Jim keeps them coming with "There is no formula. 'Damn! Now what???'" Interesting that there are so many similar journeys and so many afraid to talk about it. There really is no formula, just different experiences and stories. Here is my post:
Thanks for the great post and great comment Jim and everyone! This is where the “rubber meets the road” and there are not very many places and people where you can talk openly about this stuff!
My journey started when I was a boy experiencing spiritual things that were at odds with my lifestyle, but more recently started with one question: “What is Church?” that led to “What is the Bible?” that led to “Who or what is Jesus?” that led to What is common in all religions?” that led to “What is the Universe?” that led to “What is reality?” that led to “What are thoughts and emotions?” that led to “What is enlightenment?” that led to “What am I?” and “Who am I?” that led to Nothing. I am sure you have your own questions to answer in this deal. Just chase them down the rabbit hole.
It has been a long, slow process of unplugging from the questionable beliefs and downright lies I was taught, believed and functioned in. At least it seems long to me. To others it probably seems like I have completely flipped on my head the last couple of years. I can only say that I felt like I was “cramming 10 lbs of shit in a 5 lb paper bag” as my dad always said, and I needed to unload for some new groceries. The Universe and all my experiences could no longer be contained in my religious beliefs. One question: What is Church? Caused the whole house of cards to begin falling. Religion, politics, nationalism, self-identity….laying in a heap on floor. I guess you could say this process has been a form of self-psychotherapy. Some have used the word Spiritual Autolysis to describe using discernment to strip away the false-beliefs and false- Self.
I kept experiencing things that were “outside” of my fundamentalist view of Christianity and for which I had no context or definition. I’ve had a voracious appetite for new information. Not for it’s sake, but more for confirmation and expansion of worldview. When the student was ready the teacher showed up via books, friends, youtube, websites etc. I studied spirituality, mysticism, science, philosophy. From what I gather from others this is part of the journey. I am not afraid of “knowledge”. In the end it just saying of something that is, “that it is”. The interesting thing is that when you really strip away all the BS there is not much you can say “that it is” about. (Hope that makes sense.)
Somewhere among all the turmoil, the seeking, the searching, the striving just ends. I don’t know if it is a permanent thing, but it’s almost like life is a wonderful dream where I can choose to enter in and participate whenever I choose, but always realizing it is as a dream. Honestly, at the end of your life when you look back at all you’ve done, said, lived, loved….it is nothing more than a beautiful, tragic dream. Why fight it? It’s like there is a complete difference between looking at a tree and categorizing it, labeling it, analyzing it, finding it’s flaws and perfections; and just being with it with none of those thoughts in mind. But, then again, I’m probably crazy.
For me, peace, freedom, joy etc. are by-products of this Spiritual Autolysis. I used to seek them, desire them, strive after them. Now it’s more like they are always there when I choose to access them (which I don‘t always do). I’ve had to come to an understanding between the difference of “enlightenment” and “spirituality” (please don‘t get caught up in the terms.). For me spirituality is an additive process and enlightenment is subtractive. Which I guess means that one can be “spiritual” but not “unplugged“. Perhaps that is why some people possess beliefs and some people’s beliefs possess them. I guess I have traveled through the spiritual to the unplugged without really thinking about what was going on before it was to late.
Another by-product has been that things like religion, politics, nationalism, spirituality seem like wastes of time. I just view them as another layer of “groceries” that I had to unpack, and my 5 lb bag is full with reality. It’s not that I disrespect or disdain any of them. It’s just that they really don’t matter from my point of view. I’m sure that can come off as disrespect, so I’ll have to think of more tender ways to communicate.
I’m sure there is more to write, but that’s too much for now.
