I am neither especially intelligent or talented as anyone knows who reads this blog. I have documented parts of my journey, and the thoughts behind it, for the past six years. I post this because I suspect there are others that are "losing their religion". Struggling to make sense of the world as seen threw their current religious framework. Living with an uneasy, gnawing feeling that their has to be something more. Stuck between worlds, with an inner longing for transcendence, and a deeper, more full reality, yet feeling trapped by religious values that conflict with science and culture. Feeling confined, limited, restricted....like something is about to be born.
I've found myself frustrated, conflicted, confused, depressed, and even angry on this journey. Looking back, I was a person without a home, torn between mythic religion, rational science and pluralistic culture. I was part of a religious system that provided no support or framework to make sense of the fragmentation of my soul.
I had given my life to that which was of "ultimate concern". I found myself in a church full of people who loved deeply, but were in the middle of moving from a magic faith to a mythic faith. From belief that when someone was baptized "every hair and part of the person needed to be submerged for salvation", to "we aren't sure who we are as a church, but we are together as a family". It was a move from magic values to mythic values, from egocentric to ethnocentric. For someone looking to belong, ethnocentric values suited me fine.
However, over time I began to feel "confined" by my religion. I assumed the problem was the structure of the church, uneducated church leadership, worship style, etc. I wasn't sure what, but I knew something was missing, something was wrong, something was askew. I noticed the inconsistencies of church culture as compared with the words of Jesus. I went to Bible college and learned about a text to be worshiped, dogma to be adhered to, not a God to be loved. We were divorced from culture, ignorant of art, isolated by science, and for all the love we had for each other, we inadvertently excluded others on the basis of race, sexual identity and religious belief. The subtle and not so subtle spiritual arrogance gnawed at me, and I was in a constant state of unsettledness.
Perhaps, I have a better understanding about what was going on during this past six years. It seems to boil down to three things: mythic Christianity, rational science and postmodern cultural values. Three distinct sets of values, and ways of viewing and being in the world. Three ways that God has shown himself in humanity. Three ways that my soul was torn.
Maybe I misunderstood my journey. For a long time I thought it was about the "church", but perhaps my journey could be interpreted as a journey through worldviews. A searching for a framework that would allow the best of a pre-rational mythic worldview, the best of rationality and science, and the best of pluralistic values. Unfortunately, the forms of Christianity that I was exposed to were not flexible enough to provide such a framework. So I began to search elsewhere.
With one foot in thoroughly in mythic religion, another foot in rational science and (I don’t, know pick another appendage) in pluralism, I found myself restricted, confined, squeezed into a mythic religious worldview that kept getting smaller. The truths of the other worldviews rumbling around in my unconscious, unable to come to terms with my understanding of what was of “ultimate concern” and causing my discomfort.
So I found myself moving from one worldview, one stage of awareness, to the next with no framework to understand it. One part of me clinging desperately to my religious worldview that was increasingly becoming smaller and more confined. Afraid to be out of the “umbrella of protection” of the church. Fearful of losing friends. The word “heretic” buzzing around in my head. Yet all the time subconsciously knowing, the myth was dead. So, I found myself conflicted, confused, depressed. . .
Moving from one worldview to the next is like being squeezed through a tube and reborn into a more roomy home. It must be similar to the experience a baby has at childbirth (and perhaps death). The comfortable, close quarters of the womb becomes restricted in the end, and the baby must escape and be born into a new world with expanded possibilities, more relational opportunities, a broader worldview. A worldview that, unfortunately, will likely be labeled heretical by mythic forms of fundamentalist Christianity.
Human values have unfolded over time. You may argue this point, but the data is fairly conclusive. Looked at from a 50,000 ft. view, science and postmodern critiques have dismantled mythic religion. Individuals and churches that hold on to mythic values and worldviews find themselves increasingly marginalized and isolated. The "circle the wagons" rhetoric continues by those firmly grounded in mythic belief systems and any attempts of inclusivity or reinterpreting the Bible and Jesus for higher stages of awareness are reacted to with vicious intent (Here is an example from a brother I attended church with and love. It is typical rhetoric of an ethnocentric, mythical value system.)
Fundamentalist Christianity is rooted in a mythic worldview. It comes out of a value system that is ethnocentric - it looks at the world from the perspective of ones own culture (which incidentally, everyone does to a greater or lesser extreme) and is primarily concerned with the preservation of that culture. The mythic worldview sees life in terms of black and white, good and evil, and because it is primarily ethnocentric, if you do not have the same belief system as the predominant culture, you are isolated by the rest of the group in one way or another. So, there is always pressure to "toe the line" of doctrine and belief. Rules and roles are typically rigid and unbending and are not supposed to be challenged.
