We had the small group leaders in our church over for some hang-out time and it was so interesting to listen. All of them are great folks! Each using their unique gifts and abilities to help people connect with each other and God. It was so interesting to listen and pick out the vocabulary that gives clues about their levels of spirituality. Many of them still look to the organizational church as the answer to spiritual growth ie. you just need to go to church and participate in the programs to grow spiritually....I'm just in a different place now....but, I'm glad people were patient with me when I was going through that phase. I'll be the first to admit that living in the tension between organizational church and relationship with Jesus is difficult.

Had a good conversation with Trish this afternoon....about trusting God, relationships and roles. There was a time, I am sad to say, that I would have gotten my self-worth from being a "Worship Leader" or a "Youth Leader." Who I was, was tied up in what I did. My role was a big part of who I was. I am realizing more each day that the roles we play really don't mean anything outside of the context of having a relationship with Jesus. If I am a stay-at-home dad, or a worship leader, or a janitor, or a pastor really shouldn't help or hinder my relationship with Jesus (that's easier to say than live out).

Upon some reflection, here is what I come up with...My recent spiritual struggles have come as the result of entering a new stage of faith. Realizing that "going to church" just doesn't cut it anymore; the roles that I placed my self-worth in just place me in a cycle of proving myself over and over again; keeping busy doing "church stuff" is far different from a vocation; the rules and rituals where much of my early faith was formed are shallow and empty.

So there is a process of dieing, of letting go of the old visions and dreams and letting God birth new ones. Because I believe that my relationship with God is paramount I am recommitting to some spritual practices that I've been neglecting. The fact is, that looking back, I can see a gradual drifting from the things that connected me with God in the first place. Because spirituality is not about rituals or rules, but relationship I am renewing my dedication to some of the "monastic" disciplines: prayer, silence, solitude, study, meditation, etc. Refocusing on Christ, opening myself to His ttransforming grace, trying to follow Jesus' example, listen to and obey the Spirit.

Kevin Reeves

For those of you who remember the guy who played drums on the keyboard better than most drummers can play drums for us at Highland Hope, check out Kevin Reeves website. Besides just being a good friend and an all-around awesome guy, he is one of the most talented guys I know. He is making a go of it in Nashville with some other Greenville College alumni. Spread the word....and if you need any music work done contact him!!! Check out his song "Shine."

www.lindseybricker.com is active and working!

Just register, logon and submit a new post. I look forward to reading all the good stuff about Lindsey!

We had a worship service for the youth tonight. Lots of young people wanting to take some steps in their journey. I said, and I repeat: It is not about rules, or rituals, but about relationship. There are lots of people who "don't drink, don't smoke and don't chew"; there are a lot of people who "go to church" religiously. But, the real deal is found in having a relationship with Jesus Christ. Getting to know Him and His purpose for your life, which is being like Him!

Mat 7:21-23 "Knowing the correct password--saying 'Master, Master,' for instance--isn't going to get you anywhere with me. What is required is serious obedience--doing what my Father wills. I can see it now--at the Final Judgment thousands strutting up to me and saying, 'Master, we preached the Message, we bashed the demons, our God-sponsored projects had everyone talking.' And do you know what I am going to say? 'You missed the boat. All you did was use me to make yourselves important. You don't impress me one bit. You're out of here.'

Mat 7:24-28 "These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on. If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock. Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit--but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock. "But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don't work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards."

When Jesus concluded his address, the crowd burst into applause. They had never heard teaching like this.

Lindsey's Blog is almost ready!!!

My friend Blue is setting up a Blog for the family and friends of Lindsey to post their thoughts, memories and prayers. This will be a cool a way to permanently honor her in cyberspace. Stay tuned and I'll let you know when it is ready....

HE IS RISEN!!!!

The Disciples, surrounded by darkness, despair and hopelessness buried a friend on Good Friday. By Sunday everything had changed. Jesus, the Messiah, had risen from the dead! The tomb was empty! There was hope! There was life! There was a future!

The tone of Easter in the Highland, IL area is a little different this year. On Good Friday we buried a friend....but, today there is hope, there is life, there is a future! Lindsey's tomb is not empty, but one day it will be! Today is not about Lindsey, but in the context of the Resurrection of Jesus we can celebrate herfuture hope, and ours too!

The ramifications of the empty tomb don't just lay in the future! We have the possiblity of a new life HERE AND NOW! Our old life is gone, the life of rules, and law, and gritting your teeth to be "good." Jesus has taught a new way to live and backed it up by the power of the Resurrection!

Eph 4:22-24
Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything--and I do mean everything--connected with that old way of life has to go. It's rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life--a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.

Participate in the Resurrection lifestyle today and everyday!!!!!

Gal 5:22-23
But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard--things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

KINGDOM LIFE BABY!

Thanks for all of the prayers! Our community is dealing with this whole thing as best we can. The wake was last night. Lindsey looked beautiful, like she was sleeping. There were picture collages everywhere. It took us 2 1/2 hours to see her and the family. The line was out the funeral home and half way down the block.

The funeral is today. Pray that we will make it through the song we are singing. Pray for all of the students that are torn to pieces right now. Pray for the family that has lost so much, and gained so much at the same time. Pray that Spirit moves in a miraculous way....

The joyful part of this is that Lindsey was such and awesome kid that love the Lord! She is with Him, worshipping Him with elders, feeling no pain, never to cry a tear again, bathed in the Glory of the Lord, casting her crown before His feet, eating from the Tree of Life...


Before the Throne it was like a clear crystal sea. Prowling around the Throne were Four Animals, all eyes. Eyes to look ahead, eyes to look behind.
Rev 4:7 The first Animal like a lion, the second like an ox, the third with a human face, the fourth like an eagle in flight.
Rev 4:8 The Four Animals were winged, each with six wings. They were all eyes, seeing around and within. And they chanted night and day, never taking a break: Holy, holy, holy Is God our Master, Sovereign-Strong, THE WAS, THE IS, THE COMING.
Rev 4:9 Every time the Animals gave glory and honor and thanks to the One Seated on the Throne--the age-after-age Living One--
Rev 4:10 the Twenty-four Elders would fall prostrate before the One Seated on the Throne. They worshiped the age-after-age Living One. They threw their crowns at the foot of the Throne, chanting,
Rev 4:11 Worthy, O Master! Yes, our God! Take the glory! the honor! the power! You created it all; It was created because you wanted it.

Then the Angel showed me Water-of-Life River, crystal bright. It flowed from the Throne of God and the Lamb,
Rev 22:2 right down the middle of the street. The Tree of Life was planted on each side of the River, producing twelve kinds of fruit, a ripe fruit each month. The leaves of the Tree are for healing the nations.
Rev 22:3 Never again will anything be cursed. The Throne of God and of the Lamb is at the center. His servants will offer God service--worshiping,
Rev 22:4 they'll look on his face, their foreheads mirroring God.
Rev 22:5 Never again will there be any night. No one will need lamplight or sunlight. The shining of God, the Master, is all the light anyone needs. And they will rule with him age after age after age.

Kids are listening to their parents—Their parents' music, that is

'Bout time they wisened up!

Lindsey's showing is Thursday and the funeral is Friday. Here is the newspaper article. Lindsey's mom asked me to sing "I Can Only Imagine." I am praying to get through it. I am working on a song too. Lindsey was a dancer and singer...Lindsey's mom told me the other night that she knows where she is, but is having a hard time letting her go. I think that's a great way to look at it.

Singing With The Angels (Lindsey's Song)

I’ve got so many questions
Every one comes back to why?
There’s so much that I can’t understand
An emptiness that words can’t describe

Chorus:
Knowing where you are
I find the strength to let you go
Cause your singing with the angels
And dancing with the Lord

I'll hold your memories close
I'll trust the promises are true
I'll let your spirit fly
I know one day I'll be with You

Bridge:
Oh, you'll never cry again
Now you fully understand
The only thing there really is to know...

Sounds of hell

I never want to hear the sounds I heard today again. "Slim chance." "You have a choice to make." "Her heart is not beating on it's own." The wailing and weeping of high school students, who have lost their 2nd friend in one year, as the principal announces on the intercom that their friend has died. That sound sends shivers down my spine!

I am numb. I've been with the family and at the high school all day. This sucks. No answers to all of the questions being asked. We are opening up the church building tonight for anyone who wants to hang out, talk, grieve...

I just don't know how to explain to my little girls that the friend they thanked for singing such a beautiful song yesterday is dead today.

Thank you for your prayers concerning Lindsey. She has gone to be with the Lord. The family is going to need constant prayer. Their names are Bob, Jamie, Tyler,Kristin, Sawyer and Bailey. Pray also for our community. Roger and some of our other friends are up at the school helping the kids deal with their grief. Please pray for all.. There are no answers. There is no understanding. This is almost too much to bare.

