(TRISH)I was inspired by Chris’ blog today. Wow. To be so honest. I have quietly struggled all during the holidays and always do. To read emails (from my family) telling me of stories and memories my parents are building with my brother and sister’s kids and they don’t even know mine! They send me a check every year and this year they even said they didn’t know what size my kids were or what they would want. This is not the heritage I want for my kids. I yearn for my parents approval even to this day and I know that it will never happen. More this year than ever. And the challenge for me is to accept it and move on. I cannot allow the enemy a stronghold in this any more. I have never really shared my personal story with my blog friends, but here is a mini synopsis.

I was born to a couple of kids. They didn’t have to get married, they just did. They broke up for a while and tried to reconcile and there came me. Mom was 19 when I was born. My blood father abandoned us. He doesn’t like me to believe this, but I do especially since he has lame excuses about why he didn’t bother to look me up for 14 years. Any way, my mom wasn’t stable to begin with. She had terrible issues of her own. She was in NO way prepared for a child. She told me once that she wanted to give me up but her parents wouldn’t let her. She spent her pregnancy alone. She had me on Jan 26 right after a terrible blizzard had blown through St. Louis. She told me she didn’t even want to hold me. She hated me from the womb because I changed her life. She didn’t want me and made it obvious just about daily. Except at Christmas. The one time of year I felt love from her. She always gave us a wonderful Christmas, attitude and all. I would venture to guess this was at least one time of year my Dad got laid. She was always so happy. I used to wish it was Christmas all the time. Then when I was 8, my mom was pregnant with my sister and I was making comments like, I’ve got Daddy’s eyes or ears and they decided to tell me that my Daddy wasn’t my blood Daddy. I was different. I was hurt and confused. I love my Dad and he adopted me and raised me as his own and I was devastated beyond what I can express to find out that they had lied to me all those years. This was also around Christmas.

My parents divorced when I was 13. I was experimenting with drugs/ sex & rock & roll. They didn’t know what to do with me because my family was Mormon and I didn’t fit their MOLD. Instead of asking me what was wrong or attempting to help me, they shipped me away. Between the ages of 13 & 17, I lived in 11 different homes. Including my blood father whom I had only met once. And when I look back, I wasn’t really all that bad compared to stories I’ve since heard from other addicts, etc. I lived in a fog because reality was tooooooo painful. No body wanted me. This is only a short version of the whole story. My struggle to this day at times is wondering if Jesus really wants me. Does he really love me? How could he? Noone else did??

I have spent a lot of years beating myself up because I still suffer emotionally over this. I thought that since I am a blood bought Christian that I should have been healed a long time ago. Perhaps I don’t have faith. Perhaps I am not really saved. These are questions I’ve asked over and over again! But, the wonderful thing of all of this is that God has allowed me to counsel hurting people. To listen to their pain. To help them walk through the other side. Like Chris, I think some wounds just won’t heal. I too will not allow the enemy to keep me down. I will hold my head up high and walk through this. Yearning to see what God has in store and seeing my children’s beautiful faces has kept me trucking on. And the amazing encouragement from my husband who has so faithfully loved me every time I get down. Who has prayed for me for years. Who has stood by me no matter what. Who has shown me love and tenderness that noone else has. He is my family and I am blessed. Chris showed me today that we feel so alone and yet, we aren’t. Through our own wounds, we can help heal others. Thank you Chris. Thank you for telling the truth.

Favorite Christmas Songs/Albums?
In an attempt to focus on Christ during this season I've been listening to some Christmas music. I particularly like Blues For the Child by Lanny Cordola and Phil Driscoll's Christmas albums. I really love the Vertical Horizon song "The Man Who Would Be Santa". What greater gift can we give our kids than to give them what we have and point them toward Christ...

And the man who would be Santa slips into the room
And the hour of daylight's yet to come but he hopes they don't wake too soon
All the presents wrapped in paper and tied with a bow
The children sleep upstairs and Santa works below
And he can hear the children dreaming

Chorus:
And he says
All I want is for you to have
A life you love and live
Take from me all I have to give
Because you are in my heart

And the man who would be Santa tells his son to write
And to call him if he needs him in the middle of the night
Don't you worry don't you cry now you'll do just fine
Your mother and I love you
We think about you all the time
And he can see the train is leaving

Chorus

Now the old man sits and tells of days when time stood still
The hours always seem to fade but the memory never will
All the love that you gave me
All the dreams in the night
And I just want to thank you while the day's still light
But I can see the sun is setting

Chorus

Can you smell what the Lord is cooking?!
(Trish) I see all you guys discussing emerging church and books about Hearing God’s voice and community. I sit here day after day and hope that one of you would give us a clear answer. That God will speak to me through you. There are helpful and even beautiful discussions out here but, Not one of you has answered what to do next. This is not a criticism, just an observation.

We at some point in time will be leaving “The Church.” I have no doubt of that, but how do we deal with what we are going through now? How do we live in two worlds? How do we pull the plug and walk away? I have been praying for clear direction for 3 years and you know what, we are just now getting a glimpse of what God might be telling us to do. We are willing! We are hungry! We are able through Jesus Christ! But what do we do now, during the wait. Is God still preparing us for something? Are we not seeing or hearing what he’s saying to us? Is he saying anything? I have to tell myself the story of the Israelites who wandered for 40 years. 40 YEARS! What is 3 or 5 years compared to that? We, whether we want to admit or not, have fallen into fast food mentality. We want it now. Most things in our world are available NOW. But the Lord’s ways are not our ways. He is a slow cooker. We must smell and savor what he is cooking allll dayyy long! And our mouths are watering and the smells are so wonderful and strong that we could swim in them. For 3 or more years we have been experiencing the slow cooker. I am so ready for a big fat bowl of that stuff. But maybe God wants to do something else first. Maybe we need to be even more patient. Maybe we need to “listen” for God’s voice. Maybe we are not ready for what He is going to do through us.

Still in need of a gift to help that special friend find the true meaning of Christmas? Click here for the 12 Days of Kitschmas!

Check out Chris' article for Dec. 11th on the Incarnation. Great thoughts! I wasl flipping through cable the other day and heard a local pastor railing against the evils of piercing and tatoos. He warned the young people to wait until they got home to remove the piercings.... My guess is, they will go home and stay there. They probably won't return next week.