Let me be clear. There is nothing wrong with a mythic worldview in an of itself. It is a necessary step in human development, and there is absolutely a place for it. It's just not the only place, and several stages of awareness have emerged since its heyday. A mythic worldview becomes unhealthy when it looks at any worldview that came after it, and declares it as false; or when it views other cultures, ideas etc. as wrong in and of themselves because they are different from “the clan“. A mythic worldview simply cannot accept any worldview that will challenge its own. For example, think about the fact that many Christians reduce Postmodernity to "not allowing for ultimate truth", when the Postmodern critique is actually much more complex than that. To make matters worse, the fact is, that we cannot really "see" worldviews that are at a higher altitude. In other words, it is impossible for someone at a mythic worldview to experience the world from a rational or pluralistic worldview, and will therefore reduce other worldviews to threats and must declare them as dangerous and false. Dialogue about these issues will degrade into the being "kicked out of the club". So it provides a limited framework to fit the experiences and knowledge of other cultures and worldviews. It either discounts science or tries to twist it for its own purpose, interpreting the data through a grid of mythical thought. It leaves little room for discussion, little room for dialogue.
Unfortunately, attempts at a rational form of Christianity has not fared much better. Pragmatic approaches to church, such as Willow Creek have just exacerbated the consumerism, egotism and narcissism that is typical of orange/rational values gone bad (and leaks into postmodern values too). Ken Wilber calls this "boomeritis". The churches reaction to the pluralistic values of postmodernity are still "emerging", led by people like Brian McLaren, Rob Bell, and Spencer Burke. However, many of these small groups of people are merely clinging to an ideal of "community" that is nothing more than a return to ethnocentricism, a way that makes themselves "set apart".
There are ways to overcome these issues that does not do away with your faith, but expands it. Making faith more inclusive, more caring, more concerned, more complex, more comprehensive. It does not throw out mythic, rational or pluralistic worldviews, but integrates them, allowing us to see reality in all its complex beauty. Frameworks that allow the best of pre-rational, rational, and trans-rational thought.
I don't know if this is the completely "right way" to view my experience. Time will tell. I will say that it takes into account all of my phenomenological and relational experiences in church, and does not discount science or culture. I have a framework that allows me to hold the "I, We and It" of life together in a holistic fashion. I am able to see the beauty and perspectives of other religions and cultures. The world has become more beautiful. I still see God in the beauty of nature and in the eyes of my children. God is unfolding the universe, and human kind along with it, in what appears to be waves of consciousness or awareness. And I am aware of, and participating in that fact. God is far bigger than my mythic beliefs would allow. I have room to stretch, and breathe in God's continuing display.
I suspect some will view me as no longer “in the club”, and that is okay. While I can choose to leave behind a mythic framework of understanding the world, I cannot leave behind the mythic worldview that has helped form me. It has been integrated, and I just see it for what it is: a stage in the evolutionary process of a human being named Roger.
As always, I would love to hear your thoughts. For those interested in understanding how I’ve come to these conclusions. Here are some links that may help you on your journey.
Introduction to Integral Theory and Practice
Colors of Thinking in Spiral Dynamics
A Spirituality That Transforms
The History of Mysticism
An Integral Spirituality
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5 comments:
It's a wild ride Roger.
I don't have a specific response or thoughts to add. Other than, the ride is worth taking. Sitting around confined in the fish bowl had to do with fear and I am fully convinced that's not helpful.
There's a big world beyond the fishbowl.
BTY, sorry for the grammatical train-wrecks!
Roger,
I can't say I've understood everything you've posted or checked out all the links about integral theory, but I identify very much with much of what you have to say in this post. I may be inclined by personality to come to these conclusions more through feelings than intellect while it seems, to a distant observer, anyway, that intellect may play a bigger role for you. It's interesting how a different path can end up in more or less the same place!
Matt,
I guess my blog would be more of an intellectual outlet for me. I go threw intellectual and creative phases, usually one or the other, but not at the same time.
I think this post is about me coming to intellectual grips with what I've been feeling and experiencing for a long time. IT just provides the language and framework for me to communicate it.
And yes, it is interesting how "many paths" arrive at the "same destination"....
Peace!
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