Father, forgive me for I have sinned...it's been 2 weeks since my last post...

Yea, well I've been busy. I have refinished a hardwood floor (for someone who doesn't have a handy bone in his body this is no small feat) and it doesn't look to bad. Not as good as Vineyard Central's....but it was my first shot.

I have been working a demo of a song that Trish is going to give to Garth Brooks. I wrote a Christmas song a few years ago that gets rave reviews. Trish is going to a Dental conference where Garth is playing and set it up with the director to get it into Garth's hands.....I'm not holding my breath, but who knows...

I've also been writing some music again. Trish and I were asked to open up for Morning Vision at a fundraiser. I felt like God was wanting me to share where my heart is right now on this long journey.... Here is one of the offerings:

Love

I’ve tried my best to find you here
Where faith and reason seem to dissappear
If I could just believe
Beyond the suffering
Is Love....Your love

There’s something more than I can see
Beyond the senses, just out of reach
A holy mystery
Beyond theology
There’s love....Your love

I’ve tried to turn it
Into something I could earn
But I could never do enough
I could never do enough
I’m losing expectations
Trading obligations
For simple trust
Simple trust

There’s something more than I can see
Beyond the senses
Just out of reach
A holy mystery
Beyond theology
There’s love....Your love

Once again U2 is my favorite "worship" album... I love the double meaning in the chorus of this song.

All Because of You

I was born a child of grace
Nothing else about the place
Everything was ugly but your beautiful face
And it left me no illusion

I saw you in the curve of the moon
In the shadow cast across my room
You heard me in my tune
When I just heard confusion

All because of you
All because of you
All because of you
I am...I am

I like the sound of my own voice
I didn't give anyone else a choice
An intellectual tortoise
Racing with your bullet train

Some people get squashed crossing the tracks
Some people got high rises on their backs
I'm not broke but you can see the cracks
You can make me perfect again

All because of you
All because of you
All because of you
I am...I am

I'm alive
I'm being born
I just arrived, I'm at the door
Of the place I started out from
And I want back inside

All because of you
All because of you
All because of you
I am

St. Stanislaus

Since many of you don't live in St. Louis you may not be familiar with the controversy going on over a Polish Catholic Church here. St. Stanislaus was founded by Polish Catholics in 1891 and has controlled their own property and finances since that time. They have done quite well without being under the control of the Catholic hierarchy but, there is a new Archbishop in town (can you here the Spaghetti Western music?).... He has decided that St. Stanislaus needs to be controlled by the Catholic Church and needs to turn all of their money and assets over, a total of about $9.2 million.

Needless to say, the parishioners feel differently. The board has fought the archbishop, because he really can't force them to turn over the assets. So, what does he do? He pulls their priest. That's okay. The parishioners fly in their own priest to celebrate Christmas mass. Now what would any self-respecting, power hungry archbishop do to get this church under control? Oh yeah! Threaten to withhold the sacraments and essentially excommunicate them if they don't "see the error of their ways and come back into the fold of the Catholic church." Well, the members took a vote and decided overwhelmingly to thumb their nose at the archbishop. It will be interesting to see how this power-play works out...

Money, power and property. I just wonder if the parishioners are seeing that there are better ways to be the church? Unfortunately, probably not.

Read about it here and here.

Christian fellowship is so much more than polite conversation at a missionary tea or looking at the back of people's heads in the pews in front of you. Most people don't understand the differnce between true fellowship and attending church services, and that is tragic because these two things often have so little in common.

Biblical fellowship involves people sharing together the reality of their spiritual journey. They trade insights into his ways and seek counsel in difficult circumstances, encouraging each other to greater trust in Father's working. They serve each other even when it is inconvenient, are honest with each other even when it is difficult, and pull together instead of pulling each other apart.

- Wayne Jacobsen (The Naked Church)

What is so interesting to me is how much of this I experienced in 12-step fellowships when I was younger. I caught glimpses of it in the church where we first started following Jesus, but since then....well, not much...

It is so nice to have a group of people to journey with and who accept each other for who we are. We haven't gathered for a few weeks so I'm really looking forward to tomorrow night!

I'm back. I took a Christmas hiatus from the blogworld. I've been reading, just busy with other things....