My pastor had a discussion with some of the other local pastors about our culture. They told him that we shouldn't expect anything more than from our culture than to slip into ungodliness. I have been telling him that for awhile, but he still thinks that as a "Christian" nation, we should legislate morality. I hesitate to turn him on to stuff like this quite yet.

The fights we choose tell us a lot about ourselves. Some people want to rely on the government to bring about the Kingdom. Some people have put their trust in parachurch organizations. Some have put their trust in a personality, a structure, or a system. When the system of theology, the pastor, the liturgy etc. that we have put our trust in comes under fire, we fight. We fight because we are ignorant of the God who transcends personalities, systems and structures. We fight because it is easier to defend tangible "enemies" rather than engage in spiritual warfare. We fight because we have to defend our investments. We fight because we have a feeble view of the Kingdom.

+God, give us peace. Help us see the enemy. Keep your Kingdom in our sight.+

I got to have lunch with two good friends and fellow Christ-followers yesterday. We talked about Kingdom things and the possibility of going the emerging church route. Being an analytical type of person, I want to be sure that my motives are right. I want to be sure that I am not just leaving something, but journeying to something. I asked the guys the question that I have been asking myself: In the current church I attend, can I commit to and follow through in the kind of deep, lasting relationships we think are vital to our spiritual transformation; and do I have the time, freedom etc. to carry out the missional work we have been called and sent to participate in? Some additional questions that come to mind: Am I empowered and free to follow God's call in my life? Is the ministry that I do helping others to be spiritually transformed?

My thought is if the answer to these questions are "no", then I have to seek a new form/structure/vessel (whatever you want to call it) where I can say "yes".

God must be at work.... Trish wrote her latest post before I woke up and it's the same thing that theme that we talked about at lunch. In response to my concerns about hurting the "church" in our departure, my friend Tom quoted John Eldridge to me. "Let others feel the weight of who you are and let them deal with it." Good advice!

(Trish) Quote of the day:

"Be who you are and say what you think, because the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss

Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant.. I was reading yesterday http://watercarriers.blogspot.com/ and I felt such a surge of freedom that I could hardly contain it! Then, Dr. Seuss appears on my desk and well, here I am sharing with you. May we dance in the freedom we have in Jesus today and may we share it with others. Be who you are! Be who Abba created you to be.

(Trish) We have an opportunity to practice some real fruits of the spirit! We sold our beautiful mobile home about 2 months ago. To make a very long story short, the lady had her daughter call last night to tell us that she was backing out on the deal. I was instantly angry. I was so suprised by my anger. The juicy things I wanted to do and say to this woman. You can imagine I am sure. But my sweet husband is wise and when we sat down to eat, a meal that was no longer appealing, he prayed for her and he asked our Father to give us strength to do the right thing in this matter. My heart melted and I was back in reality. Friends and family in the blog world, I am asking you this morning to pray for us. I believe this is an opportunity for change that comes for God to occur in our family's heart. Pray for this woman that God will bless her and that they will find what they are looking for.. Pray that Roger and I deal with this with Grace & Mercy..

We've moved!

We had the help of about 10 people and got all of our stuff moved in a half a day. My back is not in great shape, but it could be worse. We have 2Mb DSL now! I'll get to see your Blogs in nonoseconds! We still have a lot of unpacking and house updating to do, but it's nice to have some room and a place to fellowship with others.....

(Trish) Roger and I were talking on the way home last night (after a really good time of worship! And fellowship!) about the fact that some of us are just going nuts right now. And I remembered that when we were in NA that around the holidays we would “beef up” our support for one another. A lot of people were abandoned by their families and they had no where to go. There was always someone in the fellowship who would open their home for such folks. We would pot luck and play games and sometimes we would even give gifts. For some it was the family they never had. For some it was really painful and emotional and they just simply could not participate. They would hide until December 26th. This year my eyes are open to the parallels that are between NA and house church, community living. I want to embrace the folks that we’ve left behind. Who need us to hold their hand or give them a little present to recapture some lost part of their childhood. I want to facilitate healing and reconciliation. I want to see God heal and mend broken hearts. That would be an amazing gift. My prayer is for the lonely and broken. My prayer is that you would do the same. Don’t get so caught up in the “Christmas stuff” that you forget what is truly important.

On a happier note! I was so incredibly proud of my husband yesterday! Hannah (our 6 year old) was a goose in a little play they did at school. Roger went out, bought all the stuff, used hot glue and made this darling costume of her! ALL BY HIMSELF! And some of the moms when she came out were making comments about how cute this costume was and who made it for her! I bet they were thinking her Mom did! But nope. Not a lick of help from me. Being a stay at home Dad has truly changed Roger. It’s a beautiful site to see. A few years ago he wouldn’t have touched this one with a ten foot pole! Thank you honey for being such a great Daddy! I love you..

Artist: Disciple
Album: This Might Sting A Little
Song: I Just Know

what makes you different from one another
why do you argue about who you follow
there is no man that you belong to
there's only one God that can claim you (1 Corinthians 3:5-7)

I don't care if you don't speak in tongues (1 Corinthians 13:1)
I don't care if you're into submersion (Matthew 3:16)
what does it matter if wear a liturgical robe
Or prophesy and say God said so (1 John 4:1)

I just know Jesus is the way
I just know Jesus is the truth
I just know Jesus is the life
I know that Jesus is my God (John 14:6)

do you serve your name or do you serve mankind
would you feel the same if they took down your sign
could you sit next to me if I was Baptist or Presbyterian
or do I need to be a charismatic or Episcopalian (Acts 2:17)

I don't care if you drink grape juice or if it's wine (Matthew 26:27- 29)
and I don't care if you get out of church on time
what does it matter if you praise God with music in your church (Psalm 150)
or you burn your dead or bury them six feet in the dirt

I don't care if you clap your hands (Psalm 47:1)
I don't care if you get out in the aisle and dance (Psalm 149:3)
what's it matter if someone lets out a hallelujah shout (Psalm 100:1)
have we forgotten what praising Yahweh is all about

Moving On....

We are moving into our house on Friday! We bought an older home here in historic Highland, IL. We have been living in a singlewide mobile home for the past two years. I guess I can't call myself the "Trailer Park Mystic" anymore. I am looking forward to having some privacy and room to entertain (I love paradox!). We pray that God will draw people to himself in our living rooms and kitchen. Highland needs some subversive community!

This move should be interesting considering my back is just healing up. Pray for good weather and strong backs!

COMMENTS!

Due to popular request, and some threats (Bill), I have implemented comments until I move to T1Host.