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10 comments:
i have wandered into the rabbit hole and somehow i feel like i fell into a side tunnel and i have lost my bearings. i was doing the peace and joy thing in my journey, even up to about a month ago in spite of some life "things" happening around me...and now..there seems to be a mourning or sadness inside...all the things that are happening around me that are heartbreaking...and there really isnt much i can do to help. the powerlessness. i am feeling is heavy and sad and i don't have any answers for those that are hurting and ask me for advice.
i used to have a few ideas to help them feel better. now? i dont know what to say?
did you run across this? so much i had hoped for by working so hard...and to see that i cannot keep that pace any longer and to see some of the situations failing miserably without me...trusting that they will find their own steering wheel and "pull up" in time before they crash and burn.
or...are they really crashing and burning or is it just my perception of what should be? and what is...is?
there are people i care about very much that i would like to see make the right choices spiritually...but i don't have much that works for me anymore to even know what those right choices are.
i think that freaks me out.
i used to have the consolation that if we "had Jesus" then thats all that mattered. now? i dont know what my "doctrine" is...i see many things when i look at Scripture. some doctrine that i was taught for years i just cannot see it there anymore.
Maryann,
I can't say that I have any answers for you. We are all on our journey, with our own lessons to learn. I just don't trust my point of view enough to know for sure that I can give anyone good advice. Sometimes crashing and burning is exactly what we need as hard as that is to watch.
Though it may not be what you want to hear, you are asking the right questions. Unplugging is not easy, and feels like doing something dangerous and alone. For instance what is a "right spiritual truth" in your context now? Keep asking until you get to the truth!
Peace!
Hi Maryann! I feel you girl. I had a similar experience to you. I felt deep sadness for a while because I knew instinctively that it meant I was saying good bye to a lot. I mourned for a while and finally, I let go.. There's lots to say Hello to as well..
My only suggestion at this point is to go with it. Rent What the Bleep do We know? And Waking Life... The Fountain... Good movies with some visuals! And good questions... You are where you are and as hard as it may be, embrace it! We are here. Do you have the same email address??
Much love! TRISH
Roger,
Jim deleted my comments on his blog as I spoke of my love of scripture and my pursuit of truth and spoke scripture to him. He has subsequently blocked me so that I cannot comment on his site.
If you are a Christian, the man is calling you to deconstruct your faith down to nothing and ponder if there is no God. He deletes the comments of born-again Christians who speak of knowing God better by increasingly knowing God as He is through scripture.
His tale of going to nothing and then questioning "What If There Is No God" - and his behavior towards Christians who direct him to scripture cause me to wonder... Is this man born again?? Is he saved?? Does he know the Lord Jesus Christ?? Or is he a lost soul ??
Why does he persecute me, for example, for stating my love of scripture and bar me from his site for saying that knowing the Bible draws us closer to God??
Is he a person who leads people away from God, away from scripture, into nothingness in a way that a truly lost person would do?? Why did he persecute me and remove my comment when it spoke of my love of God and my love of the Bible and how we can know God by learning about who He is by learning through scripture and drawing close to God thereby??
I felt something was very wrong when I read the post I responded to - and he calls people to deconstruct their faith down to nothing and question the existence is God.
Something is not right here. Please be careful if you are a born again Christian - someone who truly knows the Lord.
Grace.
Grace,
I cannot speak for Jim and wouldn't. I respect him and his journey. Jim is not a pastor or any person in authority. He's just a man sharing his journey and asking questions. He doesn't lead anyone anywhere....
I guess my question to you would be this dear sister; if you are secure in your faith, what are you afraid of? Why do these questions concern you? Do you think God is big enough to handle questions?
Trust me, I've been where you are and I understand your concerns. Something beautiful is happening. If you don't like what you see people experiencing, please don't read.
I sense that you are hurt. I understand that too...
Just another sister along the way.
Sunflower Mama
Grace,
Perhaps its in the delivery.
kinda funny that you mentioned that Bleep movie...have bought it a long time ago...sat on my shelf...afraid to watch it??? perhaps it was one of those things that i knew was ok, but not the right time...perhaps now?
oh man.
too funny about what Roger said...it was so much what my friend and i talked about last nite: I cant give any advice right now because i don't trust my point of view. everything is changed.
Grace,
I've found that I was afraid of what I had not experienced myself, and that my worldview would not allow me to see what others were experiencing. So I lived in fear and took it out on those that didn't believe what I believed.
Maryann,
You have come quite a long way in past year or so. What the Bleep was part of our journey, but it was a short stop along the way. Take what you want from it realizing there is no "magic".
It agree, the remarkable message
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