big deal, but she won three awards, including the citizenship award. Here is what the citizenship award is for:

Citizenship:

WE looked for students who exhibited the following standards:

These standards include demonstrating pride and respect towards school, peers, and adults, showing maximum effort in school and other activities, and modeling a positive attitude everyday.

Internally, these students possess strength of character and the courage to make good choices on a regular basis.

The only award I ever received in Middle School was to detention every Saturday.... I love to see that her experience is so different from mine....

Happiness

I posted awhile back that I think the best way to live life is to accept what is without judging it. The fact is, I am not a good judge of what will make me happy. If my circumstances, or objects in this world do not truly bring me happiness, what does? Where does happiness come from?

I happened across this video that attempts answers some these questions from the point of view of psychology. The bottom line is that we make ourselves happy, and science proves it.

Mat 5:8 "You're blessed when you get your inside world--your mind and heart--put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/97

Jill Bolte Taylor: My stroke of insight

I happened across this video and found it very interesting. If you are interested in a place where spirituality and science meet, you might find it interesting too. I haven't had a stroke (as far as I know), but I think I've become a lot more right-brained lately.

I couldn't help but think of the following verse:

Mat 10:6-7
But rather go to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. And as you go, proclaim, saying, The kingdom of Heaven is at hand.

Seems to be slow to load. Here is the link.

Live the Questions Now

...I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903
in Letters to a Young Poet

American Beauty

In 1999 I was in the middle of institutional Christianity and never saw American Beauty. I kept coming across the movie in blogs and different things I've read, so we decided to rent it. Interesting timing....I guess it was blacklisted because the the guy tries to seduce his daughter's friend.

Never mind that the seduction was part of Lester's spiritual awakening, and that he never actually went through with it! (Please see the post below about not being able to judge "good and bad" without all of the information.)

I was struck on MANY levels how similar my life has been to Lester's in the last couple of years. A long, painful realization that I am loved, that I am whole, that life is beautiful...

I guess I could be pretty pissed off
about what happened to me,
but it's hard to stay mad when
there's so much beauty in the world.

Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing
it all at once and it's too much.
My heart fills up like a balloon
that's about to burst.
                 
And then I remember
to relax...      
and stop trying
to hold on to it.
                 
And then it flows
through me like rain,
and I can't feel anything
but gratitude...
                
for every single moment...
of my stupid little life.

You have no idea what
I'm talking about, I'm sure.
                 
But don't worry...
               
You will someday.

-Lester

Resistance is Futile!

I have come to a place in my life where I am not sure I am the best person to judge what is good and bad in my life. I tried to explain this to a friend the other day, but it’s hard to explain ideas that have taken years of life experience to form. I guess I could call it “The Principle of Non-resistance.” It is simply accepting what is, without judging it. I think Jesus implies this way of life in the way he lived, and what he taught, and it has brought peace in my life.

Let me give some background. Those who know me, know that I like to ask questions about life, and you can read my past posts for some of the struggles I’ve had with Institutional Church and with my personal relationship with God. I just could not figure out for the life of me why, if God is a personal God, interested in blessing those who are His, he would not heal His own. I could not understand why I could pour my heart out in prayer for children who were losing their mind in the BD classroom I worked in, and it would have absolutely no affect. I could not understand how I could have sacrificed a good career and friendships to enter full-time ministry and it turn out so badly. I could not understand why a large number of “sold-out Christians” had to use such great effort to conjur up an experience with God that should flow naturally if we have His Spirit in us. These are a few examples of what I was seeing in life.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I had a part in all these issues that I am more than willing to own up to. But hey, I’m just a mere human. Fallible. Weak. Ignorant. God should be able to overcome any of my petty weaknesses and make these situations “right”! But He either doesn’t work like that, or chooses not to make them “right”. At least not my idea of “right”.

At the time these things were excruciatingly painful. I resisted them because I could not understand how a loving, personal God would allow them. All of the situations I’ve mentioned above have been instrumental in making me who I am, and coming to an understanding of life that is non-resistant and peaceful. While I was in the middle of the storm I could not see the sunshine on the other side. I could not see the blessing. So, who am I to judge the situations in my life? How can I possibly label situations as good and bad when I do not have all of the information? Why would I want to when labeling brings discontent, misunderstanding, frustration, anxiety and depression?

I think this is what Jesus was getting at when he said, “ Do not resist evil” and “Let your Yes be Yes, and your No be No.”

So here is the understanding I’ve come to. God has a reason to let the universe unfold as it does. Accept what is. Resistance if futile.

Mat 5:37 Just say 'yes' and 'no.' When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong.
Mat 5:38 "Here's another old saying that deserves a second look: 'Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.'
Mat 5:39 Is that going to get us anywhere? Here's what I propose: 'Don't hit back at all.' If someone strikes you, stand there and take it.
Mat 5:40 If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it.
Mat 5:41 And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life.
Mat 5:42 No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.
Mat 5:43 "You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.'
Mat 5:44 I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer,
Mat 5:45 for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best--the sun to warm and the rain to nourish--to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty.
Mat 5:46 If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that.
Mat 5:47 If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.
Mat 5:48 "In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.


Mat 6:31 What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving.
Mat 6:32 People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works.
Mat 6:33 Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
Mat 6:34 "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Questioning Everything?

I was with some friends and we were talking about our spiritual journeys. One person said that she had to give herself permission to question EVERYTHING.

Is that okay?

What if the questions you ask make people you love scared or angry?

What happens when the answers are not considered "orthodox"?

What happens when the answers conflict with institutional versions of "the truth"?

Hello Angry Christians

I used to be one of the people he is talking about.... While I don't agree with everything he says, I think we could have a cup of coffee now.

Now

Here is some stuff I wrote awhile back. I don't know if it still applies, but this represents part of my journey....

I gave Christianity my all. I studied the Bible. I prayed. I volunteered. I worked as a full-time youth worker. I wrote songs. I attended accountability groups. I led small groups. I participated in worship events. I had spiritual experiences. But, looking back, in the end, Christianity did not change me on a fundamental level. I’m not sure the things that did change, needed to be changed in the first place.

Let me give an example. I studied the Bible believing that if I did I would be closer to God, experience God, and be a more useful Christian. I went to Bible College and learned about textual, historical and literary criticism. But for all that knowledge I was never truly at peace. I was never comfortable with who I was in the moment. I was still seeking, still striving, still angry, still restless…still searching.

I am not saying that I never experienced peace. What I am saying is that most of the things that I did and experienced never helped me with the core issues of life. The answers that I got for the big questions only satisfied me for a short time, but over the long haul the questions and doubts crept back in to my heart. I was still searching for validation outside of myself. Something that would make me more “completely myself.” Those things simply are not found in the Bible, or in church, or in the things we do in, and for, any institution.

Not only did the things I do not really help me spiritually, but my thoughts were almost always past or future based. Remembering past events that shaped me (usually for the worse). Looking forward to heaven. Looking forward to the day that I would be free from sin in general, or free from a particular temptation. Believing that suffering now would be turned to joy in the future. Looking forward to the day I would be more loving, more gracious, more at peace... and I was never taught that joy is only available NOW. Inner peace is only available NOW. Peace with God is only available NOW. The most holy moment is NOW. In fact, the ONLY moment is NOW!