Looking forward to the dialogue!

Serving

I've been experiencing the frustration of trying to live a Missional/Kingdom life in the confines of an institutional church setting for awhile now. I try to remain emotionally detached enough from the church to keep doing what I feel God has called me to do without getting to involved in the day to day, political B.S. that goes on. I know that this form of church is not transforming people spiritually, but I feel like if I bail out it would be for selfish reasons at this point.

We have been meeting with a group of people for a few weeks that want to develop relationships and grow spiritually. They are catching a vision for what God wants to do as we meet together. The church I serve at has a lot of people who were raised in the Catholic tradition and have do idea what spiritual transformation is about. I'm not knocking Catholicism, but for the most part, these folks are ignorant of spiritual/biblical/Kingdom things.

Through this God is teaching me about servanthood. I don't mean just doing a good deed here and there, but where you give up your desires and dreams to minister to people where they are at. I still have a subtle consumer mentality that asks "What am I going to get out of it?" When I was in the pissed-off stage of dealing with the institutional church that's kinda what I was asking. Am I getting fed? Am I getting anything out of this worship service? Is there anyone around here to challenge me in spiritual transfomation? Is there anyone to mentor me? Will I have the opportunity to do creative worship? The answer to these questions was, and still is, NO. The difference is that I have resolved that I'm not going to receive any of those things at my church. I am there to serve.

In "Life Together" Bonhoeffer says, "A pastor should not complain about his congregation, certainly never to other people, but also not to God. A congregation has not been entrusted to him in order that he should become its accuser before God and men. When a person becomes alienated from a Christian community in which he has been placed and begins to raise complaints about it, he had better examine himself first to see whether the trouble is not due to his wish dream that should be shattered by God...Let him pray God for an understanding of his own failure and his particular sin, and pray that he may not wrong his brethren.

Ouch! So I have to accept my brothers where they are at and forego my desires and dreams for their benefit. I have to learn to feed myself and intentionally seek out those who can challenge and mentor me in spiritual relationships. Sounds like servanthood to me. Now I need the power to live it out.... I could feel differently about all this tomorrow.

My Friend Blue

(Trish) A long time ago in a land far away... Nope just kidding! I have this incredible friend named Blue. We met in the height of puberty and found a sort of common place together. I don’t know that we would have survived certain things with out each other. We were supposed to be friends. She has loved me at times when others rejected me. We have watched each other go through terrible, ugly things. You know the things that Satan takes you to that are so far beyond who you are that you can barely look at yourself in the mirror because of how low you’ve stooped. We have cried and laughed and a slew of other things together. And she was one who first told me about Jesus and back then I was like, right! This guy from the past loves me?? No way.. We drifted a couple of times and when we got back together, it was like we were never apart.

After 20 some odd years, we are an answer to many prayers! Her parents along with Rob Graham and a bunch of other people used to pray for us! Wow! Now, we are both on the same page. We both love Jesus and kingdom living. We are both in loving marriages. And we still love each other all that much more. Isn’t God just absolutely amazing?? To bring two losers back from the dead??

Thank you Jesus for my best friend and Sister.
Love you Blue. Thank you for loving me.

Church?

(Trish) This weekend was eye opening to me. I realized that I am still disenchanted with CHURCH and that there's a big part of me that can’t bare the thought of leaving one person behind. I am angry at the finely tuned machine we have become. I am angry that we need bodies with bank accounts to fill our churches so we can pay for our churches and give really little or nothing to the person giving his/her money. Is this what Jesus wants? I think not.

In our group on Friday night I sort of let all of this out and I think I may have offended someone when I suggested that at times I feel like I am being disobedient by continuing to go to CHURCH. I was told that this person feels like they are being disobedient by not going. I used to feel that way too thinking that somehow we could facilitate change. That my presence and attitude could make them change their mind! I think it’s not possible unless God directly intervenes. And I am not sure at this point he will.

Let me say that we went to NA for several years and we were ministered to and we were able to minister to others. However, we hit a spiritual plateau of sorts, felt the pull of Holy Spirit and started going to church. We were blessed because we found a group of believers that nurtured us back to health. But even then there were times that Roger & I would talk about how people were treated better in NA than in the church! How can this be!? The very Bride of Christ doesn’t practice the heart of what our Savior taught! We don’t love! We don’t really care that there are people out there who have never heard the Gospel! We are comfortable in our buildings and have committees that are designed to come up with new and great ideas on how to get people to the building! This generation does not want or need to go to a church that has no idea where the culture is or where it’s going. Kids of today won’t jump up and down when they see a church marquee that reads,” Our choir is 50 years old! Come celebrate with us!”

I will stop ranting for now. My eyes are open and I see the truth and it still hurts. I pray that I will be open to Holy Spirits leading when an opportunity presents itself for me to minister & to love.

Get Off My Back!

So I've been dealing with back problems for about two months. Tried physical therapy, muscle relaxers and exercises. The Dr. finally sent me for x-rays and it turns out I have a fractured L5 vertebrae! I have no clue how or when it happened either. I go for an MRI Monday and will talk to the Dr. again on Wednesday. Hopefully get some help.....

Since Trish blogged about her feelings on I Am Sam, I guess I will too.... I was struck by the little girl who kept getting out of bed and going to her Father's house in the middle of the night. The Father would bring her back and the next night she would do it again. I was reminded about my own longing for "home". A place that is comfortable and safe. Where I'm comfortable in my own skin (or new skin). Where I know that there is love waiting. Where I can know and be known. I think the closest thing on earth is real community. But, even real community at it's best is a poor representation of what waits for us around the corner...when we can take off our fig leaves and walk together in the Garden.

I Am Sam

(Trish) After reading Syndie’s blog yesterday morning I decided to go out and get “I am Sam.” WOW. Like she said, I was not prepared for this movie! I hadn’t even heard about it till yesterday and a flood of emotion came over me.

When I was 17 I got pregnant. I wanted a quick fix because I knew once my mother found out I would probably die. I wasn’t old enough to have an abortion and besides, the clinic I went to showed the sonogram and I went home that night and had nightmares. I couldn’t do any way. So now what? My aunt came to visit and we discussed the possibility of adoption. At first I was like, I don’t know about that. When you’re in this situation, NONE of your choices are easy. This is one reason why God wants us to have sex within marriage. Any way, time started rolling on and I started to grow and to love the little person in my body. Mom kicked me out and I lived in Foster Care with a 300 or 400 lb woman who was into herbs! I wanted FOOOOD! I was hungry! So, I had to do the welfare thing and food stamps for a while because my family wouldn’t help me. Well after visiting a few adoption agencies I decided no way. Back then they kept your baby in foster care for 6 weeks and I wanted my baby to go right home. There were other reasons but, I could type all day! I then found a private lawyer. He was terrific. We became friends and I spent time with him every week. In retrospect, he was probably screening me or trying to find out what kind of fiber I was made of.

