The first day back to school after Thanksgiving.
Yea, it is usually a little stressful with the kids getting back on schedule. But, this is a behavioral disorder classroom. Magnify it. Then magnify it again.
There is a little boy in our class. I'll call him N. He is small for his age. About a head smaller than most. He is witty and can be as cute as they come....when he wants to be. And that ain't often.
From what I gather he spends most of his life being ignored by his family. When he does get attention it is in the form of a big brother's taunts and fists.
As a result, every little thing is a power struggle. EVERY LITTLE THING. In order to feel like he belongs and is accepted N. must be in control. Probably because he feels everyone else controls his circumstances.
Today N. lost it. Not his usual playing gymnastics with the desk and chair, or making loud noises to disrupt the rest of the class. No. We had to restrain him after he started throwing chairs around the room. When the teacher got tired of being hit and kicked we had to do a more restrictive restraining technique. When he realized he was truely powerless he cried like a baby.
To tell the truth it was hard for me not to cry with him. What happens at his home to cause this behavior breaks my heart. Any communication of love is met with complete resistance and defiance. But, I will not give in or give up.
Jesus claimed this as His mission:
Luk 4:18-19
"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim release to the captives, recovering of sight to the blind, to deliver those who are crushed, and to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord."
I think it is mine too. Right in my little broken classroom.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Can we get honest here...?
Honestly.
The past five years have been difficult. I won't bore you with the details. The few that read this drivel know most of it anyway.
Trish and I recently had an argument that escalated far beyond what is acceptable. It scared the kids and it scared us too. No, we are not getting divorced. No, we are not separated. Yes, we are getting some help to work through it. . .
This incident has forced me to look at my life and verbalize some things that had been swirling around in my demented head for sometime anyway. As most of you know a series of events began when we left a stable job, good friends, and the church where we started our journey with Jesus in Dallas. I was unhappy with my job and believed God was calling us to "full-time ministry" (whatever that is). We moved to El Paso so I could work at a church as worship and youth leader. It was a complete disaster and we left confused, hurt and disillusioned. We moved to Illinois where I was going to complete a degree in music and be a worship leader at a hopefully healthy church. I changed my major with that in mind. Then the screwball. We began to seriously questions the motives and usefulness of organized religion.
So, during this time Trish, who wants to be a stay-at-home mom has been the primary bread winner. I now have a degree that is worthless. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. The decisions over the last five years have not worked out like we had hoped, and it has left me confused, depressed, disillusioned, angry, and directionless. Any dreams that I had are gone. They need to be replaced with something else. I don't really care what....but I am a dreamer....I gotta have something to shoot for....
I think I have been a functional Agnostic for the past few months. Yea, God is there, but I just ain't feelin' it. I'm fine with that. I've resolved that the next move is His.
The past five years have been difficult. I won't bore you with the details. The few that read this drivel know most of it anyway.
Trish and I recently had an argument that escalated far beyond what is acceptable. It scared the kids and it scared us too. No, we are not getting divorced. No, we are not separated. Yes, we are getting some help to work through it. . .
This incident has forced me to look at my life and verbalize some things that had been swirling around in my demented head for sometime anyway. As most of you know a series of events began when we left a stable job, good friends, and the church where we started our journey with Jesus in Dallas. I was unhappy with my job and believed God was calling us to "full-time ministry" (whatever that is). We moved to El Paso so I could work at a church as worship and youth leader. It was a complete disaster and we left confused, hurt and disillusioned. We moved to Illinois where I was going to complete a degree in music and be a worship leader at a hopefully healthy church. I changed my major with that in mind. Then the screwball. We began to seriously questions the motives and usefulness of organized religion.
So, during this time Trish, who wants to be a stay-at-home mom has been the primary bread winner. I now have a degree that is worthless. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. The decisions over the last five years have not worked out like we had hoped, and it has left me confused, depressed, disillusioned, angry, and directionless. Any dreams that I had are gone. They need to be replaced with something else. I don't really care what....but I am a dreamer....I gotta have something to shoot for....
I think I have been a functional Agnostic for the past few months. Yea, God is there, but I just ain't feelin' it. I'm fine with that. I've resolved that the next move is His.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Rapid Increase in Alternative Forms of The Church Are Changing the Religious Landscape
Here is an excerpt from an interesting article from Barna that Trish turned me on to.... seems the "alternative" forms of church are more mainstream than most people thought....
A new book by George Barna, entitled Revolution, indicates that since the turn of the millennium there have been major changes occurring in how people experience and express their faith. Based on a regular series of national surveys conducted by his company during the past quarter century, Barna discovered that discontent with congregational churches, changes in lifestyles, and a burgeoning desire to get closer to God, have caused many people to seek new ways of being in relationship with God and other God-seeking people.
In 2000, most of the nation’s organized religious activity took place at or through local churches. Today, Barna’s research points out, the action is shifting to newer forms of corporate religious commitment. In a typical week, 9% of all adults participate in a house church. An even greater proportion – 22% - engages in spiritual encounters that take place in the marketplace (e.g., with groups of people while they are at their place of work or play, or in other typical daily contexts). The Internet serves as the foundation for interactive faith experiences for more than one out of every ten adults, although most of them currently use it in tandem with another form of corporate religious experience.
