Here we go again....
I just spent twenty minutes blogging and lost all of it!!!!

I attend a church of seriously immature believers. I am not being cruel about this, just factual. We just had a talk with the worship team about the nature of worship etc. I have been going really slow with these guys, but two weeks ago I challenged them about leading with prayer and praying out loud. As we talked this week I was told they don't want to be challenged, they are comfortable where they are at spiritually and they are just as Christ-like as they want to be. What?!?!?

This talk came in the context of one of the former worship leaders taking half of our gear home because I offended him in someway that no one understands. He talked to the pastor and another leader and they can't make sense of it either. I go to practice and find out that he has called everyone in the band except me. Now, I'll admit that I'm not perfect, but I am really confused by all of this. What is sad is that the leadership allowed him to do this and did not make him talk to ME about any of it!

I am really trying to emotionally detach myself from all of this and look at this from a rational point of view, but the truth is that I am hurt, disillusioned, confused and angry. I've know for sometime that institutional church had some problems, but I need to write a few thoughts that have come from all of this.

First, the institutional church allows people to remain spiritually immature because it is more concerned with keeping people happy than facilitating spiritual transformation. I don’t think God minds spiritual immaturity. He is always patient with the disciples, but in Rev. 3:15 it is clear that God will not tolerate spiritual apathy. I don’t think we should either.

Second, this form of doing church allows ministry to take place without relationships. We can see each other week after week, serve together and never get past typical cliches. Relationships tend to be dictated by the church calendar rather than naturally.

Third, the leaders of the church are open season for any spiritually immature believer who has a beef. Because the relationships tend to be shallow, assumptions about character and motives are made about people without all of the facts.

Fourth, institutional church encourages people to worship systems, structures and leaders rather than have a face-to-face relationship with God. This group of people that I am attempting to minister to, and with, feel that they don’t have a need to grow spiritually. They go to church, let someone else worship, read and teach for them, do their obligation in a comfortable setting and feel good about themselves when they leave. What else could a good consumer want?


I am getting sick to my stomach. Please pray for me!

rhiduk@hotmail.com

The Tragic Loss of Mike Yaconelli
I have a feeling Mike is getting the most out of heaven right now. He sucked the marrow out of life!

The right questions...

I'm a firm believer in trying to ask the right questions. I'm still wrestling with some Kingdom questions. Quite some time ago I had the pleasure of listening to Todd Hunter dissect Mark 1:14-15 about the reign and rule of Jesus similar to his notes here. So the implications are that there is a cosmic battle going on between good and evil and Christ is assaulting Satan's kingdom by proclaiming and demonstrating His Kingdom by healing, preaching and discipling in the rest of Mark. I'm down with that.

Here's where I struggle: A teenager in our community tragically died in a car wreck this past weekend. The teens are tore up and asking "why?". I'm not sure there is an answer. Should we as Christ-followers have an answer?

If sickness and death were not God's original plan for creation and Jesus came to undo the damage that Satan had done, do I as a Christ-follwer blame this on Satan? Is every screwed-up thing that happens in this world caused by Satan? Should we just look at these things as counterattacks from the Enemy?

What about the story of Job? God cut Satan free to do his thing on Job. Satan did the work, but it had God's stamp of approval. I have experienced times of terrible darkness, that looking back, I believe may have been caused by God to humble me, build character and cause me to rely solely on Him. Surely I can't look at this teenagers death through that paradigm and say "It was just God's will." This would portray God as uncaring and cruel.

Would love to hear what you think.... rhiduk@hotmail.com

(Trish) I work for a Dentist in a small community called Breese, it’s basically surrounded by farms and some days on my way home from work I get stuck behind farm equipment that looks like something from a Sci fi movie.

Anyway, at my office I am the only person who actually has an office. I deal with finances and so it’s very private and when the transfer is complete, the door closes behind whatever staff member gives me the patient. I love this. I love being able to minister to people who are terrified of the Dentist. I love helping people figure out a creative ways to fit their treatment into their budget. I love it when my patients trust me enough to share emotional treasures with me.