On July 6, 1985, I gave birth to 9Lb 22 ¾ inch boy! He was perfect! Part of the deal with the lawyer was that I got to see him and spend 3 days with him. I got to hold and love and do a lot of kissing. I had a lifetime of those things to do in 3 days. The day arrived too soon to say good bye. God was so with me. I wasn’t a Christian yet, but I had clarity. I had strength of 10 men. I knew that I could not raise this baby the way he deserved. The lawyer came and the last thing I said to my son was, “Now you eat all your peas when your Mother tells you to.” I cried for days. I plotted all the ways I could keep him and get him back. I could get on welfare and work and do the day care thing. I was miserably alone and depressed. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I look at my kids and I cannot even begin to fathom what it would be like with out them.

After days of plotting and bargaining with the lawyer, my Mom (who doesn’t really like me) sat me down and put her hands on my shoulders and said, “ Tricia, please don’t let this baby grow up like you did. Let him have a normal life with 2 parents who can give him what he needs.” Words of wisdom that will forever be imbedded in my heart.

In July, my son turned 18. I have always secretly hoped that when he did, that he would come and find me. Hasn’t happened and unless it’s part of God’s plan, He probably won’t. This is what hit home with me from that movie last night. I didn’t realize how much emotion I’ve been harboring about this for so long. I love him. It would break my heart if he thinks I don’t or that I didn’t want him. I did. I was just young and unprepared to be his Mommy. I hope he will forgive me.

Dark Beer May Be Better for the Heart

Science to the rescue!!! I knew there would be a way to rationalize my taste for dark ale!

Professional, Amateur, Paid, Supported....

There's a great discussion about financial support for "pastors/apostles/etc. Here and here. Be sure and read the comments.

I have been thinking about some related issues too. I would love to get a masters degree. I know that degrees aren't everything, but is there a basic level of theology, sociology etc. that we think kingdomcommunitiesmissionalchurchsimplechurch leaders should have?

If we do, how should those leaders pay for it? Most people pursue degrees with the hope of making enough money to pay for the loans. That wouldn't be the case for leaders of missional communities.

Is this where the larger networks of missional communities such as Allelon come into play?

Pain in the...
I have been dealing with lower back pain for about 2 months now. I went through a dose of muscle relaxers that didn't help. I went back to the Dr. the other day and she prescribed different muscle relaxers and physical therapy. I HATE the way these things make me feel! I feel like a grouchy zombie! I am short tempered, tired and mean.

On another note...

We had a good group last night. We talked about the "thin places" in our lives when God is very present. We continue to share at deeper, more personal levels. We are reading Killian Noe's "Finding Our Way Home" and talking about prayer. She reminded us that centering prayer is born out of our desire for God. I desire God very much, but sometimes I don't do the spiritual disciplines that will open my life to Him. It's like the drug addict saying "I really don't like using drugs" and then putting another needle in his arm. Killian Noe says that we have to move from the "general to the specific." It is not enough to want to be a Kingdom-person, we have to commit to practices that will help us be a Kingdom-person.

An interesting morning...

I don't have a lot of prophetic dreams and stuff like that. It's just not how God works with me. My Granny (Mildred Hiduk) died about 18 months ago and I think about her often, but I think I am past the grieving at this point. This morning I woke up feeling the overwhelming presence of my Granny comforting me. The song I had wrote for her just before she passed away jumped into my head:

We had
Chicken and dumplings
And apple pie
Stories of people and days gone by
She didn't have much, but there was always enough
But most of all there was love

I told Trish as I got out of bed that I woke up missing Granny today. I went to the couch and cried a few tears and I told Trish that the cool thing about Granny is that you never wondered if you were loved. She was an awesome lady!

I'm sure the tears weren't just about missing Granny. Sometimes it's cool how God allows us to grieve and how God comforts us.

+Lord, I pray that I will have a legacy like Grannny's. I pray that people will remember me as a person who exuded love, comfort and hospitality. I thank You for Your comfort in my life.+

Wesley's Writings

Here are some excerpts from John Wesley's "Advice To A People Called Methodist". There are some really pertinent quotes that apply to the house church/missional movement. You be the judge....

One of these is, that you are a new people: Your name is new, (at least, as used in a religious sense,) not heard of, till a few years ago, either in our own or any other nation. Your principles are new, in this respect, that there is no other set of people among us (and, possibly, not in the Christian world) who hold them all in the same degree and connexion; who so strenuously and continually insist on the absolute necessity of universal holiness both in heart and life; of a peaceful, joyous love of God; of a supernatural evidence of things not seen; of an inward witness that we are the children of God; and of the inspiration of the Holy Ghost, in order to any good thought, or word, or work. And perhaps there is no other set of people, (at least, not visibly united together,) who lay so much and yet no more stress than you do on rectitude of opinions, on outward modes of worship, and the use of those ordinances which you acknowledge to be of God. So much stress you lay even on right opinions, as to profess, that you earnestly desire to have a right judgment in all things, and are glad to use every means which you know or believe may be conducive thereto; and yet not so much as to condemn any man upon earth, merely for thinking otherwise than you do...

Another peculiar circumstance of your present situation is, that you are newly united together; that you are just gathered, or (as it seems) gathering rather, out of all other societies or congregations; nay, and that you have been hitherto, and do still subsist, without power, (for you are a low, insignificant people,) without riches, (for you are poor almost to a man, having no more than the plain necessaries of life,) and without either any extraordinary gifts of nature, or the advantages of education; most even of your Teachers being quite unlearned, and (in other things) ignorant men.

Considering these peculiar circumstances wherein you stand, you will see the propriety of a Second advice I would recommend to you: "Do not imagine you can avoid giving offence:" Your very name renders this impossible. . . And as much offence as you give by your name, you will give still more by your principles.

What makes even your principles more offensive is, this uniting of yourselves together: Because this union renders you more conspicuous, placing you more in the eye of men; more suspicious. . .