It has taken me leaving the Institutional Church. Laying down the things I’ve been taught. Challenging my own beliefs. Asking questions that “shouldn’t be asked.” Crawling through depression so thick that it felt like jello. Feeling no hope, no desire, no motivation. Searching, and finding nothing… coming to the end of my self I begin to realize that under all my effort, under all my beliefs, beneath all my thoughts, there was a beautiful connection with God that transcended my striving, believing and thinking.

I rest. And in that stillness I understand freedom.

The Perfect Night

My perfect night would consist of:

Hanging out with my hot wife.

Listening to a great live jamband.

Drinking good ale and smoking good cigars.

Talking to people about spirituality, religion, and philosophy.

It was a perfect night!

DSO

I saw every tribe, nation and tongue singing together….funny thing is that it was here. Well, at the very least it was three generations of people from very different walks of life.

I'm such a wack-job...

I download the Drive-By-Truckers and then David Crowder's new album Remedy.

Been a long time...

It's been a long time since I posted. Nothing personal...just living life instead of writing about it. I've been thinking about writing about what has happened in the past couple of years. We'll see. The things I used to write about on this blog now seem trite and unimportant in light of what I've learned, what I've experienced, and what I am experiencing.

What a long strange trip it's been...

I'm Famous....Kinda....

Sorry for the silence here. Nothing much to say and busy moving and other stuff....

I got an email from my friend Shawn Young who is a professor at Greenville College where I was in the worship ensemble a few years ago. When the Iraq war started we wrote a song expressing our confusion called "Breathe on this Mess". Shawn submitted it to Brian McLaren's Emergent Village podcast and they used it!

Here is the link. You'll find the song at the end of the message....

Study: Americans Lonelier Than Ever

by UPI Wire
Jul 2, 2006

NEW YORK, July 2, 2006 (UPI) -- A sociological study from Duke and the University of Arizona found that most Americans have only two close confidantes, the New York Times reported Sunday. With the rise of the Internet, an increase in work hours and long commutes, and technology that discourages face-to-face interaction, the average American's connection to his or her community is weakening, the Times reported from the study.

Interesting. Maybe another place followers of Christ can make a difference in this world? Or maybe we can just be lonely together...

Good Stuff from Wayne

Sorry for the quiet on my blog. Life is going on and I am trying to live life with God rather than just talk about it. We are busy fixing up the house, writing music, getting the kids to where they need to go.... We are ready for some serious camping the next couple of weekends!

Check out Wayne's online MP3 teaching!!!! Wayne makes more sense than any other pastor/teacher I've heard!

Later!

Songwriters Festival bound!

Friendship, Songwriting, Nashville

We went to Ruma, IL last night (Population 260! Saaaaluute!) to meet up with a couple of guys that I met at a Songwriter's workshop. Really didn't know what to expect, but we had a great time. These guys are serious about making it and just pitched a couple of tunes to Tim McGraw's producer. We worked on a couple of tunes, but didn't really get anywhere. The important thing was hanging out and having fun! It's nice to hang with people that "get us". . .

I'm going to Nashville next weekend for a Songwriter's Festival. Not really going to do much other than get to know people and get a feel for what's going on in Music Town. I'm looking forward to it!

Last night

Trish and I went to Dave Matthew's Band concert last night! Freakin' awesome! The only bands I've seen that tight when playing the types of intricate arrangements that they do was in L.A. There are some jazz/fusion bands that do that kind of stuff, but not many pop bands. I can't think of a much better evening than hanging out with Trish listening to good music...

On the downside, this might be our only big concert of the year considering how expensive it was!

School Year in Review

My introduction to the world of the public school system was. . .well. . .interesting. I spent the last 9 months working as a Teacher's Asst. in a Behavior Disorder room with 4 other teachers and 7 kids. Almost all of these kids have endearing qualities, but unfortunately, most of those qualities are hidden behind emotional and psychological baggage that cause them to act out in ridiculous ways. Almost all of them have home lives that are a big contributor to their behavior. It is quite sad really.

I entered this job naively thinking that I could make a difference in these kids lives. I prayed for them everyday before school. I learned how to diffuse tense situations by watching the social worker. I learned to use restraint techniques, and used them when it was required (which was way to often!). I prayed for them while they were kicking and screaming and crying and threatening and throwing things and breaking things and . . .

If I measured the efficacy of prayer by results I would have to say that prayer is worthless. But I don't. Even if I don't see the results now, I can only hope that seeds were planted, and that somewhere down the line God will intervene in these kids lives in a dramatic way. Unfortunately, if He doesn't Law Enforcement probably will. . .

I don't have a guaranteed job next year, so I don't know if I will be back or not. We will see what God has in store. . .

The Birth of Love

By Madeleine L'Engle

To learn to love
is to be stripped of all love
until you are wholly without love
because
until you have gone
naked and afraid
into this cold dark place
where all love is taken from you
you will not know
that you are wholly within love.

American Idol Songwriting

Our family indulged in American Idol this year. I predicted Kat would win after I heard her in the first round. After Chris got the boot I figured something was rotten in Hollywood. I figured Taylor would win and I was right. The thing that struck me was listening to the hack craftsmanship of Taylor and Kat's singles! As someone who writes songs I always have an ear out for a good tune, and neither of those songs fit the bill! These guys should of had the pick of any song out there! I don't know who is picking their songs, but Kat had no chance to win because of her new single and that is pitiful in such a competition.

Mercy Now

Written by Mary Gauthier

My father could use a little mercy now
The fruits of his labor
Fall and rot slowly on the ground
His work is almost over
It won't be long and he won't be around
I love my father, and he could use some mercy now

My brother could use a little mercy now
He's a stranger to freedom
He's shackled to his fears and doubts
The pain that he lives in is
Almost more than living will allow
I love my brother, and he could use some mercy now

My church and my country could use a little mercy now
As they sink into a poisoned pit
That's going to take forever to climb out
They carry the weight of the faithful
Who follow them down
I love my church and country, and they could use some mercy now

Every living thing could use a little mercy now
Only the hand of grace can end the race
Towards another mushroom cloud
People in power, well
They'll do anything to keep their crown
I love life, and life itself could use some mercy now

Yeah, we all could use a little mercy now
I know we don't deserve it
But we need it anyhow
We hang in the balance
Dangle 'tween hell and hallowed ground
Every single one of us could use some mercy now
Every single one of us could use some mercy now
Every single one of us could use some mercy now

Lately

Just living life right now! A few more weeks of the school year left!!! YAHOO! I'm glad to be done, but there is no gaurantee of a job next year. So, I have the summer to figure it out.

I have been doing a lot of songwriting lately, and going to start some collabortion with some guys I met at a workshop. It has been a looong time since I have been this excited about music...some dreams had to die for some new ones to be born...