Today I was able to help a 59 year old woman who is terrified of the Dentist identify why she was so afraid. She had a huge break through. Long time questions were answered for her. She also realized why she was unable to sleep for the past 7 years. At the end of the conversation I thanked her for sharing all of that with me and she thanked me for listening and for helping her. I put my hand on hers and reassured her that we would take excellent care of her... This is what I get to do every day at work.. Not always this deep, but on some level daily, God sends someone to me who needs Him. This is like breathing for me and I am so blessed to be in environment that allows me to use this gift.

The experiment continues...Can I live in two worlds?
We had another "leadership meeting" for our small group ministry last night. I am becoming increasingly uncomfortable trying to rationalize to these guys the reasons for the structure and accountability that the pastor wants. These families are some of the very few in the whole church that are taking responsibility for their spiritual growth and they asked a lot of good questions about the structure last night. Unfortunately, the pastor wasn't there to answer the questions so I had to tell them his side of the story. The bottom line is that the institutional church has an inherent controlling structure that many people bristle at. The pastor is accountable to the district and bishop and if something weird should happen in the small group ministry he will be held accountable. I can see his point of wanting oversight and accountability. It's his butt on the line, but this inherent control structure really turns people off.

The good news is that the leaders see the need for relational and missional ministry at this level and are committing to it. Some have committed to quitting other ministries to have the time they need for building relationships. That tells me they are at least taking what I am saying seriously. There is still a long way to go...with them, and in me....

+God, help me to be faithful to the people you have called me to be with. Help me to stay faithful to the life and lifestyle you have called me to. Keep me grounded in your Kingdom and fill me with power to love the unlovely, heal the hurting, mend the broken and search for the missing. Let this lifestyle be a light on a hill for those that are seeking. +

Maggie

(Trish) Abbie has wanted a dog since she was born! The kid loves dogs. Well, I am not a dog person, but because I love my Abbie, we’ve done the dog thing a couple of times and have had no success. Well, my little Veterinarian has softened my heart and a few weeks ago Rog and I started looking.. I knew I didn’t want a puppy.. Poop, training.. No thanks! I’ve had 3 babies and I don’t want another.. So, this one day we were driving through Edwardsville and we decided to stop at the animal shelter. No puppies were to be had! Hurray! So we looked at the dogs. There she was. A beautiful, 30 LB, Heinz 57.. Brenden approached her kennel and she nuzzled up next to him. No jumping, no barking. Love just streamed from her eyes. We needed to think about this but neither of us could stop thinking of her. So, we decided to go get her the next day.. We told the kids we were going on an adventure and blind folded them right before we got there. Hannah took hers off because she can’t miss a thing! But, Abbie kept hers on. We took them in and the clerk brought her to us and we took off the blind fold and there she was... Maggie.. Abbie fell in love. We all did. Rog got this all on tape too which is too cool! Any way, Maggie has been with us for about 3 weeks and she is an angel. Breath of God.. Finally a good dog that fits with our family.. My mind is changing about dogs. Thank you Lord for blessing us with our Maggamuffin!

I've been reading some of Wesley's writings and came across this article Finding God In Small Groups about how the early Methodist small groups worked. Intense committment and discipleship.

I currently attend a Methodist church and attended a "charge conference" held at our church today. The charge conference was a combination business meeting and worship service. There was one person under 30 (who was leaving for a new district that day) and maybe a few more under 50. I can't help but think that Wesley would not be pleased at the state of the church today.

We led worship and I was concerned that they really wouldn't get into what we did, but I was pleasently surprised and things went pretty well. I don't think I'll be going to another one though....

I am currently reading "Biblical Foundations for Small Group Ministry" by Gareth Weldon Icenogle. This IS NOT your typical "small group" how-to book. It applies to any "small group" of people meeting in the name of Christ pursuing fellowship and mission. I will be posting a few thoughts from it as I read through it:

Maybe I am slow on the curve, but this concept blew me away! Icenogle points out that after Cain kills Abel the first thing he does is build a city (Gen. 4:17). He goes on to point out that Ham begat a line of great city builders and the people in Babel were a "psuedocovenant people". They had a common purpose, but no relationship with God so rather than wait for God to come down from heaven with a covenant they decide to build.