Go on, I would earnestly advise you, Fourthly: "Keep in the very path wherein you now tread. Be true to your principles." Never rest again in the dead formality of religion. Pursue with your might inward and outward holiness; a steady imitation of Him you worship; a still increasing resemblance of his imitable perfections, -- his justice, mercy, and truth.

I hope this is encouraging to those of us that feel alone. Other men have followed the Spirit into places where the religious authorities have mistrusted, scorned and ridiculed them. I find many similarities in Wesley's Band-Societies to what God is doing in our time.

Here we go again....
I just spent twenty minutes blogging and lost all of it!!!!

I attend a church of seriously immature believers. I am not being cruel about this, just factual. We just had a talk with the worship team about the nature of worship etc. I have been going really slow with these guys, but two weeks ago I challenged them about leading with prayer and praying out loud. As we talked this week I was told they don't want to be challenged, they are comfortable where they are at spiritually and they are just as Christ-like as they want to be. What?!?!?

This talk came in the context of one of the former worship leaders taking half of our gear home because I offended him in someway that no one understands. He talked to the pastor and another leader and they can't make sense of it either. I go to practice and find out that he has called everyone in the band except me. Now, I'll admit that I'm not perfect, but I am really confused by all of this. What is sad is that the leadership allowed him to do this and did not make him talk to ME about any of it!

I am really trying to emotionally detach myself from all of this and look at this from a rational point of view, but the truth is that I am hurt, disillusioned, confused and angry. I've know for sometime that institutional church had some problems, but I need to write a few thoughts that have come from all of this.

First, the institutional church allows people to remain spiritually immature because it is more concerned with keeping people happy than facilitating spiritual transformation. I don’t think God minds spiritual immaturity. He is always patient with the disciples, but in Rev. 3:15 it is clear that God will not tolerate spiritual apathy. I don’t think we should either.

Second, this form of doing church allows ministry to take place without relationships. We can see each other week after week, serve together and never get past typical cliches. Relationships tend to be dictated by the church calendar rather than naturally.

Third, the leaders of the church are open season for any spiritually immature believer who has a beef. Because the relationships tend to be shallow, assumptions about character and motives are made about people without all of the facts.

Fourth, institutional church encourages people to worship systems, structures and leaders rather than have a face-to-face relationship with God. This group of people that I am attempting to minister to, and with, feel that they don’t have a need to grow spiritually. They go to church, let someone else worship, read and teach for them, do their obligation in a comfortable setting and feel good about themselves when they leave. What else could a good consumer want?


I am getting sick to my stomach. Please pray for me!

rhiduk@hotmail.com

The Tragic Loss of Mike Yaconelli
I have a feeling Mike is getting the most out of heaven right now. He sucked the marrow out of life!

The right questions...

I'm a firm believer in trying to ask the right questions. I'm still wrestling with some Kingdom questions. Quite some time ago I had the pleasure of listening to Todd Hunter dissect Mark 1:14-15 about the reign and rule of Jesus similar to his notes here. So the implications are that there is a cosmic battle going on between good and evil and Christ is assaulting Satan's kingdom by proclaiming and demonstrating His Kingdom by healing, preaching and discipling in the rest of Mark. I'm down with that.

Here's where I struggle: A teenager in our community tragically died in a car wreck this past weekend. The teens are tore up and asking "why?". I'm not sure there is an answer. Should we as Christ-followers have an answer?

If sickness and death were not God's original plan for creation and Jesus came to undo the damage that Satan had done, do I as a Christ-follwer blame this on Satan? Is every screwed-up thing that happens in this world caused by Satan? Should we just look at these things as counterattacks from the Enemy?

What about the story of Job? God cut Satan free to do his thing on Job. Satan did the work, but it had God's stamp of approval. I have experienced times of terrible darkness, that looking back, I believe may have been caused by God to humble me, build character and cause me to rely solely on Him. Surely I can't look at this teenagers death through that paradigm and say "It was just God's will." This would portray God as uncaring and cruel.

Would love to hear what you think.... rhiduk@hotmail.com

(Trish) I work for a Dentist in a small community called Breese, it’s basically surrounded by farms and some days on my way home from work I get stuck behind farm equipment that looks like something from a Sci fi movie.

Anyway, at my office I am the only person who actually has an office. I deal with finances and so it’s very private and when the transfer is complete, the door closes behind whatever staff member gives me the patient. I love this. I love being able to minister to people who are terrified of the Dentist. I love helping people figure out a creative ways to fit their treatment into their budget. I love it when my patients trust me enough to share emotional treasures with me.

Today I was able to help a 59 year old woman who is terrified of the Dentist identify why she was so afraid. She had a huge break through. Long time questions were answered for her. She also realized why she was unable to sleep for the past 7 years. At the end of the conversation I thanked her for sharing all of that with me and she thanked me for listening and for helping her. I put my hand on hers and reassured her that we would take excellent care of her... This is what I get to do every day at work.. Not always this deep, but on some level daily, God sends someone to me who needs Him. This is like breathing for me and I am so blessed to be in environment that allows me to use this gift.

The experiment continues...Can I live in two worlds?
We had another "leadership meeting" for our small group ministry last night. I am becoming increasingly uncomfortable trying to rationalize to these guys the reasons for the structure and accountability that the pastor wants. These families are some of the very few in the whole church that are taking responsibility for their spiritual growth and they asked a lot of good questions about the structure last night. Unfortunately, the pastor wasn't there to answer the questions so I had to tell them his side of the story. The bottom line is that the institutional church has an inherent controlling structure that many people bristle at. The pastor is accountable to the district and bishop and if something weird should happen in the small group ministry he will be held accountable. I can see his point of wanting oversight and accountability. It's his butt on the line, but this inherent control structure really turns people off.

The good news is that the leaders see the need for relational and missional ministry at this level and are committing to it. Some have committed to quitting other ministries to have the time they need for building relationships. That tells me they are at least taking what I am saying seriously. There is still a long way to go...with them, and in me....