New Law

New Law

by Derek Webb

don’t teach me about politics and government
just tell me who to vote for

don’t teach me about truth and beauty
just label my music

don’t teach me how to live like a free man
just give me a new law

i don’t wanna know if the answers aren’t easy
so just bring it down from the mountain to me

(chorus)
i want a new law
i want a new law
gimme that new law

don’t teach me about moderation and liberty
i prefer a shot of grape juice

don’t teach me about loving my enemies

don’t teach me how to listen to the Spirit
just give me a new law

what’s the use in trading a law you can never keep
for one you can that cannot get you anything
do not be afraid
do not be afraid
do not be afraid

This guy is hitting the nail on the head! Check him out!

Songwriting

I guess I have low self-esteem. I have kind of discounted my musical and songwriting abilities as mediocre at best, so I haven't really persued it with any kind of passion. Lately, I've been doing some more writing (part of the reason my blog has been silent) and getting some ideas that I think are decent.

So I went to a songwriter's association meeting the other night and found out about a workshop. A couple of songwriter's from Nashville were going to do a seminar and critique songs. I figured I would go and see how my song does with some pros. So, I make the hour drive over there and pull up to the church where the seminar is held. I didn't know if I was pulling up to a church or a convention hall! This place was monsterous! I felt like I was entering the belly of the beast or something!

So, these Nashville guys are really cool, down to earth folks. They mainly write country and Christian stuff. One is a very good musician and okay lyricist and the other is the exact opposite. So they make a great team.

People started playing songs for them and quite honestly a lot of them were subpar, hobby kind of songs. Nothing wrong with that, but not even close to being on a profession level.

So I played my song that just wrote a week ago. I was a little nervous, but got through it alright. I was stunned with the response, both from the other songwriters and the Nashville guys. The guys from Nashville really thought I had a great start to a song and suggested a few edits that I could bring back the next day. Quite a few of the other songwriters wanted me to sing demos for them and cowrite with them. I was taken aback with all of the feedback.

The next day I came back with my song reworked and the Nashville guys said they really liked it and thought it was definately commercially marketable. They said I needed to think about going to Nashville to hook up with some other songwriters and sing demos....

I don't what God is doing here...But I am along for the ride...

Creativity

I believe that God is the ultimate in creativity. I also believe that creativity is one of the ways we express His image.

A funny thing happened to me on the way out of organized religion.

I got my creativity back.

I'm not saying it is organized religion's fault, but the fact is that I have been writing more and higher quality songs than I have in a long, long time. I can think of a couple of reasons off the top of my head why this might be happening. First, a large portion of my week is no longer taken up trying to make people do what they didn't want to do in the first place, or so frustrated and hurt with the organization that I couldn't think about much else. Now I have time to think, reflect, observe and write. Second, the filter through which I see the world is different. God is much larger. My world is much larger. Neither He, or I, are confined to four walls and a certain subgroup of people that meet within those walls.

So, last night I went to a songwriter's association meeting in a nearby town to meet some new folks and have a song critiqued. It was nice to be around some creative people. The song I presented was received well and I got some nice compliments. Much like our spiritual journey, I would love to find some people to collaborate with....but it will be in God's time....

Lines Scribbled on an Envelope While Riding The 104 Broaday Bus:

By Madeline L'Engle

There is too much pain
I cannot understand
I cannot pray

I cannot pray for all the little ones with bellies bloated by starvation in India;
for all the angry Africans striving to be separate in a world struggling for wholeness;
for all the young Chinese men and women taught that hatred and killing are good and compassion evil;
or even all the frightened people in my own city looking for truth in pot or acid.

Here I am
and the ugly man with beery breath beside me reminds me that
it is not my prayers that waken Your concern, my Lord;
my prayers, my intercessions are not to ask for Your love
for all Your lost and lonely ones,
your sick and sinning souls,
but mine,
my love,
my acceptance of your love.
Your love for the woman sticking her umbrella and her expensive parcels into my ribs and snarling, "Why don't you watch where you're going?"
Your love for the long-haired, gum-chewing boy who shoves the
the old lady aside to grab a seat,
Your love for me too, too tired to look with love,
too tired to look at Love, at You, in every person on the bus.
Expand my love, Lord, so I can help to bear the pain,
help your love move my love into the tired prostitute with false eyelashes and bunioned feet,
the corrupt policeman with his hand open for a graft,
the addict, the derelict, the woman in the mink coat and
discontented mouth,
the high school girl with heavy books and frightened eyes.

Help me through these scandalous particulars
to understand
Your love

Help me to pray.

Listening To The Story

I apologize for my lack of effort here. Just not motivated to write and busyness, sickness and family issues have taken a toll on my effort and time available.

I still plan on writing some more on The Expanding Jesus, but not right now... for now let me leave you with some interesting comments from an interview with Madeline L'Engle. I have never read any of her books, but they are on my wish list now! She is a prolific author of children's fiction, poetry and theology.

• God comes to us as a human baby--a complete rejection of power. Even while Jesus is healing people, he is continually throwing the worldly power he is being offered away. They want to make him king. He runs.

• One Sunday about six years ago, I was visiting an Episcopal church in New York so low it's sort of underneath the ocean. A man stood up. "I hope this is appropriate to ask. I was an abused child. I'm terrified of being an abusive father. I need help and prayer." I knew then it was a church I could stay in. Because people are willing to be vulnerable, this church is very different. Sometimes it gets messy, but that's okay. People are not afraid to ask questions. We're able to admit we're all broken, we've all made terrible mistakes, we're all in need, and we all want things we don't have.

• It's a church in which a mother whose twenty-seven-year-old son has died is free to say, "People think I'm terrible because I can't pray." And I can reassure her, "You don't have to pray. We're praying for you. That's what the body of Christ is about." Many churches don't have that kind of freedom. I have a friend who comments, "At AA groups, I can admit my faults. At church nobody wants to hear them." What an indictment of the church!

• Instead of thanking Jesus for dying for me, I want to rejoice that Jesus was born for us, to thank Jesus for showing us how to live. The incarnation is incomprehensible love. It will never be explained.

• As a younger adult, I lived in the realm of proof. I'd had a good education, and I wanted everything explained. Now that I'm older, it's much easier to believe in--and accept--the impossible. I am able to accept more completely the idea that God loves me, no matter what I do. I have stopped wanting certainty, which will never come. Instead, I look for those things God gives us as affirmations.

• If something goes wrong, I still yell at God. But at some point I move out of this childish prayer and acknowledge, "OK, it's your universe."

• Nothing we do changes God--it just changes what we think about God. When we discovered that the earth is not the center of the universe, it didn't change God. It just changed us, and what we think. We have to be willing to allow what we think to change.

Silence

I apologize for the lack of action at this blog. It stays silent while the action in my life doesn't seem to stop right now. Life is good though. Struggling through writing some songs that, if I finish them, maybe I will put up here to share...

I still hope to post about the Expanding Jesus soon...

Beginnings and Endings

Life is full beginnings and endings. Birth and death are constants.

This weekend I participated in both. The birth of some relationships and the memorial of an 18 year old boy.

