Good Stuff from Wayne

Sorry for the quiet on my blog. Life is going on and I am trying to live life with God rather than just talk about it. We are busy fixing up the house, writing music, getting the kids to where they need to go.... We are ready for some serious camping the next couple of weekends!

Check out Wayne's online MP3 teaching!!!! Wayne makes more sense than any other pastor/teacher I've heard!

Later!

Songwriters Festival bound!

Friendship, Songwriting, Nashville

We went to Ruma, IL last night (Population 260! Saaaaluute!) to meet up with a couple of guys that I met at a Songwriter's workshop. Really didn't know what to expect, but we had a great time. These guys are serious about making it and just pitched a couple of tunes to Tim McGraw's producer. We worked on a couple of tunes, but didn't really get anywhere. The important thing was hanging out and having fun! It's nice to hang with people that "get us". . .

I'm going to Nashville next weekend for a Songwriter's Festival. Not really going to do much other than get to know people and get a feel for what's going on in Music Town. I'm looking forward to it!

Last night

Trish and I went to Dave Matthew's Band concert last night! Freakin' awesome! The only bands I've seen that tight when playing the types of intricate arrangements that they do was in L.A. There are some jazz/fusion bands that do that kind of stuff, but not many pop bands. I can't think of a much better evening than hanging out with Trish listening to good music...

On the downside, this might be our only big concert of the year considering how expensive it was!

School Year in Review

My introduction to the world of the public school system was. . .well. . .interesting. I spent the last 9 months working as a Teacher's Asst. in a Behavior Disorder room with 4 other teachers and 7 kids. Almost all of these kids have endearing qualities, but unfortunately, most of those qualities are hidden behind emotional and psychological baggage that cause them to act out in ridiculous ways. Almost all of them have home lives that are a big contributor to their behavior. It is quite sad really.

I entered this job naively thinking that I could make a difference in these kids lives. I prayed for them everyday before school. I learned how to diffuse tense situations by watching the social worker. I learned to use restraint techniques, and used them when it was required (which was way to often!). I prayed for them while they were kicking and screaming and crying and threatening and throwing things and breaking things and . . .

If I measured the efficacy of prayer by results I would have to say that prayer is worthless. But I don't. Even if I don't see the results now, I can only hope that seeds were planted, and that somewhere down the line God will intervene in these kids lives in a dramatic way. Unfortunately, if He doesn't Law Enforcement probably will. . .

I don't have a guaranteed job next year, so I don't know if I will be back or not. We will see what God has in store. . .

The Birth of Love

By Madeleine L'Engle

To learn to love
is to be stripped of all love
until you are wholly without love
because
until you have gone
naked and afraid
into this cold dark place
where all love is taken from you
you will not know
that you are wholly within love.

American Idol Songwriting

Our family indulged in American Idol this year. I predicted Kat would win after I heard her in the first round. After Chris got the boot I figured something was rotten in Hollywood. I figured Taylor would win and I was right. The thing that struck me was listening to the hack craftsmanship of Taylor and Kat's singles! As someone who writes songs I always have an ear out for a good tune, and neither of those songs fit the bill! These guys should of had the pick of any song out there! I don't know who is picking their songs, but Kat had no chance to win because of her new single and that is pitiful in such a competition.

Mercy Now

Written by Mary Gauthier

My father could use a little mercy now
The fruits of his labor
Fall and rot slowly on the ground
His work is almost over
It won't be long and he won't be around
I love my father, and he could use some mercy now

My brother could use a little mercy now
He's a stranger to freedom
He's shackled to his fears and doubts
The pain that he lives in is
Almost more than living will allow
I love my brother, and he could use some mercy now

My church and my country could use a little mercy now
As they sink into a poisoned pit
That's going to take forever to climb out
They carry the weight of the faithful
Who follow them down
I love my church and country, and they could use some mercy now

Every living thing could use a little mercy now
Only the hand of grace can end the race
Towards another mushroom cloud
People in power, well
They'll do anything to keep their crown
I love life, and life itself could use some mercy now

Yeah, we all could use a little mercy now
I know we don't deserve it
But we need it anyhow
We hang in the balance
Dangle 'tween hell and hallowed ground
Every single one of us could use some mercy now
Every single one of us could use some mercy now
Every single one of us could use some mercy now

Lately

Just living life right now! A few more weeks of the school year left!!! YAHOO! I'm glad to be done, but there is no gaurantee of a job next year. So, I have the summer to figure it out.