A new book by George Barna, entitled Revolution, indicates that since the turn of the millennium there have been major changes occurring in how people experience and express their faith. Based on a regular series of national surveys conducted by his company during the past quarter century, Barna discovered that discontent with congregational churches, changes in lifestyles, and a burgeoning desire to get closer to God, have caused many people to seek new ways of being in relationship with God and other God-seeking people.
In 2000, most of the nation’s organized religious activity took place at or through local churches. Today, Barna’s research points out, the action is shifting to newer forms of corporate religious commitment. In a typical week, 9% of all adults participate in a house church. An even greater proportion – 22% - engages in spiritual encounters that take place in the marketplace (e.g., with groups of people while they are at their place of work or play, or in other typical daily contexts). The Internet serves as the foundation for interactive faith experiences for more than one out of every ten adults, although most of them currently use it in tandem with another form of corporate religious experience.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
The Road Less Traveled
I am not very motivated to blog right now, though there are lots of things I could blog about.... Yea, I'm lazy...
I've been reading The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. It isn't exactly a "Christian" book, but I've been really challenged by some of his concepts and thoughts.
Peck believes that love is at the core of any spiritual change. It is how Peck defines love, and the implications that follow, that I find really interesting.
Peck's definition of love: "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."
According to Peck one cannot love someone else without loving their own self. I know. That sounds like modern psychological BS. But think about it. Can you really give someone else something you don't have? Can we impart character or discipline to our children that we don't have? Or, that God is not living in us and through us?
Next, Peck emphasizes the word "will" in his definition of love. "Will is desire of sufficient intensity that it is translated into action." There is a difference between desire and action. We can desire to be loving, and not be loving. This sounds trite, but when I think about my own life, and my "lived-out" definition of love, it tends to be nebulous. This definition forces me to think about love on an individual level rather than the "we are the world" level. Who is God putting right in front of me, right now?
Last, this definition implies that love is work. (I'm sure there are some with a "romantic" view of love who will have problems with this. The romantic view of love is based on feeling so would fall outside of the definition that we are using here.) In Peck's view, love is always a form of work and/or courage because we are extending ourselves to include someone else in our "world". That extension of ourself implies risk and work.
After pointing out the many things that love is not, Peck discusses the "work of attention". The fact is that a large part of love is attention. It is listening. It is entering in to the other person's world. If you have ever really tried to that, you know that it is work. I don't know about you, but my thoughts drift so easily...."What will I say next?"...."Oh, I can fix that."...."Dang, I forgot to put that load of laundry in."....."My kids are being to loud."..... I've thought about how often I truly enter in to my kid's world too. Peck points out that there are many different levels of listening and we need to use each one at certain times. But, how often do I fully enter in to my kindergartener's world with all my attention? Not often enough.
I'll end with a quote from a part of the book about the role of love in psychotherapy. I think it describes a way in which we, as the Church, can and should be present to the broken in our world.
"It is not "unconditonal positive regard," nor it is magical words, techniques or postures; it is human involvement and struggle. It is the willingness of the therapist to extend himself or herself for the purpose of nurturing a patient's growth - willingness to go out on a limb, to truly involve oneself at an emotional level in the relationship, to actually struggle with the patient and with oneself. In short, the magical ingredient of successful deep and meaningful psychotherapy is love."
Am I willing to go to the broken places and broken people of the world and enter struggle?
Who, specifically, am I struggling with?
How am I doing at struggling with my wife and kids?
I've been reading The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. It isn't exactly a "Christian" book, but I've been really challenged by some of his concepts and thoughts.
Peck believes that love is at the core of any spiritual change. It is how Peck defines love, and the implications that follow, that I find really interesting.
Peck's definition of love: "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."
According to Peck one cannot love someone else without loving their own self. I know. That sounds like modern psychological BS. But think about it. Can you really give someone else something you don't have? Can we impart character or discipline to our children that we don't have? Or, that God is not living in us and through us?
Next, Peck emphasizes the word "will" in his definition of love. "Will is desire of sufficient intensity that it is translated into action." There is a difference between desire and action. We can desire to be loving, and not be loving. This sounds trite, but when I think about my own life, and my "lived-out" definition of love, it tends to be nebulous. This definition forces me to think about love on an individual level rather than the "we are the world" level. Who is God putting right in front of me, right now?
Last, this definition implies that love is work. (I'm sure there are some with a "romantic" view of love who will have problems with this. The romantic view of love is based on feeling so would fall outside of the definition that we are using here.) In Peck's view, love is always a form of work and/or courage because we are extending ourselves to include someone else in our "world". That extension of ourself implies risk and work.
After pointing out the many things that love is not, Peck discusses the "work of attention". The fact is that a large part of love is attention. It is listening. It is entering in to the other person's world. If you have ever really tried to that, you know that it is work. I don't know about you, but my thoughts drift so easily...."What will I say next?"...."Oh, I can fix that."...."Dang, I forgot to put that load of laundry in."....."My kids are being to loud."..... I've thought about how often I truly enter in to my kid's world too. Peck points out that there are many different levels of listening and we need to use each one at certain times. But, how often do I fully enter in to my kindergartener's world with all my attention? Not often enough.