Saturday night we had dinner with some new friends that we met when Wayne Jacobsen was here. It is so refreshing to hang out with people and share our journeys and the Spirit that is within us free from agendas! The birth of some relationships. . . .

Joey McCubbins was born with neurofibromatosis. He was considered mentally retarded. There was never a time in his life that he did not suffer physical pain. He suffered valiantly his whole life. His mom and dad, Tom and Mary Alice, are two of the sweetest people I know. They raised Joey in such a way that he had dignity, respect and spiritual values. It was so cool to hear how this young man, who should not had made a difference, made a difference to so many. His spirit, humor and courage touched so many.

Here is a poem that his dad wrote. It is classic "Tom"....

My son died yesterday
Not with fan-fare
Nor with trumpets blowing,
Nor as a giant among men

My son died yesterday
Quietly,
As he lay asleep,
In his room,
With only his mother as a witness
And as a soft voice that caressed and comforted,
"goodbye for now my lovely boy"

My son died yesterday,
He was small in stature. Slow in mind
And accomplished little as it is prized.

My son died yesterday, and
Today I received his ashes
All that is my boy,
contained in a child's shoe box.

My son died yesterday
As I stared at the shoebox
All that was of him
I was humbled
He had accomplished so little, except. . . .
He was.
He accomplished all that would fit
Into a shoebox

My son died yesterday
And while his body filled a small shoebox
There was not any box that could fit
The heart it had contained
There is no shoebox to fit the hearts he had captured.
There was not any shoebox big enough to contain. . . . him

My son was born yesterday

The Expanding Jesus - The "First Jesus"

The first Jesus that I remember was in a series of illustrated books that showed Jesus surrounded by children. He was caucasian, as were most of the children, and had a very loving, welcoming look on his face. I honestly don't remember talking a lot about Jesus in my house as a child except for the occasional Bible story. I know that my Granny loved Jesus though. She thanked him for the day every night before bed.

My parents were Lutheran, so I guess I was a one by association. We went to a Lutheran church anyway. It was boring. I remember the pastor being a nice guy. But I didn'’t really understand the rituals. I remember learning the books of the Bible in Sunday school and laughing every time we said "“Flip-ians"” as I pictured a whole town of people doing backflips together!

Most of my youth was lost in a haze of various sinful activities, and for the most part, so was Jesus. Though I remember this subtle feeling that there was a spiritual "“presence"” in my life that caused me guilt about my lifestyle. I wound up in a treatment center my freshman year of high school, and when I returned my mom and dad REALLY wanted me to go to church. I went, long hair and all. No one even shook my hand after church. Jesus was bullshit.

I spent quite a few years doing and seeking "“spiritual things"” but avoiding Jesus at all cost. No, I was not just avoiding Him. I was hostile. My interaction with "“God'’s people"” showed me that it was all B.S. and I didn'’t want to hear it.

Skip ahead. (Yea, a lot went on during this time, but it's another story.) About twelve years later we walked into a church for the first time. We met a great group of people that has forever touched our lives in positive ways. This is where I met the Conservative-Protestant Jesus.

The Expanding Jesus

It never ceases to amaze me how God puts the right book in my hand at just the time when I am ready for it. He did that with Brennan Manning’s “Ragamuffin Gospel”, Wayne Jacobsen’s “The Naked Church” and “He Loves Me”, N. T. Wright’s “The Challenge of Jesus”, and now Brian McLaren’s “A Generous Orthodoxy”. This book is helping me clarify some of my thoughts, and perhaps why I bristle at certain interpretations of the Gospel.

I haven’t read the whole book, but I really resonate with his brief descriptions of the “different Jesuses" he has come to know. I couldn’t help but smile as I read....So, I decided I would put some of it in writing and maybe see if some discussions emerge... I’ll start with lifting some stuff from the chapter “The Seven Jesuses I Have Known” that apply to me, then I'll write about my own journey and the discovery of these "Jesuses".

I am Conservative Protestant
...because I believe that Jesus’ death on the cross opens the door to heaven in the future, and allows me to have a relationship with Him now.

I am Charismatic/Pentecostal
...because I believe that the Holy Spirit is the real presence of Jesus, and is alive and active right now.

I am Roman Catholic
...because I believe that the resurrection of Jesus “changes forever the whole equation of existence.”

I am Eastern Orthodox
...because I believe God has taken human life into His life through Jesus, and God has enters His creation through Jesus, and has saved the world by doing so.

I am Liberal Protestant
...because I believe the teachings and acts of love of Jesus offer a way of life that brings blessing to the whole world, and I believe Jesus confronts the corrupt religious and political systems of the world.

I am Anabaptist
...because I believe the Church is a continuation of the original disciples, a group of people learning the ways of Jesus in voluntary community.

The discovery of these Jesuses in my own life has been a long road. I am still learning and open to more. I've spent a long time only knowing a Conservative Protestant Jesus. I realized sometime ago that he was only a fraction of the whole. It was like thinking you know someone because you talk to them in a store occasionally. There is so much more.... I want ALL of Jesus!

Enjoyment and Shame

I don’t have this all figured out by any means, but I am thinking through and getting to experiences glimpses of what it means to walk freely with Jesus. There are many hindrances to enjoying God. Religion, misunderstanding God, shame, guilt and obligation just to name a few.

Shame is looking at ourselves through the view of what we have done, rather than what Christ has done for us, and how He sees us.

Why is it important to understand that Jesus dealt with shame on the cross? Simply because shame and guilt are barriers to the full enjoyment of God which comes through relationship with Him.

I was a member of a 12-Step program for many years. I am in debt to that program and those people. And for all the positive things that I think we can glean from them, there is one thing that really bothers me. Before speaking at any meeting people introduce themselves by saying’ Hi, my name is Roger and I am a _________ .” (Fill in the blank with any addictive sin). I was reminding myself of my sin at every meeting. I was keeping myself in bondage to a particular addiction, and much like many religious institutions, I was told that if I left the meetings I was doomed to return to a life of addiction and sin. My self-concept had become completely centered on a the particular sin with which I struggled.

Shame keeps us focused on the sin within ourselves rather than on the One who dealt with the penalty, power, and one day, the presence of that sin. We see ourselves as dirty when Christ views us as clean. We view ourselves as guilty when Christ views us as innocent. We see ourselves as powerless when Christ has given His power to us through His Spirit. We wait for the day when the presence of sin is removed and forget that the kingdom of God has brought about a destruction of the power of sin here and now.

Does this mean that I should ignore my sin? No. It is not a matter of ignoring it; it is a matter of focus. I’ve related to God through the filter of my sinfulness for a long time and I wound up “gratefully depressed.” Yes, I was grateful for the cross, but I was depressed in the failures, shortcomings, and sin of my life. I was focused on my sin. I came to God as a groveling, shameful servant rather than a child, friend and Bride. I was measuring my self-worth by what I was doing and not doing, and what others were doing and not doing, instead of how the Father and Bridegroom saw me.