I have been doing a lot of songwriting lately, and going to start some collabortion with some guys I met at a workshop. It has been a looong time since I have been this excited about music...some dreams had to die for some new ones to be born...

New Law

New Law

by Derek Webb

don’t teach me about politics and government
just tell me who to vote for

don’t teach me about truth and beauty
just label my music

don’t teach me how to live like a free man
just give me a new law

i don’t wanna know if the answers aren’t easy
so just bring it down from the mountain to me

(chorus)
i want a new law
i want a new law
gimme that new law

don’t teach me about moderation and liberty
i prefer a shot of grape juice

don’t teach me about loving my enemies

don’t teach me how to listen to the Spirit
just give me a new law

what’s the use in trading a law you can never keep
for one you can that cannot get you anything
do not be afraid
do not be afraid
do not be afraid

This guy is hitting the nail on the head! Check him out!

Songwriting

I guess I have low self-esteem. I have kind of discounted my musical and songwriting abilities as mediocre at best, so I haven't really persued it with any kind of passion. Lately, I've been doing some more writing (part of the reason my blog has been silent) and getting some ideas that I think are decent.

So I went to a songwriter's association meeting the other night and found out about a workshop. A couple of songwriter's from Nashville were going to do a seminar and critique songs. I figured I would go and see how my song does with some pros. So, I make the hour drive over there and pull up to the church where the seminar is held. I didn't know if I was pulling up to a church or a convention hall! This place was monsterous! I felt like I was entering the belly of the beast or something!

So, these Nashville guys are really cool, down to earth folks. They mainly write country and Christian stuff. One is a very good musician and okay lyricist and the other is the exact opposite. So they make a great team.

People started playing songs for them and quite honestly a lot of them were subpar, hobby kind of songs. Nothing wrong with that, but not even close to being on a profession level.

So I played my song that just wrote a week ago. I was a little nervous, but got through it alright. I was stunned with the response, both from the other songwriters and the Nashville guys. The guys from Nashville really thought I had a great start to a song and suggested a few edits that I could bring back the next day. Quite a few of the other songwriters wanted me to sing demos for them and cowrite with them. I was taken aback with all of the feedback.

The next day I came back with my song reworked and the Nashville guys said they really liked it and thought it was definately commercially marketable. They said I needed to think about going to Nashville to hook up with some other songwriters and sing demos....

I don't what God is doing here...But I am along for the ride...

Creativity

I believe that God is the ultimate in creativity. I also believe that creativity is one of the ways we express His image.

A funny thing happened to me on the way out of organized religion.

I got my creativity back.

I'm not saying it is organized religion's fault, but the fact is that I have been writing more and higher quality songs than I have in a long, long time. I can think of a couple of reasons off the top of my head why this might be happening. First, a large portion of my week is no longer taken up trying to make people do what they didn't want to do in the first place, or so frustrated and hurt with the organization that I couldn't think about much else. Now I have time to think, reflect, observe and write. Second, the filter through which I see the world is different. God is much larger. My world is much larger. Neither He, or I, are confined to four walls and a certain subgroup of people that meet within those walls.

So, last night I went to a songwriter's association meeting in a nearby town to meet some new folks and have a song critiqued. It was nice to be around some creative people. The song I presented was received well and I got some nice compliments. Much like our spiritual journey, I would love to find some people to collaborate with....but it will be in God's time....

