The "Good Stuff" - Down the Rabbit Hole

If you are a friend of mine and haven't read my blog for awhile, please read the past few posts before you call me a heretic. Thanks.

So, I've explained some of the rational behind this "experiment" here and here. I've described my crisis experience in which I got a glimpse behind the ego-mind (although I didn't know how to describe it at the time).

Much of my time as a conservative Christian was centered around theology, theories, obligation, morality, rules and rituals. None of which helped me experience God in a significant way. Most of the changes in my life were either short lived, or were more an act of shoving a round peg into a square hole. The holistic, natural change that comes from inner peace and joy were absent.

So around the time of this "ego-mind experience" I started doing some research on the Tao and Buddhism, looking for the commonalities with what I've been taught and experienced. I must say that I resonated with large portions of what I read. I think Buddhism describes reality better than any of the other religions/philosophies that I've participated in (more on that in a later post). But one thing that Buddhism teaches is that you will never experience enlightenment by reading about it. It must be experienced. I completely agree.

I‘ve since learned that the glimpse of awareness and freedom that I experienced was merely a momentary detachment from my ego. In my mind I believed that my security was being threatened. I had lost a sense of self by having no "purpose" in life (no religion, no career, etc.). My identity, as I consciously new it, was being destroyed. Yet, behind it, I received a glimpse of my true self.

You see, the ego wants you to believe you are always safe and secure. It wants you to believe that you are on solid ground. It wants to vanquish any threats to your mind and body. It wants you to think you are the center of the universe. It wants you to think you are separate and alone. It wants you to think that what you can see, hear, touch, smell, and taste are all that exists. It is concerned with self-preservation. It is about panic, fear and confusion. It especially fears death.

The ego does not want you to know the truth: that you are floating on a ball in space in a universe so vast, ancient and diverse it defies understanding. Yet, in that vastness, everything is connected and essentially one. That safety and security are really illusions and an emotional response to the uncertainty of this life. That the inner world is no less real than the physical world. That death, whether psychological, emotional or physical, is nothing to fear, but to be embraced as part of the journey.

I wanted more of the inner peace, joy and clarity that I had experienced. So I began meditating. Bringing awareness into my life everyday life. Quieting my mind. Delving deep into myself.

To be honest, at times, it was quite scary. I did not know what I would find there, and the ego does not die easily. Sometimes it is like falling into nothingness, like when you are drifting off to sleep and you suddenly jerk yourself awake. But in the nothingness is this calm, beautiful, peaceful energy, and if you decide to go down the path you may find yourself resting in it. I've found that the more time you spend in that quiet, peaceful place, the more it seems to shape your life when you are not in that state. And you begin to see beauty everywhere.

But I've found that if you continue the inner journey, you will find the real you that exists outside of time and space. The me that exists beyond the thoughts of who I "think" I am. The me that exists without the baggage of my past. The me that exists without my formulation of what I will be in the future. The me that exists Now and only Now. The me that just is.

It's kind of like The Matrix. My eyes have been suddenly and drastically opened to the world around me. I am of so much more aware of what is around me: aware of the breeze against my skin, the treetops dancing, my own breath... I am aware of the suffering in my own self, viewing it from a distance, letting it settle. Not judging it, but aware of it. I am acutely aware of the suffering of others too. As I’ve said in previous posts, results matter. All I know is that I am experiencing peace, joy and love. I am accepting the circumstances of life, not caught up in the past and future, without judgment. If that’s wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Yes, I could couch all this in "Christianized" terms like "metanoia" etc., But they are just terms speaking of the same thing that Buddhists have spoken of for thousands of years. Why reinvent the wheel? For those worried about keeping the Christian label on their faith, may I just say that I think Jesus was influenced more by Eastern religion than most of us think. I think Western Christianity could use to informed by Buddhist philosophy, and the contradictions are probably fewer than what is found in the Bible itself. But that’s another post….

"Good Stuff" Coming Soon

I apologize for not getting to the "good stuff" sooner. I've been writing on it, but to be honest, it's hard to put the workings of the heart into words....and I've just started a new job, and my bro got married last night. Feeling a little rough today.

In the meantime here is a tidbit....

The mind does not like to be quiet. It thrives on creating problems, solving problems etc. Have you ever noticed the steady stream of thoughts during your day? Are they usually about the past or future? What kind of feelings do they produce?

How often do you really quiet your mind? Have you tried? What happened in your experience?