Thanks for lifting all up. Trish

PLEASE PRAY FOR LINDSEY BRICKER! She is one of our youth and she and her brother were rear ended on the way to school today and she has been given a slim chance. They believe she broke her neck and was having internal bleeding and is now on her way to surgery. She is an amazing young woman and is very loved. She is 15.. Brother Tyler is having neck pain and is beating himself up really badly even though it isn't his fault. Father God, we humbly lift this situation up to you. You are the great physician and healer. We are asking for a miracle. In Jesus Name.......

Subtle Arrogance

In the past few weeks I’ve participated in, or read some disturbing conversations with people that claim to be on a “different spiritual plane” than the rest of us, and therefore are more mature. Mind you, these are good folks who are on a deep spiritual journey, and are misunderstood by some people. I write this just as much for my own benefit because I struggle with some of these issues too. The bottom line is: Maturity is found just as much in what we do, as it is in what we believe.

There is large chasm between what the Church is and what God would like the Church to be. I struggle with this big-time. I’m an Idealist through and through. I also tend toward pessimism. I can make Swiss cheese out of any plan you give me. God has been working on me in this area and here is what I’ve found: Maturity is found in how you deal with the gap between the ideal and the reality. I have a choice. I can whine, moan and bitch about every little thing that falls short of the ideal, or I can do something to change it. That doesn’t mean I won’t ever critique, or discern the problems, but it does mean that once I discern the problem I will do something constructive about it. It doesn’t mean that I won’t deconstruct things that need to be deconstructed, but it does mean that I will attempt to construct something after the deconstruction (What did I just say?).

There is a difference between critiquing something, or someone, and believing that your way is the only way. If you believe that you’ve been made privy to some “hidden knowledge,” that is great (maybe). Crusading against everyone who has a different point of view, or is not as “enlightened” is not a sign of maturity. There are constructive ways and destructive ways to challenge people, and I am seeing a lot of destruction from people that claim to be mature. Maturity is found in “growing in grace and knowledge,” “rebuking with patience,” and humility. Maybe maturity is found in the gentleness and patience we use with those who are not as “spiritually mature” as we are.

There is a subtle arrogance that can creep into our conversations and decision-making processes that reveals our true maturity, or lack of it. Yes, I see things differently. It doesn’t mean that everyone else is wrong. People are in different places on their journey. If God is leading you to believe that you, or your group, are the sole proprietors of truth it’s time to take a humility check. If you’re boasting about “how God revealed to you how little you really know about Him,” it’s still boasting.

Lastly, I think maturity is found in service. Isolating ourselves from the larger body of Christ because “they don’t get it” just reveals our immaturity. Is there a time to separate and try something “new.”? Hell, yeah. But, that doesn’t mean we should let spiritual arrogance keep us from fellowshipping with, encouraging, and teaching those who choose to do church a traditional way, or from those who we perceive as less mature.

Trish and I have some big decisions coming up. Vocation, life direction, God's will, career, medical insurance, church, transformation, and philosophy of life are words on our lips in recent days. I graduate in October which will set in motion a series of events that will force us to make some changes. It's time for us to re-evaluate our philosophy of life; review our past decisions and their consequences; clarify the core values on which we base our decisions. It's a time of awareness, listening, and stillness.

It's interesting to note that the "will of God" in the Bible never talks about our immediate circumstances, but about having our character transformed (many times through suffering). Here are a few recommended steps from pamphlet that Henry Drummond wrote:

1. PRAY
2. THINK
3. TALK TO WISE PEOPLE, but do not regard their decision as final.
4. BE AWARE OF THE BIAS OF YOUR OWN WILL, but do not be too much afraid of it. God never unnecessarily thwarts one's nature and likings, and it is a mistake to think that His will is in the line of the disagreeable.
5. IN THE MEANTIME< DO THE NEXT THING, for doing God's will in small things is preparation for doing it in great things.
6. WHEN DECISION AND ACTION are necessary, GO AHEAD.
7. NEVER RECONSIDER your decision whe it is finally acted upon.
8. You will probably not find out till afterwards, perhaps long afterwards, that you were led at all.

Gotta love #8!

This weekend we went to visit with Trish's Brother-In-Law who just got back from Iraq. He is a captain in the 101st in charge of a battalion of cannons. He won a bronze star for "doing his duty". That means he pulled a family of civilians out of a burning ammo dump that exploded while they were looting it for the metal. Listening to him talk about his experience, and seeing the pictures from over there was really interesting. It becomes really obvious that the news reports a slanted story. The bottom line is death, blood, destruction and sex sells, humanitarian aid and construction just don't make the news. While I think the US Govt. has other motives for being over there, it was cool to get another point of view.

We also had dinner with the folks from our worship team. It was nice just to hang out, share, learn some songs and talk about spiritual things. Knowing a little bit about the stages of faith is helping me to be more patient with people. Seeing them on the same journey, but in a different place is allowing me to see people in our city from a different perspective. These are good people who haven't had the experiences that I've had. Not that I'm better, or more advanced, but just in a different place. I used to just get pissed-off because people weren't "serious" about their faith, but the truth is that they have had a flawed model of what faith looks like.

While I still desire to have some "like-minded" people to journey with, maybe surrounding myself with like-minded people is a form of isolation. Maybe not so different from institutional church's isolation from the rest of the culture.

I have been revisiting Fowler's theories about stages of faith. Through hundreds of interviews Fowler was able to determine that people of all religions go through similar stages of faith. The bottom-line is that when we are "saved" we begin a progressive and predictable journey toward Christ-likeness. Communities also seem to go through a similar pattern, as evidenced by Israel. So, these stages become guides and tools of where individuals and communities are in their spiritual growth toward Christ-likeness.

The really interesting part is that the last two stages, Conjunctive and Universal, are evidenced by a detachment from the groups where "faith" has taken place, and a increasingly singular faith in God. My first thought was that the institutional church has a vested interest in not helping people reach these last two levels of faith! I asked Prof. Thompson about this theory and he smiled and said, "People who reach these levels of faith cause pastor's a lot of trouble." People in these stages of faith begin to challenge the pastor's/denomination's teachings, practices and motives. These people will either choose to live in the conflict of their consciousness and commitments, or they will leave and forego their commitments to seek the "deeper life."

Thompson believes individuals, groups and churches go through each of the faith stages. The stages cannot be skipped. The stages are progressive, and some stages may be permanent, depending on the conditions of spiritual growth. Additionally, Fowler believes that the advanced stages are a result of cooperation with the Spirit. Therefore, these stages portray ways in which God intends to call individuals, groups and churches to maturity of knowing, moral development. Israel (the nation) and Jesus (an individual) are representative of the process.

Looking deeper into these stages, I can definitely see my own journey and those of people I am journeying with... I can also see more clearly the stage of faith of my church....


Primal Stage – Genesis – Birth Stories of Jesus – Decision to be a Christ-follower
 Represents maximum human dependency; maximum care by others, including God.
 Genesis - The beginning of Salvation History for the Hebrew/Israelite/Jew.
 Jesus birth.
 Decision is made to follow Christ.

Intuitive-Projective – Call of Fathers(Creeds) – Journey to/from Egypt – Romance/Setting Apart
 Babies learn that “others” are out there, with whom to interact.
 Call of Abraham and the verbally repeated in Israel’s creeds of Duet. 6:20-25 and Duet. 26::5-10. Call of Abraham and Egyptian slavery.
 Jesus journeys to and from Egypt. (Math. 2:14-15)
 The follower learns that he is “called” and “set apart,” but is still largely dependent on “other people like him.” This is often a time of joy and bliss.

Mythic-Literal – Exodus, Sinai Stories – Jesus Returns to Nazareth - Non-negotiable Faith
 One learns stories and ways of acting which define one’s family and group identity.
 Stories of the Exodus and Sinai celebrated in Passover and the Feast of Weeks form Israel’s identity as a nation/people and develop a national consciousness.
 Jesus returns to Nazareth. (Math. 2:19-23)
 The follower begins to take on the stories, beliefs and observances that symbolize belonging to the community. Beliefs and morality are appropriated with literal interpretations.

Synthetic-Conventional – Wandering and Conquest – Jesus Grows and is Baptized – Loyalty to Group
 Loyalties to persons or groups from the core of one’s identity. Strong attachment to ideals and rules.
 Israel begins to establish the parameters of what it means to be God’s people in the 40 years of wandering and the conquest of Israel. This is reinforced in Sukkoth (Feast of Booths) and Bar Mitzpha.
 Jesus “grew and became strong in spirit, filled with wisdom.” (Lk. 2:40) Jesus is Bar Mitzphad (Lk. 2:42ff.)
 The follower experiences a synthesis of Church, Bible, stories, and experience to form faith. Faith is likely to be “rule based” with strong identification with a particular group/church.

