(Trish) Roger and I were talking on the way home last night (after a really good time of worship! And fellowship!) about the fact that some of us are just going nuts right now. And I remembered that when we were in NA that around the holidays we would “beef up” our support for one another. A lot of people were abandoned by their families and they had no where to go. There was always someone in the fellowship who would open their home for such folks. We would pot luck and play games and sometimes we would even give gifts. For some it was the family they never had. For some it was really painful and emotional and they just simply could not participate. They would hide until December 26th. This year my eyes are open to the parallels that are between NA and house church, community living. I want to embrace the folks that we’ve left behind. Who need us to hold their hand or give them a little present to recapture some lost part of their childhood. I want to facilitate healing and reconciliation. I want to see God heal and mend broken hearts. That would be an amazing gift. My prayer is for the lonely and broken. My prayer is that you would do the same. Don’t get so caught up in the “Christmas stuff” that you forget what is truly important.

On a happier note! I was so incredibly proud of my husband yesterday! Hannah (our 6 year old) was a goose in a little play they did at school. Roger went out, bought all the stuff, used hot glue and made this darling costume of her! ALL BY HIMSELF! And some of the moms when she came out were making comments about how cute this costume was and who made it for her! I bet they were thinking her Mom did! But nope. Not a lick of help from me. Being a stay at home Dad has truly changed Roger. It’s a beautiful site to see. A few years ago he wouldn’t have touched this one with a ten foot pole! Thank you honey for being such a great Daddy! I love you..

Artist: Disciple
Album: This Might Sting A Little
Song: I Just Know

what makes you different from one another
why do you argue about who you follow
there is no man that you belong to
there's only one God that can claim you (1 Corinthians 3:5-7)

I don't care if you don't speak in tongues (1 Corinthians 13:1)
I don't care if you're into submersion (Matthew 3:16)
what does it matter if wear a liturgical robe
Or prophesy and say God said so (1 John 4:1)

I just know Jesus is the way
I just know Jesus is the truth
I just know Jesus is the life
I know that Jesus is my God (John 14:6)

do you serve your name or do you serve mankind
would you feel the same if they took down your sign
could you sit next to me if I was Baptist or Presbyterian
or do I need to be a charismatic or Episcopalian (Acts 2:17)

I don't care if you drink grape juice or if it's wine (Matthew 26:27- 29)
and I don't care if you get out of church on time
what does it matter if you praise God with music in your church (Psalm 150)
or you burn your dead or bury them six feet in the dirt

I don't care if you clap your hands (Psalm 47:1)
I don't care if you get out in the aisle and dance (Psalm 149:3)
what's it matter if someone lets out a hallelujah shout (Psalm 100:1)
have we forgotten what praising Yahweh is all about

Moving On....

We are moving into our house on Friday! We bought an older home here in historic Highland, IL. We have been living in a singlewide mobile home for the past two years. I guess I can't call myself the "Trailer Park Mystic" anymore. I am looking forward to having some privacy and room to entertain (I love paradox!). We pray that God will draw people to himself in our living rooms and kitchen. Highland needs some subversive community!

This move should be interesting considering my back is just healing up. Pray for good weather and strong backs!

COMMENTS!

Due to popular request, and some threats (Bill), I have implemented comments until I move to T1Host.

Looking forward to the dialogue!

Serving

I've been experiencing the frustration of trying to live a Missional/Kingdom life in the confines of an institutional church setting for awhile now. I try to remain emotionally detached enough from the church to keep doing what I feel God has called me to do without getting to involved in the day to day, political B.S. that goes on. I know that this form of church is not transforming people spiritually, but I feel like if I bail out it would be for selfish reasons at this point.

We have been meeting with a group of people for a few weeks that want to develop relationships and grow spiritually. They are catching a vision for what God wants to do as we meet together. The church I serve at has a lot of people who were raised in the Catholic tradition and have do idea what spiritual transformation is about. I'm not knocking Catholicism, but for the most part, these folks are ignorant of spiritual/biblical/Kingdom things.