We had a great Christmas and New Year. Good times with family and friend. Now it is time to job hunt and finish projects around the house. Maybe I can find time to write a song or two...I feel something coming on...

Conversations

Brenden is 4 years old and says some pretty funny stuff sometimes.

Brenden: Is it tomorrow?
Me: Nope, it's today!
Brenden: Ah, man! I thought it was tomorrow!

In all our knowledge and eloquence this is probably how we sound to God....

Check List

It never fails to surprise me how people can misconstrue things. We have a knack of looking at other people's actions through the filter of our own insecurities and turning them into something they are not....sigh.....

Just for the record I'd like to make a list of my failings so there are no questions:

Failure as a husband (check)
Failure as a father (check)
Failure as a son (check)
Failure as a friend (check)
Failure as an employee (check)
Failure as a worship leader (check)
Failure as a small group leader (check)
Failure as a Christian (check)

I'm sure there are many more.....and still.....He Loves Me!

Do yourself a favor and download Wayne's free book!

Learning to Receive

We haven't been in the best financial position as of late, and the pastor at our church dropped off a Christmas present. It was a $650 check that said it was from "our friends"! I was floored! Now, it's okay if I do that for someone else, but you can't do that for me!!! You see, I have a lot to learn about receiving....

It is much easier to give than receive. I don't mind giving until it hurts for those that I know are in need. Especially those I am close to. But, when it comes to being on the receiving end of the gift....that is another story. It is humbling to be the receiver. I don't know about you, but my carnal nature doesn't like humility!

Here is the problem. I HAVE to learn to be a good receiver. I am on the receiving end of my relationship with God. He acted first, I am just reacting. He is giving, I am receiving. If I can't learn how to receive on earth, how can I learn to receive in the spiritual realm?

It does not escape me how much this attitude ties in to my continuing study on tithing. When Paul talks about giving in 2Cor this is what he says:

2Co 8:5 This was totally spontaneous, entirely their own idea, and caught us completely off guard. What explains it was that they had first given themselves unreservedly to God and to us. The other giving simply flowed out of the purposes of God working in their lives.

Mat 10:8 Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons. You have received freely, freely give.

If those who were so generous to us are reading this....Thank you, both for the gift and the reminder of what it means to receive....

Tithing

Sorry for the quiet on the blog-front. I've just been doing other things recently.

Our church organization sent out an update on the pledges that were made for our building. Of course, almost no one is meeting their obligations. Surprised? In it there is an "encouragement" to be working toward giving 10%. I immediately bristle at this stuff, and I refuse to go to any "fundraising" meetings. This time I have been asked by several people in our church what I think about tithing. So, me being the researcher that I am, decided to study the issue. I won't bore you with all the details, but I'll try to summarize what I found and give you a few links for your own study....

• No reference to tithing in the OT refers to money. Lev. 27:30-33 is typical of the passages about tithing. It says that the tithe was to consist of "seed of the land", "fruit of the tree" and "herds".

• Tithes were given to the Levites according to Num. 18:24. There is no temple in Jerusalem today, and no Levite priests to give the tithe to, and it is a serious stretch for pastors to claim themselves as such.

I found this very interesting! Check out Duet. 14:22ff.

Deu 14:22 You shall truly tithe all the increase of your seed that the field brings forth year by year.
Deu 14:23 And you shall eat before Jehovah your God in the place which He shall choose to place His name there, the tithe of your grain, of your wine, and of your oil, and the first-born of your herds and of your flocks, so that you may learn to fear Jehovah your God always.
Deu 14:24 And if the way is too long for you, so that you are not able to carry it, or if the place is too far from you, which Jehovah your God shall choose to set His name there, when Jehovah your God has blessed you,
Deu 14:25 then you shall turn it into silver and bind up the silver in your hand, and shall go to the place which Jehovah your God shall choose.
Deu 14:26 And you shall pay that silver for whatever your soul desires, for oxen, or for sheep, or for wine, or for strong drink, or for whatever your soul desires. And you shall eat there before Jehovah your God, and you shall rejoice, you and your household
Deu 14:27 and the Levite within your gates, you shall not forsake him, for he has no part nor inheritance with you.
Deu 14:28 At the end of three years you shall bring forth all the tithe of your increase the same year, and shall lay it up inside your gates.
Deu 14:29 And the Levite, because he has no part nor inheritance with you, and the stranger, and the fatherless, and the widow, who are inside your gates, shall come, and shall eat and be satisfied, so that Jehovah your God may bless you in all the work of your hand which you do.