Individuative-Reflective – Davidic Covenant and Prophetic Movement – Jesus’ Ministry and Death – Awareness of Other Faiths Persons develop skills for dealing with theirs and others faith and ideas.
 King David’s ambassadors bring other cultural ideas to Israel (Solomon’s wives).
 Jesus’ ministry challenges the social, economic and religious practices of contemporary Judaism. (Parable of the Good Samaritan – Be a Jew, but act like a Samaritan.)
 The follower becomes aware of, examines, and deals with the contradictions and ramifications of other faiths and beliefs.

Conjunctive Faith – Sabbath - Messianic Promise – Death, Resurrection, Ascension, and Final Return of Jesus – Reconciliation of Faith
 Emotional, behavioral, societal and religious opposites and contradictions meet and are reconciled.
 Israel’s concept of the Sabbath is the weekly meeting in the presence of God for prayer and thought.
 Jesus’ death, Resurrection, Ascension and Return are the ultimate reconciliation of all Creation.
 The follower’s faith insists on humility, based on the fact that the grasp on ultimate truth that any tradition can offer needs continual correction and challenge. The follower may also acknowledge that paradox and apparent contradictions are intrinsic to that truth. Deep faith to a particular tradition, with openness to the truths of other traditions.

Universalizing Faith – Eschaton - Eternal Kingdom
 Oneness with God. Possible tension with the religious system as consciousness and commitments, love and loyalties conflict.
 Jesus’ exists as the eternal ultimate reality, the Reconciler of all things.
 The follower experiences a “radical decentration of self,” widening inclusiveness of the circle that counts as “neighbors”. The follower experiences a radical shift in values as a detachment from causes, institutions, persons and posessions is replaces with love for the Creator. Manifests the fruits of “kenosis,” the “pouring out” or emptying of self. Total and pervasive response to God’s love.
 Fowler suggest that a very small percentage of people actually attain this level of faith. He suggest Gandhi as an example.

"God will not suffer man to have the knowledge of things to come; for if he had prescience of his prosperity he would be careless; and understanding of his adversity he would be senseless."

You are Augustine! You love to study tough issues and don't mind it if you lose sleep over them. Everyone loves you and wants to talk to you and hear your views, you even get things like "nice debating with you." Yep, you are super smart, even if you are still trying to figure it all out. You're also very honest, something people admire, even when you do stupid things.

What theologian are you?

A creation of Henderson

Well, not everyone loves me.....

Taken from the inner walls of one of the concentration camps in Nazi Germany at the end of the Second World War, this prayer was scratched by an unknown hand:

O Lord, when I shall come with glory into your kingdom, do not remember only the men of good will;
remember also the men of evil. May they be remembered not only for their acts of cruelty in this camp, the evil they done to us prisoners, but balance against their cruelty the fruits we have reaped under the stress and in the pain; the comradeship, the courage, the greatness of heart, the humility and patience which have been born in us and become part of our lives, because we have suffered at their hands.

May the memory of us not be a nightmare to them when they stand in judgment.
May all that we have suffered be acceptable to you as a ransom for them.

And then the writing concluded, "Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and die..."

This is joy and suffering; this is the love of God and neighbor.

Excerpt for Fowler's "Becoming Adult, Becoming Christian."

Individualism Continued

I could go into a long diatribe about individualism and how I believe it influences our perceptions of what church is and what it means to be a Christian, but I don’t think most people care. This is one of those topics that us abstract thinkers like to ponder though. I think most people would agree that we live in a “me first” culture, and that we all have been influenced to some extent, especially in our Western culture, by individualism.

For instance, I have had times of tremendous individual spiritual growth as the result of prayer, solitude, fasting, study and meditation. These were done in a private matter, for my own benefit as an individual, between God and me. This growth may, or may not have had any influence on the community as a whole. I am implying that faith is both an inward and an outward journey.

I could say, salvation begins with an individual decision, but then implies an ecclesial responsibility that transcends self-interest. I’m not sure if that is an accurate statement either, because salvation didn’t begin with me, but with God and has been communicated to me through the stories, actions, and history of the Community of Believers.

There is a tension between the individual and the community. As a Christian in a community, and as a community full of Christians, each has an obligation to influence the other for the common good (God’s Kingdom Come). Interdependence doesn’t happen without dependence. Interdependence doesn’t happen without independence either.

A practical example that I’ve experienced is interpreting Scripture, or prophecy. I have felt that God is showing me something specifically from His word. I have chosen to share that with friends that are the journey and they have pointed out other interpretations, or things that I may have missed. Sometimes I find out that I am COMPLETELY mistaken, other times I find out I’m on the right track. Sometimes there is no agreement. Any action that I take on my interpretation has consequences in the larger community, so I submit my interpretation to them and they hold me accountable for the actions I take as a result. I can take action on what I perceive to be the Holy Spirit, which may be off-base, because I am not perfect, or I can take action on what I perceive to be the Holy Spirit informed by the community.

Is the community always right? Probably not. But there are people with more wisdom than me, people who are farther along on the journey of faith, people with more experience than me, people with more knowledge than me, and other people who are also trying to listen to the Holy Spirit that can inform me as I seek to listen to the Spirit.

As part of your journey try reading about St. Patrick today! What a great story of how God can use our circumstances for His glory! I first learned the real story in college when we read The Celtic Way of Evangelism by George Hunter. That's a great book too! It got me really interested in Celtic Christianity.

Patrick of Ireland
...was not Irish. He was a British Celt, first enslaved in Ireland as a teen, later a missionary to Ireland.
...was not necessarily the first missionary to Ireland.
No one knows his birth or death date. 17 March is traditionally considered to be one of the two, but there is no documentation for this.
The only documents about Patrick are his Confession and a letter he wrote to Coroticus.
There were never snakes---or other reptiles---in Ireland for Patrick to chase out.
Patrick predates the Roman Catholic Church, and was considered a "saint'' before the Roman church created its canon of saints (and added him to it).

Why participate in Lent?

My friend George asks some good questions: "Do the things we give up for Lent bring God closer to us? Or is it a thing that makes us feel as though we are closer to Him? I guess my question is what difference does it make?"

Traditionally, Lent is a time to focus deeply on, and relive the death and resurrection of Jesus, as well as my own "death and resurrection," and typically is a time of repentance. Additionally, it is a link to part of our Christian heritage where I can participate in a tradition that precedes me.

On a personal level I participate in "fasting" because Jesus did it, and assumes we will keep doing it (Mat. 6:17). We chose to do this type of fast becuase our whole family could participate in a shared experience. The hunger/craving reminds me that I should hunger for God above all other things. It reminds me that Jesus is the Living Bread.

I don't think God can get any closer to me than he already is, but I can always open my life to him more. I think that's the purpose of any of the disciplines. I discipline my body because it houses my spirit/soul. On a deep level, I can't change myself, but God can, and participating in the disciplines puts me in a place where God can do His work. So, for me, the issue isn't whether I "feel closer" to Him, but if participating in Lent helps me be transformed into Christ-likeness.

Anyone else participating in Lent? Or, have a different point of view?

Thanks for all of the input on individualism and the Christian. I have some more thoughts that I'll share later on the topic. I will take the criticism that "Emerging Church" was not the right term to be used. Please forgive me.... :-( My bad.

In other news...We have been having some real good times of fellowship with some people in our little town. God seems to be moving in some ways that certainly weren't expected. After Lent we are going to open our house up on Friday nights for the bruthas and sistas to hang out. We're waiting until after Lent because we live in a largely Catholic town, and a lot of our friends are former Catholics that still go to the fish fry. I personally like fish anyway!

We have given up one of our family favorite things (addiction?) for Lent. This is the first time we have really participated in Lent by sacrificing something. In addition, I'm going to help with an all-nighter for some teenagers on Maundy Thursday. We are staying up all night, fasting, meditating, reading Scripture and I'm sure some fun will be thrown in somewhere, then we will attend the community Good Friday service (I'm supposed to sing, so I hope I have a voice left after that!). I really look forward to participating in the Passion in this way.

Radical Individualism and the Christian

A great conversation/debate with some brothers in Christ about accountability, individualism and relativism in Christianity has caused me to think and rethink some views about the EmergingMissionalRelationalHouse Church movement that I have been moving toward, and explains some of my hesitancy in jumping in with both feet. I am going to try to be objective and look at these issues from a distance in an attempt to sort them out for myself.

I want to preface everything that I say here by saying that I am still working through these issues in my own mind. I may cause as many questions as I ask, but I believe these issues are vitally important for the Body of Christ. I believe that our relationship to each other and our understanding of truth and reality is of utmost importance. I hope we can give each other grace as we discuss and not get into semantics. Some of us will take offense to certain terms that may be used as the best way to express an idea in our limited vocabulary.

There are strains of the Emerging Church movement (Please give me some grace on the term used here. If you know a better word to describe, I’ll use it!) that appears to be based on anti-intellectual, radical individualism. I define individualism as an excessive or exclusive regard to one's personal interest. In other words, the self becomes primary in our decision making, worldview, interpretation, and belief system giving little or no thought to the community. Personal autonomy is exalted as the ideal source for interpretation and understanding.