Lines Scribbled on an Envelope While Riding The 104 Broaday Bus:

By Madeline L'Engle

There is too much pain
I cannot understand
I cannot pray

I cannot pray for all the little ones with bellies bloated by starvation in India;
for all the angry Africans striving to be separate in a world struggling for wholeness;
for all the young Chinese men and women taught that hatred and killing are good and compassion evil;
or even all the frightened people in my own city looking for truth in pot or acid.

Here I am
and the ugly man with beery breath beside me reminds me that
it is not my prayers that waken Your concern, my Lord;
my prayers, my intercessions are not to ask for Your love
for all Your lost and lonely ones,
your sick and sinning souls,
but mine,
my love,
my acceptance of your love.
Your love for the woman sticking her umbrella and her expensive parcels into my ribs and snarling, "Why don't you watch where you're going?"
Your love for the long-haired, gum-chewing boy who shoves the
the old lady aside to grab a seat,
Your love for me too, too tired to look with love,
too tired to look at Love, at You, in every person on the bus.
Expand my love, Lord, so I can help to bear the pain,
help your love move my love into the tired prostitute with false eyelashes and bunioned feet,
the corrupt policeman with his hand open for a graft,
the addict, the derelict, the woman in the mink coat and
discontented mouth,
the high school girl with heavy books and frightened eyes.

Help me through these scandalous particulars
to understand
Your love

Help me to pray.

Listening To The Story

I apologize for my lack of effort here. Just not motivated to write and busyness, sickness and family issues have taken a toll on my effort and time available.

I still plan on writing some more on The Expanding Jesus, but not right now... for now let me leave you with some interesting comments from an interview with Madeline L'Engle. I have never read any of her books, but they are on my wish list now! She is a prolific author of children's fiction, poetry and theology.

• God comes to us as a human baby--a complete rejection of power. Even while Jesus is healing people, he is continually throwing the worldly power he is being offered away. They want to make him king. He runs.

• One Sunday about six years ago, I was visiting an Episcopal church in New York so low it's sort of underneath the ocean. A man stood up. "I hope this is appropriate to ask. I was an abused child. I'm terrified of being an abusive father. I need help and prayer." I knew then it was a church I could stay in. Because people are willing to be vulnerable, this church is very different. Sometimes it gets messy, but that's okay. People are not afraid to ask questions. We're able to admit we're all broken, we've all made terrible mistakes, we're all in need, and we all want things we don't have.

• It's a church in which a mother whose twenty-seven-year-old son has died is free to say, "People think I'm terrible because I can't pray." And I can reassure her, "You don't have to pray. We're praying for you. That's what the body of Christ is about." Many churches don't have that kind of freedom. I have a friend who comments, "At AA groups, I can admit my faults. At church nobody wants to hear them." What an indictment of the church!

• Instead of thanking Jesus for dying for me, I want to rejoice that Jesus was born for us, to thank Jesus for showing us how to live. The incarnation is incomprehensible love. It will never be explained.

• As a younger adult, I lived in the realm of proof. I'd had a good education, and I wanted everything explained. Now that I'm older, it's much easier to believe in--and accept--the impossible. I am able to accept more completely the idea that God loves me, no matter what I do. I have stopped wanting certainty, which will never come. Instead, I look for those things God gives us as affirmations.

• If something goes wrong, I still yell at God. But at some point I move out of this childish prayer and acknowledge, "OK, it's your universe."

• Nothing we do changes God--it just changes what we think about God. When we discovered that the earth is not the center of the universe, it didn't change God. It just changed us, and what we think. We have to be willing to allow what we think to change.

Silence

I apologize for the lack of action at this blog. It stays silent while the action in my life doesn't seem to stop right now. Life is good though. Struggling through writing some songs that, if I finish them, maybe I will put up here to share...

I still hope to post about the Expanding Jesus soon...

Beginnings and Endings

Life is full beginnings and endings. Birth and death are constants.

This weekend I participated in both. The birth of some relationships and the memorial of an 18 year old boy.

Saturday night we had dinner with some new friends that we met when Wayne Jacobsen was here. It is so refreshing to hang out with people and share our journeys and the Spirit that is within us free from agendas! The birth of some relationships. . . .