I'll end with a quote from a part of the book about the role of love in psychotherapy. I think it describes a way in which we, as the Church, can and should be present to the broken in our world.
"It is not "unconditonal positive regard," nor it is magical words, techniques or postures; it is human involvement and struggle. It is the willingness of the therapist to extend himself or herself for the purpose of nurturing a patient's growth - willingness to go out on a limb, to truly involve oneself at an emotional level in the relationship, to actually struggle with the patient and with oneself. In short, the magical ingredient of successful deep and meaningful psychotherapy is love."
Am I willing to go to the broken places and broken people of the world and enter struggle?
Who, specifically, am I struggling with?
How am I doing at struggling with my wife and kids?
Sunday, October 09, 2005
This is our first Sunday not being part of an institutional church in about 12 years. I didn't miss is it this weekend.... We had a time of reading the OT and Psalms as a family, sang a song or two and chilled out on the couch and enjoyed each other. We had a nice bonfire on Friday night with some good friends....gotta like that....something about friends, fire and a few beers that I really enjoy.... We continue to pray for God to put people into our life that want to journey with us.... We will be having biscuits and gravy "church" at our house in the near future.
Been reading N.T. Wright's "Challenge of Jesus". Really challenges me in putting Jesus in a historical context rather than viewing him as a "supernatural" being that floated his way through life. I'm sure I'll have some more to say at a later time about that....
My job as a teacher's asst. continues to be interesting. I pray for my kids everyday....in a public school even....they don't know it though.....that wouldn't be "legal". My heart breaks for some of these kids. The home life they must have that causes them to act out like they do.... sigh....heartbreak....prayer....
Been reading N.T. Wright's "Challenge of Jesus". Really challenges me in putting Jesus in a historical context rather than viewing him as a "supernatural" being that floated his way through life. I'm sure I'll have some more to say at a later time about that....
My job as a teacher's asst. continues to be interesting. I pray for my kids everyday....in a public school even....they don't know it though.....that wouldn't be "legal". My heart breaks for some of these kids. The home life they must have that causes them to act out like they do.... sigh....heartbreak....prayer....
Thursday, September 22, 2005
The Midwest Camping Experiment
Reality Show Update:
Can three families whose only contact has been on the internet camp together for a weekend? Will their kids get along? Will they be able to share food and water? Will they be able to share the life of Christ without devolving into petty theological arguements? Will they be able to endure a three mile wilderness hike with meager provisions, little water, and nine whiney children? Stay tuned. . .
The answer to all these questions was a resounding YES! Last weekend we camped with Bob and Amy, and Matt and Amy and their children. Some people might think we were crazy for camping with people we met on the internet. Of course they could have been axe murders, but I can verify that there were hatchets available, and yet, we all came back alive. Physically and spiritually.
It didn't cease to amaze me the whole weekend how easily and effortlessly our children connected. They played like they have known each other for years! It reminded me of a family get-togethers as a kid, which my kids don't get to enjoy due to family strangeness. It was cool to see them share, and mostly get through their small disagreements on their own. My kids couldn't stop talking about the fun they had on the way home!
I think that sense of immediate connection was shared among the adults too. We shared food and spiritual journeys around the campfire. We shared carrying each others children on our wilderness adventure. (Note to self: Never do a three mile hike with children under 8.) We shared songs. From my point of view it just felt "right".
I am reminded how important it is to spend time with others in the family of God. We all have different expriences that shape our theology, ecclesiology and worldview, and I am reminded how much I need my theology, ecclesiology and worldview shaped by others.
It never ceases to amaze me how God connects His people. It was great to have a family outing and we can't wait for the next one.
I would say our "reality show" was a success....
Can three families whose only contact has been on the internet camp together for a weekend? Will their kids get along? Will they be able to share food and water? Will they be able to share the life of Christ without devolving into petty theological arguements? Will they be able to endure a three mile wilderness hike with meager provisions, little water, and nine whiney children? Stay tuned. . .
The answer to all these questions was a resounding YES! Last weekend we camped with Bob and Amy, and Matt and Amy and their children. Some people might think we were crazy for camping with people we met on the internet. Of course they could have been axe murders, but I can verify that there were hatchets available, and yet, we all came back alive. Physically and spiritually.
It didn't cease to amaze me the whole weekend how easily and effortlessly our children connected. They played like they have known each other for years! It reminded me of a family get-togethers as a kid, which my kids don't get to enjoy due to family strangeness. It was cool to see them share, and mostly get through their small disagreements on their own. My kids couldn't stop talking about the fun they had on the way home!
I think that sense of immediate connection was shared among the adults too. We shared food and spiritual journeys around the campfire. We shared carrying each others children on our wilderness adventure. (Note to self: Never do a three mile hike with children under 8.) We shared songs. From my point of view it just felt "right".
I am reminded how important it is to spend time with others in the family of God. We all have different expriences that shape our theology, ecclesiology and worldview, and I am reminded how much I need my theology, ecclesiology and worldview shaped by others.