Preface to the "Good Stuff"

We have been on a long spiritual journey. It's been messy, but beautiful. You can read my past posts over the last 5 or 6 years to get a glimpse. The journey has been life-long, but more recently started with questioning if institutional forms of church were helpful in the spiritual journey. I can say that it was not very helpful for me. Additionally, I had serious reservations about attending church with a group of people that believed if a person did not believe in a literal 6-day creation they were not a Christian. That led me to question my understanding of the Bible, how it should be used and it's place in my journey. A process which is still in play...

Let's just say that I would have been considered an exclusivist and an absolutists when it came to Christianity. I held beliefs about Christianity that were intellectually and spiritually arrogant, and misinformed. Part of this journey has been an investigation of science and religion and how they compliment each other which has led me to question my position. The investigation is ongoing and incomplete, but essentially I am asking:

What is the common theme behind our world's religions, and does that tell me anything about human nature in general and what we are seeking?

What does it tell me about the God who created this beautifully diverse world as well as our vast universe?

What philosophies and traditions help me understand the universe and our place in it, the world in which I live, and which produce real, lasting results in my life?

I listened to a lot of Christian radio as a new Christian in Texas. Most of it was radically conservative to the point that they manufactured solutions to refute scientific evidence about the age of the earth, Darwinism etc. Can I just say that if religion or philosophy completely flies in the face of science there is a good chance that its in error? Science is mostly interested in finding truth (meaning, "saying of something that is, that it is"). I just cannot believe that reason has to be thrown out in order to be spiritual person. So, I have remained open to psychology and quantum physics etc. and what they have to say about the universe and the mind.

I am not concerned with the language and labels of Christianity in this journey. If Christianity is what I was taught it is, "the only religion that makes it possible to have a true relationship with God", then it will rise to the top of list. I am not forsaking Christianity, but trying to rightly see its place in the scheme of all religions. I am not forsaking the Bible but trying to see it for what it is and use it appropriately. However, because I have been so ignorant of other religions, traditions, philosophies and sciences I feel that I need to "distance" myself from it for awhile in order to get a better overview.

I'm sure there are plenty of "holes" in my thinking here. I'm not a scientist, or a religious scholar. I'm just a dude that is doing the best he can living life and trying to understand his place in it. I don't know what I will find in the end, but I do know that God is big enough to handle the questions. I am not afraid.

In the end all of the theories and philosophies we have been taught come down to experience. What real, tangible difference does it make in your life? You will have to find that out for yourself...and that's what I'm doing.

The Incredible Collapsing Ego

It's funny. I was just accused of having a "rosie world view". Most people who know me would never say that! I'm a pessimist by nature and I have a knack for finding something wrong with just about everything. Hell, I've been unemployed for nearly six months! I can tell you for a fact this "rosieness" is not the "normal" me. This change in attitude is one of the main reasons that I continue on the spiritual path that I'm on. There are results. Change for the better. Life. Peace. So, I'll take that as a compliment!

Around about the time I quit my job I had a very powerful spiritual experience. I was in a lot of emotional, psychological and spiritual pain. I was confused, hurt and angry. Life was not turning out how I planned it. Our business plans were shot dead. I was in a dead-end, high stress job working with people that were not even civil a lot of the time. Blah, blah, blah... I guess all the years of wrestling with church and God, and all disappointments finally took there tole.

Then one day as I was driving to work, in that extreme pain, I found myself almost being an observer of myself. That's really the best way I can explain it. Then all of the sudden I felt peace. Not just relief, but probably what Paul talked about when he said, "peace that passes understanding." The tears began to flow. And then I had clarity. I knew I had to quit my job. So I did, not knowing exactly how we would get by. I don't know, you could call it faith, or stupidity. Maybe both.

I couldn't explain exactly what had happened. There was nothing in my christian experience that would explain it except that I had experienced this one other time, when I was first baptized as a new christian. What I experienced then, and many time since, can be best explained as a sudden collapse of the ego. The pain that I was in was caused by resisting what was.

I just could not understand how I could be a "child of God", a "follower of Jesus", a person of the "kingdom of God", a "worship leader" that gave up a great job to help bring people into the "kingdom" etc. and still be fed a shit sandwich in life. Why would a God who cared about his children allow that (feel free to look at my past posts for more on that)? In essence, I was unable to accept what was. I was fighting the Now because christianity had taught me about a God who does miracles, who blesses "his own" etc.