Hmmm....probably won't find this passage preached on during the fundraising push.....

• So, the tithe was used to have a time of feasting and communion with your family and those who are less fortunate in the presence of God.

Here's another little preached on passage....

Gen 28:20 And Jacob vowed a vow, saying, If God will be with me, and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat and clothing to put on,
Gen 28:21 and I come again to my father's house in peace, then shall Jehovah be my God.
Gen 28:22 And this stone which I have set for a pillar shall be God's house. And of all that You shall give me, I will surely give the tenth to You.

• Instead of giving the "first tenth" as we are taught today, Jacob's tithing had a condition. God's blessing came first, then the tithe.

So, if the institutional church was trying to follow OT principles on tithing, it would still be in error teaching that you should give 10% no matter what.

( I'm not going to hit the Malachi passages that are often used to support tithing. It would take to much time and its been dealt with at length in the links below.)

The problem really comes to light because we are no longer following the Old Covenant! Jesus fulfilled the Law and sent the Holy Spirit to live in us so that we could follow HIM! We are not under a rule based system any longer, we are in a dynamic relationship with the living God!!!! Here are some of the issues that come to light when trying to maintain the rule of tithing:

• There is no temple in Jerusalem and there is no Levitic priesthood to accept the tithe. In fact, WE are the priests and the temple!!!!
  

Mat 24:1 And Jesus went out and departed from the temple. And His disciples came to Him to show Him the buildings of the temple.
Mat 24:2 And Jesus said to them, Do you not see all these things? Truly I say to you, There shall not be left here one stone on another that shall not be thrown down.

Act 17:24 The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of Heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands,

2Co 6:16 And what agreement does a temple of God have with idols? For you are the temple of the living God, as God has said, "I will dwell in them and walk among them; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people."

1Pe 2:9 But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for possession, so that you might speak of the praises of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;

• Additionally, in 2Cor. 8 and 9 Paul is encouraging the Corinthians to complete their generosity to the poor Christians in Judea. Check out some key phrases:

2Co 8:5 This was totally spontaneous, entirely their own idea, and caught us completely off guard. What explains it was that they had first given themselves unreservedly to God and to us. The other giving simply flowed out of the purposes of God working in their lives.

2Co 8:12 Once the commitment is clear, you do what you can, not what you can't. The heart regulates the hands.

2Co 9:5 So to make sure there will be no slipup, I've recruited these brothers as an advance team to get you and your promised offering all ready before I get there. I want you to have all the time you need to make this offering in your own way. I don't want anything forced or hurried at the last minute.

2Co 9:7 I want each of you to take plenty of time to think it over, and make up your own mind what you will give. That will protect you against sob stories and arm-twisting. God loves it when the giver delights in the giving.

There is more. But, it becomes clear that we are to give from our heart as we are moved by God's Spirit, not to fulfill the obligations placed on us by external means. Obligations are bondage. If you want to give, then give generously! Give what you can, not what you can't! God can still bless you if you don't give, but you will miss out on the joy of giving!!!!! There is much joy to be found too!

Here are some good links for further study:

Tithing is Unscriptural Under the New Covenant
Tithing vs. Giving of Grace
The Tithing Lie
The Truth About Tithes
Tithes and Offerings Jesus' Way

Our good friend Jamie planned a Thanksgiving Dinner for the less fortunate at our church this year. We had volunteers from six churches in our area to cook the food and serve as volunteers at the event. In our little town it is a miracle to get six churches together to do anything! Heck, the Southern Baptist Church wouldn't come to the Commmunity Thanksgiving Service because a woman was speaking....guess, you gotta take a stand somewhere (insert sarcasm).

Anyway, the dinner was awesome! We had truly needy people show up to eat and have some fellowship. Rich, the gentleman that we sat with, is going to lose his apartment in 2 weeks if he doesn't find a job. He wanted to talk more than eat, and I was happy to oblige. He shared with us the miracles that he sees God doing in his life... Then Jamie packed up to-go boxes with food and sent the teenagers out to the hospital and gas stations to give then a Thanksgiving Dinner. In my opinion, this is one of the few times I've seen our church, or any church in our area, express the heart of Jesus.