It never ceases to amaze me how God connects His people. It was great to have a family outing and we can't wait for the next one.
I would say our "reality show" was a success....
Monday, September 19, 2005
Friday, September 09, 2005
"D"
Her shaggy brown hair covered her face, providing shelter from those who might make fun of her. She dressed in classic second hand clothes. Just out of style enough to stick out. At the start of every day she came to the fifth and sixth grade gym, searched out a place in the middle of the gym where she wouldn’t be noticed, and sat alone. While the other kids socialized, swapping stories about their latest video game, or who the cutest boy in their class is, or what happened at the ball game last night, or even finished their homework . . . she looked at the gym floor.
A bald, directionless, teacher’s assistant who happens to believe that God loves people like this little girl with deep affection enters the picture. He is just stupid enough to believe that God has put this little girl on his heart. He knows enough about feeling alone and left out to not want others to feel the same way, and just naive enough to think that he can make a difference. He introduces himself, asks some general questions and invites her to join his little band of misfits. She smiles and politely declines.
In a conversation with the social worker the next day he points out the little girl sitting alone with her hair in her face. It just so happens the social worker knows another little girl who has some social issues and she introduces them. Can you believe that these two little girls used to be friends a long time ago and hadn’t talked in a long time? Can you believe that they happen to have enough in common to strike up a conversation? I knew you could. . .
The next day the bald, directionless teacher’s assistant walks in the gym with his boys and looks for the shaggy-haired little girl. She isn’t in her usual spot. Scanning the gym he catches sight of her. What a beautiful sight it was! The wilting flower of a girl had gotten a drink of water and was blooming among a group of new friends. Smiling and laughing, and not looking much at all like the girl of the previous day. . .
The bald, directionless teacher’s assistant is learning to measure success in small increments. . .
A bald, directionless, teacher’s assistant who happens to believe that God loves people like this little girl with deep affection enters the picture. He is just stupid enough to believe that God has put this little girl on his heart. He knows enough about feeling alone and left out to not want others to feel the same way, and just naive enough to think that he can make a difference. He introduces himself, asks some general questions and invites her to join his little band of misfits. She smiles and politely declines.
In a conversation with the social worker the next day he points out the little girl sitting alone with her hair in her face. It just so happens the social worker knows another little girl who has some social issues and she introduces them. Can you believe that these two little girls used to be friends a long time ago and hadn’t talked in a long time? Can you believe that they happen to have enough in common to strike up a conversation? I knew you could. . .
The next day the bald, directionless teacher’s assistant walks in the gym with his boys and looks for the shaggy-haired little girl. She isn’t in her usual spot. Scanning the gym he catches sight of her. What a beautiful sight it was! The wilting flower of a girl had gotten a drink of water and was blooming among a group of new friends. Smiling and laughing, and not looking much at all like the girl of the previous day. . .
The bald, directionless teacher’s assistant is learning to measure success in small increments. . .
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Reflections
My first week of working with Behavior Disorder students has been challenging, interesting and tiring. Let me see. . . I've been cussed at, threatened and had to restrain a child in my first week. I'm told it will get worse as the kids get more comfortable....Great.....!
I am so grateful for my children, as knuckleheaded as they can be! Our family isn't perfect, but at least there is some love and concern there. Just about every kid has home issues that contribute to their behavior problems. I'm sure that doesn't come as a surprise. But, there is not a kid that I don't have hope for (great grammar). I hope that many of them will return to normal classes in the future.
Speaking of my kids. My middle has been diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder. To be honest, it is a relief. She doesn't have the social debilitating issues that many people have, but it is enough that we have been concerned for awhile about her social growth. This answers a lot of questions for us! I look forward to learning how to help her!
If you've read Trish's blog, you've seen we decided to leave the church where we currently serve. This is a big step in our journey. It has been a long time coming, and if you've read here you know the many reasons. All I can say is that I have peace about it, and I look forward to what God has in store, though we have no clue what that is....
I am so grateful for my children, as knuckleheaded as they can be! Our family isn't perfect, but at least there is some love and concern there. Just about every kid has home issues that contribute to their behavior problems. I'm sure that doesn't come as a surprise. But, there is not a kid that I don't have hope for (great grammar). I hope that many of them will return to normal classes in the future.
Speaking of my kids. My middle has been diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder. To be honest, it is a relief. She doesn't have the social debilitating issues that many people have, but it is enough that we have been concerned for awhile about her social growth. This answers a lot of questions for us! I look forward to learning how to help her!
If you've read Trish's blog, you've seen we decided to leave the church where we currently serve. This is a big step in our journey. It has been a long time coming, and if you've read here you know the many reasons. All I can say is that I have peace about it, and I look forward to what God has in store, though we have no clue what that is....
Thursday, August 25, 2005
First Day Conversation
My boy had his first day of kindergarten this week. Here is an excerpt of the conversation after his first full day. . .
Me: How was your first day!
Bubba: Good.
Me: Were you nervous?
Bubba: Not really.
Me: You seemed a little scared when I dropped you off at the Gym...
Bubba: Well, maybe half- scared.
Me: Why only half-scared?
Bubba: God is with us wherever we are!