+God, help me to be faithful to the people you have called me to be with. Help me to stay faithful to the life and lifestyle you have called me to. Keep me grounded in your Kingdom and fill me with power to love the unlovely, heal the hurting, mend the broken and search for the missing. Let this lifestyle be a light on a hill for those that are seeking. +

Maggie

(Trish) Abbie has wanted a dog since she was born! The kid loves dogs. Well, I am not a dog person, but because I love my Abbie, we’ve done the dog thing a couple of times and have had no success. Well, my little Veterinarian has softened my heart and a few weeks ago Rog and I started looking.. I knew I didn’t want a puppy.. Poop, training.. No thanks! I’ve had 3 babies and I don’t want another.. So, this one day we were driving through Edwardsville and we decided to stop at the animal shelter. No puppies were to be had! Hurray! So we looked at the dogs. There she was. A beautiful, 30 LB, Heinz 57.. Brenden approached her kennel and she nuzzled up next to him. No jumping, no barking. Love just streamed from her eyes. We needed to think about this but neither of us could stop thinking of her. So, we decided to go get her the next day.. We told the kids we were going on an adventure and blind folded them right before we got there. Hannah took hers off because she can’t miss a thing! But, Abbie kept hers on. We took them in and the clerk brought her to us and we took off the blind fold and there she was... Maggie.. Abbie fell in love. We all did. Rog got this all on tape too which is too cool! Any way, Maggie has been with us for about 3 weeks and she is an angel. Breath of God.. Finally a good dog that fits with our family.. My mind is changing about dogs. Thank you Lord for blessing us with our Maggamuffin!

I've been reading some of Wesley's writings and came across this article Finding God In Small Groups about how the early Methodist small groups worked. Intense committment and discipleship.

I currently attend a Methodist church and attended a "charge conference" held at our church today. The charge conference was a combination business meeting and worship service. There was one person under 30 (who was leaving for a new district that day) and maybe a few more under 50. I can't help but think that Wesley would not be pleased at the state of the church today.

We led worship and I was concerned that they really wouldn't get into what we did, but I was pleasently surprised and things went pretty well. I don't think I'll be going to another one though....

I am currently reading "Biblical Foundations for Small Group Ministry" by Gareth Weldon Icenogle. This IS NOT your typical "small group" how-to book. It applies to any "small group" of people meeting in the name of Christ pursuing fellowship and mission. I will be posting a few thoughts from it as I read through it:

Maybe I am slow on the curve, but this concept blew me away! Icenogle points out that after Cain kills Abel the first thing he does is build a city (Gen. 4:17). He goes on to point out that Ham begat a line of great city builders and the people in Babel were a "psuedocovenant people". They had a common purpose, but no relationship with God so rather than wait for God to come down from heaven with a covenant they decide to build.

Icnogle than says, "Broken humanity builds cities. Covenant humanity builds covenant family communities. Human sin finds expression in the building of functionally interrelated things. Covenant finds expression in the nurture of relationships, families and groups. Covenant builds community....The contercovenant movement of humanity builds structures, bricks, buildings, functions, hierarchies, pyramids, tyrannies, or anarchies, but cannot build community." Later he says, "Humanity without God will convene itself to accomplish great things. Wherever there are multitudes of human beings, if they do not hear the convening voice of God they will attend to their own convening voice and gather together to build something. "

The response to human endeavor that is void of God ("Let us build...") is God saying "Let us confuse and scatter..." Groups that gather without the presence of God are reduced to games, avoidance and denial and ultimately break up.

I don't know if Icenogle intended to critique the institutional church or not, he is a pastor of a Presbyterian church in Pennsylvania, but if he is right it has tremendous ramifications for the church today where we exalt programs over relationships and buildings over missional focus. Could it be that the institutional church is not just "another way" of doing church, but a product of our brokenness and lack of God's presence in psuedocovenant communities.

This is great quote: "Powerful human structures will eventually collapse while delicate gatherings of God's people will grow and thrive."

WE ARE OFFICIALLY POOR!

(Trish) This morning I opened Abbie’s back pack to find a sealed envelope labeled “ The Hiduk Family.” I opened it and the enclosed letter said that we had been “Adopted” for Christmas. I showed Roger and he blew it off and said that we don’t need it and that there are other families that truly need this more than we do. Although I agree, I experienced emotion that I must express. At first I was like wow, they think we’re poor! Then I was like, they think we’re poor! I was happy and pleased to be looked at that way and then I was sort of mad because they decided that we were poor.. I don’t know, maybe I am just being silly. We will send the letter back and Thank them, and let them know that there are other children in our very neighborhood that don’t have coats or boots or even Dads.. Bless them. We are blessed.

(Roger) I must say that this humbled me a little bit. In my opinion we are by no means "poor". We qualify for state aid and free lunches at school, but my kids don't hurt for anything and we don't miss any meals. This brings into question my being able to "support" my family and the self-worth that a man gets from doing so. Trish has been supporting us for about 2 years now. She is great at her job and likes it for the most part. I have gone through some times of struggle with working part-time. I never realized how much my self-concept was wrapped up in my career.

The other side of this is that it is cool to spend so much time with my kids. I was the only dad to go on my daughters field trip this week and she thought that was really cool. Just yesterday my son's preschool teacher told Trish how much they liked me being around because many of the kids don't have fathers. Maybe there is more ministry for dads staying home than I first thought....

Last night (the first night back after our Nati weekend) I have "Leadership Training" for our small group ministry. We had some great conversation about community, relationships and, as Todd Hunter says, leading someone who should be following someone else. It was especially interesting because the pastor was there the whole time. I am teaching missional, relational principles that are totally different than what the church currently does. The leaders get it, and that is heartening.

I had an interesting conversation with the pastor after the meeting about our weekend adventure. As I told him about intentional community and the communal leadership that I saw modeled I could sense the walls going up. He warned me about leaders that are not "properly trained" and I reminded him of the many abuses that "properly trained" pastors have caused. I told him that I thought that there was a move of God going on in the house churches and his comment was "The institutional church will catch on in about 20 years." He is probably right, and that will probably be too late....

On another note, my "stay-at-home dad" status allowed me to go on my daughters field trip to Cahokia mounds and the Lewis and Clark Visitation Center (Unfortuately they were not available to talk to us). It is interesting to me that this group of Indians had a bigger city than any European city of the time. It's also interesting that they disappeared without a trace.

Here's Trish's thoughts on our Cincinnati trip:

I went to Cincinnati this weekend with very few expectations because I really had no idea what we would find, except people of God who understood what we were going through. On Thursday we arrived around 3:00 and freshened up a bit and went out to celebrate our 10th Anniversary! Wow... We’re a statistic now! We drove to the top of a small mountain or hill or whatever it was and ate DELICIOUS Italian food at Prima Vista.. A meal complete with an incredible view, appetizers, Bellini’s and of course a Gay waiter! He swept my crumbs away! Isn’t that sweet!?? We enjoyed our meal and each other and went down town, got a little turned around and decided to get some beer and just go back to the hotel... Fun night.. I am so blessed with my amazing Husband and look forward to growing even deeper the next 10 years.