Heb 4:16 Therefore let us come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

This verse tells us that we may come before the throne of grace boldly. Unfortunately, many people have interpreted this to mean loudly and forcefully. But in the context of the Father who wants us to know Him it means that we can live with God confidently, bluntly, freely, openly, cheerfully, courageously, fearlessly. . . How can that be possible? Because shame has been dealt with on the cross allowing us free access to the throne of grace!

Knowing the love of Father, who wanted a Bride that was a perfect match for His Son, and the passionate Son who saw Her, and was willing to do anything for Her makes all the difference in the world. God accepts you as you are! Right in the middle of your process of transformation! He is not discouraged or frustrated with your sin. His power is sure! At the end of all things we will be part of a holy, pure and blameless Bride! And He sees you as you will be....

See yourself through God’s eyes today!

Wayne and Friends

We had a great time last night meeting with people who are on a similar journey. Some were still in traditional congregations and some had been out of traditional settings for some time, but all of us are passionate about living loved by the Father. I'm sure we will be seeing each other again...

Wayne is a breath of fresh air for those who want to learn to have a dynamic relationship with the Father outside of obligations, rules, rituals and traditions. I highly suggest his writings and podcasts if you are on this journey!

Migrating

Kid3: Dad, do angels have wings?

Me: I dunno son, I guess so...

Kid3: Do they migrate?

LOL

Getting the oil changed. Getting our licenses renewed. Going to the girls basketball game. Going to hang out with Wayne Jacobsen and meet some folks on a similar journey. Looking forward to it.

Christian Hedonism

Found this is John Piper's book Desiring God which is online:

Christian Hedonism is a philosophy of life built on the following five convictions:

l. The longing to be happy is a universal human experience, and it is good, not sinful.

2. We should never try to deny or resist our longing to be happy, as though it were a bad impulse. Instead we should seek to intensify this longing and nourish it with whatever will provide the deepest and most enduring satisfaction.

3. The deepest and most enduring happiness is found only in God.

4. The happiness we find in God reaches its consummation when it is shared with others in the manifold ways of love.

5. To the extent we try to abandon the pursuit of our own pleasure, we fail to honor God and love people. Or, to put it positively: the pursuit of pleasure is a necessary part of all worship and virtue. That is,

The chief end of man is to glorify God

BY

enjoying him forever.

I haven't read the book yet, but there are a lot of implications in these few sentences....

Why don't more Christians enjoy God?

Is praise the natural result of thorough enjoyment of something or someone?

In what ways does my enjoying God bring Him glory?

Are there things I can do to help me enjoy God more often and more deeply?

The Personal Scoop

If you have followed the exploits, thoughts, ramblings and rantings on this blog for anytime, you know that we have been on a journey. We haven't always knows where that journey was going, still don't, but it has always been toward the Father, with His Son, in the Spirit.

We have been outside of institutional forms of church for about 3-4 months. I've lost track really. I can say without equivocation that it has been the best thing we could have done. The anger over the things I've experienced, and haven't experienced in organized forms of religion has subsided. It has been replaced by a passion to know Christ more fully. Religious things just don't seem to matter in light of Bridegroom who passionately loves me. This journey has consistently become less about how I express my relationship with God and more about the relationship with God. It has become about learning to live loved instead of trying fabricate love I didn't really have. By doing that Jesus is renewing my heart, breathing fresh air into clay, and making dry bones dance. Now, please don't get me wrong. We still desire and pray for some people in our area that are like-minded to just ask God, "What do you want to do in this little town that would bless others?"....it will be in His time.... I'm willing to wait.

In further news....the Blues suck. They have officially thrown away the rest of the season. They make it hard to be a hockey fan.

Trish took a new job. She will rock it! She is smart and beautiful! The total package!

Wayne Jacobsen is coming to the St. Louis area in a couple weeks. If you are in the area don't miss time to hang out with an awesome brother! More details to come...

Question

Are we sinners that try to love, or are we lovers that stumble in sin?

HS

I have been part of churches where the cross was focused on so heavily that there was no mention of the Spirit. And I have seen some wackiness in the name of the Spirit too. I so don't want to come off as not giving enough do to the work of Christ on the cross. But, can we talk for a moment? While I am fully aware of all of the ramifications, the story did not end there!

Act 1:4-8 And having met with them, He commanded them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to await the promise of the Father which you heard from Me. For John truly baptized with water, but you shall be baptized in the Holy Spirit not many days from now. Then, indeed, these coming together, they asked Him, saying, Lord, do You at this time restore the kingdom to Israel? And He said to them, It is not for you to know the times or the seasons, which the Father has put in His own authority. But you shall receive power, the Holy Spirit coming upon you. And you shall be witnesses to Me both in Jerusalem and in all Judea, and in Samaria, and to the end of the earth.

I love this passage! Under pressure, these are the guys that ran off and denied the Lord at the crucifixion. There were barren, full of dread and doubt. Jesus has been hanging out with them for 40 days teaching them about the kingdom. Jesus is going to trust these guys with His Bride. He tells them to wait for the Spirit. Wait...I'm leaving, but you stay here and wait. They obviously didn't get it at first. Not even after 3 years of "in the flesh" teaching, plus 40 days of teaching from the Risen Lord! They were recent spiritual failures still worrying about things that weren't on God's mind. But, Jesus' promise to them stood. They would receive power when the Holy Spirit came on them. Then they would begin being the Church.

I can relate. I'm about that dense. I'm a spiritual failure. I worry about a lot of things that are not on God's mind. I've tried to live a good portion of my Christian life without truly relying on God's power. I've read books. Bought on to the latest method. Listened to preachers. Gone to conferences. Listened to tapes and CD's. . . But, I cannot say that I have experienced relying on the Spirit, in any consistent way, the way that Paul talks about in his letters.

Jesus sent something from heaven that radically transformed this rag-tag bunch of uneducated people. Something from heaven gripped them, flooded their lives, and they were changed forever. Isn't it interesting that the disciples were not really transformed by the teaching of Christ, but by experiencing a new dimension of God's Spirit.

How many times have I read a new book, received some enlightenment on a Scripture, been blessed by some teaching, but it never really "stuck." Too many to count. The real times of transformation in my life have come not when I understood what Christ has done for me, but when I experienced what Christ has done for me. God has enlightened my mind, healed my emotions, and reshaped my will when I have placed myself in positions for the Spirit to work in my life and the love of God has been poured out in my heart through the Holy Spirit (Rom. 5:5). It isn't an issue of salvation. But how salvation works in my life. And I think Paul's view is that we are being saved through our experience with the Spirit, renewing our minds, wills and emotions.

That's all I have time for now. I'll end with a quote from Jim Cymbala:

While Christ's work on the cross, the shedding of His blood, was the only way to settle the problems of guilt, sin and condemnation, the coming of the Holy Spirit was God's way of changing human beings from the inside out. The Law given to Moses had failed at this very point. It was in itself holy and just, but the problem was the sinful nature within the people. Now the Holy Spirit dwelling in the hearts of believers would conquer the age old dilemma of "I want to be different but I keep doing it anyway." This empowering of the Spirit would be the dynamic source throughout time for all who live for, and labor with Jesus.