Icnogle than says, "Broken humanity builds cities. Covenant humanity builds covenant family communities. Human sin finds expression in the building of functionally interrelated things. Covenant finds expression in the nurture of relationships, families and groups. Covenant builds community....The contercovenant movement of humanity builds structures, bricks, buildings, functions, hierarchies, pyramids, tyrannies, or anarchies, but cannot build community." Later he says, "Humanity without God will convene itself to accomplish great things. Wherever there are multitudes of human beings, if they do not hear the convening voice of God they will attend to their own convening voice and gather together to build something. "

The response to human endeavor that is void of God ("Let us build...") is God saying "Let us confuse and scatter..." Groups that gather without the presence of God are reduced to games, avoidance and denial and ultimately break up.

I don't know if Icenogle intended to critique the institutional church or not, he is a pastor of a Presbyterian church in Pennsylvania, but if he is right it has tremendous ramifications for the church today where we exalt programs over relationships and buildings over missional focus. Could it be that the institutional church is not just "another way" of doing church, but a product of our brokenness and lack of God's presence in psuedocovenant communities.

This is great quote: "Powerful human structures will eventually collapse while delicate gatherings of God's people will grow and thrive."

WE ARE OFFICIALLY POOR!

(Trish) This morning I opened Abbie’s back pack to find a sealed envelope labeled “ The Hiduk Family.” I opened it and the enclosed letter said that we had been “Adopted” for Christmas. I showed Roger and he blew it off and said that we don’t need it and that there are other families that truly need this more than we do. Although I agree, I experienced emotion that I must express. At first I was like wow, they think we’re poor! Then I was like, they think we’re poor! I was happy and pleased to be looked at that way and then I was sort of mad because they decided that we were poor.. I don’t know, maybe I am just being silly. We will send the letter back and Thank them, and let them know that there are other children in our very neighborhood that don’t have coats or boots or even Dads.. Bless them. We are blessed.

(Roger) I must say that this humbled me a little bit. In my opinion we are by no means "poor". We qualify for state aid and free lunches at school, but my kids don't hurt for anything and we don't miss any meals. This brings into question my being able to "support" my family and the self-worth that a man gets from doing so. Trish has been supporting us for about 2 years now. She is great at her job and likes it for the most part. I have gone through some times of struggle with working part-time. I never realized how much my self-concept was wrapped up in my career.

The other side of this is that it is cool to spend so much time with my kids. I was the only dad to go on my daughters field trip this week and she thought that was really cool. Just yesterday my son's preschool teacher told Trish how much they liked me being around because many of the kids don't have fathers. Maybe there is more ministry for dads staying home than I first thought....

Last night (the first night back after our Nati weekend) I have "Leadership Training" for our small group ministry. We had some great conversation about community, relationships and, as Todd Hunter says, leading someone who should be following someone else. It was especially interesting because the pastor was there the whole time. I am teaching missional, relational principles that are totally different than what the church currently does. The leaders get it, and that is heartening.

I had an interesting conversation with the pastor after the meeting about our weekend adventure. As I told him about intentional community and the communal leadership that I saw modeled I could sense the walls going up. He warned me about leaders that are not "properly trained" and I reminded him of the many abuses that "properly trained" pastors have caused. I told him that I thought that there was a move of God going on in the house churches and his comment was "The institutional church will catch on in about 20 years." He is probably right, and that will probably be too late....

On another note, my "stay-at-home dad" status allowed me to go on my daughters field trip to Cahokia mounds and the Lewis and Clark Visitation Center (Unfortuately they were not available to talk to us). It is interesting to me that this group of Indians had a bigger city than any European city of the time. It's also interesting that they disappeared without a trace.

Here's Trish's thoughts on our Cincinnati trip:

I went to Cincinnati this weekend with very few expectations because I really had no idea what we would find, except people of God who understood what we were going through. On Thursday we arrived around 3:00 and freshened up a bit and went out to celebrate our 10th Anniversary! Wow... We’re a statistic now! We drove to the top of a small mountain or hill or whatever it was and ate DELICIOUS Italian food at Prima Vista.. A meal complete with an incredible view, appetizers, Bellini’s and of course a Gay waiter! He swept my crumbs away! Isn’t that sweet!?? We enjoyed our meal and each other and went down town, got a little turned around and decided to get some beer and just go back to the hotel... Fun night.. I am so blessed with my amazing Husband and look forward to growing even deeper the next 10 years.