We farted around all day Friday and finally got the Brown house where we met Kevin and Ken... I knew immediately that we belonged. There was peace in the atmosphere and I breathed it deep into my body. We connected very quickly with Nikki and Paul and Jack too! We felt free to share what was on our hearts with them and they did the same. This night was good because we got to sort of vent a little and I quickly realized that we were definitely not alone on our spiritual journey.. I liken it to Stephen King’s “The Stand.” We all met at Mother Abigail’s house! Ha! Any way, we talked and I even got a little pissed off and drank some beer ( sorry guys, I am not a huge beer fan!) Community, fellowship and candles were our evening and the big fire in the back yard. I felt Home....We met a lot of the people we’ve been reading about for a couple of months and it was really fun to put names to faces and to get to know them as people and not words on a page. I was so happy to meet the Creech’s and the Bean’s! We left around 10 or so and as we were leaving we saw the cigar guys on the front porch and secretly wished we had stayed to sit in on their discussion in which I was quite sure was juicy and rich... But we left and rested and got up early to come back the next morning.

The next morning held significance for both of us. Bill talked about bitterness and yeah, I was so there. I’ve been so bitter. I watched tears roll from his eyes and I was touched. We were prayed for and God spoke through Kevin and Rob words that we have longed to hear and we were comforted and loved. I felt the burdens lift from my soul and everything made sense for the first time in a long time. It was so nice to be in an environment where The Holy Spirit was invited and allowed to move at His will. It was beautiful to see others ministered to as well. The Best’s are so awesome and I was grateful that Syndie was so raw in front of us. Her honesty was so refreshing. I was privileged to be in the circle of prayer for their family..

Lunch was terrific! Ate with Levi’s Table and the Rains. Thanks LT for picking up the tab.. What a gift.. Later we took the tour with Dave and it was so great..

My highlight of the whole weekend was meeting and talking with Liz.. I had been reading her blog and I felt a connection to her before we even met.. We finally got to talk Saturday evening and I felt like I was talking to a long lost friend. Thanks Liz!

I am also excited about our relationship with LT. I believe we are on to something and it’s really cool!

Love you guys and feel blessed to have finally met you. Thanks for loving us..

A few more thoughts inbetween papers that I have to write for tomorrow nights class.

A highlight of the trip was hanging out with the Levis' Table folks and having Dave Nixon take us on a tour of the Vineyard Cenral campus. They have an a Catholic church building, a priests quarters and a nunery. They have remodeled the priests quarters (Brownhouse) and the nunery (Whitehouse, where the Nixons live). The hardwood floors are beautiful!

Dave spoke to us about what intentional community looks like: praying the psalms together, sharing a common purse, developing a spiritual rhythm to life and helping each other be faithful to God's call. It sounds cool and it is. It probably isn't for everybody, and Dave even said that they don't look at their lifestyle as more spiritual than any other.

It was also cool to renew our friendships with the Levis' Table crowd. Geographically, they are the closest people to us that are doing this relational thing. We look forward to hanging out a lot more with them in the future.

I was deeply moved by the weekend. I can't say that it was a life-changing experience, but it was probably more important. It was a confirmation of what God has been doing in our lives. It was reassurance that we are not alone and not crazy. It was a time to meet new friends and revitalize old ones.

We are back from our first Allgroup at Vineyard Central, the kids and Trish are tucked in bed and I'm blogging...

What an awesome experience! We arrived in Cincy on Thursday afternoon, checked into the hotel, got dressed and went to Primavista (Kevin's recommendation) for our 10th wedding anniversary. Great food. Great view. Hot wife. What else can you ask for? We went down to MainStrausse Village and checked out some shops and ate a great Reuben at a German restaurant.

We arrived at the Brownhouse Friday night to Kevin lighting some candles and Tiki torches on the porch. He immediately reminded me of my worship leading mentor where I got saved and as the weekend went on I was sure they were brothers.

It was surreal to meet the people that have influenced us through their blogs and websites. It was like meeting people in person that we had been spying on for a long time. We got to hang out and spend some time talking to Paul and Nicky who we really connected with. We drank quality beer, talked about the Kingdom and drank in the atmosphere of being surrounded by people who like-minded.

Saturday morning we arrived at the Brownhouse for the leaders gathering. Bill Bean , who is an awesome guy from Indy that I had the pleasure of talking with the night before started things off by talking about the different transitions that people are in and the bitterness that some of us go through as we are called to doing church differently. I wound up telling our story first and this awesome group of leaders prayed over us. Kevin's prayer totally confirmed some dreams that a friend of ours has been having regarding me teaching, and he had Trish pegged as a "spiritual mother". Then Rob Graham from Levi's Table prayed over us and started off saying "I see a garden." I freaked out because I have been writing some stuff about our future house church named "Soul Garden Gathering" which he know nothing about. God was definitely present!

It was such blessing to share in some of the other leaders pain and struggle. If this gathering did nothing else but provide a place where we can fellowship with like-minded people it would be worth the trip. It is a very lonely, confusing time for many of us. It is nice to know that we are not alone...

I will blog some more tomorrow about the rest of the day. Needless to say it was awesome.

These are some of Trish's thoughts today:

In our recent conversations bout church, community and fellowship, I struggle with why it is so important to “love” your job. I mean, yeah, it would be nice to have a place you go every day that is pleasant and comfortable, but in the end, what we do is not as important as how we’ve served and communed. If you work for 7-11 and minister there and at home, what difference does it make? Why do we pressure ourselves to have high power jobs with high power responsibility and have it offer nothing, in reality, back to your community?? No, I have decided that where I work is good because I have the privilege every single day to allow Jesus to shine through me and to love and commune with people in my community.. I don’t ever want to work for a Weyerhaeuser Mortgage company again where I sit behind a desk and don’t get to touch someone or look them in the eye... Back on track here, having a job should be about supporting your family & your community, not about being able to buy a boat or a huge house with empty rooms. No, I’d rather have an 80 year old house that’s cozy and that we can make our own. I’d rather come home and leave my job at my job. I’d rather, if I had to, flip hamburgers and give them to someone than sit behind a desk wasting into nothingness. Having a job is about even exchange. I work for you so you can pay me to feed and cloth my family.. I believe this is how our parents and grandparents were able to work at the same job for 30 years, because they understood what it was really about.. Go to work so you can eat, be clothed and enjoy your family. We have complicated it. We have made it this big because we covet what our neighbors have. We have lost the dream of simple survival. Now to me, the church is no better. We desire bigger buildings, bigger programs, bigger tithes and bigger responsibilities. I watch our Pastor and the guy never stops working.. Ever! He works more than most CEO’S. Day and night. How can he possibly commune with God and his family in an effective way? Not only that, does he have any intimate relationships? Is this healthy for our church body to see him never stop? How can he preach for us to slow down when he doesn’t?? We have created a huge problem in the church. We’ve lost sight of the goal. And the goal is to preach the good news! Simple survival.