Joey McCubbins was born with neurofibromatosis. He was considered mentally retarded. There was never a time in his life that he did not suffer physical pain. He suffered valiantly his whole life. His mom and dad, Tom and Mary Alice, are two of the sweetest people I know. They raised Joey in such a way that he had dignity, respect and spiritual values. It was so cool to hear how this young man, who should not had made a difference, made a difference to so many. His spirit, humor and courage touched so many.

Here is a poem that his dad wrote. It is classic "Tom"....

My son died yesterday
Not with fan-fare
Nor with trumpets blowing,
Nor as a giant among men

My son died yesterday
Quietly,
As he lay asleep,
In his room,
With only his mother as a witness
And as a soft voice that caressed and comforted,
"goodbye for now my lovely boy"

My son died yesterday,
He was small in stature. Slow in mind
And accomplished little as it is prized.

My son died yesterday, and
Today I received his ashes
All that is my boy,
contained in a child's shoe box.

My son died yesterday
As I stared at the shoebox
All that was of him
I was humbled
He had accomplished so little, except. . . .
He was.
He accomplished all that would fit
Into a shoebox

My son died yesterday
And while his body filled a small shoebox
There was not any box that could fit
The heart it had contained
There is no shoebox to fit the hearts he had captured.
There was not any shoebox big enough to contain. . . . him

My son was born yesterday

The Expanding Jesus - The "First Jesus"

The first Jesus that I remember was in a series of illustrated books that showed Jesus surrounded by children. He was caucasian, as were most of the children, and had a very loving, welcoming look on his face. I honestly don't remember talking a lot about Jesus in my house as a child except for the occasional Bible story. I know that my Granny loved Jesus though. She thanked him for the day every night before bed.

My parents were Lutheran, so I guess I was a one by association. We went to a Lutheran church anyway. It was boring. I remember the pastor being a nice guy. But I didn'’t really understand the rituals. I remember learning the books of the Bible in Sunday school and laughing every time we said "“Flip-ians"” as I pictured a whole town of people doing backflips together!

Most of my youth was lost in a haze of various sinful activities, and for the most part, so was Jesus. Though I remember this subtle feeling that there was a spiritual "“presence"” in my life that caused me guilt about my lifestyle. I wound up in a treatment center my freshman year of high school, and when I returned my mom and dad REALLY wanted me to go to church. I went, long hair and all. No one even shook my hand after church. Jesus was bullshit.

I spent quite a few years doing and seeking "“spiritual things"” but avoiding Jesus at all cost. No, I was not just avoiding Him. I was hostile. My interaction with "“God'’s people"” showed me that it was all B.S. and I didn'’t want to hear it.

Skip ahead. (Yea, a lot went on during this time, but it's another story.) About twelve years later we walked into a church for the first time. We met a great group of people that has forever touched our lives in positive ways. This is where I met the Conservative-Protestant Jesus.

The Expanding Jesus

It never ceases to amaze me how God puts the right book in my hand at just the time when I am ready for it. He did that with Brennan Manning’s “Ragamuffin Gospel”, Wayne Jacobsen’s “The Naked Church” and “He Loves Me”, N. T. Wright’s “The Challenge of Jesus”, and now Brian McLaren’s “A Generous Orthodoxy”. This book is helping me clarify some of my thoughts, and perhaps why I bristle at certain interpretations of the Gospel.

I haven’t read the whole book, but I really resonate with his brief descriptions of the “different Jesuses" he has come to know. I couldn’t help but smile as I read....So, I decided I would put some of it in writing and maybe see if some discussions emerge... I’ll start with lifting some stuff from the chapter “The Seven Jesuses I Have Known” that apply to me, then I'll write about my own journey and the discovery of these "Jesuses".

I am Conservative Protestant
...because I believe that Jesus’ death on the cross opens the door to heaven in the future, and allows me to have a relationship with Him now.

I am Charismatic/Pentecostal
...because I believe that the Holy Spirit is the real presence of Jesus, and is alive and active right now.