Emerging churches seem to be formed when an individual decides either decides that their needs are not getting met at the institutional church, or that the institutional church’s priorities have become convoluted and no longer represent God’s kingdom. There seems to be a third reason that people are leaving the institutional church that I am just becoming familiar with, namely, to escape any vestige of authority or tradition so that one may focus on “only Jesus.” I’m sure there are other reasons that Emerging Churches start, but these seem to be common themes. Additionally, I am not saying that Emerging Church movement as a whole, nor that every Emerging Church is individualistic. I find it ironic that some have left the institutional church due issues caused by individualism only to further entrench themselves in deeper levels of individualism

The third reason for leaving the institutional church is most disturbing. Some of the comments, specifically or implied, that seem typical from people in this strain of the movement things like: “Two or three people gathering together make a church.” “I am not accountable to any man, only Jesus.” “I am the sole judge of what is right and wrong in my spiritual life.” I don’t believe I have any obligations to anyone other than Jesus.” “My heart, being confirmed by the Spirit is the ultimate judge of correct Biblical interpretation.”

I am not judging anybody here, but I am trying to be discerning about the underlying beliefs, and the ramifications of the comments that were made.

The issues brought up by these statements are many and varied and certainly cannot be dealt with in one blog entry (Individualism and Collectivism, Interpretation of Scripture, How we know truth, Obligation of the Christian etc.). But, it appears to me, at the heart of these statements is a kind of radical individualism that seems to be the ultimate extreme in the Emerging Church movement. The underlying motivation for leaving the institutional church is not to reestablish a proper Kingdom focus, or get needs met, but to interpret Scripture in an unaccountable, anti-intellectual way in the guise of following “Jesus only.” I could be wrong about the motivation, but the end result is the same.

So, here is my first question on this topic. Is there anyway among individualist Christians, in an individualist culture, that we can be accountable for our beliefs, teachings, interpretations and practices?

Some will say that is the concept of “mutual submission.” We are told to submit to each other, that is a given. Mutual submission is part of the “check and balance” for us as individuals. But, the issue is, that when that command is put into the context of radical individualism there is no real accountability. If I teach a view that is contrary to tradition and reason, and those that I willingly submit to challenge my interpretation, I can “pick up my toys and play with somebody else.” In fact, I would argue that the only real option for the Christian individualist is to find those that agree with his point of view and create an enclave of likeminded individuals.

We’ve seen it hundreds of times in the formation of new denominations, church splits, and now the Emerging Church. Denominationalism has its problems, but it did provide some sort of accountability for pastors/preachers/teachers.

Isolation is the ultimate result of individualism. We surround ourselves with a few likeminded individuals, and because they agree with us on our beliefs/interpretation/practice we feel that we are justified. I am not suggesting that every Emerging Church is doing this, but you have to admit that it is possible. Judging from some of the conversations in Blogdom I would say that it is definitely happening.

How are we dealing with this issue? Is there an answer? Is there another option other than the individualistic point of view? Is there any objectivity in the Church, or is everything subjective? Is there a difference between our concept of community and a lifestyle enclave? Is there a balance to be found between individualism and collectivism? How are these issues worked out practically?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject....There’s a lot more to be discussed about these issues....

Great Discussion

There is a great discussion going on at George's Blog about church, individualism and accountability. Between that, school work, church and family it's a full load!

I Am Proud...

I can say, maybe for the first time since moving here, that I am proud of our church. There is a little girl in our community that was born without the frontal lobes of her brain. She can't walk, talk, or really do much of anything. The mom and dad found out about some therapy in Philly that could help her. One of our small group leaders heard about the need and planned a spaghetti dinner fund raiser in two weeks. It was so cool to see him passionately pursuing mission! There were so many people helping out, each doing there thing.... I would say that between 400-500 people showed up! For our little town, I would say that is pretty amazing! We offered up some music while people stood in line and sat eating their food. It was fun to do some kid songs too. One of the few times I get to cut loose!

We have been extremely busy lately....School, Church, Family, House Rehab....

I have been reading Becoming Adult, Becoming Christian by James W. Fowler for my Worldview class. Last night I got to Fowler's theory of the stages of Faith Development. I was totally floored by what I found! I'll do my best to sum up the stages and focus a little more on the last two. I believe this has tremendous implications for the church, and may explain why some of us feel like we have to leave the institutional church in order to continue our spiritual journey/growth.

Mythic-Literal Faith - About age 6 or 7 (some teens and adults). Story/Narrative is the important idea in this stage. Knowing the stories of our people becomes important in the child's identity. Know what they believe, but cannot distance themselves from the belief to critically analyze the meanings.

Synthetic-Conventional Faith - Early Adolescence (Some adults). The God of moral reciprocity dies and must be replaces. They begin to understand that good things happen to bad people etc. Feelings of anguish, struggle, guilt and grief are typical. Begin to systematically integrate beliefs and identity. Their faith is strongly embedded, but identity is primarily derived from "face-to-face" relations. Move on through life with a set of strongly held/felt beliefs that are largely unexamined.

Individuative-Reflective Faith - Person is forced to examine, objectify and make critical choices about defining elements of their faith. Critical choosing of beliefs, values, and commitments. Rethinking of roles and relationships. A person may be "stuck" between this stage and the previous if they rethink their faith, but take no action.

Conjunctive Faith - Usually midlife and beyond. Person begins to come to terms with certain patterns of behavior that may never be fully changed. Death becomes more of reality. Acknowledge paradox and apparent contradictions of different perspectives on truth. "A postcritical receptivity and readiness for participation in the reality brought to expression in symbol and myth." " Exhibits a committed belief in the truth claims of a particular tradition, insists on the humility that knows that the grasp on ultimate truth that any of our traditions can offer needs continual correction and challenge...to help overcome blindspots....and tendencies toward idolatry." Combines deep, particular commitments with principled openness to the truths of other traditions. Combines loyalty to ones own primary community with loyalty to the reality of a community of communities. "They know that the line between the righteous and the sinner goes through the heart of each of us and our communities, rather than between "us and them."

Universalizing Faith - Lives in the tension caused by consciousness and commitment. Person sees the "corruption and vulnerability of the old regime, even as they can also see and rejoice in the possibility of a new order, one more replete with a balance of equality and justice, of inclusion and corporate devotion to the common good. They have attachments and commitments that make revolutionary alignment too costly and frightening to entertain. So they live divided, in tension, working for amelioration (improve) and evolution toward justice, but deeply aware of their own implication in the unjust structures that they oppose." "The polarities in its loves and loyalties can cancel each other out." Because their wills, affections and actions create tension, division and disunity they feel a cosmic homelessness and loneliness. Begin to manifest an "emptying of self" as the result of having ones affections drawn from the finite centers of value and power to the infinite center of power and value. The attachment to causes, persons, institutions, possessions etc. that have protected our identities and values are relinquished for a "response in love and trust to the radical love of God."

When I read this the light bulb went off in my head. I'm not crazy. I'm not having a crisis. I'm not depressed. I am in the tension of moving to a different stage of faith. This guy describes so well the tension I feel between my love for God and the loyalty to the institution that I am a part of. The separation from the sources of power that have given me self-worth/identity for the God who is truly power, and the reason I have worth and an identity. The separation and loneliness.

I believe this faith development theory also has implications for the church. Fowler believes that the Universalizing Faith is a way of "being and moving, a way of being on pilgrimage," not necessarily something to attain. We live this life by cooperating with the Spirit. Kind of sounds like Dallas Willard's stuff. It's easy to see why so few people live this way. The institutional church has a vested interest in keeping people's affections linked to the church, rather than moving to a Universalizing Faith where their affections would be on God. I am wondering if SimpleMissionalHouse Church is simply a movement of people who are trying to live a life of Universalizing Faith and have found a way to remove the "divided tension" that they experience in the institutional church.

We had a great time Friday night with some friends with whom we needed to reconcile. What a great time of just hanging out and talking about Kingdom stuff. Much needed! These are folks that we feel deeply connected too because God has us on similar journeys, even though we are very different people.

God calls us to community because we have Christ in common, but the practicalities of that are sometimes hard to work out. When your parenting style, political affiliation, denomination, views of community, views of mission, goals etc. are so different, true agape love must come in to play. Nothing, but the glue of singleminded focus on Christ will hold the pieces together. Isn't that the beauty of what Christ did with the disciples? He took twelve guys from radically different socioeconomic and political backgrounds (fishermen, tax collector, zealot), and taught them the Kingdom for three years....

A few thoughts...

We saw The Passion of Christ last night with our church and a few friends we invited.

THE BEAUTY
I was struck by the symbolism that Mel Gibson used in the movie. Jesus was a man on a mission! This was evident throughout the movie, especially when he stood up after the first whipping. It was like he was saying, "Nope, this isn't enough punishment yet...sin costs more than what I've received." Even though it was out of the context of the Gospels, when Jesus tells Mary "Behold, I make all things new" was the most striking part of the picture for me. All of what Jesus went through was to heal creation of the damage done in the Fall. How beautiful was it to go to the Last Supper during this time and listen to Jesus tell the Disciples the New Commandment. The film was visually stunning.