Me: Yeah, you're right dude!
(Silence)
Bubba: Does God make tornadoes?
Me: I guess so.....kind of....
Bubba: Why does God make bad stuff?
My boy has an interesting train of thought here. If God is with us during even the "bad stuff" why would he create the "bad stuff" in the first place.... not bad for a kindergartener!
I love Bubba!
Me: How was your first day!
Bubba: Good.
Me: Were you nervous?
Bubba: Not really.
Me: You seemed a little scared when I dropped you off at the Gym...
Bubba: Well, maybe half- scared.
Me: Why only half-scared?
Bubba: God is with us wherever we are!
Me: Yeah, you're right dude!
(Silence)
Bubba: Does God make tornadoes?
Me: I guess so.....kind of....
Bubba: Why does God make bad stuff?
My boy has an interesting train of thought here. If God is with us during even the "bad stuff" why would he create the "bad stuff" in the first place.... not bad for a kindergartener!
I love Bubba!
Monday, August 22, 2005
First Day
This is the first day of school, both for me and my youngest. Bubba is excited and a little nervous, but overall I think he is ready for his first day of kindergarten. Kind of makes me sad to think of him as a student now. . .
I have found out some more about the students I will be working with. Most of them have severe behavior disorders. Most come from troubled families. Some have been sexually abused. Some have . . . the list could go on. My first introduction to the school system was a "restraint" class. . . nice . . .
I am going just hoping to reflect the light of Christ. Patience and tolerance with defiant kids are not strong suits of mine, but I am praying that God will give me the power and grace that are His alone to give. . .
I have found out some more about the students I will be working with. Most of them have severe behavior disorders. Most come from troubled families. Some have been sexually abused. Some have . . . the list could go on. My first introduction to the school system was a "restraint" class. . . nice . . .
I am going just hoping to reflect the light of Christ. Patience and tolerance with defiant kids are not strong suits of mine, but I am praying that God will give me the power and grace that are His alone to give. . .
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Brat Camp
Sorry for the silence. Our internet has been down since a storm Saturday evening.
Trish and I stumbled across the reality show "Brat Camp" this past weekend. They had a marathon to get people up to date. It's about an intense wilderness camp that teaches troubled kids to be responsible and deal with their emotions in healthy ways in an intense environment. It reminded me so much of going through drug treatment as a teenager. My mom and dad should have thrown me in one of those camps. I deserved it. But I also relate to the counselors who give a large portion of their own lives to help these kids. I think that kind of sacrifice is Jesus in action in our world today... It also reminds me of the comraderie and fellowship that I experienced in NA groups for many years that I have yet to find in the institutional church. . .
Trish and I stumbled across the reality show "Brat Camp" this past weekend. They had a marathon to get people up to date. It's about an intense wilderness camp that teaches troubled kids to be responsible and deal with their emotions in healthy ways in an intense environment. It reminded me so much of going through drug treatment as a teenager. My mom and dad should have thrown me in one of those camps. I deserved it. But I also relate to the counselors who give a large portion of their own lives to help these kids. I think that kind of sacrifice is Jesus in action in our world today... It also reminds me of the comraderie and fellowship that I experienced in NA groups for many years that I have yet to find in the institutional church. . .
Friday, August 12, 2005
Silent Fun
We just got back from taking the kids to HolidayWorld. We had a great time! I love hearing my kids laugh! I think we liked the waterpark better than the the regular rides actually. We stayed in a trailer and didn't bring a TV or radio. It was nice to have silence for awhile. You realize how addicted you are to noise when you don't have any around. I like silence. It provides space for conversations...
Now it is time to prepare for school...Part of me is excited, the other dreads it. Part of me is glad to get the kids back in a routine, the other part is going to miss the time with them.
If you get time add your list to the "Seven Great Lies of Organized Religion".
Now it is time to prepare for school...Part of me is excited, the other dreads it. Part of me is glad to get the kids back in a routine, the other part is going to miss the time with them.
If you get time add your list to the "Seven Great Lies of Organized Religion".
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Slinky Job
In our quest to figure out a way to earn some money while not neglecting our kids and other relationships, I got a job at our local school. I am going to be a personal aid to a young man with a behavior disorder. It will be challenging.... I really don't know what to expect.... I am already praying for him though...
The upside is that we finally will have some medical benefits, and I will be off work when the kids are off school! The downside is that the pay isn't great...but I have had some thoughts about getting my Master's Degree at some point...so who knows...
We are doing the music for Vacation Bible School at our church this week. This is probably the only time I truely enjoy playing for the church. 200 screaming kids, who actually enjoy what we do! We've been singing Born To Be Wild and I'm A Believer and everyone's favorite Lions (The Slinky Song)!
Find out more about the song that won the Joh Lennon songwriting award, and happens to be one of the most powerful songs of spiritual warfare ever: The Slinky Song.
The upside is that we finally will have some medical benefits, and I will be off work when the kids are off school! The downside is that the pay isn't great...but I have had some thoughts about getting my Master's Degree at some point...so who knows...
We are doing the music for Vacation Bible School at our church this week. This is probably the only time I truely enjoy playing for the church. 200 screaming kids, who actually enjoy what we do! We've been singing Born To Be Wild and I'm A Believer and everyone's favorite Lions (The Slinky Song)!