I had just turned 40 years old. Half my life was gone. What did i have to show for it? I was without a career, unemployed, unhappy, angry, mean and lost. All of this suffering because I had a wrong view of God, reality and how life really works.

I'll get into what has happened since in another post. That's the good stuff!!!

The End of the World...Tomorrow?

They fire this thing up tomorrow....they could end the world, or find the fingerprint of God. Either way it's all good.

Political News Coverage

With all of the political B.S. going around in this election year I've struggled to find unbiased, balanced and fair coverage. I may have found the only source you will need to fully understand the complicated issues surrounding this year's election right HERE.

The Ego and Sin

I've been giving some thought and experiencing some interesting results from looking into Buddhism. Quite honestly, some aspects of Buddhism describe the universe and my experiences far better than the Christian tradition I was raised in.

Homebrewer brought up an interesting point in the last post about the ego that I'd like to flesh out here.

My understanding of the ego is that part of my mind which is primarily and ferociously concerned with survival. It is concerned with the past and future and knows nothing of the Now. It identifies and labels form and experience and shoves it in a box (nationalism for example). It attaches my identity to various forms (could be a particular car, designer label, brand, role, job etc.) It causes an endless stream of thinking which feeds physical reactions (emotions) which then fuel more thoughts. It tells me that I am separate, different, and essentially alone. It produces confusion, pride, separateness, self-centeredness, greed, defensiveness and desire, all which lead to suffering.

I am thinking that this is what is called sin in Genesis. The OT writers were trying to describe the reason that our best intentions turn to crap. Why would we forsake a perfect existence with God in a beautiful garden? The ego. Instead of resting in perfect union and peace Adam and Eve viewed themselves as separate from God and made their own judgments and decisions. They wanted an identity of their own.

And what happens? Their "eyes were opened", they "knew they were naked", and they "hid themselves from God's presence". They chose their ego over God and God let them have the consequences of that choice. A life dominated by the ego and separate from God. Not only are they separate from God, but Cain and Abel show us that we are separate from each other too!

Perhaps we are not trapped by our ego. Perhaps Jesus was describing a new way to live that we turned in to theories of salvation. Perhaps we are not separate from God and each other. Perhaps the ego is an illusion that is kept alive by our overactive minds.

I'd love to hear your thoughts....

Who Am I?

I am a son.
I am a brother.
I am a husband.
I am a dad.
I am a musician.
I am an American.
I am a cigar smoker.
I am a beer drinker.
I am a bicyclist.
I am a college graduate.
I am an employee.
I am a co-worker.
I am a neighbor.
I am a friend.
I am a seeker.

One day all that I think I am will cease to be. The boxes that I put myself in will disintegrate like wet cardboard. My five senses, in which I put so much trust, will fade away. My nationality, my likes and dislikes, my habits, my education, my belief systems, my relationships and my titles will mean nothing. The world will disappear. Who am I then?

In that moment, as my ego dies, I will exist stripped of all that I think I am and find that...

I AM.

Who are you?

Mind/Ego/Spirit

I'm really enjoying the conversation here. There is a lot of fertile spiritual ground to be mined in the discussion of how our ego effects our spiritual life and vice versa.

The Danger of the Experiment

One of the pitfalls of living life as an experiment without the "leash" of religious authorities is that we guide the experiment ourselves. We are the mad scientist! That means that my experiences, ego, thoughts etc., define the parameters of the experiment for better or worse.

The limits of my experiences, ego, thoughts etc. can be both positive and negative. The benefit is that I can freely experiment to find the concepts, ideas, and practices that seem to help me observe, understand and live a spiritual life. The negative is that I can become content with less than God has to offer.

The main issue that I see with experimenting with spirituality is that I can endlessly chase my whims. My psychological, emotional, mental and physical predispositions, as well as the experiences I've had, cause me to limit and choose particular spiritual experiences that align with my dispositions. For instance, if I am an intellectual person that has issues with personal relationships I may chose to pursue solitary, intellectual spiritual experiences because that is what I am comfortable with, finding myself satisfied with far less than what God has to offer in the totality of spiritual experience.

For instance, lets say that coming from a non-religious background I am completely satisfied with my experience of going to church every Sunday to fulfill my obligation, ease my guilt and talk to some friends. I have no nagging sense of anything missing in my life, and feel like I am walking with God and leading a "spiritual life". In my opinion, I would be satisfied with far less than God has to offer. Satisfaction is not the same as spirituality, though may be a part of it.