Let me tell you about Jamie. Jamie is a fireball. She is the kind of person that won't let anyone stand in her way. I love that about her! She loves to laugh and is the life of the party, and has a heart for the less fortunate. God is doing some cool things in her life! Though our church staff made it difficult to pull this off she forced it through, and once again, God was present when the church existed to bless people with no ulterior motive.

Questions

In his book "Dangerous Wonder," Mike Yaconelli discusses risky curiosity. The risk of asking questions. Mike suggests that people are afraid to ask questions for the following reasons:

1. Questions can be embarrassing.
2. Questions can make people uncomfortable.
3. Questions can be dangerous.
4. People think there are "right and wrong" questions.

This is a character trait that I don't lack. I love to ask questions. I don't really care if the questions make others uncomfortable either. I believe good questions are vital to the spiritual journey.

What happens when people ask questions? Often times they get isolated from others. The four reasons given above causes others to be uncomortable around people who dare to ask questions. I've experienced this many, many times. Just go to a church ministry meeting and start asking question. . . Mike says, "Our questions may chase everyone else away, but they attract Jesus. We may be stuck with our questions, but we are also stuck with Jesus. If our questions leave us alone with Jesus, then lonely isn't a bad place to be."

Here are some of the questions I'm asking, and will continue to ask. Feel free to add to the list....

• What does it mean to love, and be loved by Jesus?
• What does it mean to be the Church, the Bride of Christ?
• What helps me recognize the presence of Jesus in my life?
• What does it mean to have relationships? With others? With Jesus?
  
• Where is Jesus leading me? The others that I'm journeying with?
• How is Jesus expressing himself through me? The others I'm journeying with?

On a personal note, there are some other questions:

• Jesus, when will I find a job!
• Jesus, could you give me some more direct direction.

Kinda, kidding.....

We went to Columbia, Mo. yesterday to hang out with some brothers and sisters of the same Father. Matt, Amy, Matt and Cindy are some great folks on a similar journey. It was great being able to hear their stories about how they have come to believe in a "simple" faith. Though our stories differ, we have a definate connection...JESUS! It was so refreshing hanging out with some folks that take the journey to love, and be loved, seriously.

We ate (and drank) at the Flat Branch Pub and Brewery where we tried a sampler of the various brews they offered. The green chile beer pretty good! We learned about each other's journey, ate some food and drank some beer together. Sounds like "church" to me....

Then Matt took us to Rock Bridge Memorial State Park which was very cool. Some great paths to hike complete with caves for the kids to "explore." We talked about everything under the sun...movies, parenting, church.... We had a great time and hope to do it again sometime....

We are so grateful that God is continuing to put people into our lives to journey with. Geographical distance doesn't seem like such an issue. God continues to use the internet to make connections and make the world a lot smaller...

Maybe next time we can get George, Bruce, Eddie, Tom, Deb. . .to join us! I get the feeling someday we all may get to hang out together....

I'll try to post some pictures if I can figure it out.

Predicatability and faith cannot coexist. What characterized Jesus and his disciples was unpredictability. Jesus was always surprising the disciples by eating at the wrong houses (those of sinners), hanging around the wrong people (tax collectors, adulterers, prostitutes, lepers), and healing people on the wrong day (the Sabbath). There was no Day Timer, no strategic plan, no mission statement; there was only the eager anticipation of the present moment. The Pharisees wanted Jesus to the same as they were. his truth should be the same truth that they had spent centuries taming. But truth is unpredictable. When Jesus is present, everyone is uncomfortable yet mysteriously glad at the same time. People do not like surprises - even church people - and they don't want to be uncomfortable. They want a nice tame Jesus.

You know what? Tameness is not an option.

Take surprise out of faith and all that is left is dry and dead religion. Take away the mystery from the gospel and all that is left is frozen petrified dogma. Lose your awe of God and you are left with an impotenet deity. Abandon astonishment and you are left with meaningless piety. When religion is characterized by sameness, when faith is franchised, when the genuiness of our experience with God is evaluated by its similarities to others' faith, then the uniqueness of God's people is dead and the church is lost.