Enjoy God

Our God Who Rejoices

Zep 3:17 The LORD, your God, is in the midst of you, a mighty one who will save. He will rejoice over you with joy. He will rest in his love. He will rejoice over you with singing.

Isa 62:5 For as a young man marries a virgin, so shall your sons marry you; and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.

Our God Who is Passionate

Son 1:15 Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; you have doves' eyes.

Joh 15:9 As the Father has loved Me, so I have loved you; continue in My love.

Joh 17:23 I in them, and You in Me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that You have sent Me and have loved them as You have loved Me.

1Jo 4:16-19
And we have known and believed the love that God has in us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. In this is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment, that as He is, so also we are in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has torment. He who fears has not been perfected in love. We love Him because He first loved us.

Rom 5:5 And hope does not make us ashamed, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit given to us.

Luk 15:10 Likewise I say to you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents.

Luk 15:20 And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him.

Our God Who Reveals Himself

Eph 3:16-19
that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might by His Spirit in the inner man; that Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth and length and depth and height, and to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge, that you might be filled with all the fullness of God.

Joh 17:3 And this is life eternal, that they might know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.

Col 1:27 For to them God would make known what are the riches of the glory of this mystery among the nations, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory,

Our God Who is Kind

Psa 36:7-8
How precious is Your loving-kindness, O God! And the sons of men take refuge under the shadow of Your wing. They shall be satisfied with the fatness of Your house; and You shall make them drink of the river of Your pleasures.

Our God Who Shares His Glory

Joh 17:22 And I have given them the glory which You have given Me, that they may be one, even as We are one

Rom 8:18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the coming glory to be revealed in us.

Our God Who Lifts Us Up

Eph 3:19 and to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge, that you might be filled with all the fullness of God.

Eph 4:13 And this until we all come into the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a full-grown man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ;

2Pe 1:4 through which He has given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, so that by these you might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

Spirit, Soul and Body

I've been giving some thought to the fact that we have a spirit, soul and body.

1Th 5:23 And may the God of peace Himself sanctify you, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blamelessly at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Now, I've always been told that the soul is composed of the mind, will and emotions. It is what makes us a unique person. The body is pretty self-explanatory. But the spirit....my spirit....hmmm.

1Co 6:17 But he being joined to the Lord is one spirit.

So, if Paul is saying that God has placed His uncreated Spirit in my created body it makes sense of some other motifs of Paul. My spirit is God's Spirit. The working of God in my life is an inside-out job.

Now, if all Christians have God's Spirit why are there crabby-assed, sour, sick, sin-filled Christians around who have gone to church most of their lives? I'm not trying to be judgemental, but you know the people that I'm talking about. The folks who usually sit on the church boards, run the church councils.... Why is the Spirit apparently not working in their lives? Is the Spirit weak? Can't be.

Col 1:29
For which I also labor, striving according to the working of Him who works in me in power.
Eph 3:20
Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us...

Why do most of us not experience the power that we are promised? Where is the wisdom? Where are the changed desires? Why are our minds, will and emotions still broken?

This is what I think. I need my soul saturated by God's Spirit. I need my mind, will and emotions renewed, conformed, and filled with power. You know what? It happens in the context of relationship with God. Specifcally, the fellowship of the Spirit. And I play a part in the process. More later...

2Co 13:14
May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. Amen.

Together

Watch It.

You push me....

Then I'll push you...

The Desert and the Bride

The Desert sucks.

Figuratively and literally.

I know.

I've lived in both.

I won't lie. I've wondered what God was doing during some of these desert times. The times when I am seeking Him and there is nothing but silence. The times when I need to be comforted and I get another thorn in my side (usually my backside!). The times I hoped someone else would understand where I'm at and I get a blank stare.

How do we make sense of this silence? Of this seemingly lack of caring by the God that we've all been told loves us? I'm not saying I've got a total handle on it, in fact, I think I've still got a little desert walking to do, but the only way I can make sense of it is understanding the Bridal Paradigm.

When I look at the end of the Bible, which tells us about the end of all things, this is what I find
(Actually, the Bible is full of Bridal symbolism, and it's a pretty interesting study.) :

Rev 21:1-4 And I saw a new heaven and a new earth. For the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. And the sea no longer is. And I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down from God out of Heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her Husband. And I heard a great voice out of Heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away all tears from their eyes. And there will be no more death, nor mourning, nor crying out, nor will there be any more pain; for the first things passed away.

Rev 21:9 And one of the seven angels who had the seven vials full of the seven last plagues came to me and talked with me, saying, Come here, I will show you the bride, the Lamb's wife.

Can you sense the excitement in the angel's voice as he shows John the Bride? Have you ever met a bridegroom that was not passionate for his bride?

The culmination of human history will be a wedding ceremony! The final state of God's people will be as a Bride adorned for her Husband. God is preparing us for the ultimate wedding ceremony. It is in this reality that I need to interpret God's dealings with me.

The attitude God has taken toward us has never been one of pity, irritation or impatience. He has succumbed neither to despair nor a performance orientation. His attitude has always been that of the delighted Father, preparing the perfect partner for His perfect Son. The Son's posture has eternally been that of the enthralled Bridegroom, captured by the beauty of one created specifically to be His counterpart. The assurance of the power of God guarantees that at the end of it all we will be what He intended. - Gary Wiens

How does the desert play into this scenario? I think the book of Hosea gives us a sense of God's heart towards His Beloved.

In the context of Israel's "harlotry" as she chases after other lovers:

Hos 2:13-16, 19-20
And I will visit on her the days of the Baals, in which she burned incense to them, and she adorned herself with her nose-rings and her jewels, and she went after her lovers and forgot Me, says Jehovah. Therefore, behold, I will lure her and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably to her. And I will give her vineyards to her from there, and the valley of Achor for a door of hope. And she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, and as in the day when she came up out of the land of Egypt. And it shall be at that day, says Jehovah, you shall call Me, My Husband, and shall no more call Me, My Baal. And I will betroth you to Me forever. Yea, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in loving-kindness, and in mercies. I will even betroth you to Me in faithfulness. And you shall know Jehovah.

The desert time. The times of silence and despair. The times of confusion and hopelessness. They are a necessary part of the preparation. Our trouble (Valley of Achor) will be turned into a doorway of hope. God is wooing us back. Restoring us. Preparing us for a deeper sense of his presence. Opening the doorway for communication with his heart in deeper, more full ways. And songs will spring forth from our hearts....

Who Is This King of Glory?

Aaahhh. Ain't he cute? Little baby Jesus laying in the manger. Docile animals all around. Sweet little cherub overhead....

Peace and safety.
The world is lullabied by peace and safety.
The church is lullabied by peace and safety.

And the magi bring their gifts. Gently bowing before the tiny baby. Knowing that a great future awaited him....

Peace and safety.
The world is lullabied by peace and safety.
The church is lullabied by peace and safety.


Aaahh. Mary and Joseph looking with love and awe at their little bundle of joy wrapped in swaddling clothes. To bad they had to be run out of town because they had a bastard child.

Who is this King of Glory?

Laying in a barn that stinks like animal crap and wet hay. No room for him in his town. No room for him in a home. No room for him in his people's hearts.