Through this God is teaching me about servanthood. I don't mean just doing a good deed here and there, but where you give up your desires and dreams to minister to people where they are at. I still have a subtle consumer mentality that asks "What am I going to get out of it?" When I was in the pissed-off stage of dealing with the institutional church that's kinda what I was asking. Am I getting fed? Am I getting anything out of this worship service? Is there anyone around here to challenge me in spiritual transfomation? Is there anyone to mentor me? Will I have the opportunity to do creative worship? The answer to these questions was, and still is, NO. The difference is that I have resolved that I'm not going to receive any of those things at my church. I am there to serve.

In "Life Together" Bonhoeffer says, "A pastor should not complain about his congregation, certainly never to other people, but also not to God. A congregation has not been entrusted to him in order that he should become its accuser before God and men. When a person becomes alienated from a Christian community in which he has been placed and begins to raise complaints about it, he had better examine himself first to see whether the trouble is not due to his wish dream that should be shattered by God...Let him pray God for an understanding of his own failure and his particular sin, and pray that he may not wrong his brethren.

Ouch! So I have to accept my brothers where they are at and forego my desires and dreams for their benefit. I have to learn to feed myself and intentionally seek out those who can challenge and mentor me in spiritual relationships. Sounds like servanthood to me. Now I need the power to live it out.... I could feel differently about all this tomorrow.

My Friend Blue

(Trish) A long time ago in a land far away... Nope just kidding! I have this incredible friend named Blue. We met in the height of puberty and found a sort of common place together. I don’t know that we would have survived certain things with out each other. We were supposed to be friends. She has loved me at times when others rejected me. We have watched each other go through terrible, ugly things. You know the things that Satan takes you to that are so far beyond who you are that you can barely look at yourself in the mirror because of how low you’ve stooped. We have cried and laughed and a slew of other things together. And she was one who first told me about Jesus and back then I was like, right! This guy from the past loves me?? No way.. We drifted a couple of times and when we got back together, it was like we were never apart.

After 20 some odd years, we are an answer to many prayers! Her parents along with Rob Graham and a bunch of other people used to pray for us! Wow! Now, we are both on the same page. We both love Jesus and kingdom living. We are both in loving marriages. And we still love each other all that much more. Isn’t God just absolutely amazing?? To bring two losers back from the dead??

Thank you Jesus for my best friend and Sister.
Love you Blue. Thank you for loving me.

Church?

(Trish) This weekend was eye opening to me. I realized that I am still disenchanted with CHURCH and that there's a big part of me that can’t bare the thought of leaving one person behind. I am angry at the finely tuned machine we have become. I am angry that we need bodies with bank accounts to fill our churches so we can pay for our churches and give really little or nothing to the person giving his/her money. Is this what Jesus wants? I think not.

In our group on Friday night I sort of let all of this out and I think I may have offended someone when I suggested that at times I feel like I am being disobedient by continuing to go to CHURCH. I was told that this person feels like they are being disobedient by not going. I used to feel that way too thinking that somehow we could facilitate change. That my presence and attitude could make them change their mind! I think it’s not possible unless God directly intervenes. And I am not sure at this point he will.

Let me say that we went to NA for several years and we were ministered to and we were able to minister to others. However, we hit a spiritual plateau of sorts, felt the pull of Holy Spirit and started going to church. We were blessed because we found a group of believers that nurtured us back to health. But even then there were times that Roger & I would talk about how people were treated better in NA than in the church! How can this be!? The very Bride of Christ doesn’t practice the heart of what our Savior taught! We don’t love! We don’t really care that there are people out there who have never heard the Gospel! We are comfortable in our buildings and have committees that are designed to come up with new and great ideas on how to get people to the building! This generation does not want or need to go to a church that has no idea where the culture is or where it’s going. Kids of today won’t jump up and down when they see a church marquee that reads,” Our choir is 50 years old! Come celebrate with us!”

I will stop ranting for now. My eyes are open and I see the truth and it still hurts. I pray that I will be open to Holy Spirits leading when an opportunity presents itself for me to minister & to love.

Get Off My Back!

So I've been dealing with back problems for about two months. Tried physical therapy, muscle relaxers and exercises. The Dr. finally sent me for x-rays and it turns out I have a fractured L5 vertebrae! I have no clue how or when it happened either. I go for an MRI Monday and will talk to the Dr. again on Wednesday. Hopefully get some help.....