THE DANGER
My concern is the film's is portrayal of the trial and Crucifixion out of the context of Jesus' life. Dallas Willard says that the cross wasn't used as a Christian symbol until around the time of Constantine. For the past 1700 years the Church has focused almost exclusively on the cross as the symbol of atonement. I believe Evangelicalism is a logical result of this focus. Like Chris Marshall points out, there is an unhealthy focus on the future and very little focus on the "here and now." So, we Christianity has become about "saying a prayer so you can go to heaven" rather than a transformed life.

Jesus lived a lifestyle that empowered and focus him to do all we saw in the film. We only got a glimpse in the Garden of Gethsemane scene of Jesus' prayer life. It was Jesus discipline in fasting, studying, praying, community etc. that prepared him for what he would endure.

THE MISSING
We invited some friends that we have been hanging out with. Good people, but have a bad taste in their mouth for institutional religion, and can't really see the need for Jesus in their life at this time. I asked them what they thought about the movie without being to pushy. He said, "It was a great experience, but an awful movie." I got the feeling that he saw the movie through very different eyes than mine. It was more a historical piece about the crucifixion of a man, there was really no thought that "He did this for me". I'm not sure that this film is going to be the evangelistic tool that some church leaders think. I think the best hope is that it will evangelize the church.....

I've been busy lately fixing up the girl's room. We stripped wallpaper that was painted over (Please! NEVER paint over wallpaper!), mudded (?) the walls and ceiling and painted a nice bright yellow color. We ordered some tie dye bedspreads that are really cool, if we ever get them. We are going to get some lava lamps, beads and if they are good a bong. :-)

Also writing papers for school. I am in a Worldview class for the next five weeks. It's some pretty interesting stuff. He quotes some N.T. Wright, so the Prof. can't be all bad. Most of the reading so far is stuff that I've either read before or thought about before: life cycle, adult develpment, what it means to be a "good" person in our culture....

In reading The Search For Meaning I was interested to read that we must come to grips with meaninglessness before we can fully get ahold of the other states of meaning, namely, Separation, Having and Being. Here is the matrix they propose:

Meaninglessness Separation Having Being

Spiritual Despair Detachment Orthodoxy Quest

Intellectual Nihilism Alienation Hedonism Growth

Emotional Depression Anxiety Narcissism Balance

Physiological Death Somatization Health Fetishism Homeostasis

Oh, well. I can't get it to format right. You can figure it out..... your edumacated, right? More later....

We had a good time with the kids last night. We watched Whale Rider. What a great movie! It's about a little girl who is a native of New Zealand, born to the chief's son. Her twin brother dies at birth and she cannot live up to the chief's (her grandfather) expectations because she is a girl. It is a story about a man blinded by tradition and a little girl who has been "anointed"/"chosen" by God to be the next chief. I cried when she gave her speech about her situation and her love for her grandfather.

Went to our group meeting after that where we talked about 1 Cor. 13 and what agape love looks like. We talked about the role of the will in love. I loaned my Relational Communication text book out, or I would give some quotes from it. I was shocked at how the latest studies in relational communication confirms the Christian idea of love. That it is a choice we make, not a feeling we feel. I think that principle applies to all kinds of relationships: in our marriages, communities, friendships and relationship with God. Let's face it, passion only lasts so long...

I want to live a life where love naturally flows from my soul to others. I've been reminded through reading Dallas Willard's The Spirit of the Disciplines that that kind of love only comes with a life modeled after Jesus. I am reminded that Jesus was fully human and he had to discipline his body to live the kind of life that he lived. So I am dedicating more time to the disciplines so that I may experience more of God's grace and more of the life that he offered for us to follow.

Is the "wilderness" a place for Christians?

Isn't it interesting that when a Christian has a time of doubt, struggle, or depression other Christians either want to fix it, deny it, ignore it, or blame the person for what they are going through? Isn't it kind of like going to a hospital for help where they shoot the wounded? I heard Mike Yaconelli speak one time about how Christians go through seasons in their spiritual life. We always want the sun to shine! The fact is that it must rain, we must have dry seasons etc. it is part of the cycle of spiritual formation. Sometimes in the valley you can't see what waits over the next mountain. Can we believe that God is using this time in the Christian's life to prepare him for the next time of abundance, ministry, growth...?

Many scholars believe that Paul dealt with depression at least one time. Check out 2 Corinthians:

2 Cor. 1:8
For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life;

2 Cor. 2:12-13
Now when I came to Troas for the gospel of Christ and when a door was opened for me in the Lord,
I had no rest for my spirit, not finding Titus my brother; but taking my leave of them, I went on to Macedonia.

2 Cor. 7:5-7
For even when we came into Macedonia our flesh had no rest, but we were afflicted on every side: conflicts without, fears within. But God, who comforts the depressed, comforted us by the coming of Titus; and not only by his coming, but also by the comfort with which he was comforted in you, as he reported to us your longing, your mourning, your zeal for me; so that I rejoiced even more.

Let's set this in context. This is Paul we are talking about here. Fearless, Spirit wielding, kickin' butt and takin' names apostle and church planter. He starts out this letter by saying the affliction he went through in Asia caused him to be burdened excessively. Sounds pretty heavy. How heavy? Beyond our strength heavy. What did it cause him to do? Despair even of life. Sounds like depression to me...

Now, the way I remember it was (I could be wrong here).... Paul was so depressed about what was going on where he was, and in Corinth (the problems addressed in 1 Corinthians) that Paul, the super-Churchplanter, didn't even want to go to Troas where there was clearly an open door. That doesn't sound like the Paul that I know and love.... So he goes to Macedonia instead, where his flesh has no rest, he is beset by conflicts without and fears within. Kinda sounds like he might be "feeling sorry for himself" to me.....but that's not the end of the story....

God comforts the depressed! How does He do it? By the presence of a friend. Paul seems to be reminding himself in the letter...

2 Cor. 4:1 ...we do not lose heart...
2 Cor. 4:16 ...we do not lose heart...
2 Cor. 5:1ff Even if this earthly tent is torn down. I will not lose heart! (My paraphrase)

I don't think it's helpful to blame, criticize, deny, or try to fix the depression, doubt, struggle (wilderness experiences) of our brothers and sisters in Christ. I think God can, and does, use those times for His purposes. If Paul went through it, what makes us any different? What the person needs to hear is "Don't lose heart" as they are blessed by the presence of a friend.

Rant Alert

Is it just me, or does all this anti-Semitic crap about Mel Gibson's movie get on your nerves? I happened across a Newsweek article about the move here. I don't agree with everything they say, but they get the conclusion right: Christians being anti-Semitic is like someone hating themselves....and it sure is good to know I can count on Newsweek to set the theologians straight!

Here's my beef. I've been a Christian for awhile. I have NEVER been around any openly anti-Semetic Christians. I have worshiped with quite a few Messianic Jews though. Maybe I have my head stuck in the sand, but this seems like trying to punish me for what other other countries did years ago. Where does this kinda stuff come from? Is there a Christian version of the KKK that persecutes Jewish people? Don't get me wrong. Given the historical situation Jewish people have a right to be sensitive about being portrayed in a negative light, but JESUS WAS JEWISH!!!! This seems like subtle racial warfare to me. Then again, maybe I'm nuts....

I think, in reality, these people are scared to death of the Gospel.

What is God doing?

Blue and Trish have a good discussion going on about "depression" and what God sometimes does through it.

I've never really been "depressed", so I'm not sure I would know what it feels like. I'm not sure I really care, other than I know it paralyzes some people and causes them to do some horrible, hopeless things. I really don't know what I'm going through right now. There is a certain amount of hopelessness involved, but maybe hopelessness can be a positive thing....Maybe I'm losing the hope of MY dreams, MY plans, MY perceptions of who God is, MY perceptions of what God should do etc. I feel rather hopeless about developing long-term intimate relationships within the context of a community. I am frustrated because I don't have friendships and connectedness that the Rains, Marshalls and Creechs have with each other...

While I feel like crap right now about some things I still don't necessarily feel that what I am going through is "bad" or unhealthy. I felt like Blue for my first 5 years of being a follower of Jesus. Now after 10 years I am in a different place. It would be nice to know what is on the other side....but isn't that the fun of the journey? You never know if an elf or an orc awaits around the corner.....

Thanks for all of the support, comments, suggestions and assorted "excrament" :-) . I think that this article may explain some of what I am going through....

Waiting vs. Taking the Risk

There are two schools of thought when it comes to knowing God's will. The first is to take the risk and see what God does. The second is to wait to "hear God's voice" before you do anything. I've taken risks, thinking that I heard God's voice and things turned out horrendous. I know people who pray to hear from God about every little thing....what shoes to wear, boxers or briefs etc. and that just seems to border on kooky to me.