We farted around all day Friday and finally got the Brown house where we met Kevin and Ken... I knew immediately that we belonged. There was peace in the atmosphere and I breathed it deep into my body. We connected very quickly with Nikki and Paul and Jack too! We felt free to share what was on our hearts with them and they did the same. This night was good because we got to sort of vent a little and I quickly realized that we were definitely not alone on our spiritual journey.. I liken it to Stephen King’s “The Stand.” We all met at Mother Abigail’s house! Ha! Any way, we talked and I even got a little pissed off and drank some beer ( sorry guys, I am not a huge beer fan!) Community, fellowship and candles were our evening and the big fire in the back yard. I felt Home....We met a lot of the people we’ve been reading about for a couple of months and it was really fun to put names to faces and to get to know them as people and not words on a page. I was so happy to meet the Creech’s and the Bean’s! We left around 10 or so and as we were leaving we saw the cigar guys on the front porch and secretly wished we had stayed to sit in on their discussion in which I was quite sure was juicy and rich... But we left and rested and got up early to come back the next morning.

The next morning held significance for both of us. Bill talked about bitterness and yeah, I was so there. I’ve been so bitter. I watched tears roll from his eyes and I was touched. We were prayed for and God spoke through Kevin and Rob words that we have longed to hear and we were comforted and loved. I felt the burdens lift from my soul and everything made sense for the first time in a long time. It was so nice to be in an environment where The Holy Spirit was invited and allowed to move at His will. It was beautiful to see others ministered to as well. The Best’s are so awesome and I was grateful that Syndie was so raw in front of us. Her honesty was so refreshing. I was privileged to be in the circle of prayer for their family..

Lunch was terrific! Ate with Levi’s Table and the Rains. Thanks LT for picking up the tab.. What a gift.. Later we took the tour with Dave and it was so great..

My highlight of the whole weekend was meeting and talking with Liz.. I had been reading her blog and I felt a connection to her before we even met.. We finally got to talk Saturday evening and I felt like I was talking to a long lost friend. Thanks Liz!

I am also excited about our relationship with LT. I believe we are on to something and it’s really cool!

Love you guys and feel blessed to have finally met you. Thanks for loving us..

A few more thoughts inbetween papers that I have to write for tomorrow nights class.

A highlight of the trip was hanging out with the Levis' Table folks and having Dave Nixon take us on a tour of the Vineyard Cenral campus. They have an a Catholic church building, a priests quarters and a nunery. They have remodeled the priests quarters (Brownhouse) and the nunery (Whitehouse, where the Nixons live). The hardwood floors are beautiful!

Dave spoke to us about what intentional community looks like: praying the psalms together, sharing a common purse, developing a spiritual rhythm to life and helping each other be faithful to God's call. It sounds cool and it is. It probably isn't for everybody, and Dave even said that they don't look at their lifestyle as more spiritual than any other.

It was also cool to renew our friendships with the Levis' Table crowd. Geographically, they are the closest people to us that are doing this relational thing. We look forward to hanging out a lot more with them in the future.

I was deeply moved by the weekend. I can't say that it was a life-changing experience, but it was probably more important. It was a confirmation of what God has been doing in our lives. It was reassurance that we are not alone and not crazy. It was a time to meet new friends and revitalize old ones.

We are back from our first Allgroup at Vineyard Central, the kids and Trish are tucked in bed and I'm blogging...

What an awesome experience! We arrived in Cincy on Thursday afternoon, checked into the hotel, got dressed and went to Primavista (Kevin's recommendation) for our 10th wedding anniversary. Great food. Great view. Hot wife. What else can you ask for? We went down to MainStrausse Village and checked out some shops and ate a great Reuben at a German restaurant.

We arrived at the Brownhouse Friday night to Kevin lighting some candles and Tiki torches on the porch. He immediately reminded me of my worship leading mentor where I got saved and as the weekend went on I was sure they were brothers.

It was surreal to meet the people that have influenced us through their blogs and websites. It was like meeting people in person that we had been spying on for a long time. We got to hang out and spend some time talking to Paul and Nicky who we really connected with. We drank quality beer, talked about the Kingdom and drank in the atmosphere of being surrounded by people who like-minded.