Who is this King of Glory?
Is he still a baby laying in a manger?

NO! He is no longer a baby in a manger! He is no longer cute and cuddly. He has walked this life in the flesh. He loved and lost. He has been beaten, whipped and crucified. He has seen death and conquered it. His eyes are like fire. He wears many crowns. He has a sword in his mouth and rod of iron in his hand. He rides a white horse. No swaddling clothes here, but a garment dipped in blood. He is risen from the dead and full of glory. . .

Who is this King of Glory?

You do not choose to be friends with someone so powerful, so awesome. . . someone like this chooses friendship with you. And he HAS chosen you to be his friend! He has chosen you to be his bride! AND HE IS PASSIONATE FOR YOU!

Who is this King of Glory?

He is Jesus Christ!

Army of the Broken

Our friends from England have been here and gone. Rich is my oldest and dearest friend. We met in Hollywood, CA at music school when neither of us knew the Lord and now we are both followers. Rich is always a breath of spiritual fresh air. He brought two friends this time: Simon and Val who are also gems.

They spent a week at IHOP. Not eating pancakes either. It is the International House of Prayer in K.C. When they arrived here they felt like they had some unfinished business there and that we should join them. I can be spontaneous, but a 5 hour trip with the kids is a stretch for me. We threw some stuff in a suitcase, packed up the kids and a cooler and went. I was a bit skeptical....organized religion.....charismatic prophecy.....and all of that.....

When we got there the worship didn't seem like anything special, other than it has been going on 24/7 for the last 4 years. And it definately was not a show. These people could care less how the people were reacting. They were going for it for God and God only. But I sensed God telling me that I wasn't going to get anymore of Him there than I would anywhere else. I was willing....but no real connection.

At 10:00pm another worship team was taking over (seamless transitions of whole bands by the way). The leader sat down at the piano and played a couple of familar tunes as her band got into place. Then it happened. Misty Edwards began spontaneous prophecying/preaching as she sang. I have never experienced anything quite like it. Quite definately God-led.

The next day we met one of Rich's friends from England (Who "happened" to be there the same week). Paul is an older gentleman with gentleness in his spirit and wisdom in his words. He knew a little of our story and he had been through some similar stuff. A pastor booted out of his church....lost it all....broken...angry.....desperate in the silence....

And as he prayed over us he said:

"What you have been through was not a mistake or a failure. You have been led by God so that you could join an army of the broken."

Hos 2:14-16
Therefore, I am going to persuade her, lead her to the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her vineyards back to her and make the Valley of Achor into a gateway of hope. There she will respond as she did in the days of her youth, as in the day she came out of the land of Egypt. In that day--the LORD's declaration--you will call Me: My husband. . .

The News - One Foot In Front Of The Other

Christmas time is approaching....

I like Christmas. I don't care what consumerism and capitalism have done to it. I like giving and receiving gifts. Guess I'm not spiritual enough to just like giving. Sorry. But have you thought about our role in our relationship with God? He is the giver....we are the receivers. I have a lot to learn about receiving.

In other news.
"Conservative Christians" are going to bat for Christ by putting the "Christ" back in Christmas! I'm glad someone fights the battles that matter. (Insert sarcasm here)

In personal news.
We are coming closer to some decisions about our future. Trish and I both want to finish our degrees. I'm basically an idiot. I have spent most of my life not knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up. I started out as a psychology major. Switched to music. Then compromised for a degree in Organizational Leadership because I could get it done quickly. Funny thing is I am going back to where I started and persuing a degree in Social Work.

Updates to come...

P.S. Thanks for all the moral and spiritual support!

First Day Back

The first day back to school after Thanksgiving.

Yea, it is usually a little stressful with the kids getting back on schedule. But, this is a behavioral disorder classroom. Magnify it. Then magnify it again.

There is a little boy in our class. I'll call him N. He is small for his age. About a head smaller than most. He is witty and can be as cute as they come....when he wants to be. And that ain't often.

From what I gather he spends most of his life being ignored by his family. When he does get attention it is in the form of a big brother's taunts and fists.

As a result, every little thing is a power struggle. EVERY LITTLE THING. In order to feel like he belongs and is accepted N. must be in control. Probably because he feels everyone else controls his circumstances.

Today N. lost it. Not his usual playing gymnastics with the desk and chair, or making loud noises to disrupt the rest of the class. No. We had to restrain him after he started throwing chairs around the room. When the teacher got tired of being hit and kicked we had to do a more restrictive restraining technique. When he realized he was truely powerless he cried like a baby.

To tell the truth it was hard for me not to cry with him. What happens at his home to cause this behavior breaks my heart. Any communication of love is met with complete resistance and defiance. But, I will not give in or give up.

Jesus claimed this as His mission:

Luk 4:18-19
"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim release to the captives, recovering of sight to the blind, to deliver those who are crushed, and to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord."

I think it is mine too. Right in my little broken classroom.

Can we get honest here...?

Honestly.

The past five years have been difficult. I won't bore you with the details. The few that read this drivel know most of it anyway.

Trish and I recently had an argument that escalated far beyond what is acceptable. It scared the kids and it scared us too. No, we are not getting divorced. No, we are not separated. Yes, we are getting some help to work through it. . .

This incident has forced me to look at my life and verbalize some things that had been swirling around in my demented head for sometime anyway. As most of you know a series of events began when we left a stable job, good friends, and the church where we started our journey with Jesus in Dallas. I was unhappy with my job and believed God was calling us to "full-time ministry" (whatever that is). We moved to El Paso so I could work at a church as worship and youth leader. It was a complete disaster and we left confused, hurt and disillusioned. We moved to Illinois where I was going to complete a degree in music and be a worship leader at a hopefully healthy church. I changed my major with that in mind. Then the screwball. We began to seriously questions the motives and usefulness of organized religion.

So, during this time Trish, who wants to be a stay-at-home mom has been the primary bread winner. I now have a degree that is worthless. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. The decisions over the last five years have not worked out like we had hoped, and it has left me confused, depressed, disillusioned, angry, and directionless. Any dreams that I had are gone. They need to be replaced with something else. I don't really care what....but I am a dreamer....I gotta have something to shoot for....

I think I have been a functional Agnostic for the past few months. Yea, God is there, but I just ain't feelin' it. I'm fine with that. I've resolved that the next move is His.

Rapid Increase in Alternative Forms of The Church Are Changing the Religious Landscape

Here is an excerpt from an interesting article from Barna that Trish turned me on to.... seems the "alternative" forms of church are more mainstream than most people thought....

A new book by George Barna, entitled Revolution, indicates that since the turn of the millennium there have been major changes occurring in how people experience and express their faith. Based on a regular series of national surveys conducted by his company during the past quarter century, Barna discovered that discontent with congregational churches, changes in lifestyles, and a burgeoning desire to get closer to God, have caused many people to seek new ways of being in relationship with God and other God-seeking people.