I taught our first small group leadership training last night at the church. It's nice to have a small group of people that get the relational and missional aspects of what we are trying to do. We talked about the differences between institutional and missional church. We talked about the importance of being a blessing to the world. We talked about leadership as modeling a journey toward christlikeness. Today there is hope....

I had an intersting talk with our pastor last night. We are a pragmatic, institutional, contemporary Methodist church with about 250 members. I work there part-time as a worship and small group coordinator.

We were talking about the changes in culture and the position the institutional church now finds itself in. He brought up an interesting point. His congregation is about 25% traditional, 25% postmodern, and 50% that have one foot in both mindsets. This puts him in a tough position. He knows that changes have to be made, but how do you do it without blowing the minds of those who don't even know the culture is changing? I can feel for him....

As for myself, I am still struggling with whether to stay and try to be a voice for missional church theology in a pragmatic church situation, or do I take Robert Webber's advice and do home church with missional values from the start? I am hoping that my time at Vineyard Central will provide us with some clarity...

+ God, I think I know, but I really don't know. Help me to be a blessing and servant to others. Give me direction and guidance in the midst of confusion, or just make this confusion lead me closer to you. +

I guess I need to start taking this blogging stuff seriously. Sorry to all th faithful bloggers out there....

We are getting ready to take a trip to Cincinatti to attend the All Group gathering at Vineyard Central. We are really excited to meet some people who have similar experiences, dreams and visions regarding missional theology and home church.

Around this time I became disenchanted with my job as a computer programmer at Southwest Airlines. I had it good, but I was not cut out to be a programmer. We went on a nine month process of finding a full-time ministry position in youth and/or worship. We interviewed with several places and found a job at a charismatic Lutheran church in El Paso. We went with the best of intentions but it turned out to be a nightmare. We were not ready for the cultural change in El Paso, we were immature in our walk and we were misused by the pastor. We made a core group of really good friends in our small group that we still miss. We wondered if we were in God's will... We wondered why God would allow us to move our family from those we loved... We wondered if God wanted us to do ministry at all. We were hurt, angry and confused. We stayed exactly one year to the day and packed our bags to "go home" so I could finish my Bachelors Degree in music at Greenville College.

So...we decided we would go to the first church on the block and if we didn't like it we would go to the next. We didn't know anything about church (obviously). Turns out the it was a church of Christ. I thought, "Cool, I want to learn about Christ!" We wondered why they didn't have a piano and the elders laughed when we asked. But the bottom line is that we were loved. We were asked over to peoples houses for dinner and immediately began to develop relationships. We got involved with the youth ministry and began to learn how to serve. We were blessed to work with some selfless, tireless workers for Christ. Two years after we started attending the church decided to become non-denominational so that we could use musical instruments and have a more biblical view of the role of women in the church. We decided we wanted to reach the lost and lost half of the church in the process.

A couple of years later we started to rethink our structure and started talking about cell groups. Having the strengths of learner, ideation and intellection I immediately started doing research. I happened across two resources that would start the change of how looked at church. I found some resources on home churches. As I started to read about the intimate relationship and rich fellowships available my heart started to long for this kind of church. I longed to know and be known by others. I longed for my kids to have some intimate relationships with adults other than us. I longed for a different kind of church...

The other resource I found the book Soul Tsunami by Leonard Sweet. Sweet challenged my thought process about what church is and how the church needs to change to be relevant to a changing culture. I realized for the first time that my thoughts about church were not weird, just shaped by a postmodern view of the world.

The church I was in were led by Godly men, but not open to any structure that varied from traditional models. In addition, I did not have the spiritual maturity to communicate these ideas in a loving way. So my rebellious attitude took over and I tried to present some different visions about what church could be that were, needless to say, not exactly embraced....

I decided to blow off writing my "12 Angry Men" paper and write some more of my story....I'll go with the shortened "Mark" version...

I started using drugs in the fourth grade (parents beware). My parents put me in a drug treatment center my freshman year of high school and I got out and promptly went back to using drugs. Two acquaintances of mine decided to rob a guys house and wound up killing two guys and getting life in prison. This was my "wake up call". I went to 12 step groups for almost 12 years before God really started tugging on my heart. I wanted to live a spiritual life, but I just didn't see the kind of life I wanted to live modeled in the 12 step groups. As we were preparing for marriage I told Trish that we would never celebrate Easter in our house because I didn't believe in all that "Jesus" stuff. Trish and I got married in Vegas and her uncle sensed that we were seeking spirituality and tried to convert us to Mormonism. I read all that he sent me and it caused me to read the Bible for the first time in many years. I started reading the Bible and watching some of the televangelists. Six months after I told Trish we would never celebrate Easter we were walking into a church behind the house we had just bought....

I'm a Blogging virgin. I started reading some Blogs from people on a journey to do "church" a different way. I discovered that I'm not crazy because I think church should be a place where life-change takes place; where people love each other in tangible ways; where following Christ is a lifestyle rather than a Sunday morning event; where every person discovers and uses their gifts and talents in an affirming environment; where our goal is to transform our community rather than look at our bellybuttons.

It turns out there is movement of house churches (sometimes called missional communities) that are taking these concerns very seriously. Rather than complain about their issues in already established churches they are meeting in homes and changing their community one life at a time. How cool! And how sad! That it takes a new/ancient form of church to (re)emerge because the existing churches are enslaved to models that won't/can't address these issues.

Don't get me wrong. I don't want to come across as totally negative about tradional and contemporary churches. There are some large churches doing some great things, but I think it would do the Church good to rethink our mission and purpose.

The next few posts will be some thoughts about my journey and what led me to the point I'm at now...