So what are the practicalities of "hearing God's voice"? I know when I pray about just about anything I hear "No". This could just be a personality issue of someone who doesn't like to take risks (obviously, I do anyway). So how long do you wait? I read the Bible. Take quiet times. Meditate. Study... I get the feeling I could fast until I was a stick and still not hear God's voice..... The cost is just to great for my family and me for me to get it wrong again...

Here is a reply that I wrote to a good friend about my views on church and where I am at spiritually right now....Kinda scattered, but then again so am I....


I believe that God loves the church too. I don't think he has given up either. But here are some things I think we need to think about...

If the "church" is a place where people cannot use their God-given spiritual gifts, is it then, really the Church? Paul clearly assumes that the gifts will be used....

If the "church" is a place where people can come to "worship", yet never be worshipers, is it then, really the Church?

If the "church" is a place where people read the Scriptures, but are never challenged to understand and live out what they read, is it then, really the Church?

If the "church" is a place where they keep people so busy they have no time to get to know their next door neighbor, to be a Good Samaritan, to be a friend....is it really the Church?

I don't feel that I am "leaving" the church. I think that maybe we had church when we gathered at Rusty's house, worshiped, studied, prayed, challenged, got vulnerable etc. When God wanted to change the world he sent Jesus to train a small group of people who went out and made other small groups of people (If I remember correctly The Master Plan of Evangelism affirms this). Maybe the Church is a place where 2 or 3 are gathered in the name of Christ trying to love God with all their heart, soul and strength and REALLY trying to love their (nextdoor) neighbor as Christ loved them. Maybe there is nothing wrong with being small. Maybe God doesn't care about church growth principles, Sunday morning shows, maybe they even make him puke. When Jesus came, he challenged the religious status quo, but then he died and rose from the dead and made the status quo irrelvelant. Maybe that is what is going on now...the status quo (programatic, institutional church) is becoming irrelevant.

You're right. Corporate worship is awesome when you are with people who are seeking God. But, I've had those experiences in the context of small communities of people, and to be honest I can't think of tremendous life change in my own life that came from a corporate worship service. I think the questions that I'm asking are the right ones. I think asking the right questions are really what our journey is about...

What is church?
What is a follower of Christ?
What does a follower of Christ do?
How can I be transformed into the image of Christ? How does the Church help me? What role do friendships have in my transformation....

Really, the issues I am dealing with right now are more fundamental than that. I look at my own experiences and wonder if God really cares where I work, where I live etc. I question whether he cares about us in a personal way. Why is it that his word says "Ask in prayer, believing and you shall receive"...then you see His people get snakes and stones rather than the bread they asked for? Yea, it's all part of the big unseen plan we can't comprehend....but that makes God quite distant doesnt it? Using people for His purposes at the expense of their lives. Or, maybe we are mistaken when we think we "hear God's voice". Then why wouldn't a loving God correct the mistake before the poop hits the fan? Again, part of the big unseen plan? If I really believe Kingdom Theology, which says that God's Kingdom has broken into the present with a taste of the future, shouldn't we be tasting that future? Shouldn't people who follow him be unmistakably blessed? I've known very few people in that category.

I don't doubt God's existence. I've seen and know too much to know better. What I wonder about is just how close God is... How personal he is.... The theological answers I get about why God allows suffering just doesn't cut it, especially suffering of people who are called by His name. If God, in Jesus Christ, is putting the world back together the way it should be, using his people to be a transforming agent in the world....does that make you feel good knowing the current state of the church?

I don't think there are easy answers to these questions. I think those that have the easy answers haven't truely wrestled with these issues. I don't feel like I am in a place that i shouldn't be either. I still don't think God is afraid of my questions. Maybe this is part of the journey...So I'll wrestle until God blesses me and keep asking Him until I get some answers....

Trish enters the Blog world today! Find her at http://trulytrish.blogspot.com/

Crisis

Okay. I've spent the past few days in quiet, songwriting, listening, studying etc. The other night I woke up in the middle of the night and realized there are some fundamental self-worth issues that are still prevalent in my life. There are some areas of my life that God has not chosen to heal. It's not about trying, or counseling, or therapy either. It's shit that I have placed before God, asked him to take, heal, transform etc. and he has chosen not to do so. Part of it comes from the fact that I have stuttered all of my life. Sometimes its better, sometimes its worse, but its always there and I'm always aware of it. It makes me feel like shit, as much as I try to make myself think that it doesn't matter. Communication is so vital and I feel handicapped.

So how does this play into Kingdom Theology? If God is re-establishing the correct order of things why wouldn't he start with his own children? Why wouldn't he break into the "now" and give me a taste of the "not yet"? And I'm not sure I buy that "thorn in the flesh" shit either.

I'll go further. I gave up a good job, making good money to follow what I thought was the call of God. Now three years later I don't even have a job. I came here to finish my Bachelors degree to be a "worship leader". The problem is my view of church has so radically changed that there is no way I can work at a church again. I really don't have any other gifts or skills. I'm average at everything and great at nothing. I realized the other day that I have lost every dream that I ever had. I don't have any dreams left. I was reading a book that talked about making goals, and I can't even think of one. Finish school...that's about it. Don't know what will happen afterward.

So I've asked God to give me some real direction. Some unmistakable dreams and goals..........I'm waiting........Still haven't heard from him........I'm starting to wonder if he gives a shit.........I guess this is a crisis of faith........

WWE
I've got a lot of stuff ruminating in the depths of my mind. Some good, some not so good. I have my final statistics project due tonight, so I don't have much time to Blog. Shorthand version:

Wrestling with issues of self-worth
Wrestling with dreams, goals and purpose in life vs. Call/Gifts
Wrestling with God
Wrestling with the fact that my wife and mom think I'm depressed

Wrestling doesn't scare me. I'm a wrestling fan. Sometimes I just want to know when the match is gonna end....

Read this.

Then read this.

Really it's alright, go ahead and read them....the first will disturb you and the second will challenge you...

Spiritual Discipline Resources...

For my final project at school I am doing a survey of the church I currently attend to see if their level of perceived spirituality is consistent with actual time spent doing spiritual disciplines. I have to do a literature review, and I've hit the ones that I know of: Willard, Foster, Ortberg....Do you have any books to suggest that have really helped you on your journey regarding the disciplines?

Needing Your Prayers...

So I go to my Grandma's funeral to honor her and to support my mom. My Grandma married a guy 25 years ago that is a little odd, to put it mildly. No offense, I know everyone from Tennessee isn't like this, but he is a backwoods, hillbilly type. He has passed his insecurities and issues on to his kids, so our trip was stress filled. There was so much tension at the viewing that our side of the family wasn't even introduced to anyone from the other side. I won't go into all of the details....it was not fun.

Once again I was struck by the impermanance of our life on earth. I saw my Grandma in the casket and everything that she was, was gone. She was just an empty shell. It just reminds me that there is more to our life than what we see, touch, taste and feel.

Then Trish gets an email from her mom that is pure venom. Hateful, vicious stuff, meant for evil purposes. I can't understand a mother who would do that kind of crap to their child. We made the decision some time ago that we did not want her around our family. Emails, phone calls and pictures would have to suffice as "honoring" her.

All of this is just another reminder that we are to be family to each other in the Kingdom of God. Spiritual fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters. Something that can only be accomplished as we gather in small communities where love, honesty, and openness can flurish and we can stand by each other as we deal with the crap of life.

Birthdays and Deathdays

Jan. 26 was Trish's and my Mom's birthday. My Grandma happened to go to Jesus that day too. I feel so sorry for my Mom because she has never had the relationship she would have liked with her mom. In her 50's she is just coming to grips with some of the hurt she has about it. I never felt particularly close to Grandma, nor do I have any particularly good memories about her. She was just there. It's kind of sad really...

Many of us have a lot of crap to work through regarding our blood families. It reminds me how our communities function as spiritual families. I think God designed the spiritual family to be more important and powerful than our blood families in the long run. Accepting God as our Abba, Father and Jesus as our brother will take some practice for those of us that come from dysfunctional families (don't most of us in one way or another?). We may have to go to some uncomfortable places and explore our family experiences with our parents and family values.

Icenogle says, "The gathered group around God as parent begins to exist as a countermodel to the families of origin of each member of the group... The new group is gathered by Christ to be a new family system , with new values, new relational dynamics and new disciplines... [communities] must define a theology of family for their [communities] to embrace and model."

Do you have a theology of family for your community?

We happened to catch an hour long interview with Mel Gibson about his movie The Passion of the Christ on EWTN, a Catholic TV channel. I am not one to believe the hype about movies, but the interview was really interesting.

Gibson was not totally comfortable explaining his faith, but talked about deep theological subjects. The artistry, symbolism etc. that went into the film. You can listen to the interview here. Here are a few quotes:

"Making art is about throwing it all out there! And if you ain't makin' the fur fly, you ain't doing nuthin!"