In 2000, most of the nation’s organized religious activity took place at or through local churches. Today, Barna’s research points out, the action is shifting to newer forms of corporate religious commitment. In a typical week, 9% of all adults participate in a house church. An even greater proportion – 22% - engages in spiritual encounters that take place in the marketplace (e.g., with groups of people while they are at their place of work or play, or in other typical daily contexts). The Internet serves as the foundation for interactive faith experiences for more than one out of every ten adults, although most of them currently use it in tandem with another form of corporate religious experience.

The Road Less Traveled

I am not very motivated to blog right now, though there are lots of things I could blog about.... Yea, I'm lazy...

I've been reading The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. It isn't exactly a "Christian" book, but I've been really challenged by some of his concepts and thoughts.

Peck believes that love is at the core of any spiritual change. It is how Peck defines love, and the implications that follow, that I find really interesting.

Peck's definition of love: "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."

According to Peck one cannot love someone else without loving their own self. I know. That sounds like modern psychological BS. But think about it. Can you really give someone else something you don't have? Can we impart character or discipline to our children that we don't have? Or, that God is not living in us and through us?

Next, Peck emphasizes the word "will" in his definition of love. "Will is desire of sufficient intensity that it is translated into action." There is a difference between desire and action. We can desire to be loving, and not be loving. This sounds trite, but when I think about my own life, and my "lived-out" definition of love, it tends to be nebulous. This definition forces me to think about love on an individual level rather than the "we are the world" level. Who is God putting right in front of me, right now?

Last, this definition implies that love is work. (I'm sure there are some with a "romantic" view of love who will have problems with this. The romantic view of love is based on feeling so would fall outside of the definition that we are using here.) In Peck's view, love is always a form of work and/or courage because we are extending ourselves to include someone else in our "world". That extension of ourself implies risk and work.

After pointing out the many things that love is not, Peck discusses the "work of attention". The fact is that a large part of love is attention. It is listening. It is entering in to the other person's world. If you have ever really tried to that, you know that it is work. I don't know about you, but my thoughts drift so easily...."What will I say next?"...."Oh, I can fix that."...."Dang, I forgot to put that load of laundry in."....."My kids are being to loud."..... I've thought about how often I truly enter in to my kid's world too. Peck points out that there are many different levels of listening and we need to use each one at certain times. But, how often do I fully enter in to my kindergartener's world with all my attention? Not often enough.

I'll end with a quote from a part of the book about the role of love in psychotherapy. I think it describes a way in which we, as the Church, can and should be present to the broken in our world.

"It is not "unconditonal positive regard," nor it is magical words, techniques or postures; it is human involvement and struggle. It is the willingness of the therapist to extend himself or herself for the purpose of nurturing a patient's growth - willingness to go out on a limb, to truly involve oneself at an emotional level in the relationship, to actually struggle with the patient and with oneself. In short, the magical ingredient of successful deep and meaningful psychotherapy is love."

Am I willing to go to the broken places and broken people of the world and enter struggle?
Who, specifically, am I struggling with?
How am I doing at struggling with my wife and kids?

This is our first Sunday not being part of an institutional church in about 12 years. I didn't miss is it this weekend.... We had a time of reading the OT and Psalms as a family, sang a song or two and chilled out on the couch and enjoyed each other. We had a nice bonfire on Friday night with some good friends....gotta like that....something about friends, fire and a few beers that I really enjoy.... We continue to pray for God to put people into our life that want to journey with us.... We will be having biscuits and gravy "church" at our house in the near future.

Been reading N.T. Wright's "Challenge of Jesus". Really challenges me in putting Jesus in a historical context rather than viewing him as a "supernatural" being that floated his way through life. I'm sure I'll have some more to say at a later time about that....

My job as a teacher's asst. continues to be interesting. I pray for my kids everyday....in a public school even....they don't know it though.....that wouldn't be "legal". My heart breaks for some of these kids. The home life they must have that causes them to act out like they do.... sigh....heartbreak....prayer....

The Midwest Camping Experiment

Reality Show Update:

Can three families whose only contact has been on the internet camp together for a weekend? Will their kids get along? Will they be able to share food and water? Will they be able to share the life of Christ without devolving into petty theological arguements? Will they be able to endure a three mile wilderness hike with meager provisions, little water, and nine whiney children? Stay tuned. . .

The answer to all these questions was a resounding YES! Last weekend we camped with Bob and Amy, and Matt and Amy and their children. Some people might think we were crazy for camping with people we met on the internet. Of course they could have been axe murders, but I can verify that there were hatchets available, and yet, we all came back alive. Physically and spiritually.

It didn't cease to amaze me the whole weekend how easily and effortlessly our children connected. They played like they have known each other for years! It reminded me of a family get-togethers as a kid, which my kids don't get to enjoy due to family strangeness. It was cool to see them share, and mostly get through their small disagreements on their own. My kids couldn't stop talking about the fun they had on the way home!

I think that sense of immediate connection was shared among the adults too. We shared food and spiritual journeys around the campfire. We shared carrying each others children on our wilderness adventure. (Note to self: Never do a three mile hike with children under 8.) We shared songs. From my point of view it just felt "right".

I am reminded how important it is to spend time with others in the family of God. We all have different expriences that shape our theology, ecclesiology and worldview, and I am reminded how much I need my theology, ecclesiology and worldview shaped by others.

It never ceases to amaze me how God connects His people. It was great to have a family outing and we can't wait for the next one.

I would say our "reality show" was a success....

Camping

I just lost two posts about our camping trip this weekend!!!! STUPID BLOGGER!

We had an awesome time camping with Bob and Amy, and Matt and Amy and their kiddos!

That said I'm giving up until tomorrow!

"D"

Her shaggy brown hair covered her face, providing shelter from those who might make fun of her. She dressed in classic second hand clothes. Just out of style enough to stick out. At the start of every day she came to the fifth and sixth grade gym, searched out a place in the middle of the gym where she wouldn’t be noticed, and sat alone. While the other kids socialized, swapping stories about their latest video game, or who the cutest boy in their class is, or what happened at the ball game last night, or even finished their homework . . . she looked at the gym floor.

A bald, directionless, teacher’s assistant who happens to believe that God loves people like this little girl with deep affection enters the picture. He is just stupid enough to believe that God has put this little girl on his heart. He knows enough about feeling alone and left out to not want others to feel the same way, and just naive enough to think that he can make a difference. He introduces himself, asks some general questions and invites her to join his little band of misfits. She smiles and politely declines.

In a conversation with the social worker the next day he points out the little girl sitting alone with her hair in her face. It just so happens the social worker knows another little girl who has some social issues and she introduces them. Can you believe that these two little girls used to be friends a long time ago and hadn’t talked in a long time? Can you believe that they happen to have enough in common to strike up a conversation? I knew you could. . .

The next day the bald, directionless teacher’s assistant walks in the gym with his boys and looks for the shaggy-haired little girl. She isn’t in her usual spot. Scanning the gym he catches sight of her. What a beautiful sight it was! The wilting flower of a girl had gotten a drink of water and was blooming among a group of new friends. Smiling and laughing, and not looking much at all like the girl of the previous day. . .

The bald, directionless teacher’s assistant is learning to measure success in small increments. . .