Buddhism teaches that our experience of the world can be understood as ten basic life states called Ten Worlds. I've found this way of understanding life useful in understanding myself and others. In this understanding of the world, tranquility, basically understood as satisfaction, is an experience of calm, peacefulness, and reason. Nothing wrong with that, but each level can also have negative aspects. Tranquility can also lead to laziness, inactivity and passivity. In addition, tranquility is only the fifth level of ten. So if I believe that satisfaction is the goal of life, I have in effect, limited my spiritual experience.

So, what is the solution? I believe that occasionally forcing myself to learn, study and experience spirituality that is outside my limited experiences and understanding may be a healthy way to overcome the danger in the experiment. How else could I know if there are spiritual practices, theories or experiences in this beautifully diverse world that may be helpful in my journey?

Monotheism and Hate

Does monotheism lead to hate?

One critic of religious faith that I've recently read claims that monotheism, in general, seems to foster intolerance. It's hard to argue against it in our current world climate. Judaism has done nothing to foster a resolution with the Palestinians, Muslims are blowing themselves up everyday in the name of Allah, and fundamentalist Christians feel the need to wipe out what they consider to be social liberals.

I don't know if the problem is monotheism itself, but I find it interesting that there is a move toward the extremes in monotheistic religions. On the one side we have "liberal monotheism", influenced by existentialism, that must dismiss a large portion of the scriptures upon which they are based, and on the other hand "fundamentalist monotheism" which turns those same scriptures into fuel for hate and violence.

Perhaps these extremes are what happens when people who have not had an authentic religious experience take control of religious institutions.

What do you think?

Life Is An Experiment

You can tell a toddler that he will fall and hurt himself if he hangs upside-down off the end of the couch. I've not seen a toddler yet that didn't have to find out the truth for himself. Maybe it's something built into our genes. It's just how humans learn.

I believe life is an experiment. We push and pull, give and take, crawl, walk, run all in experimental fashion...we succeed, and we fail, and we learn. We learn what music we like. We learn what diet makes us feel good. We learn what our body can do, and can't do. . .

Why is it different when it comes to spirituality?

I read an article recently that brought home the point. One of the latest studies seems to imply that a large portion of people either dismiss or don't know the fundamental teaching of their faith. I'm no sociologist, but I think one reason is that most people attending organized religious institutions trust their religious leaders to learn, know and diseminate the truth for them. Therefore, they have a limited understanding and experience of their own belief system.

Can I just be honest here? Modern Christianity does not facilitate personal responsibility, and that is a serious liability for any person seeking a spiritual life, and assures the dysfunction of the institution.

When I became a Christian I jumped in with both feet. I wanted to know God, to feel loved by God, to experience talking with and listening to God the way they did in the Bible. So I experimented. I went to church. I took responsibility for my education and went to bible college. But at some point I began to just accept what the educated experts had to say about spirituality and life. I made the assumption that people who were Christians for a long time had experienced deep connection with God, so just did what they did. I tried to cram my experience into the box for a lot of years.

The Apostle Paul said to "work out your own salvation with fear and trembling". (On a side note, Buddha said "Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others" about 500 years earlier.)

I have the choice to blindly accept what "talking heads", experts, and the educated have to say about a particular topic, or I can find out for myself. I've decided to find out for myself.

When I remove the religious authorities from my life the experiment becomes my own. I own it. I begin to be aware of the beliefs and practices that are helpful, useless, or harmful in my life. I begin to see which belief systems best explain the universe as I perceive it. I take personal responsibility for my spiritual journey.

Melvin Klegerman says, "The concept of religion as a universal paradigm means that each person becomes a scientist experimenting with his or her own life, over which he or she has total control."

These are not experiences that I was forced into in order to belong to a religious club. They are not the experiences that a religious leader said I "should have". They are not the experiences of a "church father" from long ago in a distant country. They are mine!

So here's wishing you good questions, spiritual success and failure as you experiment, and a life filled with the freedom and adventure of this beautiful mystery that is life.

P.S. Yes, there are risks involved in taking personal responsibility for our spiritual life, and I may address them in a later post. But I think the benefits far outweigh the risks.

Crash and Burn

My hard drive crashed. Posting from the library.... May be awhile before I post again.

Nothing personal...

Dobson and Obama

Jon Stewart calls out James Dobson regarding his comments about Obama. I can't believe I used to listen to this guy's radio show. Funny stuff!

Click here to watch.

Chiggers

Okay, no one wants to discuss Freewill and Ethics, so what is your best chigger bite remedy?

