Certain Mystery

Our drive for order, meaning, adequacy and control creates a theology that is neatly organized, everything in its place, packaged with a nice bow on top. Yet, when the suffering, unpredictability and mystery of life rips our package apart we may find the box was empty all the time. What we thought were nicely organized facts about life and God were built upon an illusion of certainty. So, we are left with an empty box, the bow and wrapping paper on the floor, and nothing certain.

Science over reaches its usefulness when it implies that one can know God by knowing facts, laws and principles. Religion oversteps its usefulness when it claims certainty about that which cannot be known for certain. Both disciplines are using symbols of language to describe mystery. In the end, both have confused the finger pointing at the moon for the moon itself. God will not be kept in a box of certainty.

"Nicholas (of Cusa) noted that, rooted in holy uncertainty, we are left with approximations. He says that our language for God is like a polygon made of many tiny straight lines passing for a true circle. If we look closely at our reasonings, we find that for all their brilliance, in the end, they come up short. We may be fooled by the illusion of knowledge, but we remain ignorant, and this failure of understanding allows us to be religious. The holy person is the one who has broken through the self-deception and knows how much she doesn’t know. The point in thinking is to reach the far edge of understanding and to stand there in wonder.”

“Since we are only approximately correct when we speak about spiritual matters, the part that remains unknown and unspoken gives our words and ideas the emptiness they require. If there is no respect for that edge of illusion, then we are left with literalism and fundamentalism, scourges of the spiritual life. This is one of those basic ideas on which religion stands or falls: Do we pretend to know more than we can know? Or do we admit to our ignorance and build an intelligent edifice on that lack of knowledge?”

-Thomas Moore “The Soul’s Religion”

So, where does that leave us if we realize what we thought were facts about life and God were really rooted in deeper mysteries, and perhaps fantasies? Hopefully, a place where we can reexamine our worldview. But more fully, right where you always were: On a ball spinning around the sun on the edge of a galaxy with no net under the tightrope. Nothing certain and nothing guaranteed. Humble and in awe of the chance to be conscious and aware for this brief glimpse of life we get to experience; All of us doing the best we can to make sense of our life, our world and our universe; Tangled up in a beautiful, creative mystery.

Organized Religion and Transcendence

I happened across this book in the library, and the first two paragraphs of the introduction sum up how I feel about institutional religion very well. We'll see how the rest of the book goes.

Every human life is a profound mystery. Deep and invisible currents make us who we are, and the world around us is full of secret intentions and laws. One response to all this mystery is to treat it as a problem to be solved and to do everything possible to be informed and in control. But another way is to bow down in ignorance and confess our limitations. Religion and spirituality, for eons intimately connected, offer creative ways to become people of depth and compassion through embracing mystery.

The religions have a precious cargo, but they often fail in their job by moralizing, intellectualizing, and defending themselves to such an extent that their real purpose is obscured. Today people all over the world are abandoning the religions in disgust and anger. Still, everyone has a an instinct for transcendence. People know intuitively that some kind of spiritual life is necessary, and so many are searching on their own or joining new churches and communities. They distinguish sharply between the personal spirituality they have found and the religious institution they have abandoned.

- Thomas Moore "The Soul's Religion"

I would say that a majority of the people who attend are unaware of the inherent limitations of organized religion. Some are willing to overlook the limitations because of the benefit they get from it (social, moral, intellectual etc.). Some are frustrated and angry, but see no other option for a spiritual life (That was me for a long time). Some play the system for their benefit. Some just leave and strike out on their own. I guess I have chosen the later.

My experience the last few years has been that people I used to label "unchurched" still sense and long for transcendence. They find it in sex, drugs, music, nature, and anywhere that provides it. The problem is that they find the church completely irrelevant to their lives, so they will not find it there. To make matter worse most corporate expressions of church either don't have a clue or make no room for it. So church becomes more marginalized and "circles the wagons", and the "unchurched" keep looking at Christians like they are from another planet, and the world keeps going 'round.

I really don't have much else to say about it. At the moment organized religion is not relevant to my spirituality either.

Phish-y Thoughts

I saw Phish for the first time last night. It was heavenly in so many ways. It was hellish in a few too.

My neighbor got the tickets and his mom works at The Fox. So we after the chaos of the parking lot we made our way in to the venue. People were hyped and ready to go! We walk into the seating and my neighbor takes us to the desk where he sees his mom's boss and starts chatting. She asks where we are sitting and he tells her the upper balcony. She says, "Oh no. I don't think so", and pulls out the seating chart. There were 8 seats highlighted. She crosses out four and asks one of the ushers to escort us to our new seats. My neighbor went to get our other friends and the usher escorts me down to row E. So I was about 10th row left center!!!!! Not a bad way to start the show!!!

Before the show started I had a chance to look around and absorb the scene. A very interesting crowd. You have to wonder where all these people come from. The tension of the show starting, the haze in the air, the buzz of the crowd. Everyone welcome... I think that people are generally looking for some kind of a transcendent experience, or perhaps to be ushered into an altered state of consciousness. Phish did their job to provide it.

Let me just say that musically Phish is playing on a level from another planet! Trey Anastasio was on! He was playing the most complex stuff with seemingly no effort. Mouth open, eyes closed, he channeled Spirit, painting musical colors on an audio canvass for about 4 hours straight. Key changes, tempo changes mid-song, country, jazz, blues, rock. A combination of Zappa, Pat Metheny, Grateful Dead mixed with some rockabilly. The whole thing was musically amazing. I just really don't have words. It was heavenly in so many ways...