"I wanted to accentuate the reality and not make the story a fairytale [like other films have done]."

[On the set] Did you see people changed spiritually? "Yea, they began to ask themselves questions...a lot of them made decisions based on the investigations they'd done. There were people who converted to Christianity from other religions. A daughter of somebody was healed...stuff like this happens. It's those little glimpses you get that says, okay, there's something big out there...a realm beyond our nature that we have a very limited understanding of, and not even in a logical way...it's mostly just a whole other kind of intelligence that is affected by these other realms. "

You took steps to try to protect yourself from these other realms onset. "Of course, we had a service every morning... Jim (played Jesus) and I were sticklers about not going to work until we were 'armored up'...because we were vulnerable. There's a dark force that didn't want us to make the film. If you don't venture into these areas, you don't ever notice it. But as soon as you start getting out of your comfort zone these things start coming into play big time."

"It's about the "big war", the sandwich...this must mean something. I must be more important in the scheme of things than I thought, and so must all humanity be. If we are the meat in the sandwich, and the big realms, the dark and light realms are battling over us. And the battle happens. We can't see it, but it's there. That's what I wanted to show in the film. That it's bigger than all that. That the diabolical shows itself at times and sometimes the divine peaks through, so that you just look under the surface and there it is, your looking right at it."

Kinda sounds like he understands a little about the Kingdom and spiritual warfare to me. If you are even the least bit interested in the film, listen to this interview. I'm even more excited to see it now....

Individualism, the "I" and the "We"

Individualism is devious. It sneaks into our conversations, thoughts and communities so easily. It can be in the blatant self-serving ways we demand our "needs" be met, or it can be subtly hidden in our view of the Church itself. It sneaks into our thoughts as we interpret and apply the Bible to our individual situations, without thinking about how those stories apply to our community or the Body as a whole.

Someone once said, "The Bible knows no individual Christians." The Bible is a book of community. Even when Paul writes to individuals, he is writing the context of that individual's relationship to the larger community. In fact, the whole concept of the Trinity implies community.

It is good for me to remember that while my decision to follow God is as an individual, I am joining those who went before me, and those who will come after me as a follower of Jesus. I immediately join a family of others who choose to call themselves followers of Christ too. My identity is linked to a group of people who have been called, gathered and sent to proclaim, serve and represent God's reign on earth. I become part of a covenant community, a new family, with Jesus as my brother, and Abba as my Father.

Whether I like it or not, as a Christ follower, the decisions I make affect the "we". The decisions my family makes affects the "family of families" of which I choose to be a part. The decisions that our communities make affects the worldwide Church.

So, I am thinking about how my individual Biblical interpretations integrate into the "we". How do my spiritual practices integrate with the "we"? My family decisions.... My financial decision... My choice of vocation....

For instance, our community discussed 1 John 2:20ff. If I believe that God has given me some insight, knowledge, prophecy etc. I need to bring it to the community. Let them hear, it, pray about it, interact with it, test it....

Would love to hear about how your community integrates the "I" into the "we"!

Been having some good times of fellowship and discussion with friends lately. I am reminded of the different places we are on the spiritual journey. This really hit home as I read this article on Theocentric. This will be on my reading list.

With much shame and humility I remember a time when I thought I had all the answers. About my third or fourth year as a Christian. I had been serving at a church as a youth leader and started reading Len Sweet and dabbling on home church sites. No one in our leadership had a clue about what I was talking about. I had knowledge, so I thought I had the "truth". I knew there were serious problems in the church and looking back, I was right about that, but how I handled it was horrendous. I left a path of destruction and hurt in my rearview mirror. I had the knowledge, but not enough experience to really know what to do with it, how to handle it, or when to use it. Those lessons are learned in TIME. Even after Neo downloaded all of the data into his brain, there were lessons he still had to learn to use the knowledge effectively.

Time and experience has led me down a path that finds me in a different place on the journey. I find myself in a time of questioning, rethinking, deconstructing the things I thought I knew. Searching for a holistic gospel instead of the fragmented "five steps to this" and "three points of this" that I was fed in my early Christian experience. Seeking faith that exists everyday, not just on Sunday. I realize how my view of the Church is limited by the experiences that I have had, and not had. I find myself face-to-face with my own woundedness, sinfulness and ignorance.

I know in the eyes of some these questions and realizations are seen as weakness. I will join the Apostle Paul and boast in my weakness. I think it's in realizing what I don't know, in knowing how far I have yet to go, that the Holy Spirit has room to work in my life. And one day I will fully lose myself and find wholeness....

Todd Hunter is in Indianapolis this weekend....cool article in the Indy Star.

Cannibal dismembered Barbie dolls when boy

This headline caught my eye...I wonder what my future holds for blowing up my G.I. Joe with an M-80?

E-Sword - FREE Bible Software

I just found out about this software. It is well done with tons of free commentaries, dictionaries and other Bible versions. Check it out here! The price is right!

Role of Friendship in Spiritual Transformation

I've been giving a lot of thought lately to the role of mentors/friends in our spiritual transformation. I think this gets to the heart of why community is so important in our culture. I happened upon an article while writing a paper for school by Christy Morr from Talbot School of Theology that brings up some interesting points:

1. Spiritual transformation is an ongoing, dynamic, cooperative work between God and the individual.

2. Spiritual transformation is more than a cognitive pursuit with the end goal of a correct set of beliefs. It is a dynamic, interactive relationship with God himself.

3. "The Old and New Testaments are filled with reminders of our connectedness to others and our fruitlessness without that awareness. Nor is it possible to grow up in Him by simply embracing the concept without allowing the reality of needs and presence of others to cut across our lifestyle" (Gorman 1993).

4. "God's relationship with humans is one of intimate bonding, so that all human intimacies are 'rehearsals' for the ultimate reunion of humans with their creator."


There is no doubt that I need relationships to grow. But, seeing my relationships with others as an experiential model for friendship with God takes it to another level for me. If I can't trust others, can I trust God? If I can't be transparent with my friends, can I be transparent with God? If I don't know what it's like to be a friend and have a friend, will I be able to accept the friendship of Jesus (John 15:14)?

Jeremiah took copious notes of all that transpired...Good stuff.

Mayhem was very cool! Paul and Nicki provided me with great hospitality. The teachers taught, the worshipers worshipped, the creators created, the organizers organized, the servers served and the Kingdom was present in our midst.

Bryan McLaren talked about being monastic missional urban catholic communities. If we substituted rural for urban it would be a description of where we are headed.

I got a lot out of the discussion about mentoring with Owen and Sandy. They are great folks that have "been there and done that" with regard to living in community. Having mentors is something that I really struggle with. I have never really been "discipled". I have never really lived in a real "community", so there is some risk involved in this adventure. Risk was a word that used more than a few times this weekend.

Risk -> Fear -> Questioning of self -> Paralysis is the formula that came to my mind. Knowing that I am not alone, not crazy, and only bound by my own woundedness is freeing! I am praying for some likeminded, mature believers who want to join the adventure of entering into a missional community for the long haul.

I've got more to say, but I have even more statistics homework to do before tomorrow night...oh, joy.... more to come....

Mayhem!!!!!
Can't wait, it's time for Mayhem!

We have had an a great time the past couple of weeks. Our friends, the McCubbins, have opened their house to our emerging community. We have experienced times of fellowship, worship and friendship. Last night we hung out and sang worship songs, read Scripture, and talked about Kingdom things (can you believe it?!) all without an program or agenda! This is the stuff I've been longing for.....add some missional focus and I'll be in heaven....

Started reading Waking The Dead . One of my friends graciously gave it, and the manual to me as a gift. We are meeting for lunch to discuss what we are experiencing and learning. I like the concept of "An adventure, a battle and a beauty to win," but I wonder how that plays out in our society. We finally saw Return of the King and it has all of those elements.

I almost wish life was as black and white as that. Tangible enemies. Tactile weapons. Clear battle lines.... We have a battle to fight, just as real as Lord of the Rings, in the spiritual realms...

2 Cor. 10:4 The weapons we use in our fight are not the world's weapons but God's powerful weapons, which we use to destroy strongholds. We destroy false arguments; 5 we pull down every proud obstacle that is raised against the knowledge of God; we take every thought captive and make it obey Christ.

Eph. 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.

(TRISH)I was inspired by Chris’ blog today. Wow. To be so honest. I have quietly struggled all during the holidays and always do. To read emails (from my family) telling me of stories and memories my parents are building with my brother and sister’s kids and they don’t even know mine! They send me a check every year and this year they even said they didn’t know what size my kids were or what they would want. This is not the heritage I want for my kids. I yearn for my parents approval even to this day and I know that it will never happen. More this year than ever. And the challenge for me is to accept it and move on. I cannot allow the enemy a stronghold in this any more. I have never really shared my personal story with my blog friends, but here is a mini synopsis.

