First Day Back

The first day back to school after Thanksgiving.

Yea, it is usually a little stressful with the kids getting back on schedule. But, this is a behavioral disorder classroom. Magnify it. Then magnify it again.

There is a little boy in our class. I'll call him N. He is small for his age. About a head smaller than most. He is witty and can be as cute as they come....when he wants to be. And that ain't often.

From what I gather he spends most of his life being ignored by his family. When he does get attention it is in the form of a big brother's taunts and fists.

As a result, every little thing is a power struggle. EVERY LITTLE THING. In order to feel like he belongs and is accepted N. must be in control. Probably because he feels everyone else controls his circumstances.

Today N. lost it. Not his usual playing gymnastics with the desk and chair, or making loud noises to disrupt the rest of the class. No. We had to restrain him after he started throwing chairs around the room. When the teacher got tired of being hit and kicked we had to do a more restrictive restraining technique. When he realized he was truely powerless he cried like a baby.

To tell the truth it was hard for me not to cry with him. What happens at his home to cause this behavior breaks my heart. Any communication of love is met with complete resistance and defiance. But, I will not give in or give up.

Jesus claimed this as His mission:

Luk 4:18-19
"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim release to the captives, recovering of sight to the blind, to deliver those who are crushed, and to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord."

I think it is mine too. Right in my little broken classroom.

Can we get honest here...?

Honestly.

The past five years have been difficult. I won't bore you with the details. The few that read this drivel know most of it anyway.

Trish and I recently had an argument that escalated far beyond what is acceptable. It scared the kids and it scared us too. No, we are not getting divorced. No, we are not separated. Yes, we are getting some help to work through it. . .

This incident has forced me to look at my life and verbalize some things that had been swirling around in my demented head for sometime anyway. As most of you know a series of events began when we left a stable job, good friends, and the church where we started our journey with Jesus in Dallas. I was unhappy with my job and believed God was calling us to "full-time ministry" (whatever that is). We moved to El Paso so I could work at a church as worship and youth leader. It was a complete disaster and we left confused, hurt and disillusioned. We moved to Illinois where I was going to complete a degree in music and be a worship leader at a hopefully healthy church. I changed my major with that in mind. Then the screwball. We began to seriously questions the motives and usefulness of organized religion.

So, during this time Trish, who wants to be a stay-at-home mom has been the primary bread winner. I now have a degree that is worthless. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. The decisions over the last five years have not worked out like we had hoped, and it has left me confused, depressed, disillusioned, angry, and directionless. Any dreams that I had are gone. They need to be replaced with something else. I don't really care what....but I am a dreamer....I gotta have something to shoot for....

I think I have been a functional Agnostic for the past few months. Yea, God is there, but I just ain't feelin' it. I'm fine with that. I've resolved that the next move is His.

Rapid Increase in Alternative Forms of The Church Are Changing the Religious Landscape

Here is an excerpt from an interesting article from Barna that Trish turned me on to.... seems the "alternative" forms of church are more mainstream than most people thought....

A new book by George Barna, entitled Revolution, indicates that since the turn of the millennium there have been major changes occurring in how people experience and express their faith. Based on a regular series of national surveys conducted by his company during the past quarter century, Barna discovered that discontent with congregational churches, changes in lifestyles, and a burgeoning desire to get closer to God, have caused many people to seek new ways of being in relationship with God and other God-seeking people.

In 2000, most of the nation’s organized religious activity took place at or through local churches. Today, Barna’s research points out, the action is shifting to newer forms of corporate religious commitment. In a typical week, 9% of all adults participate in a house church. An even greater proportion – 22% - engages in spiritual encounters that take place in the marketplace (e.g., with groups of people while they are at their place of work or play, or in other typical daily contexts). The Internet serves as the foundation for interactive faith experiences for more than one out of every ten adults, although most of them currently use it in tandem with another form of corporate religious experience.