Thinking For Yourself

One of the things I try to do as a parent is get my kids to think for themselves (I'm not always successful.) Kids have lots of reasons not to think for themselves: peer pressure, cultural pressure, fear, lack of information, laziness etc. But if they don't learn to think for themselves it's not a good scene, so parents put a lot of effort into this endeavor. In all honesty, as our kids get older the only thing we can do is provide information, guidance and a framework for them to use and hope for the best.

I've decided to think for myself when it comes to religion. Its been implied by a few friends that some of my conclusions are "out there".

So, is it okay to think for yourself in this area of life? What framework is it okay to explore within? What questions are off the table for you? How do you determine your limits? Where do those limits come from? What has been your experience in thinking for yourself?

On the front porch

Sometimes
When the storm clouds race
Across a pale blue sky
And the sun streams in between them
Nothing matters
But the clouds
And the sky
And the sun

Phishing

I must admit I am pretty excited to go see Phish for the first time.

Falsifying Myself

The forms of Christianity that I have participated in have always imposed morality from the outside. The logic would go like this: If I was a good Christian I would not be angry, lustful, greedy etc. Because I feel these things in my inner life there must be something wrong with me. If there is something wrong with me I need to do something to fix it because I want to be a better Christian. So I would read more, pray more, study more, worship more etc. However, there was no lasting change in my inner self. The anger, greed, lust etc. was still there. My self was being falsified.

To make the situation worse I had disowned these emotions and projected them on others. In essence, I would see in you the emotions and drives that were to painful to see in myself. The emotion or drive within me still existed but appeared to arise from without. So, instead of being angry, I feel that you, or the world, is angry at me. This explains why people can go to church, read the Bible, worship with tears rolling down their cheeks, counsel others etc. and still be blind to the "log" in their own eye. Unfortunately, Western Christianity provides no way to deal with the "shadow" as Ken Wilber calls it.

It is easy to see how institutional religion and fundamentalist belief in the Bible foster this problem. The tremendous pressure to maintain appearances creates guilt and shame over these emotions and drives, which feeds the shadow, forcing me to displace my emotions and drives on those around me, allowing me to assume other's motives, which in turn hurts them which creates more pain, guilt and shame, and on and on.

So, those things that bother us the most about other people are really within us. In order to embrace who we really are and move forward, we need to "re-own" these emotions and drives. So, every time I get pissed off at the kids, or my neighbor doesn't courtesy mow, or there are crumbs in the butter, or think a drive-thru person is rude, or I think someone doesn't like me, or I think someone is totally awesome, or I think the world is against me....I can choose to take a 3rd-person look at what's going on and re-integrate my shadow. By doing so I will become more truly Me.

Trust me. I still have a lot of shadow to integrate.

The Common Air

These are really the thoughts of all men in all ages and
lands, they are not original with me,
If they are not yours as much as mine they are nothing, or
next to nothing,
If they are not the riddle and the untying of the riddle they
are nothing,
If they are not just as close as they are distant they are
nothing.

This is the grass that grows wherever the land is and the
water is,
This is the common air that bathes the globe.

- Walt Whitman

Deconstructing a Personal God

I spent many years trying to experience a “personal” God. The one who communicated with “His people” threw angels, voices, miracles, nature etc. I went to church. I led worship. I read the Bible. I practiced Lectio Divina. Liturgy. I was more orthodox. Tried charismatic emotional outbursts. I had some altered state experiences as a result (in fact, looking back, that is how we used to tell if we had a good worship service or not.) But, a “personal” relationship. No, not really. Maybe I should pray harder, be quieter, act more loving, read more, pay better attention to the sermon, use more emotion, tithe more, understand more….a personal relationship? No, not really.
.
I read The Shack and desired this personal, intimate relationship described, but when life didn’t work out, and when I was depressed, down and confused, when I needed a personal God the most….silence. The problem couldn’t be with God, could it? No. It couldn’t, because he was apparently communicating in a way that was perfectly suited to me because he was perfect and knew me perfectly well…..blah, blah, blah. I was faced with a dilemma. Was the issue me? Was I not really God’s child? Was I really not trying hard enough. Was the issue the Bible? Was it true? Perhaps misinterpreted? Was the problem God? I had asked, sought and knocked and received no answer. I had done everything that I could…it was up to God to communicate or not. Silence.
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So I had to ask myself. If I was God, and I had a human whom I loved, and that human really desired to commune with me, why would I remain “silent”. Why would I not communicate “clearly”, audibly, visibly? I know. God’s ways are not our ways etc. etc., but isn’t that really used as a copout for when God doesn’t live up to our expectations, or the Bible’s for that matter?
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Whether the problem was with God, or my understanding of God, or my experience of God or whatever, really didn’t matter. That fact was it was filled with unrealistic, perhaps unreal, expectations that simply did not take place. God seemed fine with it, but I was a wreck.
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That last few years of my life have been spent “unplugging” from this view of God. Both going “inward” (thought life, meditation, etc) and “outward” (the sciences) to experience God for who he is, not who a particular religion says he is, or just in ways that are “appropriate” for Sundays. My definition of God is far more nebulous than it was years ago. I am comfortable with that. The concept of a personal God simply did not work for me. I had no “proof” of it in my life experience for all my striving, and guilt. I can only say that my life is fuller. I am more able to see beauty all around me. I experience more peace. I see changes in my life. I no longer feel guilty, fearful, anxious.
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Do I think there is a God? I don’t know, but the something, or someone who created all that we know in our Universe is completely awesome, creative, and seems to never tire of giving. I think this is the “Father” that Jesus was talking about anyway. I can strip away all of the religiousness and LIVE with that.