Mike Yaconelli (Dangerous Wonder)

Preach it brother!

God is Not a Republican. Or a Democrat.

This is getting close to how I feel about politics.

God is so faithful....no, no job yet. It'll come. But, God keeps putting people in our lives to journey with after a long time of loneliness. For instance, I'm giving guitar lessons to help make ends meet and a lady from church came over with her son. She talked to Trish while I gave the lesson. By the time I came upstairs they were chatting about our little group of misfits and how she would love to hang out with us.

We are going to Columbia, Mo. to hang out with some friends we haven't met yet. Matt and Matt are on a similar spiritual journey and we are really looking forward to spending some time with them. It is awesome how God is using the internet to bring people together as an expression of His body.

A few months ago I decided I wanted to learn how to play Texas Holdem. The recent WSOP and WPT shows have inspired me to give it a shot. I've always liked playing poker, but it's been years since I've indulged. I've been playing on the internet and have actually graduated from being a "fish" to being a decent player.

Here are a few lessons I've learned that may, or may not apply to the rest of life:

1. You can play your hand right and still lose.

2. Consistent good-decisions pay off in the long run even if you take a couple of bad beats now and then.

3. Good things can happen to bad players, but players who depend on luck eventually lose their shirt.

4. Intimidation can be worth more than good cards in your hand.

5. If you don't know who the "fish" at the table is, YOU ARE IT!

I've been doing some job hunting on the internet and I came across this job title:

Erection Foreman

Hmmm....maybe its working for Pfizer, the company that makes Viagra?

I'm getting tired of my own whining lately! But, things have been a little strange around the Hiduk home the past few weeks..... Trish has her gallbladder removed, she tears some tendons stepping off of curb, and now a truck runs her off the road in the rain. We have no medical insurance, and the kicker is, the insurance of the truck driver doesnt want to pay because there was no "point of contact", although it was clearly the truck drivers fault.

If life gets any better I don't know if I can stand it! Maybe the Cardinals will win tonight.....

Greg and Rebecca Sparks came to our church today. What great musicians and all around great folks! Hey, they're from Pittsburgh, they can't be all bad. Right, George? I highly recommend their music!

We went out to lunch with them and had a great talk about ministry, music, leadership etc. They have a different point of view about the institutional church than we do, but they have great hearts. It was funny, because when we got home we were made aware of another "controversy" we are in the middle of....of course, we are the last to know....

One of my criticisms of the institutional church has been that it sets up leaders to be criticized by people who have no relationship with them. Motives are assumed, assumptions are made, and gossip is started with incomplete information, from a distance, usually behind the leader's back. It would be great if church attenders could just be adult about such things, lets not even talk about being Biblical or Christian! It's like you get up on stage and paint a target on your back. I'm really saddened by this kind of immaturity, but I guess I shouldn't expect anything more....

So, to the folks who are reading through my blog hunting for information to use....Good hunting and God bless you....and here are few things to think about:

1Tim 1:5-8
The whole point of what we're urging is simply love--love uncontaminated by self-interest and counterfeit faith, a life open to God. Those who fail to keep to this point soon wander off into cul-de-sacs of gossip. They set themselves up as experts on religious issues, but haven't the remotest idea of what they're holding forth with such imposing eloquence. It's true that moral guidance and counsel need to be given, but the way you say it and to whom you say it are as important as what you say. (The Message)

Pro 11:12
Mean-spirited slander is heartless; quiet discretion accompanies good sense. (The Message)

I hope Andy doesnt mind me posting the lyrics to this song. Thanks for turning us on to the tunes Eddie!

White Flag
by Andy Squyres

Make way bow down
Give up surrender everything you’ve known
You’re about to lose everything you have
Here comes the devastation we were warned about

It’s a mystery it’s a bloody mess
It only requires everything and nothing less
But if we die we will surely live
If we just give up the only thing that we can give

Oh I am waving I am waving my white flag
In the air and I’m to the point even though I lose
I just don’t care as long as you are there

Can’t run, we can’t hide
From the desperation that we feel inside
But there is hope and there is truth
The love of God will never stop pursuing me and you

©2003 Andy Squyres - All Rights Reserved.