A nice memento of my mountain biking day with Homebrewer....

Free Will and Ethics

Why Materialists Cheat

The 2008 Shift Report: Changing the Story of Our Future, published by the Institute of Noetic Sciences, recently arrived at the offices of WIE. Among its many other compelling facts, we were struck by this description of an experiment conducted by Kathleen Vohs of the University of Minnesota and Jonathan Schooler of the University of British Columbia that investigated the ways in which believing, or disbelieving, in free will affects moral choices:

[W]hat one believes about free will has an important social consequence.... In the Vohs and Schooler study, [some] participants read passages from The Astonishing Hypothesis by Nobel laureate biologist Francis Crick, which promotes the idea that free will is an illusion: “Who you are is nothing but a pack of neurons.” Others read more neutral statements as a control condition. The results of the study showed that participants who read [Crick's] anti-free will statements were significantly more likely to cheat on several experimental tasks. If exposure to [anti-free will messages] increases the likelihood of unethical actions, then what does this same message, repeated by authoritative scientists and promoted by the media, do to societal behavior?

Interesting. If we are told a bunch of neurons have burned in pathways in our brain that determines our behavior we are likely to be unethical.

I wonder what would happen if they would have said:

You are bunch of neurons, in fact you have as many neurons as there are stars in the universe, with potential to be as creative, beautiful and destructive as the universe itself.

Suffering

The Buddha's discovery to end the problem of suffering started with the realization that life is suffering. Now I had to think about that for awhile. I'm not that sharp, you know. Yeah, I know you know.

Anyway, what I get from this is, that as long as we are alive we will suffer in some form. Birth is a beautiful suffering event form mother and baby. Many people are tortured with mental suffering from abuse, guilt, and psychological disorders. Most of us have one physical malady or another at the least. We have lost loved ones in tragic accidents, or simply from old age. Yes, perhaps to live is to suffer.

As a species, in general, we do not like to suffer. How many inventions, rationalizations and myths have we used to circumvent or delay suffering? Air Conditioning, Refrigerators, Spinal Blocks, Multiple Personality Disorder, and thousands of drugs invented to delay death and ease suffering. . . I could go on, and all would be attempted solutions to the problem of suffering.

Here's the kicker: Most of these "solutions" cause us to suffer even deeper. For instance, a person may develop Multiple Personality Disorder (or a host of other disorders) as a way to deal with a terrible experience and avoid suffering. As we know, psychological disorders are not a path to life without suffering. We create antibiotics to cure bacterial infections, and then we overuse them and develop resistant strains of bacteria for which there is no cure. We create technology that does the "hard work" for us and we get fat and live with lower back pain from sitting on our asses all day. We extend our lives with wonder drugs to cure every ailment, and often wind up in nursing homes with little quality of life. . . Again, I could go on.

Maybe the solution is simply to do as the Buddah said, and accept that suffering is part of life.

What do you think?

Question For You

If you could have witnessed any part of the Gospels first hand, which would it have been?

Freedom and/or Paranoia?

Call me crazy (most people do), but I had some real issues with a letter that came home from my daughter's middle school stating that they were going to have random searches involving police dogs while the kids were at there. It really didn't make me happy when my daughter came home and said it was scary. Not only does it bring about visions Nazi POW camps, but they are treating the good kids criminals, which make up the vast majority of the school. I also just don't like the fact that she will have police dogs barking through the halls as a memory of her school experience.

Next, we have all these red light cameras appearing in our town with no warning. I don't like these things in the first place, but they seem to be appearing at EVERY red light in town. Then I read this article today about a town nearby putting up surveillance cameras everywhere even though the town does not have a crime problem!!! These cameras can zoom in from one mile away. The town has NO written policy regarding the cameras which allows them to use them as they see fit.

I may be paranoid, but I have to say that I called this one.

Coming soon, to a town near you....

“Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security will not have, nor do they deserve, either one.” -Ben Franklin (maybe)

What's your thought?

"Something religious is going on even in scientific work, not in the scientific information itself but in the commitment to the idea that the universe is intelligible and truth is worth seeking. Those are religious convictions. You can't prove scientifically that truth is worth seeking, but it's the conviction that it is worth seeking that underlies all good science. Religion lifts this up and makes it more explicit. It symbolically names that depth, that truth, that meaning, and refers to it in Western theology as God or Allah, or in Eastern thought as Brahman or Tao." - John Haught (Georgetown University)

What is your thought about why we seek truth as species?