Since Trish blogged about her feelings on I Am Sam, I guess I will too.... I was struck by the little girl who kept getting out of bed and going to her Father's house in the middle of the night. The Father would bring her back and the next night she would do it again. I was reminded about my own longing for "home". A place that is comfortable and safe. Where I'm comfortable in my own skin (or new skin). Where I know that there is love waiting. Where I can know and be known. I think the closest thing on earth is real community. But, even real community at it's best is a poor representation of what waits for us around the corner...when we can take off our fig leaves and walk together in the Garden.

I Am Sam

(Trish) After reading Syndie’s blog yesterday morning I decided to go out and get “I am Sam.” WOW. Like she said, I was not prepared for this movie! I hadn’t even heard about it till yesterday and a flood of emotion came over me.

When I was 17 I got pregnant. I wanted a quick fix because I knew once my mother found out I would probably die. I wasn’t old enough to have an abortion and besides, the clinic I went to showed the sonogram and I went home that night and had nightmares. I couldn’t do any way. So now what? My aunt came to visit and we discussed the possibility of adoption. At first I was like, I don’t know about that. When you’re in this situation, NONE of your choices are easy. This is one reason why God wants us to have sex within marriage. Any way, time started rolling on and I started to grow and to love the little person in my body. Mom kicked me out and I lived in Foster Care with a 300 or 400 lb woman who was into herbs! I wanted FOOOOD! I was hungry! So, I had to do the welfare thing and food stamps for a while because my family wouldn’t help me. Well after visiting a few adoption agencies I decided no way. Back then they kept your baby in foster care for 6 weeks and I wanted my baby to go right home. There were other reasons but, I could type all day! I then found a private lawyer. He was terrific. We became friends and I spent time with him every week. In retrospect, he was probably screening me or trying to find out what kind of fiber I was made of.

On July 6, 1985, I gave birth to 9Lb 22 ¾ inch boy! He was perfect! Part of the deal with the lawyer was that I got to see him and spend 3 days with him. I got to hold and love and do a lot of kissing. I had a lifetime of those things to do in 3 days. The day arrived too soon to say good bye. God was so with me. I wasn’t a Christian yet, but I had clarity. I had strength of 10 men. I knew that I could not raise this baby the way he deserved. The lawyer came and the last thing I said to my son was, “Now you eat all your peas when your Mother tells you to.” I cried for days. I plotted all the ways I could keep him and get him back. I could get on welfare and work and do the day care thing. I was miserably alone and depressed. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I look at my kids and I cannot even begin to fathom what it would be like with out them.

After days of plotting and bargaining with the lawyer, my Mom (who doesn’t really like me) sat me down and put her hands on my shoulders and said, “ Tricia, please don’t let this baby grow up like you did. Let him have a normal life with 2 parents who can give him what he needs.” Words of wisdom that will forever be imbedded in my heart.

In July, my son turned 18. I have always secretly hoped that when he did, that he would come and find me. Hasn’t happened and unless it’s part of God’s plan, He probably won’t. This is what hit home with me from that movie last night. I didn’t realize how much emotion I’ve been harboring about this for so long. I love him. It would break my heart if he thinks I don’t or that I didn’t want him. I did. I was just young and unprepared to be his Mommy. I hope he will forgive me.

Dark Beer May Be Better for the Heart

Science to the rescue!!! I knew there would be a way to rationalize my taste for dark ale!

Professional, Amateur, Paid, Supported....

There's a great discussion about financial support for "pastors/apostles/etc. Here and here. Be sure and read the comments.

I have been thinking about some related issues too. I would love to get a masters degree. I know that degrees aren't everything, but is there a basic level of theology, sociology etc. that we think kingdomcommunitiesmissionalchurchsimplechurch leaders should have?

If we do, how should those leaders pay for it? Most people pursue degrees with the hope of making enough money to pay for the loans. That wouldn't be the case for leaders of missional communities.

Is this where the larger networks of missional communities such as Allelon come into play?