I was born to a couple of kids. They didn’t have to get married, they just did. They broke up for a while and tried to reconcile and there came me. Mom was 19 when I was born. My blood father abandoned us. He doesn’t like me to believe this, but I do especially since he has lame excuses about why he didn’t bother to look me up for 14 years. Any way, my mom wasn’t stable to begin with. She had terrible issues of her own. She was in NO way prepared for a child. She told me once that she wanted to give me up but her parents wouldn’t let her. She spent her pregnancy alone. She had me on Jan 26 right after a terrible blizzard had blown through St. Louis. She told me she didn’t even want to hold me. She hated me from the womb because I changed her life. She didn’t want me and made it obvious just about daily. Except at Christmas. The one time of year I felt love from her. She always gave us a wonderful Christmas, attitude and all. I would venture to guess this was at least one time of year my Dad got laid. She was always so happy. I used to wish it was Christmas all the time. Then when I was 8, my mom was pregnant with my sister and I was making comments like, I’ve got Daddy’s eyes or ears and they decided to tell me that my Daddy wasn’t my blood Daddy. I was different. I was hurt and confused. I love my Dad and he adopted me and raised me as his own and I was devastated beyond what I can express to find out that they had lied to me all those years. This was also around Christmas.

My parents divorced when I was 13. I was experimenting with drugs/ sex & rock & roll. They didn’t know what to do with me because my family was Mormon and I didn’t fit their MOLD. Instead of asking me what was wrong or attempting to help me, they shipped me away. Between the ages of 13 & 17, I lived in 11 different homes. Including my blood father whom I had only met once. And when I look back, I wasn’t really all that bad compared to stories I’ve since heard from other addicts, etc. I lived in a fog because reality was tooooooo painful. No body wanted me. This is only a short version of the whole story. My struggle to this day at times is wondering if Jesus really wants me. Does he really love me? How could he? Noone else did??

I have spent a lot of years beating myself up because I still suffer emotionally over this. I thought that since I am a blood bought Christian that I should have been healed a long time ago. Perhaps I don’t have faith. Perhaps I am not really saved. These are questions I’ve asked over and over again! But, the wonderful thing of all of this is that God has allowed me to counsel hurting people. To listen to their pain. To help them walk through the other side. Like Chris, I think some wounds just won’t heal. I too will not allow the enemy to keep me down. I will hold my head up high and walk through this. Yearning to see what God has in store and seeing my children’s beautiful faces has kept me trucking on. And the amazing encouragement from my husband who has so faithfully loved me every time I get down. Who has prayed for me for years. Who has stood by me no matter what. Who has shown me love and tenderness that noone else has. He is my family and I am blessed. Chris showed me today that we feel so alone and yet, we aren’t. Through our own wounds, we can help heal others. Thank you Chris. Thank you for telling the truth.

Favorite Christmas Songs/Albums?
In an attempt to focus on Christ during this season I've been listening to some Christmas music. I particularly like Blues For the Child by Lanny Cordola and Phil Driscoll's Christmas albums. I really love the Vertical Horizon song "The Man Who Would Be Santa". What greater gift can we give our kids than to give them what we have and point them toward Christ...

And the man who would be Santa slips into the room
And the hour of daylight's yet to come but he hopes they don't wake too soon
All the presents wrapped in paper and tied with a bow
The children sleep upstairs and Santa works below
And he can hear the children dreaming

Chorus:
And he says
All I want is for you to have
A life you love and live
Take from me all I have to give
Because you are in my heart

And the man who would be Santa tells his son to write
And to call him if he needs him in the middle of the night
Don't you worry don't you cry now you'll do just fine
Your mother and I love you
We think about you all the time
And he can see the train is leaving

Chorus

Now the old man sits and tells of days when time stood still
The hours always seem to fade but the memory never will
All the love that you gave me
All the dreams in the night
And I just want to thank you while the day's still light
But I can see the sun is setting

Chorus

Can you smell what the Lord is cooking?!
(Trish) I see all you guys discussing emerging church and books about Hearing God’s voice and community. I sit here day after day and hope that one of you would give us a clear answer. That God will speak to me through you. There are helpful and even beautiful discussions out here but, Not one of you has answered what to do next. This is not a criticism, just an observation.

We at some point in time will be leaving “The Church.” I have no doubt of that, but how do we deal with what we are going through now? How do we live in two worlds? How do we pull the plug and walk away? I have been praying for clear direction for 3 years and you know what, we are just now getting a glimpse of what God might be telling us to do. We are willing! We are hungry! We are able through Jesus Christ! But what do we do now, during the wait. Is God still preparing us for something? Are we not seeing or hearing what he’s saying to us? Is he saying anything? I have to tell myself the story of the Israelites who wandered for 40 years. 40 YEARS! What is 3 or 5 years compared to that? We, whether we want to admit or not, have fallen into fast food mentality. We want it now. Most things in our world are available NOW. But the Lord’s ways are not our ways. He is a slow cooker. We must smell and savor what he is cooking allll dayyy long! And our mouths are watering and the smells are so wonderful and strong that we could swim in them. For 3 or more years we have been experiencing the slow cooker. I am so ready for a big fat bowl of that stuff. But maybe God wants to do something else first. Maybe we need to be even more patient. Maybe we need to “listen” for God’s voice. Maybe we are not ready for what He is going to do through us.

Still in need of a gift to help that special friend find the true meaning of Christmas? Click here for the 12 Days of Kitschmas!

Check out Chris' article for Dec. 11th on the Incarnation. Great thoughts! I wasl flipping through cable the other day and heard a local pastor railing against the evils of piercing and tatoos. He warned the young people to wait until they got home to remove the piercings.... My guess is, they will go home and stay there. They probably won't return next week.

My pastor had a discussion with some of the other local pastors about our culture. They told him that we shouldn't expect anything more than from our culture than to slip into ungodliness. I have been telling him that for awhile, but he still thinks that as a "Christian" nation, we should legislate morality. I hesitate to turn him on to stuff like this quite yet.

The fights we choose tell us a lot about ourselves. Some people want to rely on the government to bring about the Kingdom. Some people have put their trust in parachurch organizations. Some have put their trust in a personality, a structure, or a system. When the system of theology, the pastor, the liturgy etc. that we have put our trust in comes under fire, we fight. We fight because we are ignorant of the God who transcends personalities, systems and structures. We fight because it is easier to defend tangible "enemies" rather than engage in spiritual warfare. We fight because we have to defend our investments. We fight because we have a feeble view of the Kingdom.

+God, give us peace. Help us see the enemy. Keep your Kingdom in our sight.+

I got to have lunch with two good friends and fellow Christ-followers yesterday. We talked about Kingdom things and the possibility of going the emerging church route. Being an analytical type of person, I want to be sure that my motives are right. I want to be sure that I am not just leaving something, but journeying to something. I asked the guys the question that I have been asking myself: In the current church I attend, can I commit to and follow through in the kind of deep, lasting relationships we think are vital to our spiritual transformation; and do I have the time, freedom etc. to carry out the missional work we have been called and sent to participate in? Some additional questions that come to mind: Am I empowered and free to follow God's call in my life? Is the ministry that I do helping others to be spiritually transformed?

My thought is if the answer to these questions are "no", then I have to seek a new form/structure/vessel (whatever you want to call it) where I can say "yes".

God must be at work.... Trish wrote her latest post before I woke up and it's the same thing that theme that we talked about at lunch. In response to my concerns about hurting the "church" in our departure, my friend Tom quoted John Eldridge to me. "Let others feel the weight of who you are and let them deal with it." Good advice!

(Trish) Quote of the day:

"Be who you are and say what you think, because the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss

Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant.. I was reading yesterday http://watercarriers.blogspot.com/ and I felt such a surge of freedom that I could hardly contain it! Then, Dr. Seuss appears on my desk and well, here I am sharing with you. May we dance in the freedom we have in Jesus today and may we share it with others. Be who you are! Be who Abba created you to be.

(Trish) We have an opportunity to practice some real fruits of the spirit! We sold our beautiful mobile home about 2 months ago. To make a very long story short, the lady had her daughter call last night to tell us that she was backing out on the deal. I was instantly angry. I was so suprised by my anger. The juicy things I wanted to do and say to this woman. You can imagine I am sure. But my sweet husband is wise and when we sat down to eat, a meal that was no longer appealing, he prayed for her and he asked our Father to give us strength to do the right thing in this matter. My heart melted and I was back in reality. Friends and family in the blog world, I am asking you this morning to pray for us. I believe this is an opportunity for change that comes for God to occur in our family's heart. Pray for this woman that God will bless her and that they will find what they are looking for.. Pray that Roger and I deal with this with Grace & Mercy..

We've moved!

We had the help of about 10 people and got all of our stuff moved in a half a day. My back is not in great shape, but it could be worse. We have 2Mb DSL now! I'll get to see your Blogs in nonoseconds! We still have a lot of unpacking and house updating to do, but it's nice to have some room and a place to fellowship with others.....