Saturday morning we arrived at the Brownhouse for the leaders gathering. Bill Bean , who is an awesome guy from Indy that I had the pleasure of talking with the night before started things off by talking about the different transitions that people are in and the bitterness that some of us go through as we are called to doing church differently. I wound up telling our story first and this awesome group of leaders prayed over us. Kevin's prayer totally confirmed some dreams that a friend of ours has been having regarding me teaching, and he had Trish pegged as a "spiritual mother". Then Rob Graham from Levi's Table prayed over us and started off saying "I see a garden." I freaked out because I have been writing some stuff about our future house church named "Soul Garden Gathering" which he know nothing about. God was definitely present!

It was such blessing to share in some of the other leaders pain and struggle. If this gathering did nothing else but provide a place where we can fellowship with like-minded people it would be worth the trip. It is a very lonely, confusing time for many of us. It is nice to know that we are not alone...

I will blog some more tomorrow about the rest of the day. Needless to say it was awesome.

These are some of Trish's thoughts today:

In our recent conversations bout church, community and fellowship, I struggle with why it is so important to “love” your job. I mean, yeah, it would be nice to have a place you go every day that is pleasant and comfortable, but in the end, what we do is not as important as how we’ve served and communed. If you work for 7-11 and minister there and at home, what difference does it make? Why do we pressure ourselves to have high power jobs with high power responsibility and have it offer nothing, in reality, back to your community?? No, I have decided that where I work is good because I have the privilege every single day to allow Jesus to shine through me and to love and commune with people in my community.. I don’t ever want to work for a Weyerhaeuser Mortgage company again where I sit behind a desk and don’t get to touch someone or look them in the eye... Back on track here, having a job should be about supporting your family & your community, not about being able to buy a boat or a huge house with empty rooms. No, I’d rather have an 80 year old house that’s cozy and that we can make our own. I’d rather come home and leave my job at my job. I’d rather, if I had to, flip hamburgers and give them to someone than sit behind a desk wasting into nothingness. Having a job is about even exchange. I work for you so you can pay me to feed and cloth my family.. I believe this is how our parents and grandparents were able to work at the same job for 30 years, because they understood what it was really about.. Go to work so you can eat, be clothed and enjoy your family. We have complicated it. We have made it this big because we covet what our neighbors have. We have lost the dream of simple survival. Now to me, the church is no better. We desire bigger buildings, bigger programs, bigger tithes and bigger responsibilities. I watch our Pastor and the guy never stops working.. Ever! He works more than most CEO’S. Day and night. How can he possibly commune with God and his family in an effective way? Not only that, does he have any intimate relationships? Is this healthy for our church body to see him never stop? How can he preach for us to slow down when he doesn’t?? We have created a huge problem in the church. We’ve lost sight of the goal. And the goal is to preach the good news! Simple survival.

I taught our first small group leadership training last night at the church. It's nice to have a small group of people that get the relational and missional aspects of what we are trying to do. We talked about the differences between institutional and missional church. We talked about the importance of being a blessing to the world. We talked about leadership as modeling a journey toward christlikeness. Today there is hope....

I had an intersting talk with our pastor last night. We are a pragmatic, institutional, contemporary Methodist church with about 250 members. I work there part-time as a worship and small group coordinator.

We were talking about the changes in culture and the position the institutional church now finds itself in. He brought up an interesting point. His congregation is about 25% traditional, 25% postmodern, and 50% that have one foot in both mindsets. This puts him in a tough position. He knows that changes have to be made, but how do you do it without blowing the minds of those who don't even know the culture is changing? I can feel for him....

As for myself, I am still struggling with whether to stay and try to be a voice for missional church theology in a pragmatic church situation, or do I take Robert Webber's advice and do home church with missional values from the start? I am hoping that my time at Vineyard Central will provide us with some clarity...

+ God, I think I know, but I really don't know. Help me to be a blessing and servant to others. Give me direction and guidance in the midst of confusion, or just make this confusion lead me closer to you. +

I guess I need to start taking this blogging stuff seriously. Sorry to all th faithful bloggers out there....

We are getting ready to take a trip to Cincinatti to attend the All Group gathering at Vineyard Central. We are really excited to meet some people who have similar experiences, dreams and visions regarding missional theology and home church.