Find out more about the song that won the Joh Lennon songwriting award, and happens to be one of the most powerful songs of spiritual warfare ever: The Slinky Song.
OH THEM LIONS THEY CAN EAT MY BODY, BUT THEY CAN'T SWALLOW MY SOUL. THEY KEEP ON TRYING TO CRASH MY PARTY BUT THEY CAN'T GET CONTROL.
NO WAY, BABY.
SATAN PROWLS LIKE A ROARING LION, SEEKING WHOM HE WILL DEVOUR.
YET I KNOW THAT THOUGH HE KEEPS ON TRYING, HE'S NO MATCH FOR JESUS' POWER!
EVEN DEMONS BELIEVE AND TREMBLE, BUT THEY TRY TO RUIN YOUR LIFE THE SAME. YET I KNOW THAT WHEN THE SAINTS ASSEMBLE, SATAN RUNS AT EVERY SIGN OF JESUS' NAME!
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Reality Check
I've been accused of focusing to much on the problems and the negative of my institutional church experiences. I'll try to share some of our direction from a positive point of view...
We really desire to have fellowship with a small group of people who desire to see the reality of the Kingdom expressed in our little town. We desire to let God use us in the context of a community to do "mission" (helping people in real ways as part of Kingdom come). We desire to have a couple of close friends who "get" our desires. We desire to be part of a group of people who share and teach each other, in dialogue, the truths they are learning. We desire a community based on deepening relationships with God and each other, rather than a specific meeting time.
The reality is that we've tried. It ain't happening.
I've also been accused of being depressed lately. I don't think I am, but I do know that I don't feel like we are experiencing any of the things I've listed. . . and to be honest, I've given up trying.
Reality Check:
I'm an idealist and a romantic.
I'm a self-centered ass.
I'm a dreamer.
I'm a terrible housekeeper.
I'm an introvert by nature.
I'm never satisfied.
I can the negative side of anything.
Want to be in community with me?
We really desire to have fellowship with a small group of people who desire to see the reality of the Kingdom expressed in our little town. We desire to let God use us in the context of a community to do "mission" (helping people in real ways as part of Kingdom come). We desire to have a couple of close friends who "get" our desires. We desire to be part of a group of people who share and teach each other, in dialogue, the truths they are learning. We desire a community based on deepening relationships with God and each other, rather than a specific meeting time.
The reality is that we've tried. It ain't happening.
I've also been accused of being depressed lately. I don't think I am, but I do know that I don't feel like we are experiencing any of the things I've listed. . . and to be honest, I've given up trying.
Reality Check:
I'm an idealist and a romantic.
I'm a self-centered ass.
I'm a dreamer.
I'm a terrible housekeeper.
I'm an introvert by nature.
I'm never satisfied.
I can the negative side of anything.
Want to be in community with me?
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Cardinals!!!!
We took the kids to Busch Stadium last night to witness the greatness that is the Cardinals! It was HOT and HUMID!!! We got to walk on the field with the Highland Parks and Recreation group! Pretty cool!
We ALL had a good time, which is difficult to pull off with 5 people with diverse interests. Hannah's "man" is Albert Pujols and she got to see him smack a two run homer. Abbie's man is Scott Rolen. . .well, he's working through it. . . Brenden loved munching on a giant snow cone and guessing whether the batter would hit or miss.
Is it really necessary to charge $4 for a bottle of water?
It was weird to think that may be the last time I see the Cards in the old Busch Stadium....lots of good childhood memories there. . .progress marches on...
Did I mention the greatness that is the Cardinals?
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Thoughts
So, we attended a church service for the first time in a month this past week. Someone asked me if I missed it. . . I can honestly say that I didn't miss the service one bit, but I did miss seeing some of the people.
I find it interesting how many people say that they miss you when they make no attempt to contact you. Seriously, other than our close friends maybe two people got a hold of us. I realize that many of the people in our institution aren't where we are at, but the lack of any resemblance of community is disheartening. I think what they missed was what we bring to the service in way of music. To be honest, that makes me feel a little used, but I guess I already knew that. . .
During our time off I can honestly say that I did not feel any closer to God, or any farther away from God, than I usually do. What I did feel was far less busy. We had more time to spend with our family. No crazy Wed. night running around, and Sunday mornings were actually pleasant for a change!
I know there are a lot of people who don't understand our decisions and our direction. I'm not even sure that I do some of the time. But I know this. God is not relegated to a church building. God does not talk through the same person week after week. God wants people to take responsibilty for their own spirituality. God does not want a building full of consumers.
If you care about us, and really don't understand what the heck we are talking about please read THIS. It probably explains much about how we feel about institutional church better than we could. . .
I find it interesting how many people say that they miss you when they make no attempt to contact you. Seriously, other than our close friends maybe two people got a hold of us. I realize that many of the people in our institution aren't where we are at, but the lack of any resemblance of community is disheartening. I think what they missed was what we bring to the service in way of music. To be honest, that makes me feel a little used, but I guess I already knew that. . .