Pain in the...
I have been dealing with lower back pain for about 2 months now. I went through a dose of muscle relaxers that didn't help. I went back to the Dr. the other day and she prescribed different muscle relaxers and physical therapy. I HATE the way these things make me feel! I feel like a grouchy zombie! I am short tempered, tired and mean.

On another note...

We had a good group last night. We talked about the "thin places" in our lives when God is very present. We continue to share at deeper, more personal levels. We are reading Killian Noe's "Finding Our Way Home" and talking about prayer. She reminded us that centering prayer is born out of our desire for God. I desire God very much, but sometimes I don't do the spiritual disciplines that will open my life to Him. It's like the drug addict saying "I really don't like using drugs" and then putting another needle in his arm. Killian Noe says that we have to move from the "general to the specific." It is not enough to want to be a Kingdom-person, we have to commit to practices that will help us be a Kingdom-person.

An interesting morning...

I don't have a lot of prophetic dreams and stuff like that. It's just not how God works with me. My Granny (Mildred Hiduk) died about 18 months ago and I think about her often, but I think I am past the grieving at this point. This morning I woke up feeling the overwhelming presence of my Granny comforting me. The song I had wrote for her just before she passed away jumped into my head:

We had
Chicken and dumplings
And apple pie
Stories of people and days gone by
She didn't have much, but there was always enough
But most of all there was love

I told Trish as I got out of bed that I woke up missing Granny today. I went to the couch and cried a few tears and I told Trish that the cool thing about Granny is that you never wondered if you were loved. She was an awesome lady!

I'm sure the tears weren't just about missing Granny. Sometimes it's cool how God allows us to grieve and how God comforts us.

+Lord, I pray that I will have a legacy like Grannny's. I pray that people will remember me as a person who exuded love, comfort and hospitality. I thank You for Your comfort in my life.+

Wesley's Writings

Here are some excerpts from John Wesley's "Advice To A People Called Methodist". There are some really pertinent quotes that apply to the house church/missional movement. You be the judge....

One of these is, that you are a new people: Your name is new, (at least, as used in a religious sense,) not heard of, till a few years ago, either in our own or any other nation. Your principles are new, in this respect, that there is no other set of people among us (and, possibly, not in the Christian world) who hold them all in the same degree and connexion; who so strenuously and continually insist on the absolute necessity of universal holiness both in heart and life; of a peaceful, joyous love of God; of a supernatural evidence of things not seen; of an inward witness that we are the children of God; and of the inspiration of the Holy Ghost, in order to any good thought, or word, or work. And perhaps there is no other set of people, (at least, not visibly united together,) who lay so much and yet no more stress than you do on rectitude of opinions, on outward modes of worship, and the use of those ordinances which you acknowledge to be of God. So much stress you lay even on right opinions, as to profess, that you earnestly desire to have a right judgment in all things, and are glad to use every means which you know or believe may be conducive thereto; and yet not so much as to condemn any man upon earth, merely for thinking otherwise than you do...

Another peculiar circumstance of your present situation is, that you are newly united together; that you are just gathered, or (as it seems) gathering rather, out of all other societies or congregations; nay, and that you have been hitherto, and do still subsist, without power, (for you are a low, insignificant people,) without riches, (for you are poor almost to a man, having no more than the plain necessaries of life,) and without either any extraordinary gifts of nature, or the advantages of education; most even of your Teachers being quite unlearned, and (in other things) ignorant men.

Considering these peculiar circumstances wherein you stand, you will see the propriety of a Second advice I would recommend to you: "Do not imagine you can avoid giving offence:" Your very name renders this impossible. . . And as much offence as you give by your name, you will give still more by your principles.

What makes even your principles more offensive is, this uniting of yourselves together: Because this union renders you more conspicuous, placing you more in the eye of men; more suspicious. . .

Go on, I would earnestly advise you, Fourthly: "Keep in the very path wherein you now tread. Be true to your principles." Never rest again in the dead formality of religion. Pursue with your might inward and outward holiness; a steady imitation of Him you worship; a still increasing resemblance of his imitable perfections, -- his justice, mercy, and truth.

I hope this is encouraging to those of us that feel alone. Other men have followed the Spirit into places where the religious authorities have mistrusted, scorned and ridiculed them. I find many similarities in Wesley's Band-Societies to what God is doing in our time.