I am Roman Catholic
...because I believe that the resurrection of Jesus “changes forever the whole equation of existence.”

I am Eastern Orthodox
...because I believe God has taken human life into His life through Jesus, and God has enters His creation through Jesus, and has saved the world by doing so.

I am Liberal Protestant
...because I believe the teachings and acts of love of Jesus offer a way of life that brings blessing to the whole world, and I believe Jesus confronts the corrupt religious and political systems of the world.

I am Anabaptist
...because I believe the Church is a continuation of the original disciples, a group of people learning the ways of Jesus in voluntary community.

The discovery of these Jesuses in my own life has been a long road. I am still learning and open to more. I've spent a long time only knowing a Conservative Protestant Jesus. I realized sometime ago that he was only a fraction of the whole. It was like thinking you know someone because you talk to them in a store occasionally. There is so much more.... I want ALL of Jesus!

Enjoyment and Shame

I don’t have this all figured out by any means, but I am thinking through and getting to experiences glimpses of what it means to walk freely with Jesus. There are many hindrances to enjoying God. Religion, misunderstanding God, shame, guilt and obligation just to name a few.

Shame is looking at ourselves through the view of what we have done, rather than what Christ has done for us, and how He sees us.

Why is it important to understand that Jesus dealt with shame on the cross? Simply because shame and guilt are barriers to the full enjoyment of God which comes through relationship with Him.

I was a member of a 12-Step program for many years. I am in debt to that program and those people. And for all the positive things that I think we can glean from them, there is one thing that really bothers me. Before speaking at any meeting people introduce themselves by saying’ Hi, my name is Roger and I am a _________ .” (Fill in the blank with any addictive sin). I was reminding myself of my sin at every meeting. I was keeping myself in bondage to a particular addiction, and much like many religious institutions, I was told that if I left the meetings I was doomed to return to a life of addiction and sin. My self-concept had become completely centered on a the particular sin with which I struggled.

Shame keeps us focused on the sin within ourselves rather than on the One who dealt with the penalty, power, and one day, the presence of that sin. We see ourselves as dirty when Christ views us as clean. We view ourselves as guilty when Christ views us as innocent. We see ourselves as powerless when Christ has given His power to us through His Spirit. We wait for the day when the presence of sin is removed and forget that the kingdom of God has brought about a destruction of the power of sin here and now.

Does this mean that I should ignore my sin? No. It is not a matter of ignoring it; it is a matter of focus. I’ve related to God through the filter of my sinfulness for a long time and I wound up “gratefully depressed.” Yes, I was grateful for the cross, but I was depressed in the failures, shortcomings, and sin of my life. I was focused on my sin. I came to God as a groveling, shameful servant rather than a child, friend and Bride. I was measuring my self-worth by what I was doing and not doing, and what others were doing and not doing, instead of how the Father and Bridegroom saw me.

Heb 4:16 Therefore let us come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

This verse tells us that we may come before the throne of grace boldly. Unfortunately, many people have interpreted this to mean loudly and forcefully. But in the context of the Father who wants us to know Him it means that we can live with God confidently, bluntly, freely, openly, cheerfully, courageously, fearlessly. . . How can that be possible? Because shame has been dealt with on the cross allowing us free access to the throne of grace!

Knowing the love of Father, who wanted a Bride that was a perfect match for His Son, and the passionate Son who saw Her, and was willing to do anything for Her makes all the difference in the world. God accepts you as you are! Right in the middle of your process of transformation! He is not discouraged or frustrated with your sin. His power is sure! At the end of all things we will be part of a holy, pure and blameless Bride! And He sees you as you will be....

See yourself through God’s eyes today!

Wayne and Friends

We had a great time last night meeting with people who are on a similar journey. Some were still in traditional congregations and some had been out of traditional settings for some time, but all of us are passionate about living loved by the Father. I'm sure we will be seeing each other again...

Wayne is a breath of fresh air for those who want to learn to have a dynamic relationship with the Father outside of obligations, rules, rituals and traditions. I highly suggest his writings and podcasts if you are on this journey!