Serving

I've been experiencing the frustration of trying to live a Missional/Kingdom life in the confines of an institutional church setting for awhile now. I try to remain emotionally detached enough from the church to keep doing what I feel God has called me to do without getting to involved in the day to day, political B.S. that goes on. I know that this form of church is not transforming people spiritually, but I feel like if I bail out it would be for selfish reasons at this point.

We have been meeting with a group of people for a few weeks that want to develop relationships and grow spiritually. They are catching a vision for what God wants to do as we meet together. The church I serve at has a lot of people who were raised in the Catholic tradition and have do idea what spiritual transformation is about. I'm not knocking Catholicism, but for the most part, these folks are ignorant of spiritual/biblical/Kingdom things.

Through this God is teaching me about servanthood. I don't mean just doing a good deed here and there, but where you give up your desires and dreams to minister to people where they are at. I still have a subtle consumer mentality that asks "What am I going to get out of it?" When I was in the pissed-off stage of dealing with the institutional church that's kinda what I was asking. Am I getting fed? Am I getting anything out of this worship service? Is there anyone around here to challenge me in spiritual transfomation? Is there anyone to mentor me? Will I have the opportunity to do creative worship? The answer to these questions was, and still is, NO. The difference is that I have resolved that I'm not going to receive any of those things at my church. I am there to serve.

In "Life Together" Bonhoeffer says, "A pastor should not complain about his congregation, certainly never to other people, but also not to God. A congregation has not been entrusted to him in order that he should become its accuser before God and men. When a person becomes alienated from a Christian community in which he has been placed and begins to raise complaints about it, he had better examine himself first to see whether the trouble is not due to his wish dream that should be shattered by God...Let him pray God for an understanding of his own failure and his particular sin, and pray that he may not wrong his brethren.

Ouch! So I have to accept my brothers where they are at and forego my desires and dreams for their benefit. I have to learn to feed myself and intentionally seek out those who can challenge and mentor me in spiritual relationships. Sounds like servanthood to me. Now I need the power to live it out.... I could feel differently about all this tomorrow.