During our time off I can honestly say that I did not feel any closer to God, or any farther away from God, than I usually do. What I did feel was far less busy. We had more time to spend with our family. No crazy Wed. night running around, and Sunday mornings were actually pleasant for a change!
I know there are a lot of people who don't understand our decisions and our direction. I'm not even sure that I do some of the time. But I know this. God is not relegated to a church building. God does not talk through the same person week after week. God wants people to take responsibilty for their own spirituality. God does not want a building full of consumers.
If you care about us, and really don't understand what the heck we are talking about please read THIS. It probably explains much about how we feel about institutional church better than we could. . .
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Bathroom Silence
Sorry for the silence. Our bathroom drain was draining slowly, our house is old, so I decided to change the drain pipes under the sink. . .now we are remodeling the whole bathroom. . . I love old houses. . .
Friday, July 01, 2005
Pharisees Continued
Sorry for the delay. I got some new gear and I'm getting close to be able to do some halfway quality recordings of my music. I'm looking forward to it!
We are really enjoying our time off of church. All I can say that is that I feel at peace.
So, continuing the Pharisees discussion...
If Jesus was not battling "legalism" when he was dealing with the Pharisees, what was going on? I've always understood the Pharisees to be the bad guys in the story. They were oppressing people with their legalistic interpretations of the Law, right? Forcing people to "earn" their way to heaven by following dietary laws, Sabbath observance etc, right? I'm finding that maybe that's not exactly true.
First, the Pharisees were probably the more liberal of the Jewish sects of Jesus' day. The Sadducees were in control of the Temple. They wanted everything to stay status quo. They wanted everything revolving around the Temple. Next, the Essenes were the radicals who saw the Temple system as absolutely corrupt. So far gone, in fact, that they started their own community in the desert to separate themselves from the world and await the time that God would restore them as the "real Israel". The Pharisees were trying to help the common person be faithful to Israel's traditions without going to either extreme. Not quite the "Darth Vaders" of the First Century that I was taught about in Sunday school. . . Throw in to this mix Herod, who is building palaces and the Temple to try to appease the people while trying to get along with his political bosses, and the Zealots whose goal was a forceful revolution. It becomes pretty easy to see that religion and politics was not as separate as it is in our day.
I am suggesting that the Pharisees, as well as the other religions sects of Jesus' time, had a nationalistic agenda, and at least part of what Jesus was dealing with so forcefully was that Israel's vocation of being a "blessing to the world" could not be fulfilled within that nationalistic agenda. Let's remember Abraham's covenant, which superseded the Mosaic Law:
Gen 12:1-3
Now the LORD said to Abram, "Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and him who dishonors you I will curse, and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed." (Emphasis mine)
I believe that this is the controlling story of the Bible. The vocation of Israel is plain and simple: bless the world. The problem is that all of the symbols that demark Israel as a nation have been co-opted by a nationalistic agenda that wants to overthrow Rome, restore the land, and end the long exile. According the the Scriptures this will be accomplished by the Messiah. Interesting that Jesus was not the first, nor the last to claim to be the Messiah isn't it? Most of the people of Israel were not looking for a spiritual kingdom, they wanted the Roman animals off their backs and out of their land!
I know, you are skeptical. Surely there is more to the story. I'm not saying there isn't, but this is a big part of what Jesus was dealing with. What other Biblical proof is there? Check out Luke 13:
Luk 13:1-9 There were some present at that very time who told him about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices. And he answered them, "Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans, because they suffered in this way? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish. Or those eighteen on whom the tower in Siloam fell and killed them: do you think that they were worse offenders than all the others who lived in Jerusalem? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish." And he told this parable: "A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came seeking fruit on it and found none. And he said to the vinedresser, 'Look, for three years now I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and I find none. Cut it down. Why should it use up the ground?' And he answered him, 'Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and put on manure. Then if it should bear fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.'"
These verses aren't talking about heaven and hell like I thought when I first read them. They make much more sense in the context I am proposing. If Israel does not repent from their nationalistic rebellion against Rome they will perish. There will be Roman swords in the Temple and falling bricks in Jerusalem. Isn't that exactly what happened in AD 70 when Titus destroyed Jerusalem?
I know. You aren't convinced. Okay, lets look at Luke 19 where Jesus is approaching Jerusalem. This is the pivotal moment in the Gospels. Jesus, the Messiah, is entering the Holy City! There is great expectation that the God's Kingdom will be established. Jesus' followers are singing "Hossanna!" Save now! They a singing from Ps. 118 that were thought to reference the Messiah. Remember his followers were not looking for a spiritual kingdom. . . they wanted to boot Rome out of Israel!
Luk 19:41-44 And when he drew near and saw the city, he wept over it, saying, "Would that you, even you, had known on this day the things that make for peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes. For the days will come upon you, when your enemies will set up a barricade around you and surround you and hem you in on every side and tear you down to the ground, you and your children within you. And they will not leave one stone upon another in you, because you did not know the time of your visitation."
We are getting a clear picture of the judgment that Jesus is declaring on Israel. The writing is on the wall! If Israel continues down the path of nationalistic revolution, Rome will wipe them out!
What does Jesus do next? He marches right into the Temple and begins the judgment on the system. It too has been co-opted by this nationalistic fervor. It is not serving it's original purpose: to be a blessing to all nations. Rather, it is the place where Israel is looking for the restoration from exile. It is the place where the Messiah will return and setup his kingdom. Salvation for Israel will come from the Temple! The revolution will start there! No wonder the people are excited as Jesus is heading into Jerusalem!
This is to long as it is. I'll stop. Next, I'll look at Matthew 21-25 in this context. . .
We are really enjoying our time off of church. All I can say that is that I feel at peace.
So, continuing the Pharisees discussion...
If Jesus was not battling "legalism" when he was dealing with the Pharisees, what was going on? I've always understood the Pharisees to be the bad guys in the story. They were oppressing people with their legalistic interpretations of the Law, right? Forcing people to "earn" their way to heaven by following dietary laws, Sabbath observance etc, right? I'm finding that maybe that's not exactly true.
First, the Pharisees were probably the more liberal of the Jewish sects of Jesus' day. The Sadducees were in control of the Temple. They wanted everything to stay status quo. They wanted everything revolving around the Temple. Next, the Essenes were the radicals who saw the Temple system as absolutely corrupt. So far gone, in fact, that they started their own community in the desert to separate themselves from the world and await the time that God would restore them as the "real Israel". The Pharisees were trying to help the common person be faithful to Israel's traditions without going to either extreme. Not quite the "Darth Vaders" of the First Century that I was taught about in Sunday school. . . Throw in to this mix Herod, who is building palaces and the Temple to try to appease the people while trying to get along with his political bosses, and the Zealots whose goal was a forceful revolution. It becomes pretty easy to see that religion and politics was not as separate as it is in our day.
I am suggesting that the Pharisees, as well as the other religions sects of Jesus' time, had a nationalistic agenda, and at least part of what Jesus was dealing with so forcefully was that Israel's vocation of being a "blessing to the world" could not be fulfilled within that nationalistic agenda. Let's remember Abraham's covenant, which superseded the Mosaic Law:
Gen 12:1-3
Now the LORD said to Abram, "Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and him who dishonors you I will curse, and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed." (Emphasis mine)
I believe that this is the controlling story of the Bible. The vocation of Israel is plain and simple: bless the world. The problem is that all of the symbols that demark Israel as a nation have been co-opted by a nationalistic agenda that wants to overthrow Rome, restore the land, and end the long exile. According the the Scriptures this will be accomplished by the Messiah. Interesting that Jesus was not the first, nor the last to claim to be the Messiah isn't it? Most of the people of Israel were not looking for a spiritual kingdom, they wanted the Roman animals off their backs and out of their land!
I know, you are skeptical. Surely there is more to the story. I'm not saying there isn't, but this is a big part of what Jesus was dealing with. What other Biblical proof is there? Check out Luke 13:
Luk 13:1-9 There were some present at that very time who told him about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices. And he answered them, "Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans, because they suffered in this way? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish. Or those eighteen on whom the tower in Siloam fell and killed them: do you think that they were worse offenders than all the others who lived in Jerusalem? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish." And he told this parable: "A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came seeking fruit on it and found none. And he said to the vinedresser, 'Look, for three years now I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and I find none. Cut it down. Why should it use up the ground?' And he answered him, 'Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and put on manure. Then if it should bear fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.'"
These verses aren't talking about heaven and hell like I thought when I first read them. They make much more sense in the context I am proposing. If Israel does not repent from their nationalistic rebellion against Rome they will perish. There will be Roman swords in the Temple and falling bricks in Jerusalem. Isn't that exactly what happened in AD 70 when Titus destroyed Jerusalem?
I know. You aren't convinced. Okay, lets look at Luke 19 where Jesus is approaching Jerusalem. This is the pivotal moment in the Gospels. Jesus, the Messiah, is entering the Holy City! There is great expectation that the God's Kingdom will be established. Jesus' followers are singing "Hossanna!" Save now! They a singing from Ps. 118 that were thought to reference the Messiah. Remember his followers were not looking for a spiritual kingdom. . . they wanted to boot Rome out of Israel!
Luk 19:41-44 And when he drew near and saw the city, he wept over it, saying, "Would that you, even you, had known on this day the things that make for peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes. For the days will come upon you, when your enemies will set up a barricade around you and surround you and hem you in on every side and tear you down to the ground, you and your children within you. And they will not leave one stone upon another in you, because you did not know the time of your visitation."
We are getting a clear picture of the judgment that Jesus is declaring on Israel. The writing is on the wall! If Israel continues down the path of nationalistic revolution, Rome will wipe them out!
What does Jesus do next? He marches right into the Temple and begins the judgment on the system. It too has been co-opted by this nationalistic fervor. It is not serving it's original purpose: to be a blessing to all nations. Rather, it is the place where Israel is looking for the restoration from exile. It is the place where the Messiah will return and setup his kingdom. Salvation for Israel will come from the Temple! The revolution will start there! No wonder the people are excited as Jesus is heading into Jerusalem!
This is to long as it is. I'll stop. Next, I'll look at Matthew 21-